Shaking gently, Caramel stepped away from the tree, his hind legs sore and starting to get stiff from the tiring work of helping out at Sweet Apple Acres. He was now without a steady job, and had just recently moved into his own place, so helping the Apples with their work was the only way he was going to get any income for now. But it hurt, his legs throbbed, his lower body ached, and his breathing was ragged, as he looked up at yet another tree, full of apples. He was beginning to hate the things, and it didn't help that he wasn't very muscular. It normally took five or six good shots from his legs to shake the apples from a tree's branches.
Frowning up at the fruits, the tan pony tapped his hoof against the trunk, leaning over to take a peek around the tree. Big Mac was just a few feet ahead, his strong legs slamming into another tree, making the entire load of apples drop into his buckets. Watching the large, red pony's lower body pivot and ripple with motion, he thought to himself, Caramel, you can't be doing this. It's wrong, look away now...With that thought, he forced himself to look away, feeling the blush on his cheeks as the afterimage of Mac's hindquarters lingered in his mind. Looking around quickly, he made sure none of the other ponies had been looking his way and sighed.
"Why does it have to be so hard? Just stop it, Caramel. You know what other ponies would think, what they would do. It's wrong," He thought aloud, in a whisper, shaking his head gently. Only I know it's not... Frustration with himself and his inability to do anything about his situation - and his inability to even knock an apple out of a tree without multiple tries - built up until he could ignore the soreness in his hooves. Spinning around, he slammed his back legs into the tree for a fourth time, dropping about a third of the fruits from the branches. Eyebrows tilting down as he frowned even more, huffing, Caramel slammed his hooves once more against the trunk, dropping most of the remaining apples into his baskets.
Stopping for a few moments to regain his breath, Caramel moved over and picked up the mostly full baskets, dragging them over to the storage cart before leaning down, shoulders aching as he steps away. Again reminded of how much his body ached, he flicked his eyes toward Mac, imagining the strong stallion close to him. Stop thinking about him, Caramel. Just stop, you have better things to do and think about. You have bills to pay, and slobbering after some stallion while you're supposed to be working won't help with that... Shivering, the young pony tilted his eyes down and-
"Y'all listenin?" Applejack poked his side, making him jump, muscles burning anew at the quick motion. Seeing him respond and turn to look at her, the pony shook her head and spoke up again, "As Ah was sayin, the cart's almost full, so we're just about done 'ere. Go tell Macintosh to get his plot over here and help pull the darn thang to the barn. Are you staying for supper, Sugar Cube?"
Taking a minute to collect his thoughts and stop his heart from pounding so hard, he responded, "Of course, AJ... I uh, I'll get Mac..." Stepping away, he began winding his way towards the red stallion, eyes drifting over the other's flank for a second before flicking back up, keeping himself in check as he come closer.
"Hey, um, Big Mac.... AJ said you... you uh, need to pull the cart back over to the barn," Caramel tilted his head away, focusing on the other's face as he held his body in check, taking deeper breaths to calm himself. Watching the other stallion turn, Caramel had to catch his breath as he smelled the sweaty musk drifting from Mac, making him tremble as thoughts of the stallion filled his head. Get control of yourself, you idiot...stop acting like a fool mare, you're better than that... but he's soo- No, just stop thinking about it.
"Ah'll get right to that, just, ah, give me a second," the larger stallion nodded while he talked, and Caramel could have sworn he saw a little smile on the edge of Mac's lips, if for only a moment, as their eyes touched. Looking away, he waited as Mac picked up his baskets and began to move towards the cart. Turning, the only thing Caramel could see was Bic Mac's plump flank and, between swishes of his tail as the red stallion walked, his huge orbs, bobbing gently.
