Nightmares are a fickle thing. They are, for the most part, just projections of your subconscious, parts in your head that for some reason make you absolutely dread something. It baffles scientists what ponies can be afraid of, sure the darkness, tight spaces, and Timberwolves are a natural fear for anypony because each is just as unpredictable as the last one. But there are some fears that make almost no sense, such as the fear of cotton or apples. Now take note that I'm not shaming those fears but they are a tad irrational. Then again, who am I to judge, I have a rather irrational fear as well. I'm afraid of myself. Or more specifically, the creature I've become.

That's not to give the illusion that I'm not me anymore, by all meaning of the word me, but I'm not the Changeling that Ni fell in love with and was willing to die for. I don't even know if he would be able to see any of the old me anymore because I've changed since then. Since that fateful day in the catacombs. Nothing has been the same since then, but I'll get to that eventually. For now I have to go back to after I wrote my last entry.

It was the day of Nirath's funeral and I was crying in the room where I had last seen him okay and happy, trying to remember the times that we had been happy together and even a few of our little fights that made no difference now. I put myself through this grievance to try and hide from the image of Ni laying there against the wall with a gaping hole in his side, spilling substantial amounts of blood on the smooth floor around him. And still that bastard had a cocky grin and a fire in his eyes that had gotten all of us into this situation. Then again, if it hadn't been for that fire we would all most likely have died from starvation a few days ago.

Maybe it was that smile that kept me from going insane. That self-assured smile that said that he was so sure everything was going to be okay. And maybe he was right, maybe if we had done things the right way. But the time for being okay is long gone now. There were a lot of factors along the next few years that would eventually lead us to where I am now, such a desperate and hopeless situation that we've prepared to actually invade an entire kingdom for food. Then again I've been feasting rather finely lately on...I'm getting ahead of myself.

I was in that room and I had heard the sounds of my citizens searching for me. Eventually one of the female citizens found me but instead of announcing the fact to the others she closed the door the door and came and sat next to me on the bed. We were both silent until she took a chance and broke it.

"I'm sorry for your loss my queen," she said.

"Seems everyone is," I replied, turning away from her.

"And why shouldn't they, Ni was an amazing Changeling and our queen is depressed over his death."

"Ni was different, that was what made me love him so much. He was the first Changeling to actually question the system and actually do something about it...I've got a fight going on inside my head right now and I don't know which side will win, and depending on what side comes out on top it could potentially change the Hive again."

"You're our queen, no matter what choices you make, we'll all support you. We didn't revolt against your mate or your choice to leave behind a lot of the old ways of the hive and we're not going to now."

"You say that now, but you have no idea what the future holds for us. You have no clue if you'll die peacefully in your sleep tonight or die horribly in a war the very next day."

"That's the gamble we have to take if we want to live."

I suppose now that looking back she had a point, but at the time I was too deep in my own head to really pay her comment any attention. And here, perhaps was yet another factor that could have changed the outcome to our situation, had I not been too stupid to do something before it was too late. But stupid I was and within a week of that meeting I passed a new law.

Due to the death of many Changelings during the last battle the amount of deaths and wounded has been recorded and is tolled up at 472 deaths, 29 critically wounded, and 16 Changelings with only minor cuts and scrapes. We have also noticed that out of the number of deaths about 60% of that number was made up of citizens. As a result the council, with the queen's permission, has passed a new law stating that the Hive will be returning to the old selection system of its participants in its army. All citizens currently a part of the fighting force have three days to leave their current branch of the military sector of the hive and return to their old living quarters.

And so here was the beginning of the end. It wasn't exactly fair but I was done with my subjects dying, I was going to personally make sure that as many of the citizens got to live some form of a life rather than simply train to go to their death. I had all of these plans to go out and make sure that my subjects were all okay but day by day, my council members began to be picked off and the security surrounding me tightened. I realized what was happening of course, they were being killed due to the new law, but despite what the decree said, I was the one who brought the idea to them. We honestly as no clue how many had died, and we didn't know what percentage of our men that had died were citizens, but we took every precaution to make them see it their...my way.

