I climbed up to the roof and found a flat part of the manor. I took off my bag and started setting down my tools. Amber flew up and landed next to me. "Hey...you got the stuff?"

I dumped my bag on the roof and started finding the balls. "Fifty of em. You ready?"

Amber reached into my bag and pulled out a five iron. "Fuck yeah pussy! So...are we counting windows, distance, ponies, what are we doing here?"

I pulled a pair of binoculars out of my bag and scanned the horizon. "Holy shit...Amber...look." I tossed her the binoculars. "Cross dressing Shining Armor eleven O' clock!"

"Sweet Cyclone's ghost!" Amber threw the binoculars down and started winding up. "First to clock him in the side of the head wins!" Amber set down a trio of crystal balls and started firing them off the roof, tearing away crappy shingles with her swings. "Come on!"

I grabbed a club in a flash and joined her in the crystal onslaught. "Fucking cheating bitch!" I lined up a shot and pegged a passing pony in the flank. They jump and bolted away while Shining started moving in a serpentine pattern. "Fuck! Amber you shoot I load!" I threw my club off the roof, almost taking out a passing worker. "Shoot!"

"I am, fucker!" She pulled the club back and fired off a shot. I replaced it immediately. We fell into a smooth rhythm, shooting off an amazing amount of balls at the sprinting drag princess. "Fucking- damn- shit- come on!" Amber snapped the club in two and grabbed another ."He's in heels! How the fuck is he running so fast!?"

I grabbed the binoculars in between replacing balls. Shining was indeed dressed up in fishnets, four heeled shoes and a bright pink dress. "Wow...he's got more makeup on than his wife." I tossed them aside and set five balls down. "Shotgun tactics!"

Amber leaned back, swinging the club extremely hard. She launched the five balls dead center at Shining, he caught one to the leg and crumpled. "Buck my ass!"

Amber let out a victorious yell as she swung the club like a shot-put, launching it off the back end of the building and into the garden. "Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaah, fucker!"

I slammed my hands against her talons and locked us together. "You beautiful bitch! I think you got him right in the nuts!" We started laughing like idiots as Shining limped forward. "Fuck me, he's still moving!" I threw Amber back, looking for a club. "Damn, we fucking threw em all!"

Amber shook her head and scooped up a bunch of balls. "Fuck- that- we can- club-less!"

I joined her and started pelting Shining with balls. Shining finally crawled under my awning and into a safe area. "Damn! He dressed like a lady and got pelted by balls! Go figure...."

"Well...he just got shit on. Now what?" Amber asked, tossing a ball in her talon.

I let out a short sigh, "I should probably make sure he's not actually hurt." I pulled my bag back on and started climbing down the house. Maud was waiting for me below. "Maud, sup?"

"There's a stallion in a dress at the gate...."

"Was he limping?" I jumped down, landing hard in the grass.

"He was crying."

I started laughing. "Maud...I love you...not even a hint of sympathy." I picked her up in a decent hug and started walking towards the front gate. I could feel something wetting my arm as I walked. "Maud...are you--"

"You smell nice...."

"So that is pony liquid...nice." I shifted her in my grip and hurried over. Just beyond the front gate was Shining, standing wobbly with eyeliner streaming down his face.

"George- hi there...." Shining croaked, tapping the gate. "I was wondering--"

"No...bro, I'm not gay." I Shifted Maud in my grip, pointing her plot at Shining. "See this?" I flipped up Maud's dress. "See...." I felt around until I found a squishy warmth. "This!? This is my love, this is my life!"

I pulled my bag off and stared into Maud's eyes. "...." Maud just stared, unblinking. My hand was slowly soaked as I pulled her lips open.

"Squirt...shoot him in the mouth!" I whispered forcefully. "I believe in you!"

Maud just grew slightly red, her expression unchanging. I looked past her, finding shining gawking at me and rubbing his underside. I moved Maud closer and started toying with her sopping wet sex. My hands dug into her supple flesh, toying with her until her leg kicked up, shooting a stream of fem jizz through the gate and straight onto Shining's mane.

