Author's Note

(Welcome to round two! Today we have the Cutie Mark Crusaders attempting to avenge Scootaloo’s scooter with some clever traps…which don’t work because they’re using them against the Goddamn Juggernaut, Bitch! Also, the first member of the Mane Six to run into this deranged motherfucker appears soon, and right off the bat she’s pissed off by him. Also, I’d like to add now that there’ll be references to other My Way Entertainment videos in this and following chapters.)

The Baddest Motherbucker on the World

The self proclaimed “Baddest motherfucker on the World” stomped down the path through the Everfree Forest, and the normally deadly beasts were (rightly) scared shitless (literally, they kept on shitting themselves) when they saw him and kept running away.
“Yeah!” Boomed the egocentric bastard as he smirked “Keep running bitch! Juggernaut’s here, assholes! And you better run, otherwise you’re guest of honor at the rape party!”
The massive human kept on stomping his way through the forest, he didn’t know where his little bitch of a brother threw him, but when he got back, the X-Mansion would have to be renamed ‘X-I-Got-Fucked-By-The-Goddamn-Juggernaut’ and Charles’d have to spit shine his boots. For now his main interest was to find a place to rest for a minute…and get some pussy, he didn’t give a damn where he got it, but he’d prefer something sapient.
As he wondered about a deep philosophical question (‘Why is everyone else such a pussy?’) he was struck with an answer.
Well, actually, it wasn’t an answer, just a large log that swooped down on a rope and knocked him over.
“What the fuck!” He exclaimed “The mothafucking trees are attacking me? I only raped that one Redwood and I’m still pulling the splinters outta mah suit! Get the fuck away from me!”
The Juggernaut got to his feet and glared off in the direction the tree had fallen from, stomping off towards it “Come on bitch! I gotta get myself something to fuck soon, and you is just pissing me off! LEROY JENKINS MOTHERFUCKERS!!!”
The man took off into a charge, unwittingly stepping into a bear trap…which just shattered under his feet “There go your goddamn tinkertoys!”
He could hear something scurrying several yards away, somehow keeping ahead of him by using the trees as cover, and he was sure they were behind a nearby bush.
But these idiots couldn’t have known, he’s the Goddamn Juggernaut Bitch! He’ll just knock them down.
“I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay, jerkoffs!” Cain Marko roared as he just kept on smashing through the trees like a man running through water, it didn’t matter how long they were there or how sturdy they looked, they hadn’t stood up to the unstoppable force that was the Juggernaut and his 13-inch stiffie.
Within minutes he’d cleared the space between his attackers and was about to catch them “Oh yeah bitch! You cannot run!”
“We can to!” retorted a small Texas accented voice from behind a bush, where he was positive they were hiding.
The Juggernaut’s mood (and stiffie) suddenly died as he realized how young that voice sounded “What the fuck?!” He yelled, yanking away the bush.
Before him lay three small horses, one with yellow fur and a red mane with a bow, another having white fur and pink/purple hair plus she had a goddamn horn on her head, the last one having orange fur, a short purple mane, and a disturbingly small pair of wings.
While he could easily tell they were sapient he could also tell they were children, and he had just one thing to say.
“What the fuck!!! You’re children, you been watching motherfucking Home Alone?! I oughta beat the shit outta you!”
The three small horses registered they had indeed heard him and starting running off in a pack.
“Aw Hell no, bitches, you cannot run” the Juggernaut growling, hurriedly ripping a tree out of the ground and threw it like a javelin, cutting the horses right off.
“Ah!” screamed the unicorn, obviously frightened (and rightly so) as the Goddamn Juggernaut stomped towards them.
