Cupcakes: Reason and Madness
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“Like it?” Pinkie asked. “I made it myself.” She twirled around in her hoof-stitched dress of pony skins, the unicorn horn necklace clinking as the limp pegasus wings flapped around her. With a final bounce, she stuck her forelegs out, letting her oddly straight mane wave about her with the momentum. Despite her grace, her movements were stiff and jerky. Almost robotic. However, the skull-like grin never left her face.
Desperately, Dash pleaded with the smiling pony before her. She writhed in the rust and blood caked shackles that kept her locked against the wood-framed rack. “Pinkie please, I’m sorry if I did anything to you. I didn’t mean it. Please let me go. I promise I won’t tell anybody.”
“Oh Dash, you didn’t do anything. It’s just that your number came up and, well, I don’t make rules. We can’t turn back now.”
Dash was tearing up.
How could this be happening? The thought shot through her like a bolt of pain. Pinkie's steps faltered a moment before continuing, taking her ever closer to the bound and frightened pegasus struggling in her bindings.
“Aww, don’t be sad Dash,” said Pinkie, still grinning eerily. “Look, this’ll cheer you up. I brought you a friend.” Seemingly out of nowhere, Pinkie produced a brightly painted blue and yellow skull. It was about pony sized, but it had a very defining feature: a beak.
Dash gaped in shock. “Is…is that….is…that?”
“Hey, Dash lets hang together. These ponies are lame-os. Dweebs dweebs dweebs,” Pinkie mimicked. Her grin faltered, turning into a dangerous sneer before morphing back. “I caught her right before she left town. Remember when I left the party for about twenty minutes? That wasn’t enough time to play with her of course; I had to wait till after the party to do that. But boy am I glad I did. It was worth it for the flavor alone." Pinkie Pie rubbed her stomach, her eyes rolled back in ecstasy at some memory.
"Griffons taste like two animals at once, it’s amazing. I know she didn’t have a number like everyone else, but when was I gonna get another chance to try griffon? I probably should have asked where she came from so I could have gotten more, but I forgot. I’ll tell you what though, she was quite the fighter. She lasted a long time, which was a lot of fun for me. I got the chance to play with somebody other than a pony and try new things. It’s too bad she had such a meanie mouth. She said so much bad stuff I just had to take her tongue out. You know, bad language makes for bad feelings, Rainbow Dash.”
Dash didn’t have anything to say. She just sobbed and twisted in her tight bonds.
No, no, no, no, no, no … That single word repeated over and over in her head until it rang, until it seemed to shut out all other sounds. And yet still the scene played out before her like some sick puppet show.
“Well,” said Pinkie with an air of finality, “that’s enough reminiscing. It’s time to begin.”
o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o.-.- -.-.o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o
With a scream of primal fear, Pinkie Pie awoke. It had been two months since Rainbow Dash's disappearance and her circle of close friends had run themselves ragged looking for her, Pinkie most of all. They had even combed the Everfree, fighting manticores and worse, trying to find where she might have crash landed or … a body. She should have been at home in bed after a long night of searching.
With a rising sense of panic Pinkie realized she was no longer there. She was in a dark place, a place that smelled of blood and rot. And worse. Her stomach heaved at the smell and emptied itself across her chest. She was upright and tied to a chair or some other kind of seat. The rope that bound her was rough and despite the emptiness around her, she knew she didn't have a blindfold on. It was just that dark. Nothing was as it should have been, nothing was right.
“Whoops, you aren't supposed to be awake yet.” The light voice of a filly echoed in the small chamber, so out of place it derailed any thoughts Pinkie might have had. Pinkie could only gasp and shudder in response, her stomach still doing back flips from the smell and that horrid hyper-realistic dream. “Feeling a bit nauseous? Well, let's brighten your night up with a party. You'll love our guest.”
Pinkie glanced up into the dark, confusion firmly etched on her face. A party? Guest? Suddenly, a spotlight snapped on and Pinkie couldn't stop screaming for a long time.
