Lyra & Sasquatch

Lyra had been gone for a long time now. But that didn’t matter to Bon-Bon. Taking shots of cider on her kitchen table in the middle of the night was enough to get her through this awful day. She has been doing it since Lyra left the house to find Sasquatch, which was seven hours ago. The current time was 12:45 a.m. “I’m going to kill her,” Bon-Bon said to herself.

It was only five minutes later when she heard the door knob unlocking from the outside. The first image that greeted Bon-Bon in the dark was that of Lyra carrying Sasquatch in a wheelbarrow. “Hi,” Lyra said weakly.

“... Do you know what time it is?” Bon-Bon slurred.

“It’s almost one o’clock?”

“You’ve been gone since four o’clock! I thought you were going to get of that thing!”

“Well, you see, there’s been a change of plans.” Lyra set down the wheelbarrow gently so Sasquatch would not be waken so abruptly. “What happened was that after we captured Sasquatch and put him in a dungeon in Canterlot, I had a talk with Princess Celestia, and she agreed to let Sasquatch stay here for now.”

“... What?”

“But, I have to write about the lessons of friendship me and Sasquatch happen to learn. Isn’t this great?”

“... Huh?”

“And Twilight agreed to help me write them.”

“... Wha…”

Lyra ambushed a tipsy Bon-Bon with an affectionate embrace. “I know you’re just as excited as I am about this,” she said. “I knew there was something between me and Sasquatch the first time I found him in the forest. He’s like a brother I never knew I had.” Hearing Lyra say those things made Bon-Bon’s stomach churn. “Since we’re still up, how about we celebrate with midnight pancakes? On me!”

“You’re sleeping on the couch tonight,” Bon-Bon said. “In fact, you’re staying on the couch as long as that monster is here!”

“Wait, what? Why?”

“Goodnight, Lyra.” Bon-Bon took one last shot of cider before she returned it to a shelf in the refrigerator. She marched upstairs and the slam of the master bedroom door vibrated through the house. “Well, I guess it’s just you and me,” Lyra said to the sleeping monster. She rolled the wheelbarrow into the living room, where the couch was. Lyra climbed on the couch and laid on her back, staring at the ceiling. “I show her,” she thought to herself. “I show her that Sasquatch is more than a monster. I’m going to make her see that he is my best friend.” She closed her eyes, preparing herself for another nightly trip to dreamland.

Lyra walked with Sasquatch to the grand gates of Canterlot Castle. Sasquatch, now a self-made monster, was wearing a black suit and polished black shoes. He also wore glasses that made him look smart, and his hair was neatly shaven. When the two approached the guards, they gladly let them through.

A palace official was eagerly waiting for them outside. With a huge smile on her face, the official greeted them. “Lyra! Sasquatch! I can’t believe you two made it,” she exclaimed. “Follow me, the princesses are expecting you!”

The palace official lead them through the giant halls, a guard stopping to bow to them whenever they passed one. Finally, the doors flung opened into the glorious throne room of Canterlot Castle. Anypony who was anypony was in attendance. The Royal Sisters, Twilight Sparkle and her friends, the mayor of Ponyville, some high class ponies from Canterlot, even Bon-Bon and Lyra’s parents were there. The musicians played a fanfare with their trumpets, and the ponies in the room all bowed to Lyra and Sasquatch at once. As the fanfare continued, the two were at the bottom of the throne. Princess Celestia looked down with a warming and approving smile.

“My loyal subjects,” Celestia announced, “This is a time of celebration! A long time ago, this young unicorn found this creature in the forest deep. None of us were sure if he was capable of assimilating to our ways and culture, even my sister had abandoned hope for his salvation. But not Lyra. Through her perseverance, and plucky nature, she has shown all of Equestria that any creature, big or small, pony or… monster, can learn the values of friendship and harmony.”

A unicorn levitated a small brown box and presented it to Celestia. The sun princess took the box from him, and opened it with her magic. Two golden crowns emerged from the box, gaining a collective “ooh” from the audience. “Lyra, you have done a great thing not only for Sasquatch, but for all of us. You have showed us that we should never give on others because of their overwhelming differences. That why I present to you two these crowns!” She lowered the crowns slowly on their heads, for dramatic effect. “Mares and gentlecolts, I present to you our newest heroes, Lyra and Sasquatch!” The audience cheered and stomped their hooves on the ground. Tears of joy flowed from Lyra eyes, and Sasquatch grabbed her arm and raised his and hers in triumph. “And we have another gift for you.” Celestia made a gesture toward a pony next to a window that was covered behind a red curtain.

