Ornstein and his friend, Smough, crashed happily through the woods with their new friends in tow, skipping through the forest and smashing any creatures that dared attack them, slowly corrupting the young princess's minds with their bro-tastic influence. However, even as they and the royal sisters frolicked among the entrails of manticores and hydras on their way to the site of the world's soon-to-be capital, another force was waiting, watching the two massive chucklefucks from the darkness, their intentions unknown, but their focus on Smough and Ornstein to great too be ignored. Suddenly, when the two gilded warriors of sunlight and Space jam finally passed them by, one of the watchers finally rose from their hiding spot: A knight, by his look, as tall as Ornstein, but clad in the darkest, edgiest coloration of armor ever seen by man or mer, with a great, dark-blue plume flowing from the back of his helmet, his magnificent, also-blue cloak blowing in the forest breeze, and his very being seeming to emit enough edge to cut the whole forest down in one tip of his nonexistent fedora, if he willed it to be so. Drawing his greatsword, the massive knight rose from behind the brush he'd concealed himself with, and at last, revealed himself to the waiting fangirls that watched from behind their computer screens: This knight, was none other than... Knight Artorias, Walker of the Abyss, and edgiest of the four knights of Gwyn! And, by his side, Artorias's faithful companion, Sif!

Together, the two watched their counterparts, Douchestein and Brough, crash through the forest loudly and obnoxiously, well on their way to the future site of Canterlot, where the two young princesses would surely rise to power. However, these two figures had a mission... a mission, to stop that from happening, and to retrieve the princesses of the sun and moon before they ended up as copies of these versions of Ornstein and Smough, something that their employer expressed greatly that such a thing was to never occur. Finally, as Artorias stepped out from behind the shrubbery at last, Sif cautiously followed him, and after looking around, to the swooning of fangirls everywhere, Artorias spoke to Sif, urging that they continue their quest, post-haste.

"Alright, they didn't see us. Come on, Sif, we have to catch them before they get to the mountains! This way." Artorias ordered, pointing ahead and making to follow the knight and the executioner, but before a single step of his could grace the waiting ground beneath him, Sif stopped the dark, Abyss-hating knight, and spoke in turn to him, shocking everyone now reading this who has never watched Scooby-Doo.

"Wait, Arty, just refresh my memory; Why are we out here, following fatty and beanpole, again? I thought we were looking for the baby princesses, or something." Sif asked, her (yes, it's a 'her') voice full of confusion.

"I thought I made it clear that the two HAD the princesses!" Artorias spoke, clear agitation in his voice as is quarry surely bounded away.

"yeah, but do we really have to KILL those two for them? I mean, they don't seem THAT bad..." Sif asked, as in the distance, Smough golf-clubbed a poor deer into the next country over.

"Yes, Sif. Look, I don't like it any more than you do, but if we don't do this, the whole multiverse will end, and not just the Equestria ones! We're talking about a TOTAL SUTDOWN here!" Artorias explained, to Sif's Chagrin.

"Yeah, yeah, the Abyss will consume the worlds, and they're going to spearhead it starting now, starting with those two. I know what she said, I just have a bad feeling about it all. I mean, do those two REALLY look like they have the mental fortitude to do ANYTHING on a scale that doesn't affect them directly?" Sif replied, eyeing Ornstein and Smough warily, as they and their pupils bounded happily through the dark, spooky woods.

"Mrrr... You're right on that, they do look pretty far up their own asses... But we have a job to do. Do you REALLY want to go crawling back to her empty-handed, your only excuse being that you 'felt sorry for them'?" Artorias asked, and Sif lowered her head in thought, heavily weighing the price of failure with the lives of those two armored klutz's. And soon, she found her answer, and she looked back to Artorias, newfound determination in her eyes.

"Okay, let's get them." she sighed, and with that, the dark pair darted back into the shadows, trailing their prey with renewed vigor. They caught up soon enough, lagging only mere feet between our 'heroes', without either their knowledge or consent. But before a move of aggression could be made, the two sunlit warriors exited the last of the thick trees, and entered a sunlit plains, with clear sight of the mountain that was their destination.

"Ah, there it is! Just as tall and foreboding as I remember it!" Smough said, his hands upon his sides in a pose of satisfaction.

"Indeed, my thicc friend! Now let us make haste, we've not a day to lose!" Ornstein exclaimed, pointing to the destined point of their journey, and the four quickly picked up their pace, renewed excitement coursing through them like electricity.

"Mr. Ornstein, are we going to live on that mountain?" Filly-Celestia asked, her eyes wide and full of wonder.

"Hell yeah, little dude! You're gonna build an awesome castle up there, rule over some peasants, and eat cake FOREVER!" Ornstein exclaimed, causing Celestia's eyes to inflate further, before being interjected by Smough.

"No, as a growing girl, she needs a balanced diet. There will be NO cake until all veggies are eaten." Smough declared matter-of factly, causing Celestia and Ornstein to slouch in disappointment.

"Aww, you're no fun, Mr. Smough." Celestia said, eyes, to the ground.

"Mr. Ornstein, what's a 'peasant'? Luna then asked in turn, her head tilted in confusion. Ornstein was quick to answer, as he had the most experience on the subject.

"Well, my little blue ball of fluff and wonder, a peasant is a person, or pony, that you have to lord over, so they don't live in huts and teepees like savages. See also; subjects." Ornstein explained, and Celestia was quick to become involved in their little lesson:

"Oh, like those ponies over there?" Celestia asked, pointing to a pillar of smoke in the distance, surrounded by a group of Teepees. Primitive-looking Ponies wandered the small camp, most happily going about their soon-to-be-disrupted personal lives.

"Yes, Celestia, exactly like that." Ornstein said, a sinister tone in his voice as he and Smough grinned beneath their helmets.

"Oh! So, do we rule them now?" Luna asked excitedly, and Smough petted her soft, innocent head, and replied, his voice soft and scholarly.

"Not yet, little moon. First, you must complete the first step in being a queen; You must first crush your enemies! See them quiver before you, and hear the lamentation of their women!! Smough lectured, and Celestia and Luna nodded as they soaked in the wonderful knowledge Smough bestowed upon them.

"But Mr. Smough, we're only five! We can't crush anyone yet! Besides, Mommy said that crushing people is bad, before she and daddy disappeared.

"Disappeared?" Ornstein asked, confused.

"Mommy and daddy?" Smough asked in turn, having at first believed that the two simply spawned into existence from starstuff or something.

"Yeah, mommy and daddy said they were going to do something, and they left and never came back! and then you two showed up!" Celestia said, causing Ornstein and Smough to break into a cold sweat and turn to each other, not suspiciously at all.

"Uh, Smough? Did you, uh, land on anything SOFT when we arrived?" Ornstein asked Smough, utilizing their intricate bro- link.

"Uhhhhh... Maybe..?" Smough answered, remembering his landing including a loud crash, and a very quiet 'splat'. He assumed it had just been him crapping himself from the G-force of the landing, but it seems that was unfortunately not the case. But whatever the case happened to be, it did not matter now.

"Well, I suppose it does not matter now, Smough. Thanks to us, these poor princesses-to-be are now Orphans, and we must now take responsibility for our actions." Ornstein said, followed by a curt nod from Smough.

"Indeed. It is only the right thing to do, after all." Smough replied solemnly, turning his attention to the princesses.

"Well, my sweet little princess, your parents aren't here. Besides, were THEY gonna teach you how to RULE the WORLD?" Ornstein asked excitedly, causing the fillies before them to shake their heads excitedly.

"No!" Luna and Celestia said in unison, jumping up and down in excitement.

"But how are we going to rule them, Mr. Ornstein? We're just little fillies, and they're big strong adults!" Luna noted worriedly, causing Ornstein to heighten his posture, and puff out his chest inspiringly.

"You forget, little Luna, we're BIGGER, STRONGER adults!" Ornstein replied, ignorant of the implication of the word 'adult', and how it did not apply to him or Smough.

"Yeah! Don't worry, Princesses, WE'LL fight for you! We'll be... your Royal Guard!" Smough valiantly exclaimed, puffing his chest out as well.

"Oh yeah!!" Said Ornstein.

"Oh wow!" Said the princesses-to-be.

"Oh crap." Said two hidden surveyors in the distance.

And so, filled with determination, the four made their way to their first victims, preparing to go full conquistador on their asses. And within the hour, the two had made their way to the small camp of natives, little princesses in tow, and all was silent as the awestruck, fearful primitives looked to the approaching, gilded giants, each carrying a filly in one arm and a big, deadly weapon in the other. Not even a murmer from anyone broke the silence, until the stomping of the two Giants became audible, as they majestically strode toward the humble camp, all of them desperately resisting the urge to wet themselves.

And soon, as the giants finally entered the center of the camp, they stopped, dead silent, save for the foreboding sound of the wind, which whispered only doom for the small camp of tribals. And soon, after only a moment of silence, the two giants, shifted into odd, but strangely menacing poses, and Celestia stood up in Ornstein's arms as she spoke out, heralding her own queenship over the camp of primitive plebeians.

"Um, Attention, peasants! I am Princess Celestia, and this is my sister Luna!" Celestia said, prompting Luna to wave shyly, before continuing. "And as of right now, I am hereby asserting myself as your Princess!" Celestia shouted, causing a wave of murmurs to erupt from the gathered crowd, before being silenced by Ornstein and Smough, who shouted as they entered another menacing pose. And soon, the Crowd was silent as Celestia continued her very first speech of conquest. "Anyway, Luna and I are now your rulers, and if you say no, Ornstein and Smough are gonna beat you up! Now all of you bow to us and give us your shiny things and stuff!" Celestia declared, and almost immediately, the poor, cowed tribal natives rushed to do their new rulers' bidding, not really scared of the princesses, but rather of their two giant, golden guards, both of whom could stomp them in an instant.

"Well said, Princess Celestia." Ornstein said, ruffling the little Alicorn's mane and causing her to giggle in childish delight.

"No, Mr. Ornstein... Call me... QUEEN Celestia!" Celestia exclaimed, smiling in delight at what she was about to accomplish.

"And I'll be Queen Luna!" Luna declared in turn, and at that moment, Ornstein and Smough collectively shed a manly tear of joy at the little monsters they brought into the world.

"Now, let's go conquer more people and build our kingdom!" Celestia declared, and with that, Ornstein and Smough saluted the little princesses to be, and proceeded to gather up the natives, further building up their new army. And with that, they were of to the next camp, to wreak even more glorious havoc.

Author's Note

To be continued...