Chapters The drunken adventures of Luna and Celestia: A night in pony dreams.
It was the end of yet another long and painfully boring Gala at Canterlot castle, and the Royal sisters had retreated to the castle observatory to partake in a new tradition of theirs… drinking themselves blind.
It had been two years since Luna’s return and the two of them had taken advantage of their time together to once again become the best of friends. While Celestia had been forced to appear at the Gala and wait atop the stairs to greet the guests as they arrived while Luna mingled with the guests and staff as she tried to abscond with six of the finest bottles of wine that Equestria had to offer, as she couldn’t simply ask for them anymore. After a less than royal display the year before, Advisor Kibitz had forbade the both of them from partaking in the gala wines. And although it was some what of a pain to acquire them without being noticed, Luna did love to play the rogue when she got the chance and up until two years ago, it had been a very long time since she’d been able to.
The duo sat on cushions, drinking and laughing loudly to themselves as they past recounted events. The conversation was incredibly one-sided however. Luna mostly sat quietly, listening to Celestia’s recollections of the past millennium and laughing at the humorous bits of history that had been generations passed. The time had passed quickly for them, and they now found themselves on their last bottle of wine, and neither of them having often indulged in drink, were quite drunk.
“So... me and Star Swirl are trying to contain this giant frog that drank some potions he’d spilled,” Celestia recounted to the best of her foggy memory, “And halfway through the struggle he looks over to me, and no sooner does he turn his head does the frog shoot it’s tongue out and slap him right in the side of his face.” Celestia held back her giggling while Luna laughed boisterously, “And right after he realized the predicament he was in, he just grunts out ‘damn’ and the frog pulls his tongue back and almost swallowed him.” Her attempts at control were failing her and she had to speak between bouts of chuckles as she went, “I lost it. I fell to the floor laughing hysterically at his legs flailing wildly out of the frogs mouth, and after about a minute of him struggling, he finally manages to free himself and the frog just hops on him and ribbits. I was too busy laughing to help him remove the giant frog from atop him. He just laid there cursing up a storm while I laughed in his face.” Celestia then joined Luna in laughing hysterically for a solid minute until they settled back down.
“Oh, sister,” started Luna, “it has been too long. I cannot believe I had missed out on such adventures, tis my greatest sorrow.” Luna paused with a sobering frown, “But now is not the time for regret and sadness!” Luna burst out as she clumsily rose to her hooves, successfully recovering from a stumble that almost took a table down with her, “Tonight is a night for drink and revelry!” Luna levitated her empty glass and the bottle of wine in front of her, “Ha ha, the wine... shall last... forever!” she shouted as she and Celestia burst out once more in laughter, but their joviality was cut off as Luna attempted to pour herself yet another glass, as naught but a sip came forth before petering out into drops.
“It appears that is not the case, Luna,” Celestia chuckled, “but don’t worry, I think I know where we can get some more. Come on, let’s go see what the kitchen’s stores have to offer us.” Celestia, like Luna before her, stumbled to her hooves and towards the door, beckoning Luna to follow. The pair giggled as they made their way down the stairs of the observatory through the otherwise silent halls of Canterlot Castle to the kitchen larder where they were met with an unexpected turn of events. The kitchen doors were locked tight and adorned with a sign.
Dear Princesses, due to last year’s uncouth display of your lack of self control I have had the kitchen’s wine and ale stores locked tight in order to prevent such events from happening again.
Respectfully,
Advisor Kibitz
“Damn, it appears that we have been cut off.” There was palpable disappointment in Celestia’s voice, “But!,” she exclaimed, “if they think that a simple lock shall keep the most powerful alicorns in history from their desires they have another think coming!” Celestia smile widely and shuffled to a bracing stance. Her hoof failed to catch traction upon the marble floor and she fell to the ground.
“The lock may not stop you dear sister, but the floor is surely trying its hardest.” Luna laughed at Celestia as she struggled for balance to stand upright once more.
“Indeed it is, but we shall see if the lock they have acquired puts up similar resistance.” Celestia charged up her magic and fired a beam at the lock. The bolt of magic let out an impressive flash as if smashed against the lock and frazzled into a cloud of magical yellow smoke. “Dragon scale… I should have known Kibitz would spare no expense to ruin our fun.”
“He is quite infamous for doing that.” Luna and Celestia shared a despondent sigh.
“Well, I guess we could try the stores in town.” started Celestia with renewed hope.
“Tis a worth a try, I should see no reason as to why one of the gentry would not serve us. Let us go then!” Luna headed to the front door before stopping and turning to her sister with a confused look on her face, “Where exactly are we going sister?” Luna asked her.
“Good question,” Celestia rose a hoof to her chin and thought a moment, “we’ll just take to the streets and see where it takes us.” The pair then, just as clumsy as before, made their way to the castle gate where they were met by a cadre of guards who had orders that conflicted with their interests.
“I’m sorry, Princesses, but we have specific orders not to allow you to leave the premises.”
“Do you know who I am, guardsmen?” Celestia slurred out the obvious question to her subordinate. “I order you allow us passage!”
“Sorry, Princess, but if you recall you were forced to sign some new regulations into law last year that relinquishes all of your authoritative powers upon intoxication after creating a series of impromptu laws and regulations that were found to be an 'abuse of power’. ”
Celestia’s memory came back to her, “Ah yes… that happened.” she began to giggle wildly as she turned to Luna, “Luna, I do not believe this guard is in proper uniform. Do you remember what we changed it to?”
Luna immediately began laughing and pointed to the indignant guard in front of them with her hoof, “Yes this guard is indeed out of order,” she said between outbursts, “where is your sea green dress, guardsman?”
“And your regulation opal tiara?” Celestia joined in as the pair burst out in laughter in the face of the guards who, having had to suffer through looking like poorly dressed bridesmaids for a month, were not amused.
“You shall all be reprimanded for addressing us properly as well!” Celestia blurted out amidst giggles.
“Remember our full titles next time, worms!” Luna shouted through a huge smile.
“I believe that the regulation where we must address you both as ‘our most glorious and beautiful goddesses’ was one of the many frivolous and unnecessary acts that was revoked upon the signing of the reform last year.” the guard said unamused. “Now then, if that is all, we would ask that you return to your rooms for the remainder of the night.” The annoyance in the guard’s voice was enough to convince the giggling pair to return to their former location.
“Now what?” Celestia questioned Luna as they once again entered the observatory.
“I’ve not the slightest clue dear sister. We have been both cut off and shut in, twould appear we are trapped until we regain sobriety…” there was a long pause, “unless…”
“Go on.” Celestia replied with a raised eyebrow.
“I might have an idea,” said Luna with a growing smile upon her face.
“Yes?” there was a growing excitement in Celestia’s voice.
“How would you like to go dream walking?” Luna smile grew even wider.
“Oh my... it’s been so long, I’d completely forgotten.” Celestia and Luna exchanged excited looks to one another, “That sounds perfect!”
“Okay, okay, let me get ready, think of where we should go first whilst I prepare the spell.” Luna giggled excitedly and closed her eyes for a moment while she brought forth her magic. Being heavily intoxicated however, she was unable to stand and instead toppled to the floor with a heavy thud and a ferocious laugh.
“Excellent job sister, we shall be along in no time!” Celestia joined in on the laugh and the pair spent the next several moments in a humorous hysteria.
“Okay… okay.” Luna said between giggles, “I’ll just stay down here and prepare the spell, where are we going?”
“I’ve got it!” Celestia clicked her hoof on the floor, “We’ll go get Twilight, I’m sure she’ll be more than happy to join us, it’ll be such great fun!” she then plopped into a cushion and closed her eyes, “Let’s get rolling shall we?”
“Gladly.” The magic light from Luna’s horn exploded and enveloped both herself and Celestia for a few moments, after a few seconds the spectral images of Luna and Celestia arose from their bodies on the floor.
“It has been too long, Luna.” said Celestia with a warm smile.
“Indeed it has, sister. Now then, to Ponyville!” Visible only to one another, the spectral images of Luna and Celestia shot off from the tower at incredible speed, and not but a few seconds later arrived out in front of Twilight’s tree house in Ponyville giggling with excitement. The pair then floated through the walls to see Twilight, not asleep, but pouring over a book by the candlelight at her desk. “Twould appear that your faithful student does not abide by a curfew, sister, I believe we shall have to come back.” Luna then turned toward the wall, but was not followed by Celestia who, instead of following Luna was walking over to Twilight.
“Oh my!” said a now blushing Celestia as she looked over Twilight’s shoulder, “Luna, come look at this, it’s actually quite funny.” Celestia suppressed a giggle as she beckoned Luna over, even though she knew Twilight could not hear her as she was.
Luna trotted over and looked over Twilight’s shoulder to see that she wasn’t reading, but writing something of a rather dubious nature, “Is that?”
“An erotic novel? Why yes it is.” Celestia was looking at Luna with an expression that appeared to be on the edge of another burst of outrageous laughter.
“And then he approached his prize with great anticipation,” Luna began reading Twilight’s work aloud, “the growing sensation in his loins could no longer be ignored as he-” Luna had tried to suppress her giggles, but she could no longer contain it. Both she and Celestia burst out into uncontrollable laughter and rolled on the floor until they were at the point of tears.
“Sweet Goddess above, I cannot contain myself!” Luna rose to her hooves with increased difficulty and began reading once more, “He thrust himself into her, and she beckoned him to go on as she, as she… I cannot continue. If only she knew!” Luna once more broke into hysterics and Celestia, finding her humor renewed, could not help but remain grounded as she let out another boisterous guffaw at her student’s expense. She, blissfully unaware of the pair of spectral princesses behind her laughing heartily at her actions, continued scribing smut down into the pages of her book.
“This is already the best thing we have done all night. I do believe though that we should sample the fare, as it were. Come, we shall see what the dreams of others have to offer, surely Twilight shall be asleep before too long and we shall take her with us on our adventures!” Celestia said as she recovered from her laughing and stumbled to her hooves, despite being spectral, she was no less intoxicated.
“Yes, let us away to another location, perhaps her friend with the apple fetish shall provide an amusing spectacle.” Luna’s suggestion caught Celestia off guard.
“Her friend with the what now?” Celestia burst out with a laugh.
“The one with the apple fetish, I believe her name to be Applejack.”
“She doesn't have an apple fetish, she’s part of the apple family, you know? The apple farmers.”
“Farmer!” Luna said with an embarrassed chortle, “Farmer is what I meant, not fetish.”
The pair once again shared a hearty laugh as their forms dissipated into little more than white and blue streaks as they shot off toward Sweet Apple Acres. Upon arriving they entered the home and found the occupant of the first room they entered to be, not Applejack, but her bigger brother.
“While not my first pick, I do not oppose taking a quick peak.” Luna looked to Celestia, “The dreams of bachelor stallion’s have always turned out to be interesting, have they not, sister?” Luna’s eyebrows perked up at Celestia as she was met with a swift hoof to her shoulder.
“That was one time!” she replied with a snicker “Besides, I’m sure you've indulged yourself in plenty of debauched things in the dreams of others.” she smiled to her sister.
“I would be lying if I said I hadn't.” the pair chuckled once again and approached Big Mac in his bed. Placing a hoof on him, their forms disappeared and the world of his dreams came to be around them.
The two stood in the middle of an apple orchard, with little more than the breeze through the trees to make a sound. Looking around there wasn't a pony to be found, only apple trees.
“Hmmm… I do wonder where he could be. Normally they aren't very far from where you appear.” Luna pondered as they set out through the almost silent orchard. After a short while of walking they came across a tree house at the edge of the orchard, deciding that they’d not anything to lose by searching it the pair approached the ramp to the door and began to hear strange noises coming from within it’s walls. A quick glance to each other with devious smiles and they silently scaled the ramp until the voice of a filly could be heard from within.
“No Big Mac, you’re doin it all wrong! Here, lemme show ya.” The sisters stopped for a moment and looked to one another in confusion. “It’ll never fit if ya keep tryin to force it!” Their eyes widened as yet another filly’s voice could be heard from inside.
“I think if put some oil on it it’d work better.” Luna had heard this voice before.
“Wait I know that filly’s voice.” said Luna.
“Here ya go, try some of this.” came the voice again.
“Scootaloo! What in the Goddess' name are they doing in there?” Luna’s realization shook her.
“Should we even look?” Celestia asked Luna.
“Stop it Big Mac, it ain’t supposed to go there!” the first voice came again, but was more distressed this time.
“Dear sweet Goddess we cannot allow this to continue, even if it is only a dream, let’s go!” Celestia beckoned to Luna and they both rushed up the ramp. Halfway up Luna stumbled off and crashed into the ground with a heavy thud as Celestia reached the door and kicked it in.
“Halt right th-” Celestia’s words trailed off as she realized things were not as they’d previously seemed and froze in the doorway. Behind her the heavy sound of Luna leaping up from the ground and using her wings to slam into the deck outside made her jump slightly.
