I walked past the limits and into the Empire. "Fucking cold." I mumbled to myself as I rubbed my arms. "This better be worth it."

The courier pranced around me. "Uh...show me under the bag again...I'll heat you up...s-sexually...." She begged clumsily. "I mean...just...." She started sneaking her hoof up my bag. "Just a little...."

"Fuck off!" I pushed her away and turned back to the road. "Not in public you horny bitch!"

"Hey, we could use...a stall." she said as she pointed out a few empty merchant stands. "No one would know...just really quick--"

I shoved her away and walked briskly towards the tallest building. "Amber!? Where the hell are you?"

"Uh...nowhere. I'll meet you there!" she said as she started flying around the border of the city. "I'll be there! Later." She melted away into the city, leaving me to fend for myself with the courier.

"God damn it...." I stared at my feet as I walked towards the castle. "Why in the love of god are there just spires in the ground!? Someone's gonna stab themselves."

"I'll stab myself...with...with your penis...."

I stopped dead in the road and turned to the clumsy mare. "Stop it...you're bad at flirting...."

"You're...a flirt.... Can I see your face again?" she rubbed up against my side, putting her tail against my ass as she walked beside me. "Please?"

"Fuck off!" I bumped her away with my thigh. "You already squirted in my face. You've gotten farther than a lot of people."

"Father...than...you...inside me...."

I just shook my head at the glittery yellow mare and walked off. Little by little the streets filled with gawkers. Banking on the fact that no one knew me here I made it to the castle entrance without issue. The guard didn't even bother stopping to check who I was, letting me get started up the massive flight of stairs.

"Fuck- stairs- four legged twats!" I grunted as I charged up. "Fuck- fuck- fu-uck!" I yelped as my foot slipped. "Crystal fucking stairs...idiots." I continued my long climb, the courier tailing close behind.

Eventually we reached the proper floor and were led into a tall hallway. "So...I'm supposed to...go back to work." the courier said as she paced around me. "But...if you said you needed me--"

"You still fucking owe me, so yeah, you're not going anywhere!"

"I...just...I know...but can I--"

"If you are sucking my dick, yes, you can see my face."

She let out a shrill squeal as she started galloping around the room, bounding off the guards and jumping around. "Yes, yes, yes, yes!"

I let her have her moment and walked down the hall. I spotted a pair of ponies at the far end. "George!" the pink one stood on her throne. "There you are. How was your trip?"

"Only slightly molested, one sexual assault, and I got to ride a train for a little bit. So...it was okay." I walked over and stuck my hands in my pocket. "So you're Cadenza?"

"Please, you can call me Cadance. Now, you know why I called you here right?" she asked as she descended her throne. "I need your help...and...maybe I'm going to ask you to move here- I'll cut to the chase. Moral is terrible, crystal ponies are still really depressed, and I need some help cheering everypony up."

I sighed. "So you want me to walk around with my bag off."

Cadance rolled her hoof. "Well, I've heard you excite ponies, but without firsthand knowledge I can't really saaaaaah...." she started drooling, letting her mouth hang open as I set my bag down. "I uh...I...wow I--" She stared wide eyed at me as her backside rocked.

The pony sitting on the smaller throne stood up. "Buck me!" he lifted his hooves as he glazed his own hooves. "Dear Celestia!" he shot himself in the hooves once again, some of his spewing landing on the crystal floor. "Sh-shit!" he waddled off behind a plant.

Meanwhile Cadance wasn't fairing much better. She mumbled to herself as she stared into my eyes. "I love you...I wan- order you to fuck me."

I pulled my bag on as half the room creamed themselves. Mares and stallions alike having mixed reactions. Some were outright cumming, blowing their fluids across the floor. Others tried to contain it, and others still tried to bring themselves to the same level as the first's.

The stallion behind the potted plant let out a final loud grunt as he tipped the plant over, shattering the pot and spilling soil and seed across the floor. "Mother-bucker!"