Rainbow Dash – or rather some sort of hideous mockery of her – slumped on the floor in front of her. Crudely stitched lines crisscrossed over her skin while gaping holes where her eyes once were stared blankly out. Her mouth was forced into some form of a grin, a crude smile drawn from the deepest pits of Pinkie's nightmares. The spaces where her cutie marks should be were instead a mismatched assortment of colors. Her mane and tail were obviously in bad repair, having lost most of their strands. She had been stuffed with … was that icing?
Pinkie screamed until her voice was raw, screamed until her head pounded. She couldn't take her eyes off her oldest and bestest of friends, now only a sick plush toy for some twisted pony. Only after what felt like hours of screaming could she gasp for air and even then, it was more a sob than a gasp.
“Aw, did I frighten you? Sorry about that. I figured we should get introductions out of the way.” The filly's voice was cold, Pinkie realized. Cold and harsh. And frighteningly familiar. Whoever did this to Dash, could it be someone she knew?
With an effort that seemed herculean, Pinkie looked at Dash's desecrated corpse not but a few feet from where she sat. So close were they that some of Pinkie's vomit had splattered on the pelt, marring it with colorful bits.
“Why? Why did you do that? Oh Dashie, who could have done something so mean to you?” Pinkie thought she had whispered the words but the filly answered.
“Who? Who? WHO?! Oh, you silly filly, you did of course.” A filly stepped into the spotlight next to Dash's remains. A dim pink filly with straight hair and a grin that set Pinkie's teeth on edge. But her eyes. Her eyes were so distant. So empty. The only thing she lacked was a cutie mark of her own, her flanks as blank as the day she was born. “Surprise!”
“Wha … ?” Pinkie stared at the familiar filly. It was impossible. It was … her. Her as a young filly. “How? What is going on? Who are you?”
The filly rolled her eyes at Pinkie, her grin stretched to an unimaginable degree. She nudged Dash's stuffed corpse and leaned in close, her whisper sounding in Pinkie's head more than her ears.
“She's not all that bright, is she Dashie-pie?” The filly-Pinkie kissed Rainbow's check lovingly, unaffected by the sight or the smell that surely had been coming from it. From her. From Pinkie's Rainbow. Pinkie lurched in her bounds, suddenly very angry. More angry than when her friends hadn't come to her party. More angry than when Discord had pushed all the happiness out of her.
“Get away from her you big Meanie McMeanerson!” Pinkie started to thrash against the ropes, grunting with the effort of trying to free herself. Filly-her sat back with a smile and watched as Pinkie wore herself out, managing only to make her hooves sore. Soon, the chair she was on toppled over and sent her crashing to the floor, panting with the effort.
The filly laughed, harshly. Pinkie had heard that sort of laugh before. It was when ponies were laughing at you, not with you. When they were sneering behind your back. Every other time she had heard it had made her mad but this time all it did was make her want to cry. A memory bubbled to the surface of her mind, a memory of her sisters as fillies. They were laughing but not with her. They were laughing at her.
“Aw, poor Pinkie.” The filly-her stepped close and bent down, causing Pinkie Pie to lean away from her as best she could. The filly ignored her and stroked her check gently. “Remembering some bad thoughts are we? Some not-so-nice times with the old family?”
“Wh-what? When did that ever happen?” Pinkie tried to hold onto the memory, tried to remember more but there was something stopping her. It was old, that was for certain. Her sisters were near her current age now but they were so young in that memory. Something in Pinkie's normally bubbling mind found the whole thing stranger than she found most of life.
The filly got up and walked back over to Dash, slipping a hoof around her ragged remains and pulling her into a hug. “Pinkie's got issues, Dash. You should hang with me more often. I've got issues but at least I know about them.” Pinkie looked at the two of them for a moment, confused. Then she began to giggle. The filly's smile slowly faded. “What? What are you laughing at you twitchy moron?” Pinkie couldn't help herself. She burst out into laughter, thrashing about on the floor. The filly stomped her hoof angrily, bringing more giggling out of the prone pony. “Stop it, you idiot. There is nothing funny going on.”
