I flopped down onto the least destroyed couch in the manor and kicked my shoes off. "Bloody bollocks." The sound of carpentry and heavy objects being lifted was grating on my nerves. "Fucking...rauagh."

"George...shut up." Amber walked over and hopped over the back of the couch, landing next to me. "They're fixing it for you, you don't have to do anything, no ones asked you to take your bag off all day. Be happy you gaylord!"

"Fuck you! Don't tell me what to do." I kicked her into the side of the couch, breaking the arm and sending her off of it. "Oh shit...."

"Fucking damn it!" Amber yelped as she clawed her way back up onto the couch. "What the hell!?"

"Screw--"

Amber snapped. "Shuuuuuut up! Fuck! Why the fuck are you always so mad!? You live in a world where you can have sex with any pony, you have money, a house, be happy you little cocksucker!"

I glared at her as she sat back down. "You really wanna know? You want to know why the fuck I'm so angry!?"

"Yes!"

"Fine.... I can handle one pony, that's fine. They get annoying after the sixtieth time, but I can deal. Two is getting out of hand, again I can deal, but when every other sentence is, can I see your face, I start to lose my shit. Three...three or more is out of control. And..." I rubbed my mouth. "Even one...can be...difficult."

Amber tilted her head. "So...wait...I don't...the courier...."

I nodded. "Yeah, I like it when I'm the one doing the fucking, not being fucked. Call me a sel--"

"You're a selfish prick." Amber preempted me. "Seriously, you couldn't sound like more of a douche."

"I was getting to that! God damn...you know I used to be happy before this."

"And you're gonna tell me all about--"

"Yes...yes I am.... Also shut up."

I stumbled down a hill and landed face first on a tile floor. I laid there for a while until I was sure my teeth were still intact. "Ow...well that bloody hurt." A quick roll onto my back and I was face to face with a horse. "Oh...uh...hello horse." I sat upright. "Did I get hammered again--" I was cut off as the horse walked back into my vision.

The horse just stared at me, staring wide eyed at me and walking closer. "I love you...." it spoke softly as I felt myself lift off the ground.

"Whoa, what!?" I yelled as I found myself plastered against the horse's underside, staring at vagina as it started walking off. "Am I being abducted by a fucking horse!"

"Quiet...I need to...discover you...properly." The obvious mare cooed gently as my vision was cut off by a celestial tail. Little by little the smell of pussy filled my nose, growing worse as she started walking up a flight of stairs. Only when I was tossed onto a bad and sat on did I have some time to gather myself.

"Wait- I--" I was cut off as she dipped her head down, locking eyes with me and bouncing her backside on my legs. "What the fuck is this!?"

The horse just stared into my eyes, unwavering. "I...you...." She pressed herself against me and jammed her tongue into my mouth. She wiggled it around in my mouth while still keeping an unwavering stare. She broke it off and leaned back. "I'm sorry...I need this...your face...it's so beautiful."

I lost focus as she dove back in and cut off my breathing. I was on the verge of blacking out when she finally broke off. "I'm- gonna die..."

"No!" The horse jabbed my gut with her hooves. "Don't die! You can't!" She looked around the room before looking back at me. "Don't die...please...I can--" she shook her head hard and jammed her hooves against my face. "What am I doing...this is wrong...." she moved her hooves ever so slightly, revealing a tiny bit of my face. "Aah aah haaha..." She pressed her hooves hard against my face as her backside rocked. "Buck...I'm sorry...you...whatever you are...I love you."

"That's nice, but you're crushing me!" I yelled as I tried to push her hooves off my face.

"Stop! I can't see you again...I just...I- wait!" I was granted a little reprieve from her hooves, quickly having it replaced by blindness. "There I- mmm, better...."

"I can't fucking see!" I panicked, trying to unblind myself. "Is this a fucking pillow case!?"

"No!" the pillowcase was jammed tight against my head. "I'm sorry...you can't take that off." I was lifted onto my feet and nudged around. "I have so many questions...so...many...questions." I was nuzzled by the amorous magical horse and pushed into a wall. "Beautiful...beautiful creature...I love you."

I was sat down in a seat and breathed on. "What the shit man!?" I was quickly bared down on by the mare, her hooves over my shoulder and neck rubbing against my head.

"Whatever you are...you...amazing creature, I...further study...Twilight...." she babbled to herself as I felt the chair lean back and drag me with it. The next few hours turned into a blur of fancy perfumes and the sexual equivalent of water boarding.

I sighed as I leaned back into the couch, the crowd of ponies somewhat dour as I finished my story. "Yeah.... Three days of that and I lost it." I rubbed my neck hard. "I mean...it wasn't all rape. It was a lot of questioning, being force fed and meeting new potential rapists."

Amber just stared at me. "Dude...do you taste the poo?"

I glared at her. "You wanted to know why I'm so pissed. Getting tossed around like the prison bitch always seemed like a good reason to me."

The courier looked up at me from her curled up position on my lap. "It's okay...you're still--"

"Say it and I'll throw you out the window."

She quieted down and just stared at my face. "Can I still look?"

I sighed and laid back. "See? They don't see it as wrong, they just see my face and get so fucking enthralled they loose reason."

Amber nodded. "Then why'd you answer the letter?"

I shrugged. "I thought maybe, just maybe I could move somewhere no one knew me, live a life with my bag and not be bugged about it."

My moping was cut short by the servant from the castle leading a blue maned mare inside. "Oh he's great, just beaaaah." She stared at me and walked straight into a door frame.

I pulled my bag on and stood up, launching the courier and making the docile crowd snap back into reality. The blue maned mare, too busy staring at the pained servant, was unable to catch a glimpse of me. "Umm...what just happened?" she asked as I walked over. "Oh- hi...you're George?"

I looked down harshly at the mare. "Yes...now who the hell are you?"

She flattened out her ears and took a step back. "Coco...Pommel...they said somepony wanted to hire me...."

I scratched my nose. "Good, so what are you?"

She looked left and right a few times. "A...a pony?"

"Not what I meant." I deadpanned and scooped the mare up. "Can you cook, garden, build, what can you do?"

"Oh...I make dresses." she answered with a bit of concern in her voice. "But...I don--" I set her down and undid my pants. "Um...what are you d--" I tossed my pants onto her face and pulled my shoes back on.

"Fix those, and make a few other pairs. I don't care what you make them out of, just do it." I flopped back down on the ratty couch and crossed my ankles. "Ask the courier for money if you need it, pick a pair of rooms, whatever, just fix my pants."

Coco pulled my pants off her face. "I...uh...what? I don't like to argue but...we need to--" she froze as I pulled my bag off. She went stiff as a board and stared at me. "I...what?"

"Fix my pants." I stated dryly as I dropped my bag back on. "Uh...clean yourself up first, then fix my pants."

Coco muttered to herself as she turned around and bopped herself into a wall. "Ow...I...sorry."

I frowned hard at her timid nature. She reminded me of the person who convinced Celestia to let me go. "Amber...go help her."

"Amber go help her, Amber listen to my depressing ass story, Amber suck my dick, Amber don't suck my dick, make up your fucking mind!"

Author's Note

SEXY+AMERICA=SMERICA