“Cease your dubious actions, filly fondler!” screamed Luna as also came to the realization that they had been terribly wrong. Big Mac was sitting on the floor helping Apple Bloom and Scootaloo put a wagon together, in his hooves was an axel and the improper wheel. The princesses stood awkwardly in the doorway with wide eyes while all three ponies stared at them.
“Uhhh… what now?” spoke the little yellow filly.
“We uhm…” Luna turned to Celestia. “Abort?”
“Abort.” replied her sister candidly. The two of them touched their hooves to their foreheads and disappeared from the dream back into the world at Big Mac’s bedside.
“Well that was awkward.” The duo took an extended and jovial laugh at their misfortune and set out into the hallway where they then found Applejacks room. “Here we go, let us see what you dream, Miss Applejack.” Luna proceeded to her side and touched her hoof to her and proceeded into Applejack’s dream. Celestia lagged behind for a moment to take a look around for anything interesting. After realizing that she was unable to open drawers or move objects out into better lighting to see them, she gave up and proceeded to follow her sister into Applejack’s mind.
Upon arriving to the other side she was tackled and brought down into a bush with a hoof over her mouth. After a moment of confusion, she realized that it was merely her sister who had pinned her so.
“Try to remain quiet, it is as I said before.” Luna whispered through a suppressed laugh. “Try to stifle your laughter when you see it.” Luna was giggling under her breath as she let go of Celestia and poked her head above the bush they were behind. Celestia followed suit and almost failed to hold herself back from laughing.
Applejack was laying in a huge basket of apples, rolling around in them, and making strange, unintelligible moans as she rolled in the pile of fruit. It would appear that Luna’s prior mistake of wording was in actuality, correct. After only a few moments of staring on at the strange spectacle before her, it became too much for Celestia to bear. She let out an incredibly loud and booming shriek that carried into studdering, breathless, laughs when there was no air in her lungs. Luna, knowing that their cover had surely been blown, joined her sister in explosive revelry and began rolling on the ground beside her.
Applejack quickly snapped up from the tub and saw them, and not a moment later the two of them were cast out of her dreams and back into the world as Applejack awoke with a start. After the moment of confusion that normally accompanies waking from a nightmare, she arose to her hooves and exited the room. All the while, Celestia and Luna were rolling on the floor trying to recover from the hilarity of seeing Applejack’s secret desires for her favored fruit.
“Well then,” said Luna with tears in her eyes, “I do believe that will be a tough one to beat.” she continued laughing on the floor while her sister tried to recover and get up.
“Indeed, that was quite entertaining, but the night is still young and there are yet more ponies whose dreams lie vulnerable.” Celestia almost fell over as she helped Luna to her hooves.
“Tis your turn to pick sister.” Said Luna as she gained balance.
“Hmmm…” Celestia thought for a moment, “How about Rarity, she might prove interesting.”
“Indeed, to Carousel Boutique then!” once more their forms turned to beams of light that flew across the landscape yet again to come to a stop in front of Rarity’s home.
“You know, you don’t have to announce where we’re going.” Celestia remarked to Luna.
“I do, but tis all in good fun sister. Now then, shall we proceed to our next victim .” Luna replied in a sinister tone. The two chuckled once again as they made their way up to Rarity’s room. Upon arriving they both walked up to her and placed their hoof upon her and arrived in her dream at the same time.
The sisters couldn’t do anything except stare on at the disturbing sight in front of them. Upon a lavish bed before them was themselves… tied up in bondage equipment lying exposed with their hind quarters in the air. Behind their doppelgangers on the bed was a large white stallion on his hind legs with his front hooves bound behind him and a ball gag in his mouth. And next to the stallion was a leather clad Rarity holding his leash.
“Well now princesses, I do hope you are comfortable, I’d hate to be seen as a poor-” Rarity turned around to see them standing there in horror. She didn’t say anything, and nor did they. They just stared at one another for a solid ten seconds in horrified silence. Without saying a word the pair simultaneously brought their hooves up to their foreheads and disappeared from Rarity’s dream. Out in the world they simply stood there looking horrified in complete silence, their front hooves still glued to their foreheads.
“I think we should go to Twilight’s now.” said Luna slowly.
“I agree.” The pair did not move before they turned back into their traveling forms to escape the awkward terror that gripped them. After another short trip through the air as specters, the duo had arrived outside Twilight’s home, where they stood next to one another in complete silence.
“Okay then...” said Celestia after a few more moments of quiet. “that could’ve gone significantly better.”
“Agreed.” Without their normal joviality, the two walked quietly up to Twilight who was still writing pornography.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” remarked Celestia, “I swear I’m going to send her letter tomorrow about this. It is three a.m. she should’ve been in bed hours ago, not up writing smut.”
“Judging by her friends, I’m not sure that going to sleep would stop her.” Luna giggled.
“I can’t really argue that point after what we’ve seen.” Celestia joined Luna in a short laugh as she decided where to go next. “Hmm… the quiet one that tried to treat Philomena… What was her name, ah! Fluttershy, let us go see what she is dreaming of. At this point I honestly wouldn’t mind something much more tame than Rarity’s dreams.”
“Agreed, t’would be nice to cleanse the senses with a nice meadow and small woodland creatures about now.” and with that, they were off yet again.
Upon reaching Fluttershy’s cottage Luna couldn’t help but remark on her surroundings.
“My what a lovely cottage, I remember coming here during nightmare night, tis just as lovely as it was then.”
“She does very well for herself, even though I’ve not the slightest idea what she does for money.” Celestia finished her commentary as they entered Fluttershy’s cottage and proceeded to her bedroom. Fluttershy lie tucked in her bed with Angel bunny held tightly to her beneath her hoof. “Simply adorable.” commented Celestia as they both placed a hoof on Fluttershy.
Their surrounding were nothing if not expected. They stood amidst a verdant valley surrounded by trees and wildlife. The sounds of birdsong filled the air and the cool breeze whispered to them as it passed through the trees. The atmosphere was soothing and idyllic, but ultimately this is not what the two sisters were seeking.
“Alright then, another hunt is it?” Luna said to Celestia.
“It would appear to be that way, let us go see if we can find dear Fluttershy, we might be able to join her for a picnic if that’s what she’s doing.” and with that they were off. They wandered around the perfect landscape in search of Fluttershy for only a few minutes before they found her sitting on a red and white checkered blanket next to a picnic basket, surrounded by her animal friends. Luna and Celestia were approaching from behind the party as Fluttershy retrieved several different foods from the basket and placed them on the blanket in front of her companions. Veggies for the squirrels and rabbits, some fish for the bear, the leg of a pony for-
“Good Goddess!” exclaimed Celestia at the horrifying sight before them.
“Sacrilege!” responded Luna.
“No, no, no… we’re done here.” Celestia exclaimed as she put her hoof to her head, “We’re so done.” Celestia disappeared from Fluttershy’s dream followed by Luna.
“My Goddess, Celestia, these are Twilight’s friends? I never would’ve thought that some of these dreams would be coming from them. Especially that last one!”
“Agreed, that last one was straight out of left field for me too. Ugh.” Celestia shivered in disgust.
“Well, I guess there’s always the last two, Rainbo-” Luna was unable to finish before being cut off.
“No, no, no. Let’s go to some pony that not one of Twilight’s friends, we’ve already seen fruit fetishes, BDSM, and cannibalism. I don’t want to know what strange things are happening in the thoughts of the other two.” Celestia sighed in exasperation.
“A valid point dear sister, I too believe I have seen enough. Where to then, do you know of any interesting ponies?” asked Luna.
“What about that traveling magician? The one Twilight wrote about a while back, I wonder what type of oddities her dreams would house.”
“Tis worth a shot, I see no harm in trying.” Luna laughed, “It’s not like things could get worse.”
“Don’t say that, they just might.” The two laughed once again and they took off for the location of magician’s coach.
Upon landing beside the cart they saw the sign that bore the name of their next target.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie, what a humble title.” Luna chuckled.
“From what Twilight said she’s quite full of herself.” replied Celestia
“I can only imagine.” Upon moving through the walls of the cart they were greeted with an odd sight indeed. Much like Fluttershy’s pet rabbit, beneath Trixie’s hoof was a handmade doll; a purple unicorn with a pink streak in it’s blue hair.
“No way… there’s no way that’s a doll of who I think it is.” Celestia’s smile grew wide on her face.
“It is, look at the flank, it’s her cutie mark.” Luna giggled.
“T’would appear that my little Twilight has an admirer, how adorable. This dream should prove most interesting indeed. Shall we then?”
“After you.” said Luna extending her hoof toward Trixie. The two of them did as they had before and entered into Trixie’s dream one after the other.
They were outside Twilight’s tree house, and before they could decide what to do, it was made hilariously obvious what Trixie was dreaming about. The door to the tree house swung wide open and Twilight was seen exiting the home, followed by Spike, and then Trixie who stood in the doorway as Twilight turned around to wish her farewell.
“I’ll be back in a days time my love,” said Twilight, “I’ll miss you every second.”
“Good Goddess that’s sappy.” commented Celestia to Luna.
“As shall I,” responded Trixie “be safe for me, I await your return.”
“What in tartarus is this? A romance novel?” Luna questioned her surroundings.
“One moment.” said Celestia as she put her hoof up to her head and disappeared for a few moments, before returning promptly, “I saw several romance novels on her carriage, this surprises me little.”
“Oh, sister, I have the perfect idea!” Luna burst out in excitement, “let us bring Twilight Sparkle into this dream, unawares of the situation. It would prove quite humorous would it not?” The smile on Luna’s face was quickly matched by Celestia.
“What an excellent idea, come, let us go fetch Twilight.” The two of them both looked straight ahead and with enormous smiles on their faces touched their hooves to their head and popped out of Trixie’s dream.
No sooner did they return to the world did they rush over to Twilight’s only to find that she was still up, writing erotica.
“Damn, we’ll never get her into Trixie’s dream now… Perhaps we can get one of her friends to give her a message.” Celestia saw Spike lying in his bed and went to his side. She was stopped by Luna as she reached out to him.
“Wait! Do not go into the dragon’s dream. They are never anything but horrifying messes of blood and gore, he’ll be of no help to us.”
“Oh come on, it’s just Spike, how bad could it be.” Celestia touched Spike and was sucked into his dreams, she appeared
“Works for me, let us away then.”
“I never did understand how Pegasi could form their houses from cloud.” said Luna as they arrived at Rainbow Dash’s cloud home.
“Me neither,” replied Celestia, “I’d always just assumed it was their share of the magic.” Entering the cloud home they made their way to Rainbow Dash’s bedroom, where she lay on her bed with a less than reputable magazine next to her depicting a muscular stallion on the front page.
“Ugh… I am dreading this so much right now.” said Celestia looking at the magazine, “You think that ponies are good wholesome folk until you see their dreams. Then your whole perception of them is destroyed.”
“Remember sister that dreams are not always reflections of one’s self, sometimes you get random dreams.”
“Well I sure hope that we’ve been getting the outliers tonight.” Celestia sighed heavily, “Well then, here we go.” She and Luna put their hooves on Rainbow Dash and found themselves in the exact same spot as they were before.
“Did… uhm… did we go into her dream?” said a confused Celestia.
“I’m unsure, here, I’ll try leaving and coming back, let me know if I disappear and come back.” Luna put her hoof to her head and sure enough, she vanished. After a few moments she came back to the exact same spot she was in, “Assuming by the fact that you weren’t there with me when I left, I believe that we are in her dream.”
“She’s dreaming that she’s sleeping... no weird sexual fantasy, or dark desire being fulfilled? Just sleeping. Well I guess we should try waking her up then.” Celestia looked to Luna who shrugged in return. “Hey, Rainbow Dash,” she said smoothly “time to get up, Rainbow Dash, the Wonderbolts show is about the begin and we’ll be late if you don’t get up soon.” The ploy worked and Rainbow Dash was awake. She shot up from her bed and flew to the window only to see that it was pitch black outside and slouch in place.
“Rainbow Dash, we have a favor to ask of you.” said Luna, but she received no response.
“Rainbow Dash we have need of you.” said Celestia as she walked over to her. But when Dash turned around and went back to her bed she passed straight through Celestia. “Dammit we woke her all the way up… I guess we’ll have to wait for her to go back to-” Celestia was cut off but the incessant ringing of an alarm clock. “Oh you’ve got to be kidding me…” Rainbow Dash left the room along the cloud floor and headed to her bathroom while Luna and Celestia sat in her bedroom.
“I guess that leaves the pink one.” replied Luna.
“Let’s head out then, see what strange trap we’re walking into now.”
The two headed off and landed themselves right in Pinkie’s bedroom, without wasting time they quickly entered her dreams without a second thought. The landscape of the dream was actually quite barren in comparison to what they were expecting. Instead of the lavish party they thought would be going on, they stood in the middle of the rock farm that Pinkie had once called home. The sisters walked around to the front of the farm house, and knocked on the door. They were quickly answered by Pinkie’s father, who was awestruck by the unexpected visitation of Celestia.
“Princess I-” he was cut off by a frustrated Celestia.
“Yes yes, where is your daughter Pinkie?”
