Surprise! You're Engaged!

Me and Gilda approached Celestia's petitioning hall to gain permission to leave. Every hallway or so we could hear the obsessed mare howling for her 'HUMAN!' I imagine it would have killed the mood of any proper damsel, but all I wanted from this evening was a nice juicy bacon burger, perhaps with added chili.

"Do griffon's eat chili?" I asked immediately. Gilda blinked back.

"Huh?" Came her singlular eloquent syllable.

"Do Griffon's eat chili?" I asked again. She blinked as if processing, and then her eyes lit up like a sex addict in an orgy. I really needed more analogies for the twinkle in Gilda's eyes. It was almost pretty, if I wasn't thinking about how I'd have to be married to her without my asking.

"You eat chili too?! Thank Faust," so Faustian WAS the world religion, "I thought I'd be shacked up with some dweebish vegetarian." Huh, maybe I was wrong about this whole marriage thing. Maybe Gilda wasn't so hot on the idea either.

"So, can we get some chili?" I asked again, hoping to refocus her and butter her up for the harder questions. Gilda nodded eagerly, but the froze as if conflicted.

"Wait, so do you want chili or bacon burgers?" She asked as if the decision hurt her. Smiling, I put her out of her misery.

"Why not both?" I inquired almost deviously. Her eyes got twinklier than Twilight's Ass, and I knew immediately that any marriage contract that included bacon, burger, and chili in it would be, at the least, safe.

"Bacon..." She took a deep breath, "chili..." another breath, "burger." She fainted. Had griffons never thought of this before? Maybe, maybe I could open up a famous line of chili burger restaurants?... nah, I can't cook worth shit. Hope me and Gilda get servants, or we were probably boned food wise. Maybe she got a "eating out every damn night," stipend?

I roused the griffon with a light pat on the shoulder. I would have just kicked her, but to be honest I didn't want to risk getting mauled. Luckily, the tactic worked, and the griffon stirred. I took a moment to really size up the griffon.

Overall, she had just about mass as I did. Laying side to side would put her about the same length I would be. It was an almost "romantic" scene. Too bad, I don't like it at all.

"Get up, feather ball." I intoned once to get her moving faster. It works, surprisingly, and she is up within seconds. She's looking at me funny.

"I don't take that from little girls like you. We should go back to that room so I can show you who's the apex predator here." Fuck, fuck, fuck, and FUCK! That's now what I meant to happen at all, except... why not?... NO!... bad things lead down that road. To my instant relief Gilda broke out laughing instead. "Don't worry Sweet Thighs, I'm not that rough or rude." Again with the Sweet Thighs? "Still, I like that look in your eyes, we should explore it later." Fuck... still, at least she is using words like "should," and "maybe."

"Dinner, and a movie, I'm not going to think about all this bullshit until later." Gilda gave me a confused look.

"I appreciate the foulmouthedness and all, but what bullshit are you referring to?" What, she seriously didn't know?

"It's not like they asked me to marry you! I got snatched from my home, I was a guy!"

"YOU WERE A GUY?!" Gilda screeched incredulous, like that was the least fucked up thing I said. "But... you... everything screams chick?! No way, this is just some dumb way to get out of our marriage. Forget it! It's not like they asked me either, don't be a bitch and start a war just because you think you are so much more important than million of lives!" I-I had no idea. I guess she could see it, because she softened up immediately. "This is hard for me too. Let's just get through this, and have some fun in the process. We are going to be spending a lot of time together, and stop with the bullshit. There is no way you were a guy."

I'm not sure how to take an alien telling me that I had to be female. Maybe the genders were flipped for her race. Maybe that's why she was so assertive. I... I'd ask, but not now. Now was a bad time. She was obviously hurting as much as I was, it was just a bit more subtle for her. I'm not sure how I knew. No it wasn't love, but I guess ponies could theoretically summon up someone who could understand someone else, and Gilda had been doing a surprisingly good job of toeing my line.

...nah.

"Look, we need to get to know each other before... y'know. This just shows that more than ever. I shouldn't have tried to rush things." Was this really Gilda? Perhaps all griffons looked the same to humans, and I was just mistaking her for the infamous griffon.

"What's, your name?" I ask, deciding to cut out the middleman.

"Gilda, Princess Gliding Dagger, aka Gilda." So it was Gilda, or maybe a griffon of the same name?

"Do you know Rainbow Dash?" I asked slowly, deciding to get to the heart of the manner.

"I know Princess Rainbow Dash... I used to know her well, but not anymore." Wait, Princess? No. Stop thinking, go to Celestia, get permission to go out, and get something to eat. Stop fucking up and hurting the griffoness you might just marry.