I'm not above seeing my own flaws, at least once they've become a problem and now, looking back on the last eighteen years, I can see once more why my younger self wanted to change the laws, but then I was stuck on the death of Ni. I suppose that now I'm over it, but now it's too late.

We lived quietly the next few months, our food supply stabilizing once more, but significantly lowered this time around. I suppose you could say that things were going smoothly for us, at least for about six months, then a blight began to plague all the inhabitants of the wood. Our hive and our food source were spared none of the damage and the sick were dealt with in a rather severe fashion, being given a choice to become either exiles and sent even further north into the white unknown or killed and burned. Most chose this second option, as was expected. The contaminated food was quickly caught and disposed of, dropping our supplies to dangerously low levels. The security protecting me was tightened and the areas I was allowed to visit dropped significantly to decrease my interaction with those who's status boosted their likelihood to acquire the disease.

We eventually managed to bring it to a stop and as we burned the last batch of bodies I watched the flesh blister and peel off bones, listening as they snapped and spread the smell of burning meat into the surrounding area. We all slept a little more peacefully that night, knowing that this blight was done and over with. The next morning began with a scream. Mine to be precise.

I opened my eyes and felt a crust around the rims, my skin felt as though thousands of bugs were crawling along my fur, and My throat and lungs burned, immediately filling my eyes with tears. I choked out a coarse yell for help and the first guard to enter my room stopped and stepped back in surprise. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it again and simply looked away. I knew then exactly what had happened, I had gotten the blight. Somehow I had become infected and now I was on a quick path to death. Or at least I thought so, for I was prepared to let my men kill me and end my pain and suffering, to ease my burden once and for all. Sadly life had other plans, or rather my council did.

They decreed that since there wasn't another to take my rightful place as queen that they couldn't simply kill me, and that they would simply have to quarantine me and try to wait it out. I waited for nearly half a year, practically wailing and lamenting each day, wishing for the misery of my life to end so I could finally see Ni once more. It took another month for my symptoms to clear entirely and it took another three for me to regain my strength again. Not much changed within the Hive during that time. It was probably then that we began to formulate a plan, but I can't be sure.

There came a day years in the future that one of our scouts came back with reports of a land filled with creatures that were brimming with emotions, and we all scoffed at him, choosing instead to send a small caravan party with the scout, including two guards, three citizens, all former war participants, four of the creatures we used for food, and two counsel members with him. It took about a year, five months to get there and another seven to get back due to the freezing winter. In the end the scout was proven to be correct and was handsomely rewarded. The plan that was had started forming many years ago had started to come together and within another two years we had everything set in place and were simply waiting to be able to put it into play.

Then came the day of November 24th, 2010. We had replaced a few of the members of Celestias, as the ruler of the country was known, council and had been watching and waiting for the perfect moment. Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. When she was revealed I instantly knew that it was the moment to move in, although I feel the need to elaborate on exactly why, so I shall retell the events of that particular council meeting.

"Friends and fellow council members, I have an announcement to make, as well as a proposition for you all," Celestia said on that day, breaking me out of my lull and causing me to focus on her for once within the year I had been here. I could see the other members paying attention as well and knew this was probably important. "Over the course of the past eight years I have raised a third alicorn within the walls of this very castle we meet in." I could sense that the other members of the council wanted to speak, to raise objections, but all kept silent as the ruler continued. "Due to the return of my sister and subsequent progress she has made I have made a decision to reveal Princess Mi Amore Cadenza."

At this a pink alicorn stepped into the room from the door we had used to enter, sweeping her timid gaze across the room, "J-just Cadence please."

"And now for my announcement," Celestia said, causing every head to turn to her in surprise. "Cadenza and Captain Shining Armour of the Royal Canterlot Guard wish for each others hooves in mairrage."