Realizing that he was staring, and had stopped moving, Caramel mentally slapped himself and sauntered after Mac, diverting his attention to his surroundings. What if I just told... no, I can't do that. Hmm... but what if I got him alone and, just, told him I feel... it couldn't go that- NO Caramel, what are you thinking? You'll just cause unnecessary trouble for yourself. But what if Mac is... no, don't even begin to think that, you'll get your hopes up! And for what?, he thought, shaking his head. It was always best to just not even think about it...
~~~~~~~~~
It was a few years ago, and Caramel was at the Apple farm for the weekend to hang out with Applejack and Big Mac for a bit. Only this time, something was different. He had been playing around in the barn with Mac, Applejack, and another colt named Java, the four were getting a little bored. Applejack had said something to Macintosh about a game, and the two went off to get the materials for it. As they were sitting and waiting for the other two to return, Caramel had shyly taken a peek at Java, admiring his dark brown and green colorations. At some point while he was sitting there, he hadn't noticed Java moving closer, and jumped when the other colt poked him with a hoof.
"Hey, Cara.. c-can.. can I tell you something?" the colt had a worried look in his eyes, while at the same time, Caramel noticed an odd smile on Java's face. Nodding to the bigger, older colt, Caramel leaned in a bit to listen. Java leaned in a bit, and Caramel could see a blush on his face, "I-I like you... like, I like like you, Cara..."
Caramel felt his pulse pick up, hearing those words, and his eyes widened in slight fear, "B-but my dad says colts... colts aren't supposed to like colts... and.. and..." He couldn't find the words to say, but he felt the warmth of Java's quickening breath for a moment before it happened. Within just a few seconds, Java had leaned in and then, wrapping a hoof around the tan pony, he began to kiss Caramel. Shaking in fear, confused at the pleasure he found in the gesture, Caramel felt himself begin to kiss the older colt back for a moment. As the other slid a hoof down his chest, and Caramel shivered in response, leaning in to kiss Java back, he felt himself getting aroused in a way he'd never felt on his own. He'd played with himself before, and that felt good, but this... He just didn't know what to do. As Java pulled away from the kiss, panting and smiling at Caramel, the two stared at each other a moment, and Caramel couldn't help but notice the head of Java's shaft poking out. Confused and scared at his feelings, and the feeling of the other colt kissing him, Caramel began to lean back away from Java bit, stuttering.
At that moment, Big Mac stepped into the room, waving to Caramel, "Cara, we couldn't find the game board and-" Stopping dead, Mac seemed to notice that Java was turned around, and the brown pony covered his crotch before sitting up and turning around with a smile, "Hey Big Mac! No luck?"
Unsure of what his friend had seen, Caramel had dropped his head and looked away, his heart hammering in fear as he waited for something bad to happen. But didn't. After a few moments, he felt Java's hoof against his shoulder and heard the light whisper in his ear, "I ah, just wanted to know.. do you like me Caramel?"
Turning to look at the other colt with a little confused smile, he nodded, eyes wide in fear, and Java finally noticed his reaction. Making a calming noise, he rubbed his hoof across Caramel's back and leaned in once more, "Maybe we can... talk later?" And with that, he gave Caramel one last little smile and turned back, dragging the tan pony over as Applejack walked in. They regrouped in the center of the barn, and Applejack began to explain her plan for a different game.
~~~~~~~~~
Shivering as he remembered that encounter, Caramel sat in the Apple's living room, sitting beside Mac and Applejack as they waited for supper. It had only been minutes, but his mind had taken him back to that moment, as he recalled the event, remembering a small something that he'd tried to repress many times: All that day after the kiss, Caramel had become fixated on Big Mac, not Java. Java had kissed him, yes... but now he truly realized how far his feelings went for Mac, and not just as friends. So since that day, he'd hidden his attraction as best as he could. There had been a few other secret encounters with Java, and then with a colt or young stallion here and there, but he'd always been terrified, never letting it go very far, but desperately needing the attention of another male. And what scared him the most was, not his sexual attraction- which he had accepted quickly to be a real thing after Java's kiss and his short relationship with the pony- but of ponies finding out about it. He just wanted to be normal... and if anypony found out that he wasn't normal, and didn't like fillies.... he didn't know what he would do. The thought made him shiver, and Mac shifted to look at him, breaking his train of thought.