Cadance pawed at me with her hoof as she tried to step closer. "I...uh...right now...take those off." She followed each step back I took from the cumming crowd. "Guards...help...get his--"

I pulled my bag back on and kicked at the ponies that were nearby. "Back off! I will kick you in the face if you try shit!" They slowly backed away as half the crowd turned from bright and alert to completely spent. "God damn it...everything stinks like dicks and vagina now! Fuck!"

"Take that bucking bag off!" Cadance yelled as she galloped over. "Now--" I slapped her hard and shook her. "Wah-ah-ah- what!?"

"Get a fucking hold of yourself!" I yelled as I threw her back.

She shook her head and sat back. "What happened? Why do I feel damp? What's that smell?" I left her to figure out while I looked at the devastation. Guards trying to cover themselves with their helmets, the courier drooling on the floor, and assorted castle staff near comatose from the sudden surge of sexual release.

"Bullshit."

Cadance tapped the floor. "Okay...so in light of your...abilities, I hereby appoint you the master of sexual ceremonies for the Crystal Empire. Refusal will result in arrest...and or...slavery...in...in the dungeon."

I stared with a highly confused look on my face. "You have a fucking sex dungeon here!?"

Cadance steadied her breath. "N-no. It's just a dungeon. Just a normal dungeon--"

"That you plan to have sex in. That's a fucking sex dungeon!"

Cadance rolled her neck. "Call it what you want...but...I...uh...can I see your face again? I think I missed something."

"I'm leaving--"

"That wasn't a joke! Try to leave and I'll have you thrown in the dungeon." she ran past me and cut me off. "Look...maybe I got a little out of control." she looked back to the stallion, now sitting on the throne. "I think we all did. But I actually need your help. If you can do that to all of us, you can do that to the crystal ponies too!"

"Look, this place smells like the bathroom in a porn theatre, so you have about five seconds to convince me."

"You'll have a personal guard of your choosing, a manor, unlimited spending cash, and fresh meat delivered weekly."

I stooped over. "I...well fuck...." I scratched the back of my head. "Alright...what's the catch?"

"Just...do what you do to atleast a few ponies a week. And...I...we...uh...just...visit...every once in a while. For...all of us." Cadance sat down on her throne and settled in. "Dear Celestia I think I ruined this seat...."

I stared at my shoes. After a final glance around my room I resigned to my fate. "Fine...but nothing gay--"

"Daaaa-ame...dame..." the blue maned stallion grumbled from his seated position next to Cadance. He let out a rough cough and tried to clean his hooves on his seat.

"Shining...it's okay to be gay for that." Cadance said plainly. "I'd cheat on you with him...and I'd be disappointing in you if you wouldn't."

"Nothing. Gay." I stated aggressively, pointing at the royal. "You can make me fuck, but you can't make me gay!"

Before I could leave the courier started tugging on my leg. "George...George...don't forget--"

"Oh. Can I have her? She owes me a blowjob."

Cadance brought her hoof to her chin. "Sure, just...do you know the royal--"

"Fuck off!" I snapped angrily. "I'm not doing it!"

"You'll do it or you'll spend a night with some stallions!" Cadance bit back and flew over to me. She turned around and lifted her tail. "Do it!"

I shook my head. "How bout you just...I have these...." I held up my hand. "I'm sick of sacrificing my face!"

"Bag off." she demanded.

I grumbled angrily as I took my bag off and grabbed her flank. "The things I do for...freedom at this fucking point!" I slid my fingers into the extremely wet slit and jostled my fingers around inside her. She maintained unwavering eye contact, licking her lips and staring deep into my eyes.

"Harder...."

"Don't talk while I'm doing this!" I yelled at Cadance as she backed up against my fingers. "I already don't want to do this, don't make it worse."

"I'll have your foals if you ask." she said before opening her mouth and breathing heavily. "They'd be beautiful."

I turned away from her and wiggled my fingers violently around her squishy bits. Eventually she gave in and splattered my hands in viscous mare cum. "Fucking damn it...." I stood and walked over to a stunned guard. He stared at my face in utter awe as I wiped my hands off in his mane. "Jesus, I'm not the fucking ark, calm dow--" I heard a splurt from him, quickly taking a few steps back and seeing a few splatters on the floor beneath him. "Nice."

