Chapter 1: The Shreckoning
Spike's wrist jerked back and forth in an unnatural motion, he groaned gutturally and came buckets of spiders and threw them at the Ponyville orphanage because spiders are super spooky. Spike ran upstairs on his midget dragon legs like a faggot and grabbed twilight a socks (with real looking veins), which she had despite the fact that she doesn't wear shoes. He placed his tic tac sized wang into his mouth and placed the sock, now filled with mash potato, into his butt. Spike came lava buckets again and twilight walked into the room schlicking furiously.
"What the cunt fuck are you doing, slave?" Yelled Twilight, whose horny mood had been ