My Little Pony: Quest for the Holy Grail

Alberto, Shining Armour, and Rainbow Dash ran into their cabin and locked the door. The other ponies were waiting them inside.

"Just in time!" gasped Alberto. "Amigos, we got this mad guy out there who claims to be a prophet and is rallying the entire ship of passengers against us! Shining and Dash and I almost got stampeded earlier on!"

"Er.... Alberto, there's another parchment waiting you here," said Big McIntosh; "Derpy found it on your bed and took it to me."

"Bring it here," said Alberto.

Big McIntosh took the parchment in his mouth, taking great care not to nom it to shreds, and passed it to Alberto, who read it:

You might come across a black American skipper in the corridors who is also a Pentecostal pastor. DO NOT TALK TO HIM. If you do, he will start talking about a ‘judgement’, and then he will stop thinking like a skipper and start thinking like a pastor, and begin preaching to the entire shipful of passengers that you are the ones responsible for the storm, and then they will order you thrown overboard. If you haven’t spoken to him, the ship will go through the storm safely and eventually dock at Riga, where you will find your next clue. But if you have already spoken to him, yes, it is not a good sign, the weather will take a turn for the worse, and you may need to do some cleaning-up if you want to reach land safely. I sent you Rainbow Dash and Thunderlane as backups for that reason. Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

"Caramba!" cried Alberto. "That explains it! Rainbow Dash, what do you make of this?"

Rainbow Dash took a deep bated breath. "Only one thing to do," she said; "get out of this vessel, and fast! We who are pegasi might have to fly all the non-pegasi to the nearest land possible! Just that -- how do we do so without drenching our wings??"

"Let's do it this way!" said Big McIntosh. "There are four pegasi now -- Rainbow Dash, Derpy, Soarin, and Thunderlane; and there are six non-pegasi -- myself, Alberto, Braeburn, Shining Armour, Snips, and Snails. So what we'll need -- is a dinghy; and the dinghys are all outside on the deck! And is there not a window here in our cabin overlooking the deck, and big enough for each of us to fit through? Let's burst out of this window like bats out of hell!

The sirens are screaming and the fires are howling

Way down in the valley tonight!

There’s a man in the shadows with a gun in his eye

And a blade shining oh so bright!

There’s evil in the air and theres thunder in the sky

And a killer on the bloodshot streets;

And down in the tunnel where the deadly are rising,

Oh I swear I saw a young boy down in the gutter,

He was starting to foam in the heat…

Oh baby you’re the only thing in this whole world

That’s pure and good and right,

And wherever you are and wherever you go

There’s always gonna be some light.

But I gotta get out, I gotta break it out now

Before the final crack of dawn!

So we gotta make the most of our one night together,

When it’s over you know, we’ll both be so alone...

Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone when the morning comes!

When the night is over like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone, gone, gone!

Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone when the morning comes!

When the day is done and the sun goes down and the moonlights shining through!

Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven I’ll come crawling on back to you.

And so singing, the nine ponies and single human burst their way out of the cabin via the glass window onto the deck, which was flooded greatly by this time; they began frantically searching for dinghys at the side of the cruiser as the gale raged along.

"Ho there! Wait for me please!" came a male voice from down the deck.

"Who's that?" gasped Thunderlane, thinking that it was the fundamentalist prophet that Alberto had spoken about.

"Oh, that's the captain, he's harmless," said Alberto.

"Captain!" cried Big McIntosh. "Just the guy we need! We need to get out of here quickly! You know where the dinghys are?"

"Yeah! I do!" called the captain, as he came running into view. "Let me handle this!"

The captain ran up and took a dinghy from one of the storage rooms on the cruiser and flung it out onto the raging sea, holding it still with his hand via a rope.

"There they are! The servants of Satan! AFTER THEM!" came the voice of Philippulus the Prophet from the distance.

"That's my skipper!" shouted the captain. "Quickly! Onto the dinghy!"

Within seconds, Alberto and the nine ponies and the cruiser captain were on board the dinghy in the middle of the raging gale, which was still as strong as ever.

"Phew! That was close!" gasped Rainbow Dash. "But do we fly yet?"

"Not from what I see," said Big McIntosh; "we'll need to find out where exactly in the Baltic Sea we are now, before you pegasi can do any flying."

"What happened up there anyway?" asked Alberto, curiously.

"My skipper all of a sudden became like that, don't ask me why," said the captain. "Even I also don't know what overcame him. He was usually very quiet when working alongside me as my assistant for the past year or so. He'd helped me navigate really rough routes before, in equally horrible weather. Surprising that this had to happen today -- of all days and weathers!"

"Well, at least we're safe for now, despite the weather," said Shining Armour.

"My name's Hook," said the captain; "Captain James Hook. And what about you guys?"

"Just call me Alberto," said Alberto; "these are my ponies."

The nine ponies introduced themselves in turn.

"Nice names! Sounds like you guys just came from the racecourse in Suffolk!" laughed Captain Hook.

"I beg your....?" said Shining Armour, giving Captain Hook a look in his eye.

"Er... nothing," replied Captain Hook, taken aback.