"Ya cold, Cara?" the red stallion asked, tilting his head in an almost concerned manner. Mac saw Caramel's nod and smiled, leaning in to hug him gently. Caramel tried his best to hide his blush, hugging the pony back but looking away, tucking his chin down to look at Applejack, just in case anypony noticed the blush. Mac is so warm... don't think about it, don't think about- and he's strong and he's hugging me... should I tell him... but I can't tell him I'm gay... it would ruin everything... what if he didn't want to talk to me anymore? I don't know how I would deal with that... I- no, don't even think it, Caramel. But it's true- You think it's true. You don't love him, you just like him. He's a big, sexy stallion, yes. But he's not even gay. You can't be in love with him.
Last night, his dreams had been filled with the scent of the red stallion, and quite a few of those dreams had involved... things that he tried to not think about. Laying there, half awake, Caramel began to stretch and then froze as his hoof bumped something. What... am I touching? It feels...
Eyes snapping open, he tried to control his body as a tremor moved down from his hoof, which was just inches from Mac's crotch, gently prodding his lower belly. Calm down, Cara, it was just his belly. He's asleep anyways, he wouldn't have noticed if you did touch... Pulling away, he sucked in a breath and closed his eyes, forcing his imagination to stop. Not long after he had pulled away, Mac leaned up, looking over at him sleepily, and scooted closer- now laying on his side next to the tan pony.
"Mornin' Sugar Cube..." Big Mac drawled, his eyes opening as he woke up more, sucking in a deep yawn and stretching. After his stretch, the stallion leaned over and rested a hoof on Caramel's chest, "So, ah, what's the plan fer t'day? It's a free day off... so Ah wanted to know if ya'd wanna go do anything 'n such?" Mac tilted his head, yawning again.
After yawning in response, Caramel giggled, his earlier thoughts forgotten, and prodded Mac's chest with his foreleg, "Sure, we could go into town and do something, or we could hang around the farm, or we could go hang out, ya know, wherever YOU wanna go..." Caramel smiled, shaking his head. Every time I come hang out, he always wants to do whatever I want to do... Almost always sticks around me. I know we're best friends, but it's like he needs me to approve of where we go and what we do when we hang out.
Smiling, Mac shook his head, "Nah, Ah dunno of any places to go. Ah'm a farm horse, remember... Ah don't get out much. So where'd ya like to go? Into Ponyville, or somewhere around the farm? We could, ah, hangout in tha barn like we do half o' the time, if you want." Sitting up a bit, the pony stretched once more, his hind leg raising just enough to give Caramel a full view of his heavy orbs and sheath, making the tan pony blush and cover his face with a hoof, acting like he'd sneezed as he looks away.
As Mac began to move into a standing position, Caramel took the initiative to stand as well, clearing his throat to respond, "I'd like to hang out around the farm, and go to the barn later if you want. It's been a while since we've hung out there. Remember the good old days, Mac? When we were just little colts, bouncing around in the hay and finding anything and everything to make a game out of. Like that time, when Applejack tried to figure up a way for us to fly!" he laughed, shaking his head at the memory.
Mac laughed, nodding his head, "Ha, yeah, Ah remember that. Ah had ta carry ya back to tha house 'cause you hurt your leg tryin' it." The larger pony gently headbutted Caramel, motioning afterward with a forehoof to the doorway. Blushing a little in response to Big Mac's comment, he gladly turned and began moving.