The curtain unveiled a stained-glass window that depicted Sasquatch integration into society. A brown creature adorned in the same black suit he was wearing now standing on top of the planet earth, the words “BUSINESS” written under it. Around the image, smaller pictures of the trials and tribulations surrounded it. This gained another huge applause from the audience.

“Thank you, thank you,” Lyra said. “Thank you, thank you all! You’re too kind… Oh thank you, thank you…”

“... Thank you, thank you,” Lyra said in her sleep. The rays of the sun touched her minty-green coat, the heat alerting her that it was time to wake up. Her vision was blurry, so she rubbed her eyes to clear it. Lyra looked to her right, and there was Sasquatch, still sleeping on the wheelbarrow. “Whose wheelbarrow is that?” she asked herself. She climbed off the couch and walked to Sasquatch, stumbling as she did. Lyra gently shoved him back and forth. “Hey, come on. It’s morning,” she said. Snoring was his response. “Come on, we’ve got a busy ahead of us. Hey, get up!” Boy he was a heavy sleeper. Lyra went into the kitchen and came back with a pot and a saucepan. She gave him one last chance to wake up before she bang the cooking instruments together. “Wake up!” she yelled. The banging made Sasquatch jump out of the wheelbarrow and flat on his back. “Finally, you’re awake. Get up, we have a big day and lots to do.”

Meanwhile, upstairs, Bon-Bon had awoken as well. She was feeling hungover, thanks to her taking the shots of cider the night before. She rubbed her head, trying to ease the headache of the hangover. What made matters worse was the loud banging sound coming from downstairs. “Darn it Lyra,” she said through gritted teeth. She climbed out of her bed and put on her yellow bathrobe.

Still feeling light-headed, Bon-Bon carried herself to the bathroom. Maybe some water will help me, she thought to herself. Inside she turned the faucet on and poured water into a plastic cup. Another set of noises travelled from downstairs to the bathroom.“No Sasquatach, that’s not for eating!” Lyra yelled from downstairs. Bon-Bon slammed the plastic cup on the counter, rubbing her head in pain and in annoyance.

“Just sit on that chair while I make breakfast,” Lyra told Sasquatch. Sasquatch sat himself on a small wooden chair, which immediately broke because of his weight. He fell on his posterior, prompting Lyra to laugh at his expense. “Wow, Sasquatch are you okay?” she asked between laughs. He showed his disapproval by throwing the pieces of the chair across the kitchen.

“I heard something break. What happened?” said Bon-Bon with no hint of concern. She saw Sasquatch on the floor and the broken chair, which was enough to tell her what happened. “Nevermind.”

“It’s my fault,” Lyra said. “I told Sasquatch to sit down and the chair broke. Sorry.”

“Is anything bad not your fault?” Bon-Bon asked. Lyra rolled her eyes. The cream-colored pony took out two slices of bread and inserted them inside a toaster. The two mares sat on opposite ends of the breakfast table, leaving Sasquatch to carry his business elsewhere. “So what are you going to day today,” Bon-Bon finally asked.

“I don’t know. Learn about friendship, I guess.”

“Really? Is that all you’re going to do,” she asked irritatingly. “Learn about friendship?”

“It’s what Princess Celestia wanted me to do. I can’t fail her.” The toaster finished heating the slices of bread, and Bon-Bon went up to retrieve them, still holding her soul-crushing glare on Lyra.

“Unlike you, I have to work today,” she said to Lyra while spreading butter on her toast. “Every Monday through Saturday, from 8 in the morning to 4 in the afternoon, I go to my job at the Ponyville bank. I work so I can make money to pay the bills, and put food in our stomachs. Those are the benefits of having a job.”

“I hope you have nice day,” Lyra responded. “Bring home that bacon.” Bon-Bon groaned inwardly, too hopeless to even eat her breakfast. Everything was silent again, until a dreadful revelation dawned on Bon-Bon.

“Where’s the monster?”

On que, the two heard a flushing sound from upstairs, followed by grunts and growls. Water flowed down the steps, immediately alerting Lyra and Bon-Bon of the trouble. They ran upstairs to find Sasquatch’s head stuck inside the toilet, trying desperately to free himself.

“It’s like we’re living in a stupid cartoon,” Bon-Bon said to herself.

Lyra spent the rest of the morning mopping the bathroom floor. Bon-Bon had already exited the house for work. Sasquatch was downstairs exploring parts of the house he had never seen before. He saw many photos of the two ponies that lived in the house. In many they looked happy together, in others they looked likes things could have gone a lot better. He took one of the frames from the shelf and examined it. He wondered how they fitted themselves in those small rectangles.