“Bitch! You think you could run? I’m the only person to fuck Statue of Liberty, once witnessed Chewbacca playing the bagpipes out his ass. Also threw the President across the ocean, broke outta The Raft using just a used condom and mah Goddamn dick, and beat the shit outta Steven Seagal when the motherfucker wouldn’t give me the motherfucking time. Don’t you know who I am?!”
The three little, trembling foals shook their heads no.
“Then you must not know who I am, I’M THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH!!!”
“P-p-pleased to meet you, M-mr. Juggernaut.” The bow wearing horse quiveringly replied.
The human grew a smug grin and crossed his arms “My father was an asshole, you can just call me Juggernaut, or the Goddamn Juggernaut, or The Juggernaut-who-has-a-thirteen-inch-sausage.”
“Wh-whatever” the Pegasus said “Wh-what are you doing here?”
“Look here bitch, my goal here isn’t to beat the shit outta you…I’m just motherfucking frustrated. I just got thrown in this Goddamn hippy commune by my Goddamn pussy of a brother while trying to rob his Goddamn house so I could fuck until my nuts fall off. I am hungry and horny as all fuck; I need food and pussy immediately. Y’know?”
Now bare in mind that various words aren’t present in Equestria, the word fuck, for example is replaced with the word buck (though it has a different meaning too, lol), Hell with hay (funny how the explicative was named after one of their foods), and so on. However, while the word ‘pussy’ still has the same meaning, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were unaware of its meaning (same goes for the word bitch.)
Now as the Juggernaut made it clear he actually wasn’t intending to hurt them and actually had a very rough day, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were starting to get out of their total panic. Not realizing that leading him to town was only going to make things worse.
“Pussy?” the bow wearing horse questioned.
“Yeah horse” the red wearing, musclebound oaf grunted “You know where I can get any?”
The horse narrowed her eyes a little “Juggernaut, we ain’t horses, we’re ponies.”
“Whatever bitch, you know where I can find some?”
“Ah have a name too. It’s Apple Bloom.”
The human chortled “Apple Bloom? That’s a fucking weird name, I told Freddy Krueger once that his name sucked and the motherfucker tried to cut my Goddamn head off. But I was too quick and shoved his own gloved hand up his fucking ass.”
Apple Bloom’s eyebrow rose, “So you shoved his hand into a donkey?”
“Sure, whatever, could you just get me outta here?! I’m hungry as a goddamn bear after a five month pot binge!”
The Cutie Mark Crusaders weren’t exactly reassured by any of this, but at least it was clear that he wasn’t trying to attack them.
As the little foals started to lead the red giant back towards Ponyville, they quietly began to discuss a plan among themselves.
Scootaloo began said discussion.
“Guys, I don’t like the sound of this guy, he just smashed up my scooter for no reason! I say we give him the works.”
Sweetie Belle shook her head, “I dunno Scootaloo, he didn’t even flinch when we smashed the tree into him, and he didn’t even feel the bear trap.”
“Don’t worry girls, I know how to handle him, let’s see if he really is just hungry and-”
“Quit talking you little motherfuckers!” Roared the Juggernaut “I’m hungry! I want a taco, fried emu, and a truckload of motherfuckin’ Rocky Island oysters!”
The three little foals immediately quieted down and began to trot off to the road, with the Juggernaut stomping along behind them.
And as they moved towards the town, they quietly discussed a new plan.
As Sweet Apple Acres was nearby, they’d lead the Juggernaut there and let him have a snack of the apples. And while Scootaloo initially objected, she changed her mind when Apple Bloom pointed out something very important, and that happened to be Applejack, who wouldn’t let him go too far once she caught him eating their apples…

