The first thing I register when I wake up is that I feel great. Went to bed full, no creepy eyes staring at me, and no one woke me up. Next thing I register is I'm currently cuddling something warm and...furry...

My eyes snap open at this revelation. Lyra was in the bed with me, curled up against my chest and stomach. My clothes are still on, need to wash these later, which makes me sigh in relief. I almost forgot the feeling of cuddling, not having done much at all back home, even as a kid. I sit up carefully, so as not to wake Lyra, and rub the sleep from my eyes. If getting dropped into another dimension is what it takes to get a good sleep, it was barely worth it. Still kinda nice though. Why did Lyra sleep with me? Why not Flossy?

Lyra stirs, groaning, and sits up. She yawns, then looks at me. "Morning, big guy. You slept like a minotaur." she chuckles, rolling off the bed and cat-stretching. She looks at me, then something on my arm catches her attention. "What's that on your arm?" she asks, pointing to my arm.

On my right arm, just below my wrist, was a tattoo I had done years ago...

תפחד

"Is that your cutiemark?" Lyra asks, tilting her head and leaning closer to get a better look. I smile, shaking my head.

"No, it's not my cutiemark, whatever that is. Humans don't get cutiemarks, last time I checked." I chuckle, standing up and stretching.

"Then what is it?" She asks, looking up at me expectantly. Should I tell her?

"It's a message." I reply cryptically. She narrows her eyes slightly, a tiny grin playing along the corners of her mouth.

"Care to tell me what it says? Is it a human language?" she asks, trying to control her excitement.

"One of the oldest written languages we have." I answer, opening the door.

...There's another pony in the house...and she's staring at me, her jaw touching the floor (Jesus, that's creepy!). This pony had a cream colored coat, a two toned mane of navy blue and pink, and... a tattoo of candy on her butt.(I was about to say ass, but donkeys might talk here too) She notices Lyra, then understanding dawns in her eyes, followed by an exasperated sigh.

"Lyra, wha-er, who is this?" the new pony asks, rubbing her forehead with a hoof. Lyra gives an excited grin.

"They're humans, Bon Bon!" Lyra exclaims happily, her eyes narrowing in a triumphant sort of way. Then she drops the smile, "So, you're back from Canterlot?" she asks. I barely repress a snort at the name. Canterlot? What next?

"Yeah..." Bon Bon rubs the back of her head awkwardly, "...and I missed you." She finishes, tears in her eyes. Lyra gets teary eyed as well, moving around me to hug Bon Bon. I just barely keep myself from "D'aaawww!"-ing at the sight. So, is this Lyra's roommate or something?

"And I guess you're right....humans do exist." Bon Bon continues, looking up at me again. I look her in the eye, her purple meeting my pink, and she tilts her head slightly. "Hey, what's-" she's interrupted by Flossy flinging his door open and yawning.

"Mornin' dawg! I was out like a rock!" He says, then notices the ponies now staring at him. One was smiling, the other was shocked. Take a guess who was what.

"Two? Two humans, Lyra?" Bon Bon asks in disbelief.

"Yep! Princess Celestia wanted them to stay with the "Human Expert" until they can get their own place!" She says "Human expert" with barely concealed pride. Bon Bon shakes her head.

"You and your hobbies, Lyra." she sighs, heading downstairs. Me and Flossy look at each other, a silent message passing between us. 'Yep, they're a couple.'

"Well, c'mon guys! Bon Bon is a great cook!" Lyra urges excitedly, motioning us to follow her. I just walk back into the bedroom when Flossy follows her. I head over to the M1911 on the bedside table, check the safety, and pocket it. To think I was doing a routine similar to this in another....world I guess, two days ago.

I sigh, thinking about the rest of the gang back home. Juan was probably at the shop fixing up motorcycles right now, with metal-man talking his ear off. Monkey's probably in jail. Rolla's....rollin', more than likely.

I shake my head, clearing these thoughts. They're fine, no need to get all depressed. Just as I get up, Bon Bon walks in, closing the door behind her. I raise an eyebrow as she turns to me, her own brows furrowed. "Are you okay?" she asks, her tone concerned and...suspicious?

"Yeah, why?" I ask, putting my poker face on. She seems to be struggling with herself about something.

"You're really pale." she observes, almost nervously.

"That's because I'm albino." I explain.

"We have albinos here. But none of their eyes look so dead." she rebuts, her eyes narrowing. Wait...did I bring my eyedrops when we went for that hit?

I quickly check my pockets. Not there. "Shit." I curse under my breath. I just look back to Bon Bon.

"It's a human thing." I lie nonchalantly.

"Your friends' eyes aren't like that." she rebuts again.

"Look, just drop it, alright?" I ask, straightening up to my full height.

"Alright, but you're gonna tell us one of these days." she says with what she thinks is a threatening tone. She leaves, and I chuckle just as I hear her go down the first step. Really, a pony thinking they're scary?

I head downstairs to see the front door open. Lyra was talking with someone, she didn't seem happy to see whoever it was. I walk up to the door, taking a peak through the peephole. Some dark blue pegasus mare was talking to Lyra.

"So, your pudgy marefriend finally back from canterlot?" she asks in a tone I'm all too familiar with. That whole "I'm so much better than your sorry ass" tone.

Before Lyra can rebut this bitch, I step out from behind the door, arms crossed. She looks up at me, fear flashing across her face for a second, then her composure comes back.

"Oh, and you even got a bald monkey! My, I must say, I never knew you were in-" I interrupt her mid-sentence with a backhand. Her eyes go wide in shock, then she turns to me angrily.

"Don't bucking touch me, stupid a-" again with the backhand. This time, she gets ready to charge. Before she can, however, I rush in, grab her purple mane, and pull it, yanking her face to my waiting fist.

"Stupid ape? This coming from the bitch that can't even hi-" in my cockiness, I barely notice her hoof as it flies into MY face mid-word.

I feel an incisor tooth slide off my tongue, onto the doorstep. But the rest of my teeth were fine, which I took advantage of by biting down on her hoof, eliciting a "Crunch!" and filling my mouth with the taste of blood. Not mine, though. The mare screams in pain, flapping wildly and swinging her other hoof at me to make me let go. I bite down harder, making her squeal and pull. Finally, I let go, the mare taking off as her hoof is free and screaming "Monster!!" at me as she flies.

"Tefahed, snide little bitch!" I call back at her. Then I start spitting out some of the hairs and warm blood from her foreleg. Lyra was staring at me in horror, with a tiny tinge of respect.

"What the tartarus was that?!" she asks. I finally get all the hairs out of my mouth and reply,

"She needed to be put in her place." I reply. I bend down to pick up the discarded incisor tooth.

"Where's the bathroom?" I ask, holding the incisor tooth in my closed right hand.

"Down the hall, first door on the left." she replies, a little confused. I quickly head down the hall to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I turn the remarkably low sink on hot, putting the tooth in the stream, then turn the water off.

I position the tooth over where it once occupied (top left incisor) and shove it back into the gums. A slight squishing sound is made, and I adjust it to how it was before. Satisfied, I look into the mirror to examine my work. You could never tell it was punched out!

"There, good as new."

Author's Note

Now, I know what you may be thinking. "WTF?!?!" being it for most of you, and for others it would be "Didn't see that coming." The reply to both of these (for those that continue to keep up with the story) is that if you haven't put the pieces together, everything will be explained in time.

As always, see any spelling or grammar errors, let me know and I'll fix it. See you in the comments section!