Almost immediately shouts of objection, sympathy, and approval filled the room.

"I propose a vote," I said, using my magic to project my voice through the room and into the ears of all the inhabitants of the room.

Cadence's eyes flew to my light blue ones an instant before the rest of the room and I gave her a small nod.

Celestia gave me a curious look and said, "I'll allow it. Now, those of you who are okay with this marriage please raise your hooves."

I raised my emerald coloured hoof, along with several other members of the council, and watched as my hidden companions hesitated before raising theirs as well, just pushing the amount of raised hooves past half the room.

"Well then, I think this matter is now settled and my proposition is no longer needed. The meeting is concluded for today, in the meantime, we shall begin to plan the wedding. Feel free to speak with Cadenza," Celestia said before strolling out of the room.

I got up a moment after the monarch strolled out of the room and tried to make myself scarce, nearly groaning in frustration as someone blocked my path until I saw that it was Cadence.

"Ah, Princess Cadenza, what a pleasure," I said with a small bow, my gray mane falling into my eyes.

"Please, just Cadence will suffice, and I appreciate that," she said with a blush.

"What, the vote? It was nothing, just helping out a fellow mare get the stallion of her dreams," I said with a sad smile, more for emphasis that anything, although there was a small twinge of pain deep in my heart.

"Well either way, I sincerely thank you," she replied. "Is there anything I could do to repay you?"

"No, I think I'll be fine," I said as I tried to weasel my way out of the situation and the room.

"I really wouldn't feel right without doing something to repay you," she said, pausing. Just as I was about to make my escape she suddenly said, "Ah, I've got it, let me take you out for dinner sometime, okay?"

"Alright, fine," I said, hoping to just escape from this crowded room before something happened, but not really archiving the offer.

"You promise that you'll let me take you out," she said, giving me a look that I had never seen before. I didn't know how to explain it, and I didn't want to know the words to explain it, but I knew that it made feelings of...pity, or something like pity, rise up inside of me.

I finally broke and said, "Okay, fine, how about this Friday, I'll meet you at...La Botte near six?"

"Uhh, yeah," she replied, not sounding too sure about herself.

"It's on Fraxton Street in Downtown Canterlot, just ask Celestia for directions," I said, passing her a reassuring smile.

The next two days passed by as normal, other than a few odd occurrences with some guards, catching sight of more than a few patrols simply watching my movements, although acting as though they weren't I could still tell. And I knew exactly why too, Celestia knew nothing about me and she probably wouldn't let her newly revealed Alicorn simply leave the castle. I partially commended her, if not for her protectiveness of her land then her somewhat coherent guard force.

Friday came and I found myself at the restaurant a quarter past six; somewhat purposefully, somewhat due to my guards relentless nagging to let them protect me from a threat that wasn't existent at the moment. I stepped into the restaurant and almost immediately spotted Cadence, her bright pink coat standing out among the blandly coloured nobles of Canterlot. I escorted myself to the table and sat down, despite the protests of the server, which silenced once Cadence smiled and motioned to him that it was fine.

"That was a bit rude, don't you think," she whispered.

"I don't get along with most ponies," I replied instantly, "which is why I was so hesitant to take you up on this offer."

"Please, what about your entourage," she asked, causing me to raise my eyebrows. "You know, those two stallions that always follow you around."

"They're not my entourage," I said, "they are simply..." I paused as I considered it, they were simply guards to me, but I couldn't say that without telling her about what I truly was. So I just finished with, "They're just some stallions who've got their heads screwed on too tight."

"Oh, possible suitors," Cadence asked, causing me to almost choke on the air.

"No, no no no, for the love of Celestia no," I replied once I'd gotten my coughing under control.

"Well they obviously mean something to you," she replied.

"And that you're right, but I can't entirely share that."

"Yet."

"Yet?"

