Not good, not good! How did she know? I keep my poker face on, and for once Flossy isn't cracking. Twilight is now looking at us, mainly me, in shock. I wasn't too worried about this as, the OP looking princess staring at us with that royal smile still present on her face taking up most of my concern.

I look her dead in the eye. "What makes you say that?" I ask evenly, not breaking eye contact. Every fiber of my being is screaming at me to run or engage, but I hold back. Something tells me, besides her knowing I'm a hitman, she's not your average crap politician and is prepared for either. Gotta keep cool.

"Oh, just a rulers intuition." She replies, her smile shrinking slightly, barely noticeable. Of course, you don't last long as a hitter by being unobservant. That's how so many "thugs" back home got capped, or jumped. Mostly by me.

"That it?" Flossy asks coolly. Okay, gotta hand it to him, he's doing pretty well considering the circumstances.

"Appears I was right." she replies. I crack a grin, showing teeth.

"Let me guess, you're here to ask if we intend to 'harm' any of your subjects?" I back up and lean against the wall, yawning.

"Actually, yes." she admits, dropping the smile and narrowing her eyes.

"Well, you wasted your time then. I ain't gon' hurt nobody, and frosty here doesn't do anything until provoked." Flossy says confidently. 'Or payed' I add, not out loud though.

She continues to stare at us, making Flossy shift uncomfortably. I don't move.

"Well, that's good to hear. Now there's the question of living arrangements." Celestia says after a while. Living arrangements? What, she gonna-

"Living arrangements?" Flossy asks, raising an eyebrow at the princess. Dammit Flossy, I was thinking!

"Yes. Having you live in the library with my student, while tempting, may not be the best course of action. So I had somepony else in mind. A self proclaimed 'Human expert'" she elaborates with a smile. Okay, now I'm nervous. Human expert? Who-

"Lyra? They're gonna live with Lyra?" Twilight asks in disbelief, finally snapping out of her shocked reverie. Is everyone out to interrupt my thoughts today?

....That's what I thought. "Yes. While I trust you and your friends to look after them the most, I feel they would be more comfortable with someone who actually know more about their species." Celestia admits. "Is that alright with you?" she points this at me and Flossy. "...yeah, I'd feel betta' bein' around someone who knows what they' doin'." Flossy answers. I give it some thought.

"Yeah, same here." I say simply. You never know, this could be fun.

"Alright. Please send for Lyra later, Twilight." Celestia instructs, then turns to us. "I'll register you both as equestrian citizens, and send some bits to help you until you can get back on your hooves. Or feet, as the case may be. welcome to equestria, Flossy and Frosty." she says warmly. there's a bright flash, and Celestia is gone. I'm still blinking the spots out of my eyes when Twilight speaks up again.

"Well... I'm gonna go find Lyra." then she turns her head to the kitchen, "Spike!! I'm going out real quick, I need you to watch the library!" Before she gets an answer, she heads out the door.

"Damn, what crawled up her ass?" Flossy comments, letting out a breath.

"The part about not knowing the slightest thing about us, and finding out I'm a hitman, probably put her in shock. I don't know about you, but I'm gonna watch my ass around her." I reply, putting my hand in my pocket and feeling for the knife.

"True dat!" he chuckles nervously.

+++++

We're now following the mint green unicorn, Lyra apparently, from before down the street to her house. I'm not gonna lie, her eagerness to take us home (if ya know what I mean) is kinda creeping me out. I feel like she's either gonna dissect us, bury us with questions, or dissect us while burying us in questions. Or rape us, but I'm not gonna ride that train of thought.

"We're almost there!" Lyra announces happily.

"You look happy." Flossy comments with a smirk.

"I always knew humans existed! I have so many questions I want to ask! And I'm gonna have two of them living in my house with me!" she says excitedly, more to herself than anything, prancing a little.

Well, I was right about the questions. Let's hope that's all I'm right about with her.

"Easy tigah', don' wea' yaself out!" Flossy chuckles. Lyra stops just outside a wood and stone, two story building. The green curtains are drawn, letting the darkening rays of the sunset illuminate the room just beyond the window. There are a couple chairs, a full length couch, and a love-seat (yes, that's what they're called. They're like smaller couches) visible through the window. Lyra walks up to the front door and opens it, the knob enveloped in a mint green light as it's turning. She makes a hoof gesture for us to follow, so I go up the fronts steps, followed by Flossy.

"This is my home! Go ahead and make yourselves comfortable while I get started on dinner!" Lyra says happily, walking through the living room to the kitchen. I look over at Flossy, who shrugs and takes the love-seat. I sigh, sitting on on the chair just to the left of the kitchen doorway (which doesn't have an actual door, oddly enough) and massage my temples. If I were anyone else, I'd have lost my shit ages ago. Which reminds me...

"How you doing over there, Flossy?" I call to my homie, just a few feet from me. When it's quiet, he has the sound sensitivity of a heavy metal fanatic. Which is to say, almost deaf.

"Truth be told nigga, I'm surprised I ain't flippin' mah shit right now. This ain't a dream, and I'm pretty sure I didn't do no LSD before we left. How's this all real, dawg?" he buries his face in his hands, "What about mah brothas? And our hood? Boss is probably mad as fuck we gon', and I don't see no voodoo chalk circles nowhere."

"Can we please not make voodoo jokes?" I ask, an edge creeping into my tone. Flossy looks startled, then seems to remember...

"Shit, righ'. Sorry, man. But you get the point." He apologizes.

"It's alright. Sorry I snapped at you." I feel a little bad now. But Flossy should know how much I hate that particular subject.

"Nah, 's cool man." He smiles a little, relieved. I smell Lyra's cooking, and my stomach gives a loud rumble. Flossy starts laughing his ass off at this.

"Forgot how funny tha' was! Whoo, man, someone's hungry!" He manages between fits of laughter. I chuckle as well. Truth is, I wasn't hungry at all today until now. What is Lyra cooking?

"Come in and sit down, guys! Dinner's just about ready!" I hear Lyra call from the kitchen. Me and Flossy get up at the same time, and he follows me into the hardwood floor, decorated dinning room. The table and chairs (both built like the ones back home, oddly) are pretty small, but we manage. Lyra comes into the dinning room, levitating three plates of spaghetti. Spaghetti.

"Damn, that smells good!" Flossy comments, a little redundantly. Lyra giggles, setting two plates down in front of us, and sitting where she put hers.

...which happens to be right next to me. I'm not that concerned about it, though. "Alright, dig in guys!" Lyra says, twirling a fork in hers. I just grab my fork and go to town. Flossy is a little more reserved than me, watching me for a bit before chuckling, then starting his own plate. Gotta hand it to the girl, she could cook! The rest of the night after that is kind of a tired blur. I remember Lyra leading us upstairs, and showing us our rooms. I walk into mine and empty my pockets of the gun and cigarette pack, keeping my knife, and just falling into bed. I feel something warm press against my side as I drift off to sleep.

Author's Note

Surprise! Our heroes are living with the creepy human fanatic! Wonder what's gonna happen next! And I put a foreshadow in there, for anyone who can find it (probably everyone).

As always, feel free to point out any grammar or spelling mistakes in the comments and I'll do my best to fix them.

And because I know this is coming, for those that are gonna try and rip me a new one for characters acting ooc, two words. Alternate universe.

Thank you, come again.