~

Applejack trotted out onto the porch and yawned, she’d had a good night’s rest and was ready to go applebucking (and we don’t mean ‘as in having sexual relations with apples’ here), last day’s work was long, hard, and exhausting…but so worth it.
“Hoo boy” the orange furred cowpony yawned “Breakfast was good, time tah-”
And lo, like a giant space flea who wants to fuck up your movie, a massive tremor shook the ground and knocked Applejack off her hooves.
“What the hay?!” The Apple family’s most enthusiastic apple farmer exclaimed as she got back to her hooves “What was that? Felt like a damn dragon’s been practicing his cannonballs on the ground.”
“Uh, Applejack?” Said the small voice of her kid sister Apple Bloom (and Applejack cursed mentally for having used foul language around foals), as she meekly walked right up to the porch, with her friends Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo by her.
“Apple Bloom! What’s happening? Did you try to get that dragon taming Cutie Mark again?”
Sweetie Belle cringed at the thought of that spectacularly unsuccessful attempt to find their special talent, while Scootaloo beamed with pride, so what if they had to run for their lives, she and her (soon to be avenged) scooter could outrun a dragon’s breath!
“Nah, it ain’t lahke that” Apple Bloom insisted, shaking her head “We were out in the Everfree Forest, trying to get our Cutie Marks, when some giant two legged jerk in a red helmet smashed Scootaloo’s scooter.”
Scootaloo punched her forehoof into the…palm (whatever the hell they call it) of her other hoof “There’ll be hay to pay!”
Apple Bloom carried on “We tried tah set some traps to get even with him, but he just shrugged them off and chased us. Turns out he was incredibly hungry, and he needed to find town.”
“But that doesn’t excuse him from being a tremendous jerk!” Sweetie Belle groaned “And he’s weird too.”
Applejack flicked her ponytail up “Now Sweetie Belle, just because somepony’s funny looking-”
“Well he was funny looking, he looks like one of those creatures Miss Heartstrings is so obsessed with…it’s just that he acts weird.”
Scootaloo nodded in agreement “Yeah, he yelled everything he said, on the way here he claimed it was the only way he could breath.”
“And he kept saying he wanted some pussy” Sweetie Belle continued, not picking up on the surprised and disturbed look Applejack grew (which to Apple Bloom reminded her of that weird face Twilight Sparkle made after eating a brownie) after hearing this “I told him I could bring him to Opal, and he seemed to be glad. I think he might be a cat pony.”
Applejack breathed a sigh of relief…right until Scootaloo added “He also kept on saying he was ‘horny as a motherfucker’ whatever that meant.”
“Oh!” Apple Bloom exclaimed, suddenly remembering something “He also kept rambling on about something or other, like ‘I gotta fuck a penguin with some jelly donuts and a gold plated penis pump’ or ‘I gotta fuck a donkey while having jello thrown at mah nuts while listening to Freddy Mercury’, to be honest I don’t get what any o’ that means. Or why he was put there in the first place. By the way, what’s a hippy commune?”
Applejaw- whoops, I mean Applejack’s jaw dropped down five sizes that day…she didn’t know just what she was dealing with, but she knew that anypony this crude to hold these weird fetishes (seriously, who honestly wants to have sex while somepony pitches jello at them) and openly talk about them near foals was bad news. Somepony had to do something about this, and she was just the mare to do this.
Applejack narrowed her eyes “What’s this guy call himself?”
“He kept calling himself the Goddamn Juggernaut…Bitch” Apple Bloom answered.
Applejack hit a new low…with her jaw.
“Girls…somepony go get Twilight…I’m going to have a few words with Mr. Bitch…”

