The Elements of Misfortune

  "Tonight, a guest of honor will be joining us..." The mayor continued, her voice forcing enthusiasm.

  Like most ponies in Ponyville, she was exhausted.

  The time spent waiting for this moment took all day, and it was late at night.

  Ethelind was fighting back a huge yawn while Hurricane kept dozing off, his eyelids drooping every so often.

  Spade was already asleep, her head hung back and her mouth wide open.

  Sarcasm glanced around quickly, making sure no one was watching as he withdrew a silver flask from his tail.

  "....and raises the gallant sun everyday!" The mayor was still rambling.

  Sarcasm tuned her out as he unscrewed the lid of his flask with his magic.

  He then levitated it up to his lips and took a huge swig, swallowing and sighing with relief.

  A paranoid looking purple unicorn next to him stared at him with surprise in her violet eyes.

  Sarcasm shrugged.

"I just really hate the mayor's voice sometimes. Need to loosen up when forced to her speeches." He murmured to her.

  "Shut up, Sarcasm!" Blaze whispered fiercely to the red unicorn, shoving him. "I'm trying to listen!"

  Sarcasm rolled his eyes and took another drink. He noticed the purple unicorn still staring at him.

  "They were the ones to drag me here, for the record." Sarcasm murmured to her quietly.

  He then levitated the flask over to her.

  "Want some?" He offered.

  "Sweet Celestia, no!" The purple unicorn said with barely disguised disgust.

  "Suit yourself." He said as he lifted up the flask and took another drink.

  Hurricane blinked his eyes slowly, trying to keep his eyelids from drooping.

  He swayed slightly, nudging Sarcasm in the process.

  Sarcasm turned and stared blankly at Hurricane, the strong alcohol in his flask already getting him heated.

  "Ay." He whispered over to the purple unicorn.

  "What?!" She fiercely whispered back, taking a second to glance around in clear paranoia.

  "Ye got a marker?" Sarcasm slurred then pointed at the dozing Hurricane.

  The purple unicorn sighed heavily and rolled her eyes.

  She used her magic to pop a black marker from thin air.

  "Now, please, let me pay attention!" She said as Sarcasm took the marker into his own levitation.

  Sarcasm silently mocked her words with a funny face silently before grabbing the lid of the marker and yanking it free.

  He leaned behind Hurricane and used his levitation magic to scribble words all over the pegasus's back.

  In Hurricane's delirious state, he never even felt Sarcasm writing on him.

Finally, Sarcasm giggled and replaced the lid of the marker.

  'Insert dicks here' was scribbled aboved Hurricane's tail, along with a crudely drawn arrow showing where.

  Sarcasm belched loudly and turned his attention back to the mayor, handing the unicorn next to him the marker. "Thanks." He whispered as she looked at him in disgust.

  "...and so, I welcome our gallant princess, Princess Celestia!"

  Despite the exhaustion, the crowd still cheered thrice as enthusiastic about seeing the princess. They all stared up at the curtaines balcony where the princess was to enter.

  After a while, no one showed. Anxious whispering broke out amongst the crowd as the mayor whispered fiercely to a white unicorn with a curly purple mane.

  "Nice job, Sarcasm." Trock snorted. "Your ugliness scared her away."

  "Yo man, shut the fuck up." Sarcasm snorted, then grabbed the purple unicorn next to him and squeezed her close, "Atleast my new friend ain't a total bee-otch."

  "Friend isn't the word I'd use." The unicorn protested as she tried to struggle free from Sarcasm's grip.

  "Well, shit." Sarcasm sighed with genuine sarcastic sadness as he released her. "I thought we was homies."

  "I bet you don't even know her name." Spade butted in.

  "Of course I do. It's... Uh..." Sarcasm paused a moment to look over the mare.

  "It's Purple Stripymane. I win."

  "Yeah, whatever." Spade said, rolling her eyes.

  "Guys, shouldn't we be worrying about more important matters?" Ethelind asked sharply. "Like, where's our princess?"

  Suddenly, silence swept over the crowd as they heard footsteps from the balcony.

  "Is it Princess Sun-butt?" Trock asked as he strained to see over the crowd.

  "Wait... I don't think it is." Hurricane answered.

  A blue, wavering mane was the first to come into view.

  "Maybe...." Hurricane continued.

  A creature, definitely not the princess, came into view.

  Blue, cat-like eyes were narrowed down to slits as a curved helmet lay display onto the creature's head, fangs poking out from her lips.

  Night armor covered her dark blue body, her bat-like wings extended for all to see.

  But that wasn't it.

  "Guys." Ethelind breathed. "It's an alicorn."

  Ethelind was right; a large blue horn poked out from the creature's forehead.

  A nervous murmuring broke out immediately over the croud as the creature smiled.

  "Silence!" it yelled in an unusually loud voice.

  "Fools, every one of thou." the creature began, using her wings to hover slowly over the crowd, glaring down at the quiet ponies.

  "Aw shiiieeet!" Sarcasm said obnoxiously.

  "Sarcasm!" The other five hissed at once, Ethelind magically shutting his mouth again.

  The creature bared her teeth and roared over the crowd.

  "Fools art thou, following under Celestia's rule like abandoned puppies trailing after thy lost parents. Does any of you mortals stand beside a good reason to follow thy princess?"

  "Wait, what?" Asked Hurricane.

  The crowd remained silent. The purple unicorn next to Sarcasm looked on the verge of tears. "I knew it..." She whispered.

  "From this day onwards, Celestia's rule shall  be no more! Bow under the leadership of Nightmare Moon!" The creature howled.

  The crowd finally broke up, Everypony panicking and screaming.

  The creature laughed evilly, lightening exploding behind her, "The night shall last forever!"

  "Guys, I don't think that's Celestia." Hurricane pointed out.

  "No shit, Sherlock. Did you figure that out all by yourself?" Spade asked sharply.

  The creature then suddenly vanished, leaving a trail of black smoke behind her.

  "Well, fuck." Trock said, staring after it.