“Uhm… why do-”
“We’re here to take her away forever, now where is she?” Celestia answered him with an unexpected bomb of a statement.
“You’re wha-” Once again the poor farmer, who was now in shock, was not allowed to finish his sentence.
“Where is Pinkie Pie? I just have a question for her!” she once again cut him off curtly.
“Why she’s out in the south field, but wh-” this dream was not the farmer’s dream for conversations.
“Thank you bye.” A slightly annoyed Celestia and a concerned Luna then stumbled off toward the south field, or what they assumed to be the south field anyways.
“That was a little harsh don’t you think?” questioned Luna.
“It was a dream figment, not like he’ll remember it.”
“Valid enough point I suppose, but it was still a bit much.” After a short distance they spotted a small pink filly with long straight hair kicking rocks around with a few other fillies beside her. “Ah, there she is.” The pair headed off to meet the small ponies and were met with an unexpected response.
“Oh hi princesses!” spoke the filly Pinkie.
“Oh good, she at least knows us.” commented Celestia to Luna.
“What bring you both to the rock farm tonight?” The sisters paused for a moment and looked around. In the middle of the day around them, and the sun sat high in the sky.
“But, tis the middle of the day young Pinkie.” a confused Luna replied.
“No it isn’t, this is just a dream. Man, for being princess of the night, you can sure be silly sometimes.” Filly Pinkie laughed as Luna and Celestia stared in disbelief.
“How do you know you’re dreaming right now?” asked Luna.
“Oh I always know when I’m dreaming, just look over there!” Pinkie pointed to something behind them and when they turned around they saw a fully grown version of Pinkie with several balloons tied about her waist floating at treetop level. After she started waving to them with a huge smile on her face. “Yep!” the filly spoke once again, “I’m always in my dreams to let me know when I’m dreaming. It lets me know I can do the really really crazy stuff. Like this one time, I saw this colt and I wanted to-” the little pink pony was cut off by Celestia’s hoof being jammed over her mouth.
“Woah there now… we’ve seen enough tonight, we really don’t want to know.” said Celestia, relieved that she’d just dodged that bullet.”
“Okay then,” Pinkie smiled, “So what did you want then?”
“We need you to deliver a message to Twilight tonight. We are… currently unable to do so ourselves and require your assistance.” said Luna.
“Caaaaaan do, so what’cha need to tell her?” the filly Pinkie was as adorable as she was cooperative, a pleasant change from their recent encounters.
“We need you to tell her to go to bed, tell her that Luna has been trying to get a hold of her in her dreams, but she hasn’t been able too.” Celestia tried to make it sound as sensible as possible.
“That’s all?” Pinkie sounded confused.
“Ooh, tell her that she’s done enough writing for one night.” Luna giggled “That ought to get her attention.”
“Okie Dokie then, I’ll be up and out of here in no time.” Pinkie jumped around making her normal spring noise as she moved towards a sizable rock on the ground in front of her.
“Do you need a little bit of help wa-” Pinkie lifted the rock up and bashed herself in the head with it, cutting Luna off and causing her to wake up with a start.
“Ooooh…” said Celestia and Luna as they winced upon their return to the world.
“I’m almost more disturbed by the ease at which she comprehended her situation than I was by the cannibalism.” remarked Celestia, as Pinkie leapt from her bed and began hopping her way through the house.
Luna and Celestia followed her all the way to Twilight’s house where she stopped, and knocked on the door. After a few moments of quiet, which Twilight was assuredly hiding her work in, Twilight appeared at the door and opened it to see who it was.
“Pinkie?” questioned Twilight as he eyes adjusted to see around her.
“I come with a message from my dreams,” said Pinkie in a ghostly fashion, “Princess Celestia says that you need to go to sleep, because Princess Luna needs to talk to you in your dreams. And Princess Luna says that you’ve done enough writing for one night.” at the mention of the second half of the message, Twilight blushed and glanced nervously to her sides.
“Oh… okay then, will do. I’ll go ahead and get to sleep as soon as possible.” said a suddenly very nervous Twilight. “Goodnight, Pinkie, thank you for the message.”
“Your welcome, Twilight, and goodnight to you too.” Pinkie then hopped back home making her little spring noise as she went. Twilight shut the door behind her and Celestia and Luna followed her inside. Twilight went straight up the stairs and to her desk, where she closed up her work and hide it away with her magic, teleporting it to a pocket dimension to assure that no pony would happen across it.
“I have to say, I’m quite impressed.” remarked Celestia, “Hiding her pornography in a pocket dimension sure is a interesting use of magic.” The sisters laughed to one another as Twilight went to her bed and sighed heavily. She took a moment before finally climbing in her bed while mentioning to herself that she was so close to finishing her last chapter. Wrapping herself up in blankets Twilight closed her eyes and began casting a spell to put herself to sleep quicker.
“Remind me to send Pinkie a gift basket.” giggled Celestia, “Alright, I think once we ask her if she wants to come along she’ll jump on board in no time, although I’m not sure if she’ll be too ready to enter Trixie’s dreams.”
“But she might not want to go at all if we give her the choice, I believe that I have a better idea sister. Now then, we’ll just wait in her mind until she falls asleep enough for us to take her.” Luna and Celestia then touched Twilight as she lie in bed, and into her subconscious they went. All was black for a few minutes while Twilight’s mind came to settle.
“Alright, we have to get her before she starts dreaming, if she starts to dream before we can get her out, we won’t be able to take her with us. Now just to wait a bit longer and she should appear.” Luna ‘s growing excitement matched that of her sister. The pair awaited Twilight’s appearance for only a while longer until she appeared in front of them.
“Ah, Twilight it’s g-”
“TWILIGHT, THERE’S NO TIME! YOU MUST COME WITH US!” Luna’s booming voice caught Twilight and Celestia completely off guard, no sooner did she finish did Luna teleport them to Trixie’s dream. “Quickly Twilight, fetch your assistant, he will be needed in the time ahead!” Twilight scurried off into the library with haste followed by Luna and Celestia who, unknown to Twilight, stopped at the door and were now looking in through the windows.
“So how long until she realizes that she’s been duped?” Celestia asked Luna while suppressing a smile.
“I’m fairly certain that it shouldn’t be too long, look who’s arrived.” Luna put her hoof against the glass and pointed at Trixie who was now walking up behind Twilight. “I’ll have to use a bit of magic, but we should be able to hear them just fine from out here.”
“Back so soon are we?” Trixie’s words froze Twilight in place.
“Trixie?” questioned a surprised Twilight.
“I wasn’t expecting you home so soon, I guess you missed me as much as I missed you.” Trixie was now immediately behind Twilight. She put one leg over Twilight’s shoulder and began kissing the sides of her neck. Luna and Celestia were close to their breaking point outside as they held their hooves over their mouths to keep from bursting out laughing.
“Trixie, I don-” Twilight was blushing bright red at this point.
“Ssssh…” Trixie hushed her, “There’s nothing else you need to do.” Trixie took her hoof and turned Twilight’s face to hers giving her a long deep kiss, it was at this point that Luna and Celestia lost all pretense of control. They began laughing harder and more uncontrollably than ever before. There was nothing that could top this, this was the pinnacle of their night. But it was still far from over.
“I…” Twilight was at a loss for words as Celestia and Luna rose once more to the window to see how things were going. It was at this point, that things started going downhill fast. Instead of running away in horror like they’d anticipated, Twilight wrapped her hoof around Trixie’s neck and they once more locked lips in a deep, passionate kiss. Luna and Celestia had now ceased their laughing and instead stared on as horrified as they had been at Rarity’s.
“This isn’t happening right now…” Celestia said in disbelief, “This cannot be happening right now.”
“I’m afraid it is sister… I’m afraid it is…” The princesses tried not to stare but found themselves unable to look away as what started out as a prank quickly devolved into debauched fantasy in front of them.
“Did we just… whore Twilight out?” asked Celestia as Trixie and Twilight began rolling on the floor in each other’s embrace.
“I… I’m not sure, sister…” Luna was equally confused.
“Are… are we pimps now?” Celestia questioned Luna again.
“We… we might be…” Luna and Celestia got up, turned from the scene, and began walking away.
“I think I’m done dream walking for a while, Luna.”
“As am I, this night has turned out… too eventful.”
“Will uhm… will she be okay without us? She doesn’t need us to get back right?”
“No, she’ll wake up when Trixie does… we’re okay to go.”
“Alright then… let’s uh.. let’s get get out of here…” The two sister much like they had done in Rarity’s dream simultaneously lifted their hooves to their heads and exited Trixie’s dream. They then silently made their way home in an instant, arriving next to their passed out forms they stopped for a moment.
“Twas fun sister... but we should not do this for some time.”
“I am okay with that, goodnight Luna, I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Goodnight to you as well.” and with that they each placed a hoof on their sleeping forms below to return to their normal forms for some much needed rest.
The drunken adventures of Luna and Celestia: A night in pony dreams.
“Ah, there you are,” came a voice from the doorway, “I’m glad to see that the both of you have managed to do as little political damage as possible despite your ill-advised drinking. I think next time I’ll be absolutely sure that you can’t get your hooves on any alcohol.” Celestia opened her heavy eyes and gazed around through foggy, hungover, vision. Approaching them from the doorway was the rigid form of Celestia’s scheduling advisor Kibitz.
“Ah…” Celestia brought her hoof to her temple with a moan and a wince, “good morning Kibitz, and what is slated for today?”
“Not much Princess, we’ve only a few minor things to take care of until tonight’s dinner with Princess Sparkle and her friends.”
“Alright then, lets-” Celestia was cut off by a sudden rush of memory from the night before. ‘Twilight and her friends? ’ she thought to herself, ‘I surely hope they don’t remember us from last night .’ she quickly recovered from her thoughts as she clambered to her hooves. “Let’s go get the little things out of the way then shall we? We’ll just leave Luna to her rest then.” Celestia turned to her sister as she said this who was still fast asleep, ‘she always did sleep like a rock.’
“Very well then, first on our agenda is a small matter of court. It would seem that some young fillies and colts had acquired for themselves some alcohol last night and their parents do not seem interested in paying fines, so we must assign them community service for their transgression, even if it is ironic that the sentencing should come from a hungover princess.” There was no amusement in Kibitz’ voice, “Do try to act stately while in court, and avoid falling asleep on the railings around the dais.” Celestia bit down her reaction to Kibitz’ and composed herself despite her pounding head and stiff body.
“I shall certainly try, but don’t expect too much until I’ve at least had some breakfast and a cup of coffee.”
“I expected such a request and am one step ahead of you.” said Kibitz as they exited the observatory staircase into the castle halls. Two guards stood side by side on Celestia’s right as they went through the door. One of them was holding a plate with a delicious looking muffin, while the other was levitating a steaming cup of coffee in front of him. “One banana nut muffin straight from the castle bakery, and one hot cup of coffee with liberal amounts of sugar and cream, just as you prefer.”
“Appreciated Kibitz, what would I ever do without you?” Celestia joked with a smile.
“I shudder to imagine.” Kibitz’ sarcastic remark was the last thing that either of them had said before arriving at the castle courtroom.
“All rise before the honourable Princess Celestia.” the voice of the bailiff boomed through the hall as all the ponies in attendance rose to their hoofs while Celestia made her way to the elevated dais at the end of the courtroom. Passing by the accused Celestia could see them all in the slightly wrinkled dresses and tuxedos that they’d worn the night before, they’d not been given the chance to change, having spent the last night in the castle holding cells as per protocol with all lawbreakers caught at the gala, no matter how minor the crime. After a short walk alongside Kibitz who stopped behind the dais as she continued to it’s tall platform, Celestia took a sip of her coffee to help wash down the last bit of her delectable muffin and then addressed the crowd with her “I hate Mondays” coffee cup floating out in front of her.
“Good morning everypony.” Celestia greeted them to mixed responses including but not limited too, embarrassed silence, “Now then, shall I have the list of today’s victims?” Celestia raised an eyebrow and gave a sinister smile at the row of fillies and colts making them shift nervously, Kibitz merely sighed at her lack of professionalism. One of the guards came forth and produced a scroll from under the shoulder plate of his armor, holding it out in front of him. Celestia picked it up and flicked it open with her magic causing the wax seal to fly off and hit the guard in the face, he didn’t even flinch.
“Oh, my apologies”
“Tis alright Princess.” the guard was fairly young, Celestia could tell from his voice, he must have been one of the of the recent recruits fresh out of the academy.
“Alright then, would a Mr.-” Celestia squinted as she tried to read the name, “Jury Rig, please step forward please.” After she asked for the accused by name, a grey unicorn colt with large bottle-cap glasses stepped forward nervously. “So then Mr. Jury Rig, how is it that you have come to be brought before me this fine morning?” The colt shuffled in place and looked at his hooves for a moment before answering.
“I, err- we… we took some wine from one of the tables last night, and we… Well-”
“You consumed alcohol even though you’re not of the legal age!?” Celestia dramatically gasped, “Quickly guards, lock him in the dungeon until he can legally consume the demon drink!” Kibitz sighed heavily and brought his hoof to his cover his eyes as the princess faked swooning over such a minor offense. The guards, having no sense of humor whatsoever, began to approach the colt, who looked like he was about to cry.