“Okay, I fixed the toilet and the floor is mopped,” Lyra said as she descended into the living room. “Jeez, that was a chore. How did you managed to clog the toilet with your fur?”

Sasquatch saw her sitting on the couch trying to relax. He looked at the Lyra in front of him, and the one inside the small rectangle. He was restless. The Lyra on the couch had her eyes closed and was motionless. He grunted several times before throwing the picture frame at a wall. The frame broke in half and the glass shattered, and Sasquatch was victorious.

“Whoa, Sasquatch! What did you do?” Lyra asked. She stepped on the broken frame on the floor. “Sasquatch, why did you do that?” He backed away from the broken pieces of the frame, grabbing a nearby blunt object for protection. “You think that thing has an evil spirit in it?” Sasquatch held the object closely in his grip. “It was just a picture, Sasquatch. It wasn’t going to hurt you.” She sighed and brought a brush and dustpan to her. “Sasquatch, if you want the Princesses to let you stay here, you have to learn to stop breaking stuff,” she said as she poured the glass and pieces of the frame into the waste bin. She folded the picture and put it on the shelf. “You know what, that is exactly what we’re going to do today.”

Lyra snatched Sasquatch by the hand and dashed out the front door. The monster and the unicorn stood under the morning sun in the bright blue sky. “Today Sasquatch, you’re going to learn why destroying public and private property is not okay.” With one step away from the house, the two ragtag companions took a stroll into town.

Ponyville was beginning to recover after Sasquatch’s rampage from yesterday, albeit at a slower rate than usual. Many buildings, workplaces, and business have been crumbled, if not entirely destroyed. Pedestrians were now cautious of their surroundings than ever before, never taking their eyes off anything, not even from the sky. Constructions ponies had their schedules filled for a day of cleaning up Sasquatch’s mess.

“You hear about that monster that did all this?” asked one of the construction pegasus. “I heard he was huge, like 12 feet tall! He had hair all over his body, razor sharp teeth and everything!”

“I heard he was foalnapped by somepony who wanted to use his fur to make a clothing line,” said another construction pony. “She took the monster to her mansion and locked him in her basement, but he escaped! He could be anywhere now.”

“I heard he was an unholy creation by unicorn scientists who left him in the forest to die,” said another pony. “But the abomination found his way into civilization, and is hunting the ones who did him wrong.”

“And the worst part of all,” the construction pegasus added, “he can walk on two legs! Two legs!” The two other ponies delivered their horrified gasps, until one of them furrowed his brow.

“Wait a minute, don’t Minotaurs walk on two legs?” the pony asked.

“Well, yeah, there’s them. But this guy ain’t no Minotaur and he certainly ain’t no pony for that matter!”

“And do you guys think it’s weird that the Princesses took so long to do something about this?” an earth pony asked. “This isn’t the first time this happened, but they’re usual on the ball about monster attacks.”

“Maybe they’re the ones responsible for the monster,” the pegasus remarked.

“Until we see some proof, we better hold our tongues,” another pony said. “They could be listening to us right now.” The construction ponies looked up and shifted their eyes left and right nervously.

“You see, Sasquatch? This is what you did.” Lyra pointed to all of the buildings he broke into. “A lot of these ponies live on those buildings, and you destroyed most of them. And that is a big no-no.”

Lyra heard a scream that came from behind her. A beige mare with a raspberry red mane was trembling where she stood, her eyes refusing to look away from the monstrosity that laid before her. “It’s the… it’s the… m-m-monster!”

“Rose, it’s okay,” Lyra said. “I’m on a mission to teach him how to be a proper member of society.” Rose screamed once more and left a cloud of dust behind her when she ran away, yelling at the top of her lungs, “Monster! Monster!” The other ponies took noticed, and saw Lyra standing with the hair-covered behemoth. Before Lyra could say “Bob’s your uncle,” everypony locked themselves indoors. The streets of the semi-reconstructed Ponyville was now a ghost town. “Um, it might take a while for them to get used to you, Sasquatch.”

“Spike, did you find that book I wanted yet?” Twilight asked.

“Yep, it’s right here,” Spike answered. It was a book that was almost twice the size of his hands, but not too heavy that he couldn’t carry it. “The Big Encyclopedia of Mythical Beasts and Monsters - Fourth Edition.”

“Thanks, Spike.” Purple magic encircled the book and she carried it to her desk. “I need to find out what kind of creature Sasquatch is. He’s nothing like the kind of monsters we find in Equestria before.”