~

“Oh yeah!” Juggernaut roared “Now this shit’d only be better if I had some goddamn antifreeze and some motherfucking chickens!”
The Juggernaut was incredibly horny and hungry, though the latter problem was solved after being led to these apple orchids by those ponies. He didn’t know where they were now, but he didn’t give a damn.
He’d stomped down about five trees worth of apples and had already gobbled them all up, not leaving even cores.
This left one more problem, he was still incredibly horny and wouldn’t use the children for that. He might be a pervert with insanely perverted perversions, but even he had limits.
But Jugg was alright, and he was currently dealing with his horniness in a very disturbing way…
“Hey! What the buck are you doing to mah apple trees?!”
Yes, the Juggernaut was having sex with a tree…nature chose to grow a hole in the wrong place on this hunk of wood.
The magic fueled metahuman growled and turned his head over “Hey bitch! You don’t see me interrupting you when you tryin’ ta bust a nut?”
Several yards away stood a very pissed off looking orange pony with blonde hair in a ponytail, a cowboy hat, and a tattoo of three apples on her flank.
“Well ah don’t buck trees you perv! (well, not like that I mean) What’s the big idea, trying ta hurt my little sister and talk about the most depraved things imaginable…while she can hear it?!!!”
The Juggernaut rolled his eyes and…withdrew himself from the tree “Silly bitch! I can do whatever the fuck I want, don’t you know who I am? I’m the Juggernaut bitch!”
The pony’s eyes narrowed “You wanna make something of…” Her voice trailed off as she realized he didn’t pull up his pants “C-could you make yourself decent?”
“Fuck you bitch! I can’t do that, I’m horny as all fuck, and I gotta screw, I got a thirteen inch dick and everything!”
“A-ah can see that.”
“And you’re next! I just gotta get the goddamn ice cubes, a Cadillac engine, and a motherfucking Doberman pincer!”
Applejack’s jaw dropped “What the- Ain’t no way in Tartarus ah’ll be bucking with you! We only just met and ah can already tell yer a total degenerate!”
“Says a goddamn hillbilly who’s never even fucked a chicken! Don’t you know who I am? I personally teabagged Kim Jong-Il’s corpse, joined Gangsta Crizzab in snorting cocaine off a hooker’s ass while she was fellating a rubber duck while listening to his hit ‘I Like Emus: Fuck ‘em in the Ass’, joined Dennis Frogman in blowing up a church, and personally ate a car because I was drunk as Hell at the time. You couldn’t measure up to that, I swear to Goddamn God!”
“Who’d want to do any of that?!” The disturbed Applejack yelled back.
“I! The Goddamn Juggernaut would! You disturbed my treefucking! I didn’t even get out a pogo stick or a tractor yet. So now you gotta pay me back for fucking up my game!”
Applejack was very suspicious at this point, something told her this wasn’t going to end well for her and she needed to be on her guard “Ah don’t think either of us want that.”
“Well I do, now you got two choices here, either you can give me what I want, or I can take it. Fuck you in the head…blow your brains out, ‘cause I’m the Goddamn Juggernaut Bitch! I’ll even get out my kickboxing equipment and my autographed photo of Pretty Tony that I took when he was beating up his hoes!”
Before Apple Jack could say anything, the Juggernaut quickly leapt up into the air and landed just a couple of feet away from her.
The pervert wriggled his hands devilishly and gave a perverted grin “So what’s the verdict ‘ho? You wanna go to town or you wanna get dragged there?”
Having this absolute pervert in front of her…with his peckerwood exposed, was incredibly uncomfortable for the cowpony, she may have been a country pony but she was no fool, she knew he wanted to have sexual intercourse with her regardless of her say in the matter. So she decided to just cut the Gordian Knot.
“How about I just buck ya to the Moon?!” Quickly turning around, she delivered a pair of massive kicks with all her might, having her trusty weapons, Bucky McGillicuddy and Kicks McGee (AKA her back legs) smash into his stomach.
The Juggernaut flew back a hundred feet and smashed right into an apple tree and slammed it right down into the ground, creating a large tremor she could feel even over there.
Applejack shuddered for the poor tree, but hoped this had put the Juggernaut out of commission.
Boy was she wrong about that.
Just as she turned around to go find something to tie him up, she heard a roar of anger and swiftly turned around to see a very pissed off Juggernaut standing right back up, and finally pulling his pants back up.
“Bitch! You done put a scratch on my suit! I custom made this from wool, the ass hairs of a Siberian tiger, and all kinds of shit! To fuck with rape! I’m just gonna beat the shit outta you!”
Applejack’s eyes grew so wide Luna’s moon would be jealous. She just hit him with her full strength, but this motherbucker didn’t even feel it. All he cared about was the fact she just scratched his suit.
The Juggernaut charged right towards her “Nigga! I’m gonna beat the shit outta you with this tree!”
Applejack silently recited a prayer for safety as the Juggernaut ripped out one of her apple trees and held his arm back like he was about to hurl a javelin.
“Suck it bitchface!” Roared the metahuman menace as he hurled the tree right at Applejack.
Despite failing the first time, Applejack grew back her determination, maybe she couldn’t stop him, but she could at least slow him down.
Thinking quickly, she turned around and bucked the apple tree right back at him.
The Juggernaut roared “Pimp smack of doom, bitch!” as he quickly backhanded the apple tree that Applejack chose to ‘return to sender’ and reduced it to a bunch of toothpicks “You can’t run! You’re like a midget with crocodiles tied to yo’ feet!”
Applejack quickly attempted to run and find something else to pitch at him, but ended up with a rotten surprise.
It turned out the Juggernaut was quicker and had grabbed her by the tail.
A look of horror came over her as he lifted her off the ground near effortlessly; the madman lifted her so he was eye level and flashed a nasty grin.
“Alright bitch, what you want first? A Godfather or a Rocky Balboa?”
Applejack began to thrash around in the air, attempting to wriggle out of the Juggernaut’s hand, but to no avail.
“Hahaha! Stupid bitch, I’m the Juggernaut! I could hold onto Goddamn soap bars while whacking off at the same time! That’s why nobody ever tried to rape me when I was in prison!”
Yes, Applejack’s situation looked hopeless…to the casual observer at least, for the Cutie Mark Crusaders were about to unwittingly attempt a deus ex machine Cutie mark…they fail to get the mark, but I give them props for trying.