Finally outside, Caramel enjoyed the cool, late spring air. He loved this time of year, it wasn't too cold, and not too hot, and everything outside looked alive and lovely. But thinking about the liveliness of everything around him brought his thoughts around to his own situation. Even with my friends so close by... I'm still alone... I've been disowned by my parents, I'm barely supporting myself on my own... and every effort at a relationship that I've ever had has gone for nothing... I don't want to be alone..., he thought, shaking his head to ignore the train of thought and shutting his eyes to block out the beginnings of a tear. Frowning slightly, he looked back up and took a deep breath. Just don't think about it, Cara. You'll upset yourself, and then someone will want to know what you're sad about.
Mac walked along beside him, and the tan stallion looked back at him now and then. The bigger pony simply plodded along, looking at the trees with a blank expression, seemingly happy to just follow Caramel along. Thought now and then Mac would shift closer or further away, or he'd speak up about the trees and apples and how there were so many acres left to harvest. Smiling as he listened to the small talk, now and then replying about his home situation. He still needed a good dining table, and some chairs, and some furnishing for the living room.
"Cara, you know, if ya need, we have a guest bedroom. It's always open fer ya," Mac replied, stepping close to Caramel once more and resting his chin on the smaller stallion's back. Nodding, Caramel shoved his desire to take that offer way back to the back of his mind, I'd be sleeping in the room right beside yours though... I'd be feet away from you. I wouldn't be able to sleep. I wouldn't be able to do anything in there without thinking of you. I can hardly do anything now without thinking about you, Mac. I'm sorry but I just can't let myself take that offer. I can come over, I can hang out and spend time... but if I spend too much time, I'm not sure how long I'll be able to keep myself it check. It would be best if I didn't even come around, but... I couldn't do that, to you as my friend, or to myself.
"Thanks for the offer, Mac, I really appreciate it... But I just wouldn't want to be a burden or anything," he replied, lifting a hoof to fluff his mane a bit. The barn was close now, and Mac just nodded again, heading over to open the door for Caramel. As he stepped through, many of the memories he'd had here began to flood his mind, and he smiled in remembrance of those times. Mac stepped in behind him, bumping into his flank. Caramel blushed a bit, looking back as Mac raised a hoof and stepped further in, moving Caramel around so as to let himself have space.
"Lotsa' memories out here... Ah like to come in here durin' mah free time, it's calmin' and reminds me of things that help..." the stallion commented, his voice sounding a bit airy and distant, almost reminiscent. Looking back, Caramel watched Mac for a moment, as they moved to the center of the barn. His were half lidded, and unfocused, as though he was revisiting a scene of his memory. Not wanting to disturb him or make him jump, the tan pony sat in a pile of hay, watching and gently smiling at the other. He couldn't help it... just being around Macintosh made him happy, and they were alone together. He felt almost relaxed, as if he was free here.
After a few moments, Mac shook his head and smiled lightly, eyes brightening up as he moved over and sat beside Caramel. For a while, they just sat and talked about life, about random little things, from Apple Bloom's class to his lack of a steady job. Cara began to become a bit more careful with his words as the topic changed to his new house, and his financial situation. Finally, as if bigger pony was reading his mind, he asked the question Caramel was dreading:
"So ah, why arn't yer parents... ya know, helpin' you out? Ah thought they lived up close ta Canterlot?" the red stallion inquired, brows furling slightly as he concentrated, seeming to think up some answer to why Caramel's parents wouldn't be supporting him.
Taking a deep breath, Caramel tried to think up something convincing for Mac. But every explanation that came to his lips, he couldn't bring himself to say. After a space of time, Mac staring over at his friend with a look of friendly concern, the tan pony realized he didn't want to lie to Macintosh. Every time he opened his mouth to say something, it just wouldn't come out. He was beginning to shiver gently now, thoughts turning to how he could explain it away, and turning towards how Mac would react. Torn between telling his friend a lie or telling him the truth, Caramel began to curl in on himself. He didn't know what to do. More concerned now, Macintosh leaned in and pressed a hoof to his back, rubbing gently.
