Earwig; Ace Detective.

Do something they won't expect! KISS THEM FULL ON THE MOUTH! -Chewed Pencil

Thinking quickly, you grab your assailant and blindly kiss them while flailing! Genius! Perfectly genius!

The figure lets out a mutter of surprise and immediately stops grabbing you. You stand there awkwardly, lips wrapped around his, and take the opportunity to feed on the vaguely confused love your interactions have garnered! Love up!

After a few moments, it occurs to you that you should probably at least know who you're stealing the kiss from! You break the kiss! The figure stops and...

A royal guard has grabbed you, stating that you are under investigation. Transform into another royal guard. The flames of your transformation will startle the actual guard so that you can grab his spear and knock him out by beating him over the head with the handle. Stash the unconscious body in the alleyway and continue your business in the guard disguise. - Snapdrakegames

"STOP! Cease and desist your thievery of kisses! You are under investigation for-" It's a royal guard! Here! In town! Oh no! This is horrible! Your cover really has been blown! You should've really believed that cat bird when she walked into your life! You knew she was bad news! That feline with the cotton candy tell told you correctly!

For a brief moment, you stare incredulously at the guard, and then recoil. Thinking back to the hive, and using your own quick wit, you flare your transformation magics, sending light cascading out of the alleyway! Instead of a changeling, suddenly, you are the guard.

The guard stares stupidly at you, and in a moment, you grab his spear and whack him over the head with it.

Then you pause for a moment, and relish in how thoroughly hard boiled you are. Dang, that was just smooth! You're like... some sort of smooth... vagabond. Isn't there a hit song about that?

You pause and revel in the lyrics of smooth vagabond and strut out of the alleyway.

BUT BEFORE YOU DO THAT!

Fortunately, you dig around the ashes of your ruined building and find a stash with your backup fedora, small bag of bits, and hidden retractable wrist blade (changelings don't last that long in direct combat and typically rely on numbers, stealth, trickery, and surprise) -Kersey745

Say, that's a great idea! I'm sure they won't mind if you pretend that you had it, you silly changeling you! You dig through the cache you keep hidden under rotting carpet the exact same shade as the one in your beloved office, and try not to cry from the memory. Your poor poor building. Now you're going to have to get a new place that isn't on the intersection of shady and cheap! Grabbing your things, you hide them as part of... royal... guard... saddlebags... I'm sure that'll work out as a lie, and pass by the sign of the intersection of shady and cheap. (It used to the intersection of nightmare and shady, but after luna returned, someone decided that calling the poor part of town nightmare was a bit offensive to the good princess)

After a few moments, you give your spare fedora a mournful look. For your current disguise, it would be odd to have a fedora on!

Current disguise: Royal Guard. Great at parties, not so great at defending the princesses.

Love up! You may spend your love on one situation where you would normally find your story over! Love is gained by stealing it from organisms who probably deserve it more than you do!

Current items!
Bits: Money
Fedora: Your one true love.
Wristblade: You can't really remember that many lessons on it, but you won it in a bar somewhere, so you've kept it around.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?