“Bu- but, p-p-please no I just I-” Jury Rig about had a heart attack before Celestia felt she had had enough fun.
“I’m simply joking Mr. Jury Rig, while your lack of judgement will not go unpunished, it surely won’t be something as overly severe as imprisonment.” Celestia turned around to Kibitz, “That’d be quite the abuse of power, would it not?”
“Keep the joking to a minimal shall we?” He said in frankly, an annoyed stare on his face.
“Oh Kibitz, you’re no fun when I’m hungover.” Celestia whispered to her advisor.
“And you’re not easy to clean up after when you’re drunk.” Kibitz’ bad humor, brought upon him by the princess’ drinking against his wishes, had made him quite unpleasant to be around this morning.
“Back to business then,” Celestia sighed as she turned around to Jury Rig “So, your crimes in total are petty theft and consuming alcohol underage. How do you plea?”
“Uhm… not- err… guilty, I plead guilty.” Jury Rig lowered his head.
“Alright then,” the princess turned to the remaining ponies lined up off to the side, “and how about the rest of you? All who plead guilty please step forward.” Of the six that remained, only four stepped forward, their heads hung low. “Okay then, you’ve all been brought here because you committed the same crime, we know you committed it, and this is not a trial by jury but rather a bench trial. Those of you who stepped forward and plead guilty shall receive fifty hours community service with the Canterlot Royal guard, those who attempted to lie to me by feigning innocence to avoid consequences shall receive one-hundred hours. Glad we could wrap this up in a timely manner.” Celestia, displaying a clear lack of interest for anything that would not alleviate her throbbing head, took another sip of her coffee and looked below her, “Alright then gentlecolts, if you would please escort our guests to the Quartermaster to receive their schedules it would be greatly appreciated. And to you young fillies and colts, you shouldn’t drink until you’re my age.”
“But aren’t you like, a thousand years old?” said one of the guilty colts.
“Oh you flatter me, take ten hours off his sentence.”
“Belay that,”said Kibitz, “he serves just the same, flattery will get him no where.” His annoyance once again coming to the dampening of Celestia’s day.
“Sorry dear, but it would appear as if my hooves are tied.” Celestia raised a hoof up and shrugged as she took the last sip from her coffee cup. “And it appears that I am out of luck as well.” she said as she overturned the cup without a single drop falling out.
“Oh Kibitz, you are the best.” she took the thermos from the guard and emptied its contents into her cup before inhaling a deep breath to take in it’s aroma. “Sweet nectar of the Goddess.”
“Well then, seems you’ve wrapped that up rather quickly.” You’ve bought yourself a short bit of time before we need to meet with the gryphon ambassador.” The pair had already made it out into the halls and were making their way to their next destination.
“Oh Goddess… I always hate dealing with the gryphons.”
“Uhm… your highness.” Kibitz tried to interrupt Celestia, but in her fog of hangover and lack of care, he went unheeded.
“They’re always so uppity and full of themselves. You’d think smashing them lopsidedly in ten wars would dull their egos but in fifteen-hundred years they’ve yet to become more hospitable.”
“Princess, you should probably-”
“Do I have to go talk to them? Can’t Luna go?”
“Celestia I-”
“I’d hate to have to spend any extended period of time validating them for everything they do. Like it’s some great achievement that their total crop output is, for the twelve-hundredth year in a row, a third of ours.”
“Well then!” an unfamiliar voice took Celestia away from her rant, “If that is how you feel about our goods and services then I shall take my leave.” Celestia turned to see the gryphon ambassador and his entourage. Once again out of coffee, she found herself also out of damns to give.
“Good, saves me the time,” even though her head hurt now, she knew the tongue lashing she would receive from Kibitz would make it ten times worse, “not like the Gryphon Kingdoms have much to offer us anyways.”
“We shall see about that when we cut you off from our gold mines in the south.” The gryphon spat back, clearly insulted.
“Pfft,” Celestia sputtered at the gryphon mockingly, “like we need your Gold.” Celestia stomped a hoof on the ground and cracked the tile beneath her hoof. Using her magic on something not immediately obvious, she smiled at the gryphon and stared straight at him as a large amethyst shot straight out of the ground through the cracked tile. “Who needs gold when you’re castle is built upon one of the hundreds of enormous gem mines in our country? Also, we do supply about half of your food each year, so I’d suggest not doing anything drastic.” The gryphon froze in place for a moment and Celestia, who at this point was totally free of the shackles of standard politics and was instead indulging in an outright slam fest of the Gryphon Kingdoms, “Or perhaps you’d rather us cut off our support of your border security endeavors and allow the dragons to encroach on your territory and push your weak military around, which is, you guessed it,”she laughed in the Gryphons face, “half the size of ours!”
“Ha ha!” a thundering voice came laughing from down the hall. “Are we making little the Gryphon Kingdoms again?” Luna flew down the hall to join her sister, “Did you mention their proportional poverty in the face of our overflowing coffers?” Luna smiled widely.
“And their weak armies.” Celestia returned the smile to her sister before they both turned to the now, thoroughly insulted ambassador.
“What is the matter ambassador? Can you not respond to our sister’s claims of the how frivolous your nation of tribes is? Or art thou simply chicken!” Luna laughed heartily in the face of the ambassador as well as she bumped Celestia’s hoof with her own before being joined by her sister in mocking laughter of the ambassador, who at this point could stand this treatment no longer and made his way to the door silently with what remained of his shattered pride.
“Go on back to your coop, your hens are surely waiting for you!” Luna yelled after him as he exited the room. The two sisters stood there for a few more seconds of hearty laughter before simultaneously turning around and seeing Kibitz who stood there frozen. “I think that your advisor has become broken, sister.”
“Did that just happen?” Kibitz was mortified, “Surely this is a dream, Princess Luna is here, I must be dreaming… please tell me I’m dreaming.”
“I’m afraid not Kibitz. We really just told the ears of the Gryphon Kingdoms exactly what we thought of them… and it was pretty fun.” Celestia smiled to Luna who returned the gesture. “Never get used to seeing a gryphon who’s had his pride shattered. That was great,” Celestia giggled, “we should go trash talk more gryphons later.” The pair laughed in front of the still frozen Kibitz.
“Years of negotiating… gone…”
“Perhaps he is broken.” commented Celestia.
“I… I think I’m going to take my leave for the rest of the day, I shall be back tomorrow. You’re done for the day anyways, at least until Princess Sparkle arrives… I shall see you then.” Kibitz silently turned around and headed for the castle exit and Luna and Celestia watched him walk away.
“Oh I am never going to hear the end of it tomorrow…” said Celestia, “But it was sooo worth it.”
“Even for the short time I was here it was excellent fun.” replied Luna.
“Indeed it was. So how are you doing this morning?”
“I feel as if my head was clamped in a vise and my body was rusted armor.” said Luna, uncharacteristically cheery for someone who would describe themselves feeling as she did.
“I feel much the same, and my coffee has, once again, run out.”
“Uhm… Princess.” Celestia turned around to see yet another guard with a thermos of coffee.
“Amazing, Kibitz is the absolute best.”
“His talent is scheduling after all.” Luna remarked.
“It’s why I hired him.” Celestia poured yet another cup of perfectly made coffee into her cup and looked to her sister as she took the first sip. “So, Luna, what should we do today?”
“I am unsure, perhaps we could seek out Shining Armor and try again to convince him that we are under siege.”
“Unless you plan on traveling to the crystal empire and being back by four I think that’s not an option.”
“Ah, yes… he’s with Cadance now, I do miss the two of them around the castle, for the short time I was here before they departed they were most fun to have around.” Luna smiled, lost in thought for a moment as the two sisters were walking the halls.
“Yeah… real fun…” said a sarcastic Celestia, “Goddess, those two were a handful when they first started dating, couldn’t tell you how many times I had to pull strings to keep Shining Armor in the academy. Kept getting caught skulking around the castle late at night, mainly by me. It was unfortunate for him that my room was adjacent to Cadence’s at the time, couldn’t tell you how many times I had to stop those two from attempting to ‘give her an heir.’ Goddess their dirty talk was awful.” Celestia took another sip of coffee and continued their tale as they rounded the corner in the hallway, “I had this pole in my room I called ‘The Knight,’ because I kept threatening to shove it up his ass every time I caught him.”
“Ha,” Luna laughed, “Your Knight in Shining Armor, how clever.”
“Thank you, you’re only about the third pony to get that. Anyways, it never stopped him, I did have to hit him with it across the head a few times. I’d prod his flank with it if I caught him at the door and just stare at him with a raised eyebrow and a smile, that normally got the job done. I’d walk him out the door and just wait for him to try again the next night. I’m glad Twilight was a complete dork, with the lack of security her parents had at their household I’m surprised that she wasn’t with foal half the time.”
“Oh really? And how is that... were you giving her-”
“Nightmares?” Luna cut her off with an embarrassed grin, “Specifically about the colts she fancied rejecting her.”any confidence in herself because how those repeated nightmares?”
“Not nearly as long, as I recall, as it took you to finally get Cadance to stop believing there was a monster under her bed.”sixty full days worth of nighttime because she was so damn persistent on waking me up, so at the end of it, I just started staying up and raising the sun early…” Luna giggled as Celestia finished her rant and turned to her sister. “Ahhh…” she sighed, “I guess it’s all in the past now, even if it did afford me no end of annoyance back then.” Celestia laughed quietly, “So… exactly how many of my former students did you also harass in their sleep?”
“Oh…” Luna snickered as her smile grew wide, “pretty much all of them. From Wood Wand, to Silver Star, each of them had their little quirk I exploited. I remember Firebolt, you know the one that had the gimp and the thick glasses about a century ago? He, had this hilarious attraction to you, not the first one mind you, but easily the funniest. He would always write these dreadful wish-fulfillment stories with him actually getting to fulfill his advances . Goddess they were just dreadful.” Luna laughed as Celestia joined her with an awkward chuckle, “Anyway, I’d always go into his dreams and make your dream figment reject him in the most devastating ways. He always reacted so poorly, that poor colt would always cry in his pillow until he went back to sleep.”
“Well that’s just... depressing…” Celestia remarked as Luna was laughing to herself.
“You see, but then when he went back to sleep his thoughts would almost always shift to this strange rejection fantasy he had, where he would just follow you around whilst you rejected his advances and then proceeded to lay with the guards and dignitaries around the castle.” Celestia’s eyes grew wide as Luna began to giggle even harder, “And he would just sit there and watch you perform unspeakable acts to the castle staff, all the while commenting upon the inferiority of his stallionhood in comparison to your partners. It was always so fun to watch if I needed a good laugh.” Luna began laughing at incredible volume for a moment before looking to Celestia who was staring at her wide wide eyes and open mouth.
“So you just watched me… perform, like that?” Celestia was sickened.
“Oh, pshaw! Do not act like I am some sick sexual pervert, it was only a dream figment that looked like you. I have seen many a things in the dreams of our subjects. You would likely not be surprised at the sheer number of them that have fantasies about the both of us, mainly you of course. Being the only known ruler in Equestria had left you to be the object of many of your peoples affections… and desires…” Luna then winked at her clearly uncomfortable sister, whose face she then proceeded to laugh in once more. “Besides, tis not like you are some unspoiled dove Celestia. I have seen your dreams, I know you that you have a wilder streak. One that matches that of Miss Rarity’s.”
“Okay then, that’s enough!” Celestia cut her sister off with a raised hoof and a bright red face, “I remember enough of my own dreams to know that there isn’t a non-weird way that this will end.” Luna simply laughed, “How’s about we move on with our day before things get strange with some passing castle staff.”
“Alright then, I can agree with that. It was becoming difficult to keep a straight face due to your growing discomfort.” The pair continued down the hall to the kitchen for a snack as Celestia had one last thing to say on the subject.
“You damned mind reader...” The pair just laughed as they continued down the halls in search of something to do.
It had been several hours, and it was almost time for them to meet Twilight and her friends at the Canterlot train station. Ever since the gala they’d wrecked two years ago, it had been their new practice to show up the day after each one to have dinner with the princess, and avoid making fools of themselves again. The two sisters were off to their own devices around the castle and Luna currently found herself in the company of the most adorable little unicorn child she’d ever met, too adorable in fact. She knew something was amiss as the small filly had taken to following her, asking her questions about the kingdom in a stereotypically cute voice.
“Pwincess Woona?” the small pony beckoned her attention.
“Yes child?” Luna responded as she would to a normal filly, caringly and kind, should it turn out that her suspicions were incorrect.
“How big is the castle?” asked the filly.
“Very big my dear. Very big and very old.” Luna smiled trying to place her hoof on what was wrong with the unicorn in front of her.
“There are quite a lot of them young one.” she replied, and the young filly paused a moment and took a look at a nearby potted plant before shrugging and turning back to Luna.
“Do you maybe have a specific number?” The last sentence came out a little too clearly, and was quite out of place for a small filly to be asking about.