"What, you think this is the only time we're ever going to get together and talk; no, you helped make my marriage possible, and I plan to never forget that."

"Oh great," I muttered, "right, well let's just try to get through this meal together and then we'll see what you think. Waiter, we're ready to order."

And that was the night I met Cadence and our friendship began.

The Grand Galloping Gala came and went and I stayed at home, much to Cadences annoyance. And then came the next few months, I progressively grew used to Cadence and even allowed myself to be included in her daily life, and everything seemed as though it would be fine, and I even started to hint at the prospect of introducing a new race to the Equestrians, and perhaps helping them survive, giving ideas of spreading towards the north, although Celestia shot each one down. Then came the day when Discord escaped.

Chaos was running rampant throughout all of Equestria, things were going wrong, and I was sleeping in bed, completely drained from running around with Cadence as she tried to get some of the things she needed for her wedding together, the date finally being set a week ago, and as Cadence always did, she would let no one but me help her with preparing the wedding. I suppose a life of secrecy gave you the wrong priorities friendwise. I did have to admit, having a friend did make life a lot more interesting.

Either way I'm getting off track. I was laying in bed, my disguise down, and who else comes rushing in but Cadence, her ramblings at what was happening outside stopping once she saw me. I groggy sat up at the sound of someone entering the room and turned my gaze over to the door, freezing as I saw Cadence and the look on her face. I quickly put on my disguise and rushed to her, covering her mouth with a hoof.

"Shh, promise me you won't scream if I take my hoof off your mouth," I said, looking her right in the eye.

She slowly nodded and I pulled my hoof back a little. "Chryssie," she asked, making me wince at the nickname. "Okay, it is you."

"Of course it's me," I grumbled. "It's been me."

"Okay, so do you wanna explain," she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

And so, on the day, or days if you want to keep track of the time Discord made fly past (literally), that Discord came back and rained chaos on all of Equestria, me and Cadence sat inside my house as I explained what a Changeling was and about our lifestyle. And I eventually got to the part of why I had come here, but now, being so far away from the hive for so long, those problems didn't seem so large. When I told her that she nearly lost it, and it brings both a smile to my face and tears to my eyes as I think about her readiness to help a race she'd only just found out about.

"Now Cadence, you have to promise me something, you can tell no one, not even Shining about this," I said.

"But we could help you Chrysalis," she replied.

"How do you think Equestria would react to finding out about a race that has been living just north of them that feeds on emotions and has had spies in their midst for months now," I asked.

"You're not a spy though, and from what you're telling me, the Changelings could be a benefactor to Equestria," she said, getting defensive of my people for me.

"Just, please Cadence, trust me," I said.

She was silent for a few moments, looking out the window at the now clear night sky. "Okay," she said at last, "but answer me one question. That night when we went to La Botte, what happened to that food, I mean if Changelings can't digest food then-"

"I managed to keep it down until I got home," I replied, earning a laugh from her.

After that came no noticeable events on my part, until about a month later, when one of my subjects showed up. It was late at night and Cadence had just left, her curiosity of my race had been sated for the most part by now, but her drive to help hadn't diminished, and so I simply assumed she had come back with another plan to introduce the race to Equestria. I was wrong. I opened the front door and a Changeling fell into the floor facefirst, the sound of the fall a loud slap in the silence of the house. I quickly closed the door and moved the subject to the recliner, allowing my disguise to bleed off as he woke up. I began to study him and took note of how bony he seemed to be, coupled with the fact that he was a soldier I immediately concluded that things at the hive were bad.

To be blunt, things at the hive were the worst they'd ever been, with a new plague popping up, the last of the Kings men appearing suddenly, and more of their slowly declining food source dying off despite their best efforts. To say they were in trouble would be a massive understatement. I knew that I needed to speed up what we were doing, but neither me nor Cadence knew what to do. Then, a few months before Cadences wedding it hit me, and despite how much I hated it, I knew that it had to be done.

I needed to take over Canterlot.

The problem was when, I had to give my troops just enough time to get to Canterlot, but it had to be soon as well, and then the worst date I could have possibly imagined at the time appeared in my head. Cadences wedding. I instantly scolded myself for it, but the more I thought it over the more logical it seemed. There wouldn't be another opportunity like it, the guards would all be focused on Cadence and Shining, what little there would be at least. They would never see it coming. Then came the major snatch in my plan, Celestia. I would have to get close enough to her to take her out almost immediately, but I had already made Cadence promise that I wouldn't be a bridesmaid and I very well couldn't go back on that, or face being suspicious, and then my mind began to wander.

If you're reading this, and the Changelings are now an extinct race, place all of the blame on me if you must, but I am doing what I must to at least assure my races continued existence. So, depending on how history moves on from this point, you'll know that I left my position on Celestias council and dissapeared as Chrysalis for a while, instead taking the place of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. And this is how that happened.

"CHRYSALIS," Cadence shouted as she barged into my room.

"Oh boy, here we go," I muttered, turning around and giving Cadence a wide smile. "Heeeeyyy there Cadence, what's up?"

"What's up, what's up," she repeated almost hysterically, holding up a copy of the resignation letter I'd submitted. "What's up with this?!"

"Right, that. Well, to tell the truth, I have a plan to save my hive," I said, turning my back to her and continuing to pack my travel saddle.

"You're leaving," she said softly.

"I'm not leaving, I'm just changing forms," I said, feeling more that a twinge of guilt as I prepared to go through with my plan.

"Well-" she began, her sentence being cut off as I used my magic to shove a gag in her mouth and a magic canceler on her horn.

Within five minutes I had her tied up, and I had to look away, a queasy feeling upsetting my stomach each time I looked at her. The worst part was her eyes, showing no hatred, only compassion and understanding in them. It took me an hour to successfully get every detail of her form down, trying to do it from memory at first but having to look at her for reference.

"I'm sorry," I whispered before leaving the room. I ran into my guards and said, "Cadence is tied up in my room for right now, please find somewhere to hide her for the moment, until I find somewhere better."

I spent the next two days in the Canterlot archives, pretending to look for somepony to help with the catering for the wedding but really looking for somewhere close but remote to hide Cadence, and then I found out about the crystal mines in the mountain that Canterlot was built on. It was the perfect place to hide her, and over the next week I learned Cadences routine, the nobles she knew, and Shinings family. It was a week of appearances and I soon learned that she acted a lot less royal with me, making me feel even worse about all this. I planned the attack over the next month, almost forgetting about the wedding until Celestia reminded me of it, catching me off guard and making me realize just how little of a time frame I had.

Luckily for me Shining saved me, saying that he'd call in on his sister and her friends. Meanwhile, my feelings were a whirlwind, and Shinings love wasn't helping me one bit. Soon enough my feelings of sadness and dismay turned to bitterness and hate as I came to terms with my situation, the love that I could never obtain, the kingdom that we would never be a part of, it all grew too much and I snapped. I began to treat Cadence poorly, no longer treating her as a friend would when I would serve her meals and becoming much rougher with her when I moved her, to prevent any rogue explorers from finding her. All in all, I have become the monster Ni feared I would, but I feel as though he never expected this level of madness.

Twilight and her friends finally arrived, but I was no better to them, and apparently Twilight knew Cadence as a foal, this does pose something of a hitch, especially since she's wary of me now, but I'm going to assume that all of this is common information by the time someone finds this. I simply can't handle all of this, the pressures, the hiding, the changes. I feel as though my psyche is a glass vase, and everything that's happened has been a shot, none of the bullets breaking me, but each one causing irreparable damage.

I suppose only time will tell what happens next, as for now, I have to go and keep up my persona.

Author's Note

So, a bit of a shorter entry, but this should be enough to sate you guys for the moment, at least until I make the final chapter.