Gliding Dagger and I sat patiently on a luxurious couch in the waiting room. Apparently there was some law stipulating that Celestia must see 6 petitioners before any guest. I don't know who would make such a stupid law, and I'm pretty sure it's just more bullshit. Still, it gave me and Gilda time to stew in our awkwardness.

Did I mention I think Celestia's a jerk? She's a jerk, a big fat flanked jerk. Still, if this is the treatment that boob bearers got, what happened to penis possessors? I knew stallions got the shaft, figuratively (though literally would be kind of hot), but how bad was it really? Would they have even told me what was going on? Would I have been forced to live in the bedroom?.. nah, that'd be silly. Ponyville had to be more conservative, and stallions were out and about there!

Still it was fun to imagine the "Roaman" pegasi kidnapping all the stallions from a nearby village and lavishing them with constant group mare on single stallion sex. It made more sense then the raping of human woman turning into love did. Blegh, too dark. I let my mind switch over to some good old... huh, apparently I was addicted to porn in my old life, it was the only thing I seemed to be able to reference back to to cheer up with. Kinda sad really. Still, it was some damn fine porn, art really in some cases. Speaking of clop, would I really have to fuck Gilda? I mean she was kind of lean and... no, if they made me it was rape.

I ignored the urge to slam my fist against the gilded armrest. Anger would be destructive right now, not to mention painful, and I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of Gilda. Her eyes might try to twinkle again, and I'm pretty sure any more twinkling would result in her exploding, somehow. Was I thinking about sparks? Sparks in her eye might cause her to spontaneously combust. But, was I assuming twinkling did the same, or was it a instinct?

I suddenly realized that a 6 petitioner limit would limit interference from nobles, and prevent those in powerful positions using their power to interfere with the running of court. I suddenly sympathized with Celestia, but if nobles could do that then the law probably was bullshit. Good bullshit, but bullshit nonetheless.

I was lifted from my thoughts by a stirring from Gilda.

"Don't dweeb out now, they are letting us in." How on earth did a princess get "dweeb" as her go to insult, catchphrase, and probably favorite snack food? Did her father refuse to fire her teachers when they started playing rap and hardcore funk late at night? Why did I not know what kind of music someone who said "dweeb" listened to?

Probably only Faust knew what music Gilda listened to, or I guess I could just ask Gilda and find out. "Focus!" Ohh yeah, Celestia, permission... date... How did I get roped into this again?

"GIVE ME MY HUMAN,YOU BITCH!" Ohh yeah. I hurried up behind Gilda and put her between me and the screeching nut job. A big griffon like Gilda could probably mop the floor with even an obsessed unicorn, if magic wasn't in play. but surely the Griffons had to have anti magic defenses, or why would there even be a chance at war? There had to be, Gilda couldn't get hurt because of me.

... what? No seriously, what? I barely knew her! Why would I think that? I mean... I guess I've thought it about most people... so it isn't really romantic? I guess I just don't value my life highly enough for me to put my life before others... yeah, that was it.

"A date?" A familiar and evil voice intoned almost quizically. Immediately I turned my head to the tyrant and glared. Celestia smiled back, the bitch. "I'm glad to see you two newlyweds finding true love so rapidly. I believe I can approve this outing, just be sure to avoid-"

"MY HUMAN!" A now familiar, but still nameless, mare roared from quite nearby.

"-her. My guards will redouble their attempts to detain her." Gilda jumped a little at the approval, and I guess I did too? She seemed honestly really happy about it, which was weird because we still knew very little about each other. I gave the griffon a wary look just to make sure she wasn't hiding anything.

She looked clean, but one could never be sure with aliens. They kidnapped and genderswapped me afterall... still, it wasn't that bad having tits. Sure, I was dreadfully scared of starting PMS, but maybe they had a spell for that? It meant that I got treated better than male me probably would have, but I had trouble giving a shit in the face of already being forced into a marriage. I had my own problems, regardless of the fact I had a... why did it feel wrong to think pussy? Don't tell me it was another "girl" thing! I looked sexist enough without my own body forcing shit on me!

I found myself suddenly being tugged towards the entrance to the castle, which doubled as the main exit. She looked almost eager, it was cute. Cuter than a pet bird or kitten trying to earn a new cheezburgr. I'm not sure how, but it made we want to tussle her little crest of feathers that emulated hair.

Instead I found myself hugging her. I'm not sure how my body did it without my authorization, but I told it very sternly that we would be having a various serious discussion later, after I escaped the impossibly safe feeling wing hug, if I could ever get up the nerve to escape. I guess it was like a cleaner, less kickable, womb, in a way.