The Elements of Misfortune

The moon was high in the sky  on the night of the Summer Sun Celebration as

  five ponies, Hurricane, Sarcasm, Spade, Trock, and Blaze were standing around outside of the Hedge, awaiting for Ethelind's arrival in silence.

  "I hope she comes." Trock said as he leaned by the door, breaking the silence that settled over them.

  "Me too," Spade muttered from her position by a nearby lamppost that weakly shed light over the five. "Without her here, I'm gonna feel like that confused mare at the sausage fest."

"Lovely." Trock muttered.

"I'm just pissed she reminded us that the damn event was today and decided not to show up herself." Blaze grumbled from the dark corner to the left of the bar, chewing on a toothpick.

  "Why am I not surprised?" Sarcasm snorted from where he was sitting, which was by Hurricane who was by the left window.

  Excuse me?" Blaze asked, splintering the wood of his toothpick beneath his clenched teeth.

  "I'm saying I'm not surprised you are mad. No one is, anymore, Blaze." Sarcasm said calmly as he shined his hoof on his chest.

   Blaze spat the pick from his mouth and strolled towards Sarcasm until he was nose to nose with the red unicorn. To his credit, Sarcasm didn't back down. He was taller than Blaze anyways. To Sarcasm, it felt like talking to a colt.

  "Well, ain't you just precious when you're mad." Sarcasm snickered as he ruffled Blaze's mane.

  "Stop!" Blaze snapped and pulled away from the unicorn, trying desperately to fix his Tuesday Hairdo, which was a black slicked mohawk that shone in the light. His coat was washed from any dye for once, revealing a smooth dark brown coat underneath.

"I'm not that bad, am I ?" Blaze asked Hurricane as he glared at Sarcasm.

  "Woah, don't bring me into this. I'll just point out that you knocked a stallion waiter out yesterday at the Haystack Shack because he poured your drink on your left side instead of your right." Hurricane mumbled, looking away.

  "That doesn't prove anything, you piece of-" Blaze began.

"For fuck's sake, Blaze! You nearly punched some pink pony because she invited you to a party at the library," Sarcasm said in defense for Hurricane. "If Hurricane wasn't there to stop you, you would've done it!"

  "Yeah," Hurricane added hesitantly, still looking away. "Why would you do that? She was just inviting you to some party that's probably bad ass."

"Libraries are not meant for parties!" Blaze protested.

  Spade rolled her eyes at Blaze. "Okay, now you just sound like an angry Ethelind."

  "What sounds like an angry Ethelind?" A familiar voice behind Spade spoke up, spooking the brown pegasus and making her jump away from the lamppost.

  "Shit, Ethelind, you gave me a heart attack!" Spade said, clutching her heart dramatically. Then she lowered her voice, "Ten more seconds and they would've ripped each other apart."

"I believe the term is "I 'nearly' gave you a heart attack." as seeing that I didn't really give you a heart attack and that-"

"What took you so long?" Blaze interrupted Ethelind rudely with a question as he walked away from Hurricane and Sarcasm.

  "Why'd you ask?" Ethelind asked, sitting and smirking slightly. "Did you miss me?"

Blaze harrumphed and looked away. "No, I just needed to know that intelligence still exsists in this world." He said as he glared at Sarcasm and Hurricane.

  "Hey!" Trock protested as he stood up straight. "I didn't do anything wrong!"

"That doesn't make you smart," Spade said as she pet his head. "Look at you. Trying to be smart but ends up being stupid and cute."

  "I have a marefriend, Spade." Trock muttered as he slapped her hoof away.

  "Congrats? What do you want, a fuckin' medal?" Spade asked.

  "So don't call me cute." Trock said firmly.

   "So what? Calling someone cute immediately makes a mare dick thirsty? I call my dog cute and I don't want to fuck her," Spade said as she shoved Trock away. "Saying you're cute is not a fuckdamn invitation to my bed."