~

Apple Bloom and the Cutie Mark Crusaders let go of the rope attached to the spare Party Cannon Pinkie Pie wanted Applejack to hold on to for her.
“Alright girls, now quick, point this at the Juggernaut, ah’m gonna get the anchor.” (Which Pinkie Pie also wanted Applejack to hold onto, in addition to her copy of Violin Duels Volume VI, her hot dog costume, her spare hot dog costume, her anti-dragon suit, her Mysterious Mare Do Well costume, her giant mallet, a Proton Pack, a crossbow (which was underneath a glass case labeled ‘Break in case of Pretty Tony’), and twenty seven cans of Saint’s Flow.)

~

“Time’s up bitch! I’m just gonna send you to the Moon!”
Applejack cringed mentally as the Juggneraut wound up his fist in preparation of what would likely be the biggest uppercut ever thrown.
But just before the Juggernaut turned her into the Mare in the Moon, a loud boom was heard, and a suspiciously familiar looking anchor blasted right into the human’s helmet.
“What the fuuuuuuuuck?!” Roared the Juggernaut as the anchor’s force blasted him through the air.
Applejack had been dropped by the Juggernaut in his confusion, and was getting to her hooves as she saw him fly right into the forest, carried by the anchor.
She blinked in confusion, how could an anchor just throw the Juggernaut like that when she couldn’t even lay a scratch on him? Suddenly it dawned on her just what could have given physics, as the Griffins say, “The middle claw” like that.
Turning over to the barn, Applejack saw Pinkie Pie’s spare party cannon was out and the Cutie Mark Crusaders were hopping up and down in joy, cheering things like “Cutie Mark Crusader Juggernautbusters! Yay!” and the like.
Applejack had a worried look on her face as she trotted over to her sibling and her friends “Thanks fer the save there, but I thought I asked y’all to warn the town?”
“But we couldn’t just leave you” Apple Bloom pointed out.
“Yeah, that meanie was real strong” Sweetie Belle added, shivering as she remembered how Applejack couldn’t really hurt him with the full force of her hooves.
“And that Party Cannon totally kicked his flank!” Scootaloo chuckled, punching in the air as if to make her point.
Applejack chuckled to herself; foals will be foals even when an extremely perverted maniac is trying to beat up the sister of their friend.
She would normally have just tried to stay and finish fighting the Juggernaut, but the town still hadn’t been warned about him or the fact he was trying to buck up anypony unfortunate enough to be near him, so as stubborn as she generally is, she needed to make sure they weren’t taken by surprise.
“Girls, ah appreciate yore help but we gotta git outta here. Somepony has to warn the town, and I don’t like having you face this Juggernaut by yourself.”
Apple Bloom’s face flashed a look of worry “But what about the house? Won’t he try to rob it?”
“Ah doubt that, he doesn’t…seem interested in money.”
“But why?”
“A-ah…look, I just can’t tell why. I’ll explain later.”
And thus, after the awkward conversation went on for a minute or two, the foals finally went off with Applejack as they galloped off towards town to try and warn them to expect an unwanted surprise visit from the Goddamn Juggernaut…Bitch!
What they didn’t realize is that the whole series of events would soon be growing out of hand- I mean, out of hoof. So for the meanwhile, let’s close this chapter by checking in on the Juggernaut, shall we…

~

The Juggernaut finally landed back in the Everfree Forest, and was quite pissed about how he just got his ass handed to him by a mothafucking anchor.
“Go fuck Popeye you dumb bitch!” The musclehead growled as he spun the anchor around and threw it off into the air.
As the anchor flew off into the distance, the Juggernaut huffed and began stomping down the path again, he was gonna get to town, and when he did, it was time to fuck up some ponies.
But on Earth, a trial would soon give him even more trouble…