“Ha, yes there is, ha,” Pinkie gasped out, between more bouts of giggles. She shook her head. “This is some ca-razy nightmare. I'm just worried about Dash, that's all. Wow, you had me going, eh, me!” As Pinkie spoke, she calmed down until she had stopped laughing altogether. She looked up at the filly-her, her eyes bright. “So, what's it gonna be now scary-me? Spiders? Bugs? Oh! Nightmare Moon, she's always creepy!” Pinkie bounced on the floor as best she could as the filly stared blank faced at her. A grin appeared on the younger Pinkie's face as she snuggled into Dash's corpse.
“Oh, silly filly. Likes the willy. Eats it with a yummy smack and drinks the juice as a tasty snack.” The sing-song quality of the filly's voice slowly changed from Pinkie's into that of her younger sisters. Slowly, Pinkie's smile faded into a confused and hurt expression. “Always crying, never trying. She has a mouth that never stops but only cause it's filled with Pop.” As she sang, fragments of memories bubbled to the surface of her mind. Her sisters sneering at her. Her mother's hurt and frightened face. Her father with a look that turned her stomach. And all through her mind, she heard her sister's voices. “Papa loves Pinkie, Papa loves Pinkie.” She screamed.
With a gasp, she found herself back in the darkened room with the rotten remains of Dash and her filly-self. Her face was wet. Something hurt inside her. With a start, she realized the singing had stopped and the younger her was looking down with a sneer.
“What? Can't handle it? I thought that's why you were here. To remember.” As she said this, she reached out and smacked Pinkie's head. At the strike, another memory came up, one of happier times. Her and the girls, all sitting around a campfire in Whitetail Woods. It was one of their first camping trips. Pinkie remembered this memory, as strange a phrase as that was.
o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o.-.- -.-.o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o
“So, that was my life back then. Really boring, I know.” Twilight had just finished telling them about her foalhood. Her time before Celestia discovered her, before she became one of the most powerful magic users ever. Mostly books she had read or classes she had attended. Most of the girls were smiling. All but one, anyway. Dash groaned and ran her hooves down her face.
“Uh, yeah! That was like, super boring Twi. No offense but I am so glad it hasn't been that boring here.” Twilight laid her ears back and glared at her pegasus friend, causing Dash to grin uncertainly back. “Uh, I mean, uhm … hey Pinkie! I know nothing can top my super-cool foalhood but I'm sure you've got some wicked stories!”
Everypony saw through Dash's lame attempt to deflect Twilight's annoyance, Rarity going so far as to roll her eyes away from the offensive pegasus. But Pinkie didn't care. It was her turn, yay!
“Oh yeah! Like, there was …” Pinkie put a hoof to her chin in thought. Now that it was brought up, she really didn't remember much from that long ago. "Let's see …" The time that, no that was … or was it? Pinkie began to get oddly nervous, like some sort of pressure was building inside of her. Sweat beaded on her face as she struggled to remember something, anything! Her friends, faces once bright and happy, had slowly turned into confusion and concern.
“Uh, well. I can't really think of anything. Wow, Pinkie without a story to tell, that's a first eh girls?”
Something in her voice sounded off, even to her ears. Nervous. Why was she nervous, she was around friends right? They wouldn't judge her because she couldn't remember. Heck, other than that cutie mark story, there really wasn't much on the farm, right? Her family, but they were … boring. And … mean? Where did that come from? Pinkie glanced around the campfire at her friends. They were staring at her with concern on their faces.
“Sugarcube, is there somethin' wrong?” Applejack cocked her head to the side.
“Yes, darling, is something the matter? You seem awful jittery.” Rarity winced at her own choice of words. “I mean, more than usual.”
“Oh girls, my foalhood just wasn't anything special, that's all. Hey, who wants to tell ghost stories?” Pinkie's friends shared a glance. Pinkie was random but this nervousness was something rarely seen in their hyperactive friend. Pinkie for her part couldn't understand what the fuss was suddenly about. Her smile flagged a small amount. “What?”
“Uhm, nothing Pinkie. Why don't you go first? Your stories are always so much fun.” Fluttershy's voice was as calming as it had always been and Pinkie clopped her hooves together. She got to go first, yay! As quickly as it had come, the nervousness left. As did the strange feeling she had only known a few times before. Fear.
o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o.-.- -.-.o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o
As the memory faded, Pinkie realized she wasn't tied up any more. The circle of light remained, as well as the chair and ropes. She raised her head, looking around her. Dim shapes in the shadows loomed. Lumpy and oddly familiar shapes. She whimpered at the change. That filly and Dash's corpse were no where to be found. Suddenly, a hard knocking sounded out from somewhere above her.
“Pinkie dear, I know you like your ... alone time in our storage basement and all but please remember to watch the sacks of flour this time. It took poor Carrot a week to clean up your last little oppsie.” Mrs. Cake's voice rang down from Sugarcube Corner above. It was kind and concerned. Pinkie remembered, she had gone down to the basement for some 'quiet time' after so long without her Dashie.
"I will Mrs. Cake," Pinkie's voice called out hollowly. With a distinct lack of energy, the pink party pony pulled herself upon her hooves and – ponderously – plodded up the precarious stairs.
Cupcakes: Reason and Madness
Listlessly, Pinkie Pie wandered the streets of Ponyville. Her color seemed faded and her mane, though nowhere near the straight it was in her nightmare, did seem less bouncy. That nightmare, for she couldn't think of it as anything but, had drained her of what little of her energy was left. Where once she would be bouncing along happily, now she shuffled. Many ponies who would otherwise have stopped to pass some time with her walked quickly passed, head low out of respect for her loss and her mood. Pinkie barely noticed them.
Why would I have such a ghastly grossly dream? Pinkie's mind ran in circles. What did it mean? Why was there a little filly-me there? And those mean faces my sisters were making at me. I don't remember any of that. She abruptly knocked herself in the head, startling a few passersby. Why do I even think those nasty, meanie bad thoughts are memories?!
"Get ahold of yourself Pinkie. It's time to go looking for your bestest galpal in the whole world!" Her face set with determination, she sprang up and rushed off towards the library. She had been meeting her friends there every morning for the last two months and this day was no different. It was also the last day she had managed to wiggle out of bakery duty with the Cakes. Surely today would be the day when they found her Dashie!
o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o.-.- -.-.o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o
"I'm sorry Pinkie." Twilight shook her head. Her purple and pink mane was a tangle, small fly-aways whipping about as she moved. While her mane was in a state, the rest of her was a wreck. Huge bags sat under her eyes and her whole purple body slumped as if she was carrying the weight of the world on her back. "I, I'm sorry. It's been two months and we haven't found a thing. The Royal Guards called off their search a week ago and …"
Twilight stopped, her voice giving out as Pinkie slid to the floor. Her face, once the mirroring the joy of Equestria, had fallen further than Twilight had ever seen. Even her hair, as physically impossible as it seemed, had collapsed on itself, hanging down from her head in strands. She was looking at Twilight with such big, hurt eyes. It shook her to the core to see the normally energetic party pony this upset but it was time.
"Pinkie, Rarity can't hold off on her orders anymore or she'll lose the Boutique. Applejack has been putting her load of chores on her brother and that's not only not fair to him, it'll hurt her farm. Fluttershy has her animals that need her and Spike just can't keep up with them anymore." She nodded over to where the dragon youngling had curled up to catch some sleep. The poor dear looked exhausted. "And I'm so far behind on everything that it'll be months until I can catch up. I'm sorry Pinkie, it's time … it's time to let her go."
Pinkie lowered her head. For a moment, Twilight thought she would break down and began to step towards her friend to comfort her. At the first step, however, Pinkie's head shot up, her face a sneer and her eyes filled with anger.
"So the Element of Loyalty doesn't get any loyalty,huh? Is that it Twilight?"
"Wha-?" Twilight backed away suddenly, as if struck. Pinkie rose to her hooves, stomping towards her friend as she spoke.
"Dashie would do anything for any of us and here you are, Princess Celestia's 'student' and Dashie's friend leaving her cold and alone out there. For what? To study? To read books?" By this time, Pinkie's voice had risen into a shout. She had backed Twilight into a bookcase, making the unicorn cower at her friend-turned-stranger. Spike had woken up moments before and was staring slack jawed at the scene before him. "You care more about your stupid books than you do about your friends, huh? Well FINE!"