  "Are we going to sit here all night talking about fucking animals, or are we going to the damn celebration?" Sarcasm asked loudly, standing up and beginning to walk towards the town center.

  Spade shot one last disgusted look at Trock before following.

  Hurricane, Blaze, and Ethelind all shared looks with each other. Hurricane just shrugged. "We'd better hurry and get this night over with before we start tearing each other apart."

  "I agree," Ethelind said as the three walked together, trying to catch up. "I had to carry a passed-out Hurricane last time you guys got into a fight, remember?"

  "I remember," Hurricane said, trotting along Ethelind's side. "And I remember the bitch of a headache it produced," He paused and licked his lips, smiling slightly. "Not that I'm complaining or anything."

  "Sicko." Blaze grumbled from Ethelind's other side.

  Hurricane ignored Blaze as they passed through the town. "Damn...." he said as they passes through the town. "Everyone must've gone all out on decorating."

  Hurricane was right as they passed  through the colorful town.

  "It's giving me a headache." Blaze grumbled as Ethelind walked ahead.

  What doesn't give you a headache?" Hurricane pointed out.

  "Not your voice. So shut up," Blaze said, smacking a sun streamer out of his face that hung from a 'Welcome to Ponyville' banner.

  "Show some gratitide," Ethelind snapped at the two. "Ponies worked all day making the town look amazing while you guys were at the Hedge drinking." If Ethelind was curt with anyone, it was a bad sign. She practiced every spell in the book everyday and could geld a stallion in under 10 seconds.

  "Oh, sorry," Hurricane said sarcastically. "Let me wipe Celestia's plot to make up for my loss."

  "Whip her cutie mark a few times for brownie points." Blaze mumbled quietly, making both of them snicker as they walked behind Ethelind.

  A rock smacked Hurricane in the head at the same time a hardcover book hit Blaze.

  "Show some respect. Princess Celestia raises the sun everyday so ponies like you can live." Ethelind scolded the two stallions.

  "I know what else she raises." Hurricane whispered as quietly as he could to Blaze, which apparently wasn't quiet enough as Ethelind magically smacked his head with a broomstick.

  Finally, the three arrived in the town's center where hundreds of ponies were crowded around a stage.

   Ethelind stopped suddenly, making Hurricane and Blaze bump into her. Ethelind shoved them away with her magic as she looked around the crowd.

   "Do you guys see Trock, Spade and Sarcasm anywhere?" Ethelind asked, not at any specific pony.

  "I saw Sarcasm's fat ass around here somewhere." Hurricane sniggered, looking back torwards the stage.

  "Yeah, I see him." Blaze said, moving torwards the stage.

  Ethelind and Hurricane tried to follow as Blaze jabbed and elbowed his way through the crowd.

  "Watch it, Blaze, before you get your throat slit." Hurricane said smugly as he hovered above the crowd.

  "Oh, sorry. Where are my manners?" Blaze said as he elbowed a brown pegasus on the back of the head. "Excuse me!" He yelled obnoxiously.

  The brown pegasus turned around.swiftly, glaring at Blaze.

  "What the fuck, Blaze?" Spade yelled, rubbing the back of her head.

  "Oh hey, Blaze, I think we found them." Hurricane stated the obvious.

  "No fucking shit, Sher-cock. Who the fuck else would we be?" Snapped a very clearly annoyed Spade.

  "Well fuck you too." Hurricane snapped back as he landed by Trock.

  "Name the time." Trock said as he waggled his eyebrows.

  "Wasn't talking to you." Hurricane pushed Trock away.

  Suddenly, silence swept over the crowd as the mayor mare stepped on stage.

  "A silent crowd? Sarcasm, don't even think about it." Spade whispered angrily to the unicorn next to her.

  Sarcasm smiled and took a deep breath.

  "PENI-" was all he got out before Ethelind curtly shut him up with her magic.

  A few looked at Sarcasm struggling to free his mouth while everyone else looked up at the Mayor as she began to speak. "Welcome, ponies of Ponyville..."