"I love you--"

"Shut it!" I yelled at the guard as I turned to Cadance and pulled my bag on. "House, now!"

Cadance shook her hoof at me. "Somepony...get him the key to the old Topaz manor...I need a shower." Cadance limped off as the aparent Shining Armor walked over.

He limped over in a similar fashion and took a key out of his pocket. "So uh...any chance you could...I mean since you're hands alrea--"

"No." I yanked the key from him and picked up the courier, who was nearly catatonic from the excitement. "I'm not gay, nor will any amount of money or physical goods change that." I started walking out, stopping at the door and grabbing another dainty mare. "I'm commandeering this."

"Yes yes yes ye--" I covered the ecstatic mare's mouth and started off down the stairs.

A long trek down the stairs, a walk through town and up a hill and I was face to face with my new home. "Huh...kinda fancy." I noted as I set down my organic luggage. I looked down at the mare I grabbed in the throne room and tapped her head. "Hey...wake up."

She snapped to attention. "What!? How can I help!?"

"First off calm down. Go fine me some ponies to help me take care of this place. A guard...a gardener...." My finger drifted to the hole in my pocket. "A...a sewing person. Find me some staff damn it!"

The crystal pony's eyes darted around. "Can't you just--"

"No. No crystal buggers. If I wanted this to be easy for you I'd just do it myself. In fact...find em from all over."

The mare gasped. "But I- why!?"

"Because I said so! I just got told I have to get molested or sent to prison, your life is gonna suck just as much as mine!" I glared at the mare and kicked at her. "Go, get going! Run!"

She bolted off as I kicked my shoe at her. "Dude, the hell you doing?" Amber asked as she zoomed down and landed next to me. "Who was that?"

"Long story. Like the house?" I asked as I pointed to the manor. "All I had to do was finger a princess for it.... I...saying that out loud doesn't do the terror of it justice."

Amber nodded. "You live with a very fortunate problem. So...you uh...this is ours?"

I nodded and walked my trio over to the gate. "Gonna turn this place into a fortress." I threw the gate open and walked my new friends towards the door.

"Fort chastity." Amber joked as she flew onto the roof. "So, what else you get?"

"Money, power, status. All the trademarks of a royal escort. I have everything except my pride."

"Did you ever have your pride?"

"Not really." I stepped inside the house, finding it decrepit and dusty. "Fuck...are you kidding me? What kind of manor is this!?"

Amber started laughing loudly. "A pretty shit one!" She turned away from the manor. "I'm gonna go sleep in a tree."

I grumbled angrily as I looked around the crappy manor. "She fucking knew didn't she!?"

The courier shrank down and tried to back away. "I don't...I...are you mad?"

I took a deep breath and undid my belt. "Yes...extremely." I tossed my belt aside and undid my fly. I pulled myself free and undid my bag. "Well...here it is. Get to work."

The courier went dumb as she stared at me. She looked between my face and my nob as she tiptoed forward. "I don't...where do I st--"

"Don't start. Just...get it over with." The courier hung her mouth open and slowly approached. I stared at the ceiling as she went to work, sloppily suckling at my tip and slathering me in saliva. "God damn...this is barely enjoy-ah- oh fuck there it is." My knee trembled as she got into a decent groove. I popped my eyes open, catching the mare staring me in my eyes as she suckled at my rod.

I didn't last long against her swirling tongue, quickly spurting into her mouth and trying not to collapse as she sucked my head, causing my body to tremble from the visceral sense. She let out a pleased hum as she flicked my tip with her tongue, drawing out everything I had and swallowing it. She closed her eyes before popping off and letting out a stifled moan. "Kiss me and call me yours...I won't stop you." she cooed as she licked her lips. "I'll let you--"

I weakly put myself away and sat back on my ass. "I'm not gonna kiss you...you just had a mouthful of cum and I'm not going to get involved with that...." I pulled my bag on and scooped up the damp mare. "Fuck...let's go get some lunch...then...a nap or something."

Author's Note

Do I hate this fic? Oh yes, but free advertisement is great!