Turning abruptly, Pinkie stormed out of the library, leaving a confused and frightened Twilight behind. Just before she slammed the door shut, she turned to Twilight with a look of absolute hatred. "You've just lost another friend, Twilight."
o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o.-.- -.-.o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o
Pinkie Pie stormed down the street, a very angry grimace firmly entrenched on her face. While the ponies of Ponyville had gotten slightly used to the sad sight of the dejected pony walking listlessly around town, this was something else entirely. A cream colored earth pony approached her as she walked, a concerned look on her face.
"Pinkie, dear, what's the matter hun?" Bon Bon's voice squealed through Pinkie's head.
"Go away Bon. It seems some of my friends don't care about their own friends as much as I thought." Bon Bon winced at Pinkie's tone, suddenly very sorry she decided to get involved.
"Pinkie dear, why don't you, uh." Bon Bon couldn't for the life of her figure out the best way to say what needed to be said. She knew Pinkie was running herself and her friends ragged looking for the missing Rainbow Dash, everypony in town knew that. And with the sudden disappearance of another pony a week ago, it had everypony on edge.
Pinkie slowed to a stop and, very slowly, turned her head towards her fellow candy-maker.
"Why don't I what?" Pinkie's voice had an edge, a harsh and angry edge that sounded so very wrong coming out of the normally jubilant party pony. Bon Bon flattened her ears in response, backing away slowly.
"Eh, nevermind. Good luck Pinkie."
For her part, Pinkie just watched the mare back away slowly for a moment before continuing on her way. Surely her other friends wouldn't put their reading before their friends. Surely they wouldn't abandon her. For a brief moment she faltered. Where had that thought come from? She shook her head and continued walking.
o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o.-.- -.-.o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o
"Pinkie I said I can't! Now get out of my Boutique and don't come back until you've seen reason!"
o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o.-.- -.-.o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o
"Please Pinkie, you're ... you're scaring my animals! I, I'm sorry but there's just too much for me to do. I'm sorry ..."
o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o.-.- -.-.o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o
Pinkie stood on the slopes of Sweet Apple Acres, staring out towards her friend Applejack's farmhouse. She was extremely nervous. All her other friends had decided to wash their hands of Dashie, to leave her to whatever nasty fate some evil meanie had come up with. Maybe it was a crazy pegasus that wanted to harvest her for rainbows? Or maybe a physical incarnation of Nightmare Moon, come to break her wings and absorb her powers? She shook her head, trying to stop her rambling thoughts. She had to focus. For Dashie.
"Oh, eh, hey sugarcube. Wha- what are you doin' here this early?" Applejack's voice startled Pinkie out of her revelry. Where before she would have leapt into the air in an exaggerated display of fear, now she only blinked and turned to face her earth pony friend. Her last friend.
Applejack gasped at the sight. Tear trails ran down Pinkie's face and her eyes were bright red from crying. While Applejack had gotten used to Pinkie's new mane style, it had never been this flat. Even her colors seemed off. Like they were darker or dimmer somehow.
"Are you going to give up too AJ? Are you going to leave her out there to, to," Pinkie sniffed and rubbed her running nose with a hoof, unable to finish her sentence.
"Oh, Pinkie. Ah wish Ah could go today. Ah wish, Ah wish none a' this had ever happened. But it's time ta move on." Applejack removed her stetson and wiped at her damp eyes with her hoof. "We all tried as best we could, sugarcube. But she's ... she's gone and Ah don't think she'd want us ta destroy our lives tryin' ta make her appear."
Pinkie sobbed, her face contorting into one of anger and sadness.
"Don't say that! Don't ever say that Applejack! She's not dead, she's not! I hate you! I hate all of you!" With a stamp of her hoof, Pinkie turned and ran from the startled apple farmer, her sobs trailing behind her. Applejack step forward to go after her but stopped herself.
