(Note: Sung to the tune of Bedknobs And Broomsticks's "With A Flair")

Sung by Fluttershy

Twilight Sparkle was walking around town, looking for a friendship problem. Looking for ANY friendship problem. So she thought of Fluttershy and her shy, reserved nature that made her an easy bullying target...

And when she arrived, she saw Fluttershy twisting a bear's legs and kicking him in the back. With much unnecessary ferocity.

But that's the only way to properly massage a bear, though.

Oh, it really doesn’t matter if it’s rough, if it’s rough
As long as I do it with a bear
In order to relieve tension I believe I need to mention
He has to loosen up for massage care

I’m a caretaker, a masseuse, a nanny,
But they love me...everywhere.
Don't pay broken bones or twisting any heed, any heed
As long as I do it with a bear

And it really doesn’t matter how I move, how I move
As long as I wrestle with a bear!
I will now perform my best suplex to let the bear relax and rest
And not resort to my best hypnotic stare.
When I hear the crack, I can relieve that back
And then massage him everywhere!

For it really doesn’t matter how much force, how much force
I have bent both his legs backwards or he’ll end up suffering worse
To relieve tension in his neck
Give a…SUPER TWIST! It works wonders, every time!
Warm my hooves, do my best, a flying kick to his chest.
In fact, to coin a fitting phrase, I take care of the rest!

So it really doesn’t matter how it looks, how it looks
As long as I do it with a bear.
Ease the stiffness he had before
I pile-drive him to the floor
My massage skills is far beyond compare.

I’m a mare, I’m first, a guardian, a nurse,
I will ease him up everywhere.
For, it really doesn’t matter what I do, what I do…
I can cut loose and go wild if it stops him getting riled!
Cos regular massages tickle, so to stop him being so fickle
I jump all over his spine to hear him moan and growl and whine,
Because no matter how rough I get, I know Bearington can take it
You love me cause I do it, with a bear!

Author's Note

I choose to believe she really WAS wrestling a bear to loosen it up in Lesson Zero. I mean, I don't think that's hard to misinterpret...