I started snickering as I set Maud down and pulled my bag back on. "H-holy shit...Shining...I feel so bad for you." I scratched my head as he bashed his head against the gate. "Uhhh...same deal as before. I don't do dudes...uhhhh, here." I took off my bag and tossed it at him. "Go ahead and keep that...can add it to the shrine."

Shining picked up my bag gingerly, clutching it against her stomach and rocking back and forth. "I'll find a way...I promise...I'll find a way...."

"Sure buddy...no go rail your wife and shut up." I turned away, scratching my head as I walked back inside the house. Maud was sticking to my right leg as I walked.

I pushed into the house, causing each and every worker to freeze and stare at me. Topi popped out from behind a corner, snickering. "Heeeeello there!" She walked out, tail held high, prancing over. "I--" Maud stepped forward, bumping her chest against Topi. "I was gonna--"

Maud just stared her down, slowly eroding Topaz's resistance and causing the crystalline pony to back off. Maud just stood there, fronting to the crowd. Stoic, like a guard rock.

I let out a curt laugh. "Coco!? I need a new bag...my old one's probably covered in cum by now."

Coco trotted down the stairs with a pair of blinders on. "George? Which way...."

"Coco," I walked over and stood before her. "What the hell is this?" I tugged at the blinders.

"...Well...if we see you...we go...um, stupid. But if I don't--" I cut her off, pulling the blinders off and looking her in the eyes. "I uh...hi...hello...." Coco locked up. "I...bag...bags...."

I spotted a bright red bag sitting half out of her saddle pack. I pulled it out and put it on. "Alright...that was fun." I started heading towards the front door. "Anyone wanna play some golf?"

"Um...I uh...." Topi walked over. "I was gonna tell you, I found a gardener."

"Yep!" Roseluck walked out from behind a wall. "Straight outta Ponyville, I'm here to buck shit up!"

"Uh...I...." I looked around the room. "Golf?"

Roseluck smiled wide. "I'll watch...."

"Yep." Topi walked over and tossed her hat away. "Count me in."

Maud walked over too.

I looked down at the small herd gathering around me. "Uh...Coco...you wanna come?"

Coco's ear went flat. "I...I don't like heights." I ignored her and picked her up. "Hey wait! Wait!"

"Your four, roof sex and golf!" I started laughing like an idiot. "Someone bring a strap on and a towel!"

Topi ran off, leaving the rest of us to find a way to the roof. It was a brutish task, but eventually I managed to pull the four mare herd up the wall and onto the roof.

"Amber...golf club." I handed her a five iron. "Griffon brand is best brand."

Amber yanked the club from my hands. "Fuck yeah it is!" Amber scrambled upright and started firing off balls into the town.

I settled down with the ponies nuzzling against me. Rose eventually taking down mare after mare while staring at my face. Topi and Coco only lasted a few seconds, but once she got to Maud, she reached a problem.

Rose got into position behind Maud, red in the face from the two previous mares. "George...look at me...look at me...look at me!"

"I fucking am!"

"Hey...you be quiet before I blow you so hard...." Rose hissed, thrusting against Maud. Maud just laid down and stared at me, unwavering. Rose took a deep breath and stuck her false dong.

Rose let out a short huff, followed by another, and another. "Oh...what...?"

I started laughing as Rose tried to pull back. "What's wrong?"

Rose grew flustered as she shifted her grip from Maud's thighs to her flank. "I'm stuck...it's stuck inside her...."

I let out a raspy laugh. "Wh-what!?"

Rose started heaving. "George, George, I'm stuck! Help!"

I made a sharp whistle. "Amber! Roseluck needs someone to fuck her!"

"What!?"

Amber finished up with her shot and looked over. "Eh...alright." She scooped up a few golf balls and tucked the club under her arm. "Come on pony, let's go have some fun."

"What!? No, I never--" Rose was yanked free, the strap on harness coming apart from the dildo. "Wait!" Amber grabbed her by her mane and flew off. "George!?"

"Bye! Consider this payback!" I sat back on the roof and looked out of the three remaining ponies. I leaned back, nestling against Topi and pulling Coco over my chest like a blanket. Maud sat on my legs, resting her head against Coco's back.

I let out a pleased sigh as I went to sleep surrounded by the smell of horse pussy. "It's good to be a sex god."

Author's Note

Mmmhmm...welcome to the madhouse.