“Maybe he’s a new species,” Spike suggested. “You know, like evolution and natural selection and stuff.”

“That’s highly improbable, Spike. In order for natural selection to take place, organisms have to be suited to an environment in order to survive and reproduce successfully, making well-adapted descendants in the process. Evolution and natural selection do not make weird animals appear out of thin air, especially ones like Sasquatch.”

“It could happen.”

Twilight browse through the pages of the encyclopedia, her eyes scanning for any pictures of monsters that looked like Sasquatch. A knock on the door interrupted her investigation. “Spike, can you get that?”

Spike approached the door and opened it. “Welcome to the Ponyville Libra--” His words were cut off by a familiar, and terrifying sight. Lyra and Sasquatch stood next to each other like really good friends, something Spike always feared would happened. “M-m-mon…”

“Who is it, Spike?”

“It’s the… it’s the… the…”

“The… the… the…” Lyra mimicked. “Yes, it’s Sasquatch the Big Hairy Monster. Don’t worry Spike, he’s not going to hurt you. Can I talk to Twilight?”

“Why?”

“Spike, what’s wrong?” Twilight asked. She realized why he was stalling and smiled at her visitors. “Oh. Hi Lyra, Mr. Sasquatch. Come in.” The two companions entered the library, immediately causing flashbacks of the hostage situation to invade Spike’s memories. “I’m going to talk to that purple pony over there. Behave yourself, Sasquatch. And don’t break anything.” Lyra went to the corner of the room where Twilight was sitting. Spike kept his distance between him and Sasquatch, but the baby dragon squirmed when the hairy monster growled at him.

“So Lyra, what brings you here?” Twilight asked.

“Friendship report.”

“Already? It’s not even lunchtime, and you and Sasquatch learned a valuable lesson about friendship? That’s wonderful!” Twilight exclaimed, stars gleaming in her eyes. She levitated a paper and quill to Spike’s hands. “Spike, take a letter! So Lyra, what did you two learn?”

“Sasquatch and I learned that it’s never nice to break other ponies’ stuff, and he’s very sorry,” Lyra answered. “You got any of that Spike?”

“... Really? That’s all you two learned?” Twilight asked.

“Yep. If you ask me, we accomplished a lot today.” Magic engulfed the paper and quill and were released from Spike’s hands. The objects returned to Twilight’s desk.

“Lyra, there has to be something more than that.”

“What? We learned to never break private and public property ever again. I think that counts as a friendship lesson.”

“Lessons of friendship are much deeper than that,” Twilight explained. “They show who you are as an individual. When I first arrived in Ponyville, I only had a vague idea of what friendship was. Then Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie showed me that differences and backgrounds are secondary when it comes to forming meaningful bonds. Without them, I would have never found out that we had the magic of the Elements of Harmony inside us. Do you see what I mean?”

“... No, not really.” Twilight groaned inwardly. This is going to be harder than I thought, she said in her mind. “Okay, so how do I make it, you know… meaningful and deep?” Lyra asked.

“You could see if there are any ponies who have problems that need to be solved,” Twilight suggested.

“One problem, nopony wants to touch Sasquatch with a ten foot pole.”

“I can’t imagine why,” Spike mumbled.

“Well, we could visit some of my friends today. I always have a friendship lesson ready when I’m around them,” Twilight said.

“You think they’ll be afraid of Sasquatch?” Lyra asked. “Because Applejack, Pinkie, and Rainbow already met him. I’m not sure about Pinkie, but Jack and Dash aren’t too fond of him.”

“I wouldn’t worry about those two that much,” Twilight said. “They are mistrustful of anything that’s weird and different, it’s in their nature.” Lyra put her hoof under her chin. Will be a good idea to properly introduced Sasquatch to Twilight’s friends? Would Applejack or Rainbow Dash attempt to provoke him intentionally? A minute of thinking passed and Lyra shrugged herself.

“Fine, let’s go see what your friends are up to.”

“Great! Spike, it’s time to go, we can look at that book later.” Twilight closed the encyclopedia and placed it in its proper place on the shelf. They were about to leave until Lyra noticed something.

“Where’s Sasquatch?” she asked. They heard books falling on the ground and saw Sasquatch reading on of them, a book Twilight tried to stop him from reading.

“No Sasquatch, don’t touch that!” she yelled. The book growled and bit Sasquatch’s nose with its razor teeth. The hairy cryptid was running in circles, screaming in pain. Twilight shot magic bolts from her horn that hit the book. The book whimpered and crawled under a silverware closet.

“I’ll get a band-aid.”