"Oh Pinkie Pie. Ah know you don't mean that. Ah hope you cin forgive us." With that, she turned at cast an eye over her farm. She sighed. There was still so much left to buck, so many chores left half finished. With a heavy heart, Applejack turned and walked slowly back to her work.
o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o.-.- -.-.o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o
Pinkie Pie cried. She cried liked she had never cried before, gasping for air and wailing into one of her pillows. She kicked her legs and screamed. She sobbed and yelled and tore at her hair and nothing made the hurting stop. No matter how much she cried it never stopped.
After what seemed like hours, she slowly hiccoughed to a stop. It had gotten dark and she hadn't bothered to light any candles. The only light that came into her room was a small pool of moonlight from one of her upper windows. It had stayed well away from the sobbing pony, keeping itself to the middle of her room. She wanted this. She wanted to be alone and in the dark and she wanted to cry until she couldn't feel anything anymore. She deserved this. The strange thought gave her no pause. She was too emotionally exhausted.
She lay on her bed, her pink blankets wrapped around her hind hooves , gasping and panting. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair.
"It's not fair," she screamed at the ceiling, throwing one of her many pillows across the room. It caught the edge of some lamp, bringing it down with a smash. Pinkie collapsed back onto her bed, uncaring.
"Well now, feel better after that tantrum?" The sudden voice caused Pinkie to shoot upright. That voice, no ...
"Oh yes, Pinkie dear." The filly-her from her nightmare walked into the pool of moonlight, her face a sneering smile. "We need to have a little sit-down, you and I."
For her part, Pinkie just stared at the filly, her mind blank with confusion. This time, she knew she was awake. This time, there was no excuse.
"Who are you? What are you?" At the question, the filly laughed.
"I'm you, silly filly. At least, I'm part of you." She walked out of the moonlight, the darkness swallowing her. A sudden light flared and a candle burst to life nearby, the fire making the filly's face even creepier than usual.
"How? How is ... how can you be me? I'm me." Pinkie jabbed an accusatory hoof at the filly. "You can't be me. You can't be here." The filly rolled her eyes and sat in the little pool of light.
"Oh get a grip. I lit a candle. How can I not be here?" Filly-Pinkie held a hoof up before Pinkie Pie could answer. "Don't answer that, I don't care what you think about this. I said we need to have a talk and so we are going to have a talk. Can your vapid little mind wrap itself around that?"
Pinkie winced at the words, the tone striking a deep and painful chord somewhere inside her.
"Why are you here than? I don't like you." This brought another little bark of laughter from her tiny tormentor.
"Pinkie, no one likes you. You are, undoubtedly, the most unlikable pony that has ever walked across this pathetic planet. You are ... vapid, inane, unintelligible, selfish and grotesque. You are the worst. Pony. Ever." With every word, the filly jabbed towards Pinkie, still on her bed. Every word sent a stab into Pinkie's chest. Every word brought her face a little lower. Every word hurt.
And yet, somehow, she knew they were right. Pinkie's raw throat choked back a sob.
"And you know I'm right." The filly sneered at Pinkie "You know that no one comes to your parties because of you, they come because you can bake halfway decently. You know that any time anyone ever tells you 'hi,' they're only trying to be nice to the local idiot. They can't stand you."
"That's not true," Pinkie whispered, her head swimming with images of ponies coming to console her. They all spoke words of comfort but every one of them had something else in their eyes. Pity.
"That's not truuue," the filly mimicked. She ended with a look of utter contempt on her face. "Shut up. You make me sick with all your parties and uselessness. No matter what ponies are going through, they can get a laugh out of Pinkie. No wonder Mama was embarrassed by you."
"Wha-" Pinkie blinked through her tears. "Mama isn't embarrassed by me." The filly only smiled. It held no joy. Suddenly, Pinkie remembered.
o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o.-.- -.-.o.o.o.o.O.O.O.O.o.o.o.o
Pinkie Pie stood on her old foalhood porch, a foal herself. It was ... dirtier than she remembered. Several of the supports were broken and the roof sagged. The barren fields held only a few stalks of wheat that waved in the errant breeze. It was late afternoon and Mama would be calling her in for dinner soon.
Suddenly, there was a commotion behind her. Yelling. For some reason Pinkie Pie couldn't understand, the memory-Pinkie gave a resigned sigh.