"Look... Mel, Ah, uh... Ah want ya to know Ah care about ya. You can tell me anythin', and it won't affect how I see you... don't be afraid of me, or of how Ah'll react," he spoke softly, and Caramel saw the caring in his eyes as the stallion rubbed his back comfortingly. Suddenly, with those words, he realized he not only wanted, but needed, to tell Mac what was going on. Taking a few deep, slow breaths to calm himself, the tan pony set his forelegs, shaking gently, on the ground. Leaning against Macintosh, he tried to find some way to say what needed to be said.
After moments of thought, and trying to make everything coherent in his mind, Caramel looked up with a tear dripping from his eye. Opening his mouth one more time to speak, the words finally began to flow, "Mac... I'm not exactly sure how to say this. My parents and I, well... we had a disagreement, and they couldn't come to terms with what I'd told them. So they've... they've stopped talking to me except when they have to, and they've basically disowned me. They don't intend to support me, in any way, shape, or form. So... I'm alone. I have no one but my friends. I'm glad you're my friend, Big Mac."
Lifting a hoof to rub his cheek and chin, the red stallion sighed and nodded gently, as if agreeing on something within himself. He suddenly seemed a little tense and strained, almost nervous as he leaned closer to Caramel.
"Sugar Cube... ya know, Ah'm not the best with words. B-but, let me try to... Ah know what being alone feels like. Ah have few friends that Ah could call... close to me. And outta them, yer the most important to me. But again... your parents were wrong to do that to ya, no matter what you've done. They should love you the most, of anyone. Ah'm sorry it hasn't gone well with them... but if Ah can ask... what is so wrong that they'd do this to ya? And... Cara, Ah-"
Sniffing gently, rubbing a hoof across his nose as Mac spoke up, Caramel suddenly felt the small space between them, and he really noticed the red stallion. As he continued to speak, and as the tan pony thought, it suddenly snapped into place. But he wasn't sure... and then piling his hopes up, not letting him think about it, Caramel looked into Mac's eyes, stopping him short. Their gazes locked, and understanding began to dawn on the two.
At the same moment, in unison, they whispered the question, "Are you gay?"
Mac didn't seem to know what to do, he just sat, dumbfounded to watch the tan stallion. Caramel watched him in return, hoping against all hope as he nodded slowly, no longer able to speak as he felt the tears welling up. Almost instantly, Mac snapped into reality, taking a deep breath.
"Eeyup," he whispered, trembling heavily and nodding in response. Reaching a hoof forward, he leaned towards Caramel. Still trying to process what had just happened, still unable to really come to terms with reality, the tan pony was in shock. He'd never, in all of his years of hiding away in a box, in all of his years of watching Mac and developing their friendship, he'd never even guessed. It didn't seem possible, and he definitely wasn't that lucky. Was this some kind of dream?
That question was quickly answered as Mac leaned in, kissing him passionately, his forelegs pulling Caramel close. Shock broken away by this new show of affection, and frozen by Mac's closeness, he didn't know what to do. Instincts slowly took over as he kissed Mac back, but his mind raced, body trembling as he realized that Mac actually liked him back. With that realization, and the closeness of his friend, the tears overflowed, and he reached forward, clinging to Macintosh with a desperation and need that he'd never allowed himself to feel. After years of knowing he would never have a chance, of shooting himself down and holding back his feelings, he could actually do so now. And so he sobbed, tears of joy and pain and hundreds of other emotions flowing down his muzzle as he pressed back against Mac, kissing him firmly as he wrapped himself tightly against the other.
Moments later, as they broke apart for breath, Mac smiled. It was simple, gentle smile, but it held all the love Caramel had ever wished for. And he cried more, holding himself close to the red stallion, as Mac asked one final question:
"Sugar Cube... w-will you be my... my coltfriend?" the stallion barely got out the words before Caramel nodded, unable to say anything as he was overwhelmed with his emotions. Mac began to wipe away his tears, kissing his face gently, as they sat beside each other, held tightly in one another's embrace.