“Why must you know?” Luna said sternly to the small filly, who looked nervously at the potted plant to her right before responding.
“Ah ha!” shouted Luna as she snatched up the small filly with her front hooves. “Show me your true form!” Once more the small filly exchanged glances with the plant and looked back to Luna.
“Reveal yourself changeling, lest you wish to confront your worst nightmares right here and now?” Luna stared angrily at the small filly who shuffled in her hooves for a moment before responding.
“I’m… I’m not a changewing, I want my momm-” black, swirling magic began to encompass Luna’s horn, “Okay, okay…” With a flash of green magic the small filly changed into her true form. After a moment’s readjusting to her new form she brushed her green and blue striped hair out of her similarly colored, heterochromatic eyes “alright fine, you caught me… now what, Princess ?”
“It has been a while since I’ve caught one of your lot in my castle. Why are you here?”
“Did the questions not give it away?” she hissed out to Luna, “you must be pretty dense if you couldn’t gather why I’m here.”
“Well, as I’m sure you know we’ve been down on our luck since the whole ‘invasion’ thing, so we’ve kind of adopted a new policy of… ah damn, what did she call it again?” The changeling paused for a moment.
“Why don’t you ask the plant?” Luna smiled at her.
“Why would I ask the plant?” the changeling looked at Luna with a look that implied that the princess was less than sane.
“Excellent timing guardsman, I require you to lick that potted plant.” The odd request caught both the guard and the changeling by surprise.
“Lick the plant?” they simultaneously questioned the princess.
“Yes, the plant, tis a changeling just as this one. Now then, you have your orders, lick the plant and tell me what it tastes like.” The changeling started to laugh hysterically as the guard did as he was told.
“Okay then…”
“You’ve got to be kidding, now you have your guards licking plants? How crazy are you to think that-” the guard recoiled from the plant with a cringed face.
“It tastes strongly of limes Princess.”
“Ha!” Luna laughed at the changeling in her hooves as the guard tried to recover from the awful sour that consumed his taste buds. “I knew it!”
“Dammit!” a shout came from the potted plant to Luna’s right
“Ugh, the one thing we can’t hide.” the changeling sighed, “Come on then, Bug, they’ve caught us. Just change back and get arrested with what’s left of our dignity…”
“I…” the plant began to speak through an awkward face on one of the leaves, “I can’t.”
“What do you mean you can’t?” it was the exasperated changeling in Luna’s grasp that expressed disbelief in her comrade, “We practiced this over and over!” she turned to Luna with a sigh, “He’s new, straight out of the hatchery.” she then looked back to her presently handicapped friend, “Just concentrate and assume your old form again. Just like when you took up the plant.” the changelings grew quiet as the one attempted to change back to no avail, instead he just sat there... unmoving. “Oh you have got to be kidding me… just take us like this I suppose, I’m sure the queen will be just delighted to hear about this.” Luna set the changeling down and the guard approached placing manacles from his side onto the changeling and a magic suppressing ring on the her horn.
“You’re not very resistant are you?” Luna questioned the changeling female.
“Part of the queen’s new policy.”
“Assimilation.” added that plant.
“That’s what it was! Thanks, Bug.” she rose one of her hooves up a short distance before the manacles would allow it to move no further, “Whatever the case being, we’re just supposed to hang around now, we’re not in the invading business anymore since love is apparently crazy strong against us, even though we eat the stuff. So basically, we’re just in the background now, feeding on bits of latent ‘love’. ”
“I’ve always wondered how that worked exactly.” said the guard, who was looking at the plant trying to find a way to secure it.
“Alright then, as informative as this has been, I’m going to have to ask that you be taken to the castle holding cells until further notice.” Luna stopped the conversation short, “Guardsman, if you would escort these two to the holding cell, I’ll see to them a bit later.”
“If I may have a word, Princess?” the plant spoke again. “If it’s all the same to you, I know we haven’t exactly had the best track record around Canterlot, but we weren’t exactly doing anything wrong. I mean, we didn’t replace anyone, and we surely don’t have any potted plants locked up the mines below canterlot. In all fairness, I don’t exactly see why we’re being arrested.”
“I…” the guard began to speak, “Actually, nevermind.”
“What is it guardsman?” Luna asked her subordinate.
“Well,” he said nervously, “the shrubbery has a point, I mean, they were just hanging around here. And it might not reflect well on us if we arrest them for simply being changelings, that might incur some diplomatic backlash from their hive.”
“I see…” Luna couldn’t help but think that she was somehow allowing herself to be just a little to trusting of the perforated ponies before her, and she also didn’t want to fathom how ridiculous she looked listening to plant that actually made sense. “Well then, I will permit the two of you to remain around the castle on the condition that you are watched by this guardsman here. And you,” Luna looked to the guard, “you are not to tell anyone of their true nature, lest you cause unneeded panic. I shall come to you two later to see about the terms of any further stay. Do not betray my trust, lest you wish to meet your ends gasping for air on the moon.”
“Duly noted Princess.” said the raspy voice of the locked up female, “Don’t worry though, we’re on orders from the queen as it is, so we’ll make no trouble.” The guard took the ring off of her horn and she immediately changed into a beautiful pegasus mare, still locked in her manacles as she gave seductive glances to the guard, “At least, not any trouble our handsome attendant wouldn’t like.” The guard shifted nervously and blushed, even though not a moment before, the changeling wore the form of the strange insectoid pony that she was.
“Uh huh… well then, do what you will as long as it’s within lawful boundaries or you’ll be in the dungeon so fast your carapace will shed.” Luna gave her last warning as she turned away from the party behind her. No sooner did her hoof hit the ground did Celestia enter the room. Taking a quick look behind her to check on her latest guests, Luna saw the changeling mare staring with wide eyes at Celestia, as the guard was removing her manacles.
“Oh hello Luna, glad I found you we need to get to…” Celestia paused and looked behind Luna with a raised eyebrow, “why is that guard tied to that plant?” The guardsman, having needed a way to transport the changeling plant, had tied the rope around his waist to pull it along behind him. It took him only a moment for him to react.
“Physical training, Princess, I’m toting this heavy plant with me to build up my strength for the upcoming guard triathlon.” He smiled to the princess.
“Ah, good thinking, just be sure you’re not scratching the tiles, I’m sure the masons are already upset with me for breaking one earlier, I’d hate to see you get in trouble for scratching them up.”
“Will do, Princess.” the guard saluted as he clicked the manacles off the changeling and began dragging the much heavier than expected plant out of the room with his other charge in tow.
“But yes, as I was saying, Twilight’s train should be arriving soon; we planned on meeting them at the station so we need to get moving here in a few minutes.”
“Splendid, I am quite excited to see them again…” Luna paused for a moment, “I surely hope they don’t remember us from last night.”
“Me too, I have been dreading that all day... but we still have a dinner to get through. So here’s to hoping they remain oblivious to what we’ve seen.” and with that the two set out for the Canterlot train station.
The trip was just as any other, short, boring, and thanks to their guard escort, clear of any trouble. The train station was busy as normal, ponies shuffling on and off colorful trains that both Princesses wished were less ridiculously decorated. But after Celestia had made a comment about the railroad company’s first train model being a little plain and unappealing, the, at the time, CEO of Equestrian International Railroads decided to take it as an insult and make their trains overly colored, and horrendously fashioned. It was something that everyone had eventually gotten used to, except the Royal Guard, who would often be taunted by being asked if they had any cookies to sell when they had to use the trains to travel en masse.
“Do you see them anywhere?” asked Luna, the two princesses stood in the middle of a circle of guards that separated them from the crowds.
“Their train just arrived, so it should be any moment now.” the pair then took to scanning the crowd for signs of their guests. Ponies shuffled by them going every which way as the pair searched for Twilight and her friends. Every time either of them thought they’d spotted them a few dozen ponies would shuffle in the way and obscure their vision just long enough for them to lose track of who they thought they saw, that is, until a familiar blue pegasus shot up from the crowd and began to look around. After looking around for a moment, Rainbow Dash recognized Celestia and Luna sped over towards them. Shortly before reaching them she was grabbed by a magical field and thrown to the ground by one of the guards who then pointed his halberd at her with a shout.
“In the name of the Princess you shall go no further!” the guardsman shouted at her, the rest of his comrades simply stared at him with panic in their eyes.
“What they hay is going on?” replied a scared Rainbow Dash, “I- I didn’t do anything wrong, I was just-” She sounded like she was about to cry from her sudden, unexpected arrest.
“Release her at once guardsman,” said a stern Luna, “she is no threat to us, in fact we were expecting her. To have you react thusly is nothing short of embarrassing.” Luna glared at the guardsman disapprovingly and he relented his shield and stayed his weapon.
“I’m… I’m sorry, Princess, it’ll never happen again.” the guardsman recoiled.
“Don’t worry about it,” Celestia assured him, “you were just doing your job.” she turned to Rainbow Dash who was recovering from being pinned to the ground, “Apologies, Rainbow Dash, he’s new.”
“It’s no problem, I understand. I was just afraid I’d done something wrong that I didn’t remember.” Dash rose to her hooves and dusted herself off.
“So where are the others?” ask Luna.
“They got off the train right after I did, they should be right behind me.” Dash turned around and saw that the wall of ponies had yet to relent enough to allow anyone through, “Or maybe they’ll take a moment.” with a laughing smile Dash jumped up into the air once more to clear the crowds and fly to her friends. Or at least she would of, had she not been immediately slammed into by a fellow pegasus carrying a suitcase that burst into various beauty products and some risque clothing upon hitting the ground. The princesses watched as the two recovered and after a brief period of apologies and “watch where you’re goings,” the unknown mare quickly packed her suitcase back with an embarrassed red hue to her face. Dash helped her gather up her supplies quickly and then decided to just shove her way through the crowd to her friends. She quickly gave this up after a few moments being lost in the crowd and took to the air once more, this time with fewer aerial collisions.
The crowds began to thin out rapidly after another minute and Luna and Celestia could see the group of ponies from Ponyville coming their way. At the front of the group was Twilight, as per usual, quickly trotting up to see her mentor before the others, followed by AJ, Dash and Rarity with Fluttershy and Pinkie bringing up the rear.
“Oh Celestia, it’s so good to see you.” said Twilight at the princesses side.
“It has been too long Twilight.” replied Celestia as she lowered her head to embrace her faithful student. “Come now, we’ve already prepared for your arrival, the castle staff should be preparing the last of the food as we speak.”
“Ooh,” came a high pitched squeal from Pinkie, “I wonder what’s for dessert?”
“Whatever you wish Pinkie Pie,” chimed in Luna, “it shall be made upon request at the end of the meal.” she smiled to their guest.
“Oh now you’ve done it,” said Applejack playfully, “Ah ain’t seen a meal that Pinkie didn’t clean out the pantry when had the option.”
“We’re quite prepared for that, so don’t you worry about causing a problem. If you want something, all you have to do is ask.” Celestia reassured Applejack.
“If you say so,” Pinkie giggled, “I think I might have to get one of everything.”
“That can be arranged.” after a warm smile and a moment’s time Celestia was roused by a small tap on her shoulder looking to her left she saw it was her student that required her attention, “What is it that you need Twilight?”
“ So I, uhm… I know it’s really, really last minute, but could I by chance invite another friend?” she asked shyly.
“Of course, I see no reason as to why not.” it didn’t take Celestia long for her to figure out who Twilight was referring to, she only wondered how long it would take to retrieve her. But she was unsurprised by her forward thinking apprentice, whose smile grew large as she turned to the train and trotted off into one of the open cars. Turning to Twilight’s friends, she could see that they were slightly less pleased by this turn of events. Pinkie quickly turned to Rarity who used her magic to create a thin blue coating of magic around her muzzle that quickly disappeared as they nodded to one another, Rainbow Dash landed and tucked her wings in with nod to Applejack who tipped up her hat revealing the knotted end of a rope, and Fluttershy opened up one of her saddlebags and pulled up what looked like a blue ear attached to a black hood before tucking it back in and closing her bag back up. Celestia pretended not to notice such oddities and gave a quick glance to Luna, who she could tell was holding back laughter behind a calm expression.
“Oh I do wonder who Twilight has brought with her.” said Luna, cocking her head at a slight angle.
“I sure we’re about to find out.” Celestia smiled back. After only a few more moments Twilight could be seen emerging from the train car with a familiar blue unicorn in tow. Luna and Celestia’s thoughts on what exactly they’d done last night made it extremely hard to keep straight faces, but they managed to hold off their laughter.
“Princess, this is my new friend Trixie, you know, the one from the letter a few months back? As of late we’ve decided to put aside our differences and make a go at becoming friends .” Twilight finished the last part of her sentence with a more than friendly grin in Trixie’s direction that was returned by Trixie with a similar glance and a slightly cocked eyebrow. As subtle as they thought they were, they were not. The rest of Twilight’s friends all shared looks of skepticism and disapproval while Rainbow Dash, also thinking she was not seen by the princesses, held open her mouth with a sickly expression and pointed her hoof at it.
“Greetings Princess, I’ve heard so much about you. I am Trixie Lulamoon, your humble servant.” Trixie said with a bow as eloquent and controlled as her tone.
‘Twilight must have told her to tone it down a few notches.’ thought Celestia, “I am pleased to make your acquaintance Ms. Lulamoon, the pleasure is all mine.” Luna and Celestia needed to do something fast, the both of them were on the verge of laughing aloud in the faces of their guests. Figuring it was time to move along, Celestia addressed the ponies. “Alright then, if every pony is ready we’ll go ahead and make our way to the castle, I’m sure the staff is more than ready to get everything underway.” and with that the group of ponies and their royal escort started through the busy streets of Canterlot.
It only took them a short while to reach the castle and it took even less time for Luna to see something was amiss. After taking no less than three steps in the door she spied none other than herself, followed by a guard lashed to a plant in a small cart walking down the hall towards them. Being the first one through the door she gave out a loud squeal and kicked the door behind her, slamming it with force straight into Twilight’s face.
“Aahh!” yelled Twilight as the door struck her. The sudden commotion roused the attention of her clone and entourage, and the both of them, with eyes as wide as saucers quickly dashed into a nearby room. The guard took the turn so abruptly it toppled the plant’s cart over and slammed it into the threshold. After a brief second they disappeared completely out of sight and slammed the door behind them. Luna turned around to address the situation, looking through the door she could see Twilight’s friends assisting her to her hooves, Twilight herself held a hoof up to her now bleeding nose.
“I’m so sorry!” exclaimed Luna, “I-” she thought quickly, “saw a mouse, yes… a rather large one, I swear he tried to bite me!” Celestia looked at Luna knowing that her excuse was just that, an excuse. This was the pony that used to be Nightmare Moon, that on a nightly basis conquered nightmares, nothing scared her. But rather than acting upon her suspicions she decided to assist Twilight.
“Come Twilight we’ll get you to the infirmary, just keep pressure on your nose and hold your head up.” She turned to Luna, “We’ll see you shortly Luna, we’ll just go get this taken care of first.” The ponies then continued through the door as a group with Twilight holding her head back and Trixie guiding her with a hoof around her raised hoof as she walked. The rest of the ponies followed behind looking worried, except for Rainbow Dash, who was giggling at the situation while AJ and Rarity gave her scornful glares.
“Yes, I shall meet you at the dinner table, for now I shall chase down this rat and expel him from the castle.” Luna turned and trotted from the group looking behind her as she went, as soon as she cleared their vision she looked in front of her to see that no one was in the hallway and began running full speed for the door that the doppelganger and guardsman had entered, arriving at the door she turned and kicked the door wide open to see the guard, plant, and changeling back in the form of the mare from earlier pacing the floor.
“What was the meaning of that!?” Luna shouted angrily as she slammed the door shut behind her.
“It was his idea!” said the changeling female, pointing a hoof at the guard.
“No it was his idea!” said the guard pointing to the plant.
“I can’t point.” said the plant plainly, “But it was totally his idea.”
“Gee, way to throw me under the carriage guys.” the guard said, exasperated.
“Who's idea was this? Why were you assuming my form? You’ve five seconds to explain before I send you to the moon, changeling!”
“Okay! No need to get hasty now, it was all in good fun. We were just messing with some of the other guards okay, we didn’t do anything really bad!” The changeling mare said in her panicky pony form, “I didn’t do anything embarrassing or vulgar I swear!”
“Yeah,” interjected the plant, “Bit did a great job portraying you with respect.”
“That is true, her impersonation was spot on.”
“Aww, thanks guys.” said the female changeling Luna now knew as ‘Bit.’
“That’s aside the point, what did you do?” Luna questioned her once again.
“We just fooled around with some guards is all, made a few perform an impromptu quartet of ‘Hoofloose’ and do some silly dances, nothing major.”
“There were no changes of policy your majesty, we swear.” the guardsman added.
“Yeah, we swear.” said Bug, still stuck as a plant.
“I’m sure…” said Luna with growing malice in her voice, “Why should I allow you all to spend the rest of your days outside of a prison cell for impersonating a princess hmm? How do I know you won’t do it again behind my back and do something truly damaging to my reputation or the kingdom?”
“Because we like freedom too much?” replied Bit with a worried smile.
“We won’t do it again we swear!” said the guard.
“We’ll stick to doing what we did before no more being you.” it was then that Bug immediately morphed into Luna atop the cart the guard had been carrying him in. The awkward new distribution of weight caused the cart to shoot out from under him and slam into guard beside him, who raised up his leg in pain and held his other hoof to the bruise on his leg.
“Do you mean to mock me?” Luna shouted with growing anger.
“Dammit Bug, what are you doing?” Bit shouted.
“I’m not trying to, I swear, please don’t banish me to the moon!” Bug shouted in Luna’s voice.
“Change… now!” snarled the princess.
“I’m trying to!” he shrieked as he closed his eyes in concentration.
“C’mon Bug, now is not the time.” said a panicky Bit.
“I know, Bit, I’m trying… just… just give me a second.” Bug was struggling to concentrate with an angry Luna in front of him, growing even more annoyed at hearing the sound of her own voice. After several seconds of strained looks, held breath, and grunts Bug opened his eyes, “I can’t do it.”
“That’s not what I wanted to hear…” Luna glared at them all, now huddled together as Luna’s magic began swirling around her horn.
“Oh Goddess, please don’t banish us!” shrieked the guard.
“I swear we’ll be good!” squealed Bit.
“Please, we won’t do anything... I mean... we’ll do anything! Just please don’t send us to the moon!”
“Shut up Bug!” shouted Bit, she knew that every time he spoke in Luna’s form it angered her further, “Just change back already!”
“Come on man!” added the guard. Shortly after the guards last statement they all just began screaming in fear. Knowing that the walls of the castle weren’t completely sound proof, Luna stopped channeling her nightmare magic and placed a magical, soundproof bubble around her would be victims. She gave an exasperated sigh and watched as they silently screamed together with their eyes closed beneath a blue orb. After about thirty seconds of silent screaming it was Bit that realized that the immediate danger had passed and roused the other two from their hysteria. With their hooves still locked together, they stared at Luna with frightened expressions as she glared disapprovingly at them when the bubble disappeared.
“Listen well,” said Luna, “for this is your last warning. It would appear as if we are all in a delicate situation here. I cannot simply imprison you due to your friend’s current state, and while it would be easy to do, were he not, I still don’t have any real desire to do so as I don’t want everyone to know that there are changelings among them. So I am giving you three one last chance.”
“Why am I in this?” asked the guard, who received dirty looks from Bit and Bug.
“Because you were in charge of guarding them, and you instead used it as an opportunity to indulge in humiliating your comrades.” the guard fell silent once more, “Now then… here’s what I need you three to do. The castle cleaning staff make their rounds of almost all rooms in the castle every evening. Were they to discover you here and then see me at the dinner just down the hall, they would almost surely have reason to question your appearance. Celestia and I will be meeting Princess Twilight and her cadre of friends for dinner in about half an hour. It is when Celestia and I are at the dinner, that the three of you shall make your way to my quarters and await me there until I arrive after the dinner. There I can at least be assured that no one will discover you, as the castle staff are forbidden from entering the Royal chambers unsupervised. Understood?” Luna asked them.
“Crystal” they gulped in unison.
“Alright then, but before you go, ”Luna turned to the changeling assuming her form, “Bug was it?”
“Yes your highness.” he replied worriedly.
“Give me your best impression of me…”
“Oh here we go.” said Bit.
“Uh… uhm… Hello there guard pony,” he turned to the guard trying to act as if this was some kind of stage act, “how fares the watch good sir?” he then gave an overly large smile that looked creepy coming from Luna’s form.
“My Goddess that was awful.” said Luna, repulsed by the display.
“Why do you think he was a plant before?” added Bit bluntly.
“Well, what about you, Ms. Bit… I cannot believe I’m about to propose this,” she rose up a hoof and rolled her eyes, “what’s your best Celestia impersonation.”
“Well… uhm… one moment.” Bit was taken aback by the request and trying to act quickly to soothe the princess took a few steps back and with a flash of magic turned herself into Celestia, crown and all.
“I don’t know, you tell me?” Bit spoke with the same soothing, honeyed words as Celestia. Her voice was matched perfect.
“Years of improve classes, don’t fail me now.” Bit cleared her throat, closed her eyes, took a deep breath before continuing. Opening her eyes once more she looked to the guard with the same sweet gaze that Celestia gave all her subjects and spoke, “Greetings guardsman, and how are you today?”
“Quite fine Princess.” he replied.
“Good to hear, how’s the family?”
“Doing well your majesty, my wife just gave birth last week to our first son Valiant.”
“Why, congratulations, extend my wishes to your wife when you get home.”
“Will do your highness.”
“That will do I guess. You shouldn’t be required to say anything official, just keep to small talk if you have to, but try and avoid it. Guardsman, you shall guard the door until the dinner has started, at which point in time you shall come to see that Celestia has sat down and begun eating, when she has you shall return here and escort these two to my chamber, understood?”
“Yes princess.” they all said in unison.
“Good, I want no further trouble out of the lot of you. Now then I have a dinner to attend, be sure that when you head to my quarters that you do not deviate from the path. And by the way, congratulations on the son guardsman.”
“Thank you princess, but that was merely acting. I’ve no wife or child.” he replied plainly.
“Ah well then… good acting.” and with that, Luna exited into the hallway leaving the changelings and their custodian behind to attend the dinner she’d been dreading all day.
Author's Note
Went on a bit longer than I'd hoped, so I'm gonna finish it up with a third chapter.
The drunken adventures of Luna and Celestia: A night in pony dreams.
When Luna arrived in the dinner hall, she found her company for the night had already been seated at their respective positions with an added chair for Twilight’s unexpected, plus one. Before them was a lavish feast with more food than could possibly be consumed by the nine of them, a thought that would not deter Pinkie from trying. Making her way to her seat beside her sister, Luna tried to listen to the ponies’ chatter to try and find a point where she might enter the conversation without interrupting, but before she could find a place to begin, Twilight opened the door for her.
“Welcome back Princess.” said Twilight with a smile that betrayed the bandages and cotton plugs on her nose. Despite looking a little worse for the wear, Twilight’s minor injury from earlier did nothing to dampen her attitude.
“I hope you’re feeling better, I’m quite sorry for the earlier incident with the door.” Luna grinned nervously.
“It’s no problem, it looks worse than it is. Did you find the rat?” Twilight questioned.
“You didn’t hurt the little guy, did you?” interjected Fluttershy, “I’m sure he was just scared is all.” she sounded genuinely worried.
“Perhaps ‘purged ’ was an improper phrasing,” Luna thought quickly, “I had him safely escorted out of the castle in a dust bin by a guard and released outside.” Luna looked calmingly to Fluttershy, who’s worries appeared to melt away with the return of her smile.
“I thought you’d never ask!” exclaimed Pinkie as she began to open her mouth to almost unnatural width for a pony before having her targeted pie levitated away amidst a magical periwinkle aura.
“Pinkie Pie!” said Rarity curtly, “What did we talk about?”
“Ugh…” she sighed briefly, “fine…” Pinkie then waited with an exasperated sigh as Rarity lowered the delicious looking pie to where it had been in front of her. She then held up both of hooves and proceeded with robotic and synchronous movements to pick up the pie slowly and take a smaller than ”Pinkie normal’ ”sized bite out of the pie before chewing it slowly and placing the pie back down with an annoyed look on her face.
“There’s no need for such formalities Pinkie Pie. Dig in, the chefs might grow restless if they see you acting differently to their cooking.” said Celestia with a smile as she turned to the door to the kitchen, where the figures of three creatures could be seen through a small crack in the door before it was quickly closed with a small click. “They’re very sensitive you know.”
“Well, if you say so!” replied Pinkie with a smile that threatened to overtake her other facial features as she hoisted the pie above her head and engulfed it as it slid from it’s tin. Rarity simply held her hoof to her forehead before looking away with an aggravated sigh and some quiet words to herself.
The others at the table had already started to munch on their favored dish that they’d eyed out beforehand and most began small talk with one another as they ate. Rainbow Dash and Applejack talked about the up and coming running of the leaves, and Twilight and Trixie exchanged hushed words to one another and made attempts, however in vain, to feed one another small morsels without being spotted.
Everyone at the table seemed to be actively avoiding trying to talk to Twilight or Trixie for most of the meal, everyone except Celestia, who made almost constant prods for her own giggles. Most of which were double entendres that flew straight over Twilight’s head, who did not expect to hear such things from her mentor, even if a few of her questions were odd. “So when you went to the park, which way did you prefer to swing?” “Did the carpet match the drapes in that new restaurant?” “It sounds like you two have the purest form of friendship.”
All of these small quips and euphemisms went totally unnoticed by Twilight, who was naive and innocent to most of the jokes that Celestia was making. But Luna could see that while Twilight answered Celestia’s questions in their literal forms, that Trixie was not amused by the Princess’ jokes. Throughout Celestia’s barrage of disguised jabs. Luna would see Trixie look away from the Princess and give a increasingly more stern and annoyed grimace, it was hardly perceptible at first, but after a moment it became more and more obvious as her movements were slightly more forceful and rushed, and her sighs grew more and more audible. And after a while, Luna tried to bring this to the attention of Celestia, who simply kept at it.
“Th- I need to use the restroom, would you mind showing me where it is Twilight?” interjected Trixie with audible frustration into Celestia’s next comment.
“Sure thing,” responded Twilight with abnormal excitement and playful undertones, contrasted heavily against the backdrop of Trixie’s irritation. Twilight rose from her chair to join her friend and lead the way out of the room through the kitchen door. Shortly after their departure the room grew silent and it was Rarity that broke it with cutting accusation.
“So,” she began with looks to Pinkie Pie and Applejack, who stopped eating and directed their attention forward for a moment, “the three of us were talking before we departed today, and we’ve all come to the conclusion that you two may have had something to do with the current situation involving Twilight and her new charlatan friend .”
“Come again?” said Celestia, trying to feign insult in a situation she knew she could never be angry at her subjects for entering.
“Now, ah ain’t much fer accusin.” replied AJ, “But y’all turned up’n our dreams last night and while y’all may a seen some things that were embarrasin and had yer laughs at our expense, we’re willin to forgive that if’n y’all just just fix this whole Twilight’n Trixie thing. Seein our inner thoughts is one thing, but trickin a poor girl n’ta somthin like that just ain’t gonna fly with us. We’re just tryin to look out for Twi’s sakes, we don’t want her gettin taken advantage of by the likes a Trixie.” Applejack nervously twiddled her hat in her hooves and avoided eye contact for a moment before looking up to Celestia with a worried look.
“Well then,” Celestia said looking to Luna, “it appears we have been caught sister.” Celestia raised her hooves up above the table as if surrendering. “First and foremost, I would like to apologize.”
“And I as well, things got a little out of hoof last night.” added a worried Luna, looking across to address the guests. Applejack still sat with her head turned down at a slight angle, Rarity stared forward with a look of stern confidence, Pinkie Pie was slowly bringing an apple closer and closer to her face, and Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy sat at the corner of the table with nothing to add, to their recollection, the princesses had not been present in their dreams.
“Now, I believe we should offer an explanation for our actions.” began Celestia as she brought her hooves back down. “Since my sister’s return we’ve tried to take as many chances as we could to try and get back in the swing of things, as it were. So aside from the normal attempts to make time to bond we’ve set apart one time of year where it is only us, this time being immediately after the Grand Galloping Galas. Where the ponies are sent away from the castle, the staff is sent home, and the castle is left with naught but the security details. It is then that we have free reign to do what we wish, or at least, we had free reign until last year where our shenanigans got us into a spot of trouble.
So this year, we were confined to the castle, and shunted to bed like children, bound by laws that would prevent us from causing something that could have any serious backlash. And it was this year that Luna and I did something we hadn’t done together in centuries.” Celestia’s audience was at attention, even if their issue had not been addressed yet.
“Last night we were able to go dreamwalking.” started Luna with a smile, “And though we may not have made the best of choices during our time amongst the aether, we were completely free, if not but for a few hours time. Busy as we are, and as heavily watched over, we’ve rarely any time to do such things anymore, but through dreamwalking we can let go of our bonds and be ourselves for a time. We apologize if this had caused you any stress, but we assure you we acted only in the interest of having fun, and not extracting your secrets or desires from you.” The two sister shared a kind look with one another and turned to the ponies across the table, who seemed contented for a moment before Rarity put voice once again, to their concerns.
“I can see how your lives leave you with very little time for yourselves, and I understand that your actions may also have been just as impaired as your judgement, but that still does not offer us any solace in that our friend is presently in relationship that is far too intimate for day one and we want to know why ! Rarity slammed her hoof on the table as she shouted, causing everyone else present to jump in their chairs, even the princesses.
“Now, just hold yer horses Rarity, no need to escalate this, just sit back down’n we’ll talk it out.” Applejack put a hoof on Rarity’s shoulder and slowly forced her back into her chair with a strength that Rarity couldn’t fight back against if she tried.
“I’m fine,” she said with frustration, “I’m fine… eh-hmm,” she cleared her throat and returned to her lady-like posture and tone, “now then. What do you propose we do? Should we try and expose her for what she is, or do we plant some stolen-”
“Rarity!” interrupted Applejack, “We ain’t gon be doing none'a the like ya hear?”
“Well excuse me for trying to protect Twilight.” Rarity replied with a final sigh of indignation and an upturned nose.
Applejack turned to the princesses, “The best we can really hope for is that maybe y’all could give Twi a bit of a talkin to, try and let her down easy that this is somethin that ain’t gonna end well fer no pony. We’re pretty sure that Trixie’s after somethin a Twilight’s especially she went and became princess.”
“Well… actually…” Celestia turned to Luna with growing grin, “we know for a fact that Trixie is in this for Twilight.”
“Eh-hmm,” Luna coughed,” Why yes, came across some pretty compelling evidence in our little adventure last night, and suffice it to say, we’re certain that this entire situation is Trixie’s dream come true . By the looks of what was seen, Trixie has had quite the little crush on Twilight, and she’s had for some time.”
“So ultimately, what you’re asking of us is beyond our powers to attempt to tamper with.” added Celestia stifling a giggle, “Now, we ask that you trust us on this at least for now. This entire situation was not the product of us attempting to control the lives of our subjects, but merely the unintended consequence of a joke that may have unlocked something within our little Twilight. Ultimately I cannot say I disapprove of this current turn of events, as despite all of my little nudgings in the past I’d never seen Twilight actually engage with another pony like she did-” Celestia slipped up and almost alluded to the dirty details of last night but quickly recovered, “or, is currently.” Celestia and Luna, both satisfied with the elder sister’s rebuttled, simply nodded slightly to one another and turned to the accusing party.
“Ugh…” Rarity sighed, “fair enough, I suppose. What type of ponies would we be if we stepped in the way of Twilight’s happiness.”
“We could at least give her a second chance,” came a quiet voice from the end of the table, “she may not have been welcoming or kind before, but I thought I noticed a change in Trixie when they’re together, perhaps this could do her some good as well as Twilight.” Fluttershy’s word were followed by Rainbow’s.
“I’m keeping an eye on her though.” added Rainbow Dash, “She hasn’t exactly earned my trust just yet.”
“Well then, now that we’re all in accordance, shall we enjoy the feast before us?” No sooner did Celestia finish her sentence did the crunching sound of an apple being bitten draw everyone’s attention to Pinkie Pie, who had finally brought the fruit to her mouth as slowly advancing it to her face during the course of the conversation. The table broke out once more into jovial giggles as the ponies began to eat once more, after another minute or so however, it came to Applejack’s worry that the two previously occupied chairs next to Celestia remained vacant.
“Sooo… anyone else wonderin where those two got off to? They’d ought to have been back by now, don’t y’all think?” started Applejack.
“Surely they’d have taken care of whatever they needed too by now?” questioned Rarity.
“Perhaps they got lost?” said Fluttershy.
“Yeah right,” cut in Rainbow, “I’m sure they ditched us to go off fooling around somewhere.” Rainbow Dash started to lift from her chair and took to the air, “I’m gonna go see where they got off to, I’ll be back in no time.”
“Do be careful not to get lost.” called Celestia to Rainbow Dash as she flew through the door into the kitchen leaving the rest of the party to return to the feast, now minus three members.
Just as before, and abnormal period of time had passed and neither Rainbow, nor Twilight and Trixie had managed to make an appearance back at the table. Luna sat making small talk with Pinkie Pie, finding her silly ways amusing to no end as she recounted tales of her childhood on the rock farm. Listening intently as Pinkie told the story of the first time she and her big sister Maud had made rock candy necklaces, she would didn’t notice that someone was beckoning for her attention until an errant piece of fruit lobbed by Pinkie in an over-the-top demonstration of placing each piece of rock candy on the string drew her attention to the door on the far side of the room, where a single guardsman started waving his hoof wildly when he saw Luna looking his direction.
After a brief moment to register who exactly was waving at her, she noticed that it was the guardsman she had entrusted with the escorting of the two changelings. Suppressing a shot of panic through her system, Luna turned to Pinkie Pie to try and disengage from conversation.
“Oh… my,” Luna placed a hoof to her stomach, “it would appear as if my food is disagreeing with me.” Pinkie quickly stopped her tale with a curious comment.
“That’s weird, my food always agrees with me, we come to a mutual understanding before hoof so there’s no hard feelings. Maybe you just need to talk to it before you eat it next time?” Pinkie smiled wide as the other participants of the meal stared at her with looks that questioned her mental stability.
“I will certainly try next time Ms. Pie, but until then I must away to the washroom, I shall return in a few minutes.” Luna then backed out of her place and began heading to the door on the far side of the room.
“Where are you going? I thought the bathroom was through the kitchen?” called Pinkie.
“Taking a shortcut!” Luna quickened her pace and proceeded to the door she’d seen the guardsman trying to wave her down in. Entering the door she closed it quickly behind her and turned to address the guardsman before her, who was shuffling nervously in place. “What is it?!” she whispered curtly.
“We have a bit of a problem your highness.” he murmured out.
“They escaped?!” Luna rasped out angrily.
“No we’re here,” came the voice of the male changeling; whose form had yet again changed, “but we’ve hit a bit of an impasse.” Luna turned to him and saw that he no longer bore Luna’s form, but rather that of Rainbow Dash.
“Where is she Bug?” Luna beckoned with slight panic in her voice.
“She’s in here.” the voice of Bit came from the corner of the room, where she stood next to the door of a small broom closet. “She tried to ask Bug, well, you a question, he panicked and before we knew it he was a carbon copy of the little blue pegasus. So, thinking quickly, your honorable guardsman over here planted a swift hoof firmly in the back of her head and she was out cold. It was a solid hit, she went down in one go, and she’s still breathing so I think we’re okay.”
This wasn’t happening right now… this couldn’t be happening. This was supposed to be a calm and enjoyable dinner party with Twilight and company and it was quickly turning into a murder mystery board game. Something had to be done and it had to be done quickly to stabilize this rapidly degrading situation before it spiraled even further out of control. If someone were to discover Luna’s sanctioned guests then it would quickly be assumed that they were behind the disappearances and panic would spread like fire and-
“Are you okay Princess?” asked Bit, the question needed asking as Luna’s breathing had picked up and her eyes were wide as she stared into nothing.
Reality suddenly snapped back to Luna, “I’m… I’m fine, we just… you just… you have to help me fix this now.” Luna pointed to Bit. “This one,” Luna turned her hoof to Bug, “he has little control over his stress, does he change when prompted by it? Can we force him to change?”
“I, I dunno… maybe?” Bit shrugged to the concerned Princess.
“Worth a shot then, guardsman, assail the changeling!”
“What?!” blurted all of them at once.
“You heard me, assault him, verbally, physically, something, just get him to panic, maybe it’ll work.” Luna ordered him.
“Uhm… ahh…” the guardman couldn’t think of anything to say, one of the nicer individuals in the castle, he resorted to the old standby… violence. With little warning he rose to his back hooves and slammed his hoof into Bug’s face with enough force to knock him over.
“Ahh!-mmm” Bug shouted before being quickly muffled by Bit.
“That’s not going to work, we’ll have to try something else, you’ll bludgeon him before we get anywhere with that,” she turned to the guardsman, “Also, nice punch there stud.”
“Why thank yo-”
“Shut up! We have to work fast…” Luna looked around the room and saw a rather large and unwieldy book upon the one desk in the room. Levitating it in Bug’s face she ran right up to him and began shouting in his face. “CHANGE! CHANGE DAMN YOU!” Bug’s eyes grew frightened and his breathing picked up as Luna repeatedly shouted “CHANGE!” in his face. He began hyperventilating as he tried to roll away from Luna to take his eyes away, but she kept floating the book out in front of him and screaming at him to change. After a few more moments of Luna’s sanity seeming to spill onto the floor at her feet, Bug finally reacted. It a small flash of green light and a magical poof the changeling shackled off the form of Rainbow Dash and disappeared.
“Oh my Goddess I killed him!” Luna brought a hoof to her mouth and gasped as she turned around to see Bit in a panic and the guardsman frozen in place.
“BUG!” shouted the changeling as she rushed forward, “C’mon man, where’d you go, tell me where you are, you have to be here, you have to-”
“I’m here.” came a small voice from the floor. Taking a pause, the remaining three normal sized ponies looked to the floor to see a spider about the size of a hoof squaring off with another spider of the same size, “I’m fine for now,” he said as the other spider raised it’s legs and began circling him, matching it’s movements the two motioned around in a small circle on the floor, “but I’m unsure if this guy is trying to kill or mate with me, some assistance would be helpful.”
As soon as he finished talking, one spider rushed the other and began slapping the other spider repeatedly. “Ah so that’s how it’s gonna be is it!” came a tiny shout from the fighting pair on the floor, “Well have at you then!” The one spider who’d been attacked began sparring just as fruitlessly at the other one, and for a moment the pair just stood there circling one another flicking and slapping the fire out of one another until one managed to momentarily flip the other over.
“Ha, take that you son of a mule!” The spider that remained upright simply backed up and held it’s four legs aloft as is it belittled and berated it’s opponent who righted itself before fleeing the battlefield down the hall. “Well then… thanks for all the help guys…”
“You looked like you had it under control.” smiled Bit, “Alright then so what no-”
The moment that no one had accounted for was upon them. Behind them, the tumblers in the door began to pop and click as someone on the other side was starting to open it. The party quickly turned to face the door, and before the door could crack open Bit changed with a flash and a pop to take the form of Rainbow Dash.
“Is everything alright in here?” came the voice of Celestia from the doorway as it opened.
“Certainly sister, I’ve just found Rainbow Dash and we ran into a spot of trouble with- another rat. We’ll certainly have to call for a ratter to visit the castle before too long, they’re making quite the comeback lately. Luna smiled and began making her way to the door, “I was just on my way back, come let us return to the table.”
“Did you manage to find Twilight and her friend Rainbow Dash?” this was the moment of truth, were Bit to mess up here the entire night would come crashing down on it’s head.
“I su-” Bit started to talk before rasping out her voice to fake as if she’s suddenly lost it, followed by a few mouth movements and curious expressions to further sell the lie.
“Are you okay Rainbow Dash?” Celestia cocked her head with curiosity. Bit merely shrugged and pointed to her throat while faking attempts to talk.
“Oh my, that was sudden. I hate it when that happens, happens to me a few times every decade or so, just comes outta nowhere. I’m sure you’ll be fine by tomorrow morning. But let’s get back to it then, I’m sure Twilight and her friend will turn up eventually.” Celestia smiled and left the doorway followed by Bit, skittering across the floor came Bug, who leapt up Bit’s leg and crawled up her neck to hide in her new rainbow mane. Luna wondered how she could stand the sensation without fidgeting, but as with many things in the changeling world, she shuddered to ask.
Before following her sister out the door, Luna turned to the guardsman.
“Go and find Twilight and her friend, a blue unicorn with a pale blue mane and an ego the size of this castle. Find them and get them back to the dinner as soon as possible.”
“Yes, your highness.” the guard sped off down the corridor and Luna gulped down the lump in her throat before heading back into the dining hall to join the other ponies. Bit managed to make it into the proper chair next to Fluttershy and had successfully rused the remaining ponies to believe that she had indeed lost her voice. Luna returned to her chair at her sister’s side and tried to tune in to the dialogue between Twilight’s friends to find a point where she might enter. Presently however, they were talking about the current political situation of Ponyville where Mayor Mare was once again running suspiciously unopposed, a topic that interested Luna about as much as tasting floor tiles.
“So, quite the interesting night eh?” Celestia nudged Luna to get her attention from the small morsels she’d been munching on for the last ten or so minutes.
“Indeed, who’d have thought that one little night of fun would have turned out like this?”
“I’m beginning to think there’s a reason for those intoxication depowerement laws we had to sign in last year. Perhaps we could stand to tone it down next time.”
“Bah, but where would be the fun in that?” Celestia smiled genuinely to Luna.
“I can’t imagine there being much.” Luna returned the gesture of warmth only to have her blood freeze a few seconds later.
A loud series of pops and clicks accompanied by a loud pained moan echoed across the dining hall as the door across the opened to reveal a dizzied Rainbow Dash clutching the back of her head with a hoof. The room fell silent for a moment as Rainbow looked up across the room and shambled toward the table in a haze. All guests at the table took their eyes off of the Rainbow Dash across the room to turn all at once, and lock their collective gaze onto the Rainbow Dash sitting at the table afore them.
Bit was frozen in place with her view locked straight ahead, past all of the ponies staring at her at the table and stuck in a thousand yard stare dead ahead of her. She didn’t so much as flinch when Celestia rose from her chair and levitated Bit from her’s. Floating her across the table she was stopped immediately in front of Celestia who looked her dead in the eyes.
“Shit…” the silence after Bit’s voicing of exasperation was immediately broken by the sudden appearance of a full sized changeling that popped out in front of her and landed on Celestia, breaking her concentration and dropping Bit to the floor.
“LEG IT!” shouted Bug as Bit also took her true form and jumped on and over the table to run frantically for the kitchen door. As soon as Celestia recovered she started off with fire in her eyes and a magic aura about her horn as she leapt over the table to give chase, followed immediately by Luna and all of Twilight’s friends who weren’t dazed.
Bit and Bug were in it now, this was the point of no return, it was what the hive had always called the “Hoof or Poof ” situation. You either ran away fast enough to escape Celestia, or received a one way ticket to having you lungs equalized with the void on the moon. The pair clumsily slammed into the cabinets knocking over pots and pans to a cacophony of loud bangs and clangs, clotheslining a passing chef as they attempted to jump over him, no sooner did they reach the turn to make it into the hallway did a bright flash of yellow light blaze past them and slam into the wall, scorching the tiles.
Out in the Hallway they were faced with the choice of either right or left, they would never split up, as they’d been taught to stay together, “We’re born a swarm, we thrive a swarm. You go it alone, you end up bones.” the old adages and slogans from their brief training were coming back to them as they came to the fork.
“Just follow me, I’ll get us out of here!” shouted Bit as yet another beam of magical light whizzed past them and slammed into a vase on a table at the end of the hall, teleporting it to an unknown location they could only assume was the moon. Turning left at the junction they were faced with a patrol guards, who engaged on sight and fired a barrage of multicolored lights in their direction, scorching the tiles and singing the carpets and tapestries. “Remember, no fighting back, just flee!”
“I know, I know!” Bug shouted back as the pair pulled a 180 and went down the hall in the other direction. As they came to the junction Celestia appeared in front of them, and with eyes full of hate, she fired yet another beam at them. Jumping to either side the beam sailed passed them and hit a royal guardsman’s helmet, poofing it off of his head as the pair of changelings dodged around Celestia and made their way to stairs at the end of the hallway amidst a barrage of inaccurate magical beams that singed and scored and teleported everything they touched, except for their intended targets. As they made it to the stairs they took flight and sailed vertically as fast as they could, passing another cadre of guards on the way who also gave chase like those before.
The pair followed the stairs as high as they went, exiting them on the top floor where much to their dismay was a large group of pegasi guards, so at least they wouldn’t have to worry about magic.
“Behind me Bug, it’s about to get rough!” Bit shouted and held out a long and unsure battle cry as she charged the group of guards. Just before reaching them she lunged into the air and transformed into a large oxen. Using her new size she plowed through the guards, knocking them aside like bowling pins to clear a path for Bug and herself. Reaching the other size of the unexpected formation Bit reverted to her normal state with a loud cheer, “Bug, did you see that, I just plowed through those guys, that was awesome!”
“Yeah I did, but,” Bug sounded more worried than impressed, “I also saw her, she and the rest of her goon army have made it up behind us, we gotta get outta here!”
“I’m workin on it Bug, the windows are enchanted to be shatterproof, we gotta make it to the roof somehow or find an open one, keep an eye out… wait, the Princess’ room, they’ve got those open balconies, there’s one up here ahead if I remember right, c’mon.” The pair continued being chased by the hoard of royal guard and royalty, and the magic missile barrage had once again picked back up, the largest beam yet to be fired at them signaled the beginning of another salvo as it sailed ahead of them and blasted a table in half in a fiery explosion. Reaching the end off the hall the pair turned left to see a large, abnormally adorned door at the end of the hall.
“That’s it c’mon, here’s to hoping we can get in or we’re bollixed.” The pair, with objective in sight, gained new legs, and ran harder than before. Beneath a heavy blanket of inaccurate and otherwise ineffective fire the pair reached the door, they grabbed the handles with their magic and flung open the doors before running in and slamming them behind.
Luna was immediately behind Celestia, having had this entire time to attempt to figure out how to explain her involvement to save the two changelings to avoid another incident with the swarm. Having seen the two of them just fling open the doors of Celestia’s chamber, she could only assume that they were trying to make an escape via the balcony. Celestia, also having seen this, gained a sudden burst of speed and bolted forward covering the remaining distance in the blink of an eye as the doors flung wide open before her, and slammed shut behind her.
Celestia was sure that she had them now, surely they were trying to escape, but they would never make it, not with how much of her magic she’d just channeled into her burst of speed, there was no way in Tartarus they’d escape her. The doors flung wide in front of her and she entered her chambers and before she could even register that the changelings were gone she was frozen in place just behind the doors.
Luna watched at the guards attempting to open the doors in front of them fail miserably. The lead element of the royal horde manage to slam into the doors before they’d fully opened, slamming them shut in their faces. This did not, however, stop their momentum. As the guards crashed into the door like a wave they overwhelmed the doors hinges cracked and buckled beneath the sudden force of thirty guards slamming into the door at once. The doors fell into the room beneath a pile of guards and armor as Luna, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Fluttershy clambered over the pile of guards to take their place at Celestia’s side, only to be as horrified as she was when the room was bathed in the light of the hallway.
Upon Celestia’s enormous bed, lay Twilight on her back, clad in golden plates and gauntlets of Celestia’s standard garb, with Trixie, similarly clad in the silver blue plats and gauntlets of Luna’s attire, on all fours above her. And behind Trixie in rutting position, was the armorless royal guard that Luna had sent to look for the two of them not even fifteen minutes ago. The three of them stared on in horror, as did the crowd of ponies who’d been brought here by the chase. The two parties stared on in silence for a solid minute, completely unmoving. It was after that minute that a dazed and confuzed Rainbow Dash clambered to the top of the guard pile and viewed inside the room, to the same dismay of all others present in the room.
“Ugh…” Celestia sighed, using her magic on something not immediately apparent. After a moment a stick came floating across the room in front of Celestia who gave the three of them and frustrated glare. “Which one of you is getting The Knight first?”
Luna and Celestia stood on the castle steps as Twilight’s friends silently left the castle walking in a perfectly straight line. To see their faces one would think that they had gazed into the abyss, and that the abyss had returned the favor ten fold. It was only after all of them had left that Twilight and Trixie, both looking about ten times as red as normal stood side by side and paused at Celestia’s side.
“Nope…” Celestia said without even looking at then, she merely stood staring straight ahead, “You have nothing to say, I have nothing to say. You have no letter to write, I don’t want you to write a letter. There is no lesson about friendship, I don’t want to hear about whatever lesson you think you learned. We are done here for tonight, go home. One more thing.” Celestia hovered all of the pieces of golden and silver armor that Twilight and Trixie had been wearing, “Take these. No I do not want them back. Luna does not want hers back. You have tainted them, they are yours now.”
Twilight and Trixie turned around and followed their friends to what would be the most awkward train ride of their lives. Without looking to either side, the sisters stood beside the doorway looking straight ahead.
“Sister?”
“Yes, Luna?”
“Never… again…”
The drunken adventures of Luna and Celestia: A night in pony dreams.
“So…” said Bug as he and Bit flew into the night, “that happened.”
“Yep…” replied Bit as they kept flying.
“Do you think she’s still chasing us?”
“Well,” reasoned Bit, “judging by the fact that magical flak has not been exploding around us for the last half hour and that we’ve not yet been tackled to the ground by royal guards, I’d assume that we’re in the clear. Besides, did you see Princess Twilight back there with those other two ponies? I’m sure that Celestia got stunned in place by that sight, I mean, they were even dressed up like her and her sister! There’s no way she had nothing to say about that.”
“I suppose you’re right, and now that you mention it I wish we had a camera with us. Could you imagine what ponies would pay for a photo of that?” Bit and Bug shared a laugh as they dove to get get closer to the ground.
“We’d have our own castle with the money we’d make, but I’m unsure that I’m willing to risk going back there for a few weeks. I’ve no interest in taking a lunar vacation.”
“And seeing as I apparently can’t perform under pressure, I’d like to try a place that’s a little less dangerous for now.”
“Yeah,” said Bit with annoyance, “Mr. I can’t control my powers , you nearly got us killed on two occasions. If we’re going to try anything else, you’re going to have to get your shit together. I’m not going to get murdered because you can't keep it together.”
“I know, I’m sorry alright? I just can’t control it yet.”
“You’ll get there... it just takes time. But we’re going to be less ambitious with our choice of venue this time.” Scanning the horizon, Bit eyed a small cluster of lights in the foothills, a small little town at the base of the Canterlot mountains. “There... down there.” she pointed to it and turned in flight. “Looks like a nice little spot over there, it’s just down the rails from Canterlot, but it seems far enough away to not have a heavy guard presence. Looks pretty close to the Everfree as well, so worst case scenario we can flee there. C’mon then.” the changelings sped off to the small settlement in hopes that they’d find a more peaceful place with a lot fewer guards.
“Here’s to hoping.” said Bug as he followed his friend, “I’ve had about enough of having to run for my life.”
“You and me both.” The pair kept flying on to their new destination with high hopes as nothing could really be worse than their previous situation, at least that was the hope anyway.