"Captain, how come you're working in this line anyways?" wondered Snails. "You don't sound like the typical drunken, loud-mouthed sailor."

"It's kind of a long story actually," said Captain Hook. "As a kid growing up in London, I came from a family which abused me greatly. My parents, especially my father, loved to photograph and videograph me nude, not only as a baby but also as a grade-school-age kid and even as a teenager. When I refused to comply with him, he would start to emotionally blackmail me and threaten me with lots of things not worth talking about, until and unless I would comply with his demands. His own reasons for doing this to me, he said, was because it was 'for the good of' me.

"During my grade-school years, this abuse was so rampant that I eventually began thinking of why my father kept doing that to me, and why he never got into any hot soup with the law because of that. My classmates began teasing me about it; some of them even showed me the videos of me that my father had posted on the internet. I was in an all-boys' school, Eton College; and because of that, I also began to find myself inclined to same-sex orientations at the time.

"Eventually, unable to take my father's abuses, I moved out of home at 18 years of age, by which time I'd gotten a scholarship from my senior high school to go to York University to study teaching, which had been my passion since I was in junior high. I accepted with a smile, and while in York I'd developed a love for photography, bought me four Canon Digital SLR cameras. I began photographing and videographing some random and willing kids -- mainly local boys between 11 and 17 years of age -- at the beach, all in their swimming attire; and put the very same pics and videos on the internet the way my father had done to me years ago. The difference here is that these kids were willing.

"Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse one day when my laptop died and I had to send it in for repairs. I was forced to borrow the York University library's computers to update my Flickr photo library. I was unfortunate enough when a peeping-tom came and peeked over my shoulder and saw what I was doing, and the next thing I knew, the police came and ordered me to follow them. A scuffle broke out, in which I lost my left hand, which has since been replaced by this hook you see here. That was when I was roughly 23 years of age. I tried in vain to defend myself in court, getting nothing but only further charges of 'contempt of court' slapped on my head whenever I opened my mouth.

"Thank goodness Tavish 'Demoman' DeGroot, my long-time friend from Inverness Park, stepped in to help me at the last minute. He offered me a job that would keep me as far away from dry land as possible, so that no other 'concerned parents' would ever see my face again; and the rest of civilization would take me to be as good as dead. Hence, I accepted Demoman's offer to work in Finger Pier as a naval officer; eventually I rose to the rank of Captain. I am now 51 years of age and have never set foot onto any form of dry land on Earth ever since that time.

I know just how to whisper, and I know just how to cry;

I know just where to find the answers; and I know just how to lie.

I know just how to fake it, and I know just how to scheme;

I know just when to face the truth, and then I know just when to dream.

And I know just where to touch you, and I know just what to prove;

I know when to pull you closer, and I know when to let you loose.

And I know the night is fading, and I know that time's gonna fly;

and I'm never gonna tell you everything I've got to tell you,

but I know I've got to give it a try.

And I know the roads to riches, and I know the ways to fame;

I know all the rules and then I know how to break 'em

and I always know the name of the game.

But I don't know how to leave you, and I'll never let you fall;

and I don't know how you do it, making love out of nothing at all.

Every time I see you all the rays of the sun

are streaming through the waves in your hair;

and every star in the sky is taking aim at your eyes like a spotlight,

The beating of my heart is a drum, and it's lost

and it's looking for a rhythm like you.

You can take the darkness from the pit of the night

and turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright.

I've got to follow it, 'cause everything I know,

well it's nothing till I give it to you.

I can make the run or stumble, I can make the final block;

And I can make every tackle, at the sound of the whistle,

I can make all the stadiums rock.

I can make tonight forever, or I can make it disappear by the dawn;

And I can make you every promise that has ever been made,

And I can make all your demons be gone.

But I'm never gonna make it without you, do you really want to see me crawl?

And I'm never gonna make it like you do, making love out of nothing at all.

The ponies were touched by Captain Hook's story and song, as was Alberto.

"Don't you worry, Captain, you'll definitely make it with us," Derpy reassured the venerable English sailor. "Alberto had a very similar history to yours, and look at what he is today -- defense knight of all Equestria!"

"Si, I can testify to that," said Alberto. "You'll be in safe hands -- and hooves too -- with us. So don't you worry."

"The weather's taking a turn for the worse!" cried Big McIntosh.

"Fellow pegasi! To action now!" yelled Derpy.

All four pegasi flew to the corners of the dinghy, braving the rain, and using all their combined powers, they lifted up the dinghy into the air. Big McIntosh, in an attempt to encourage them to brave the rain and fly to the nearest dry land, sang to them:

I can see myself tearing up the road

Faster than any other horse has ever gone!

And my skin is rough but my soul is ripe,

And no one’s gonna stop me now!

I gotta make my escape,

But I can’t stop thinking of you,

And I never see the sudden curve until it’s way too late!

Then I’m dying on the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun,

Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike;

And I think somepony somewhere must be tolling a bell,

And the last thing I see is my heart still beating,

Breaking out of my body and flying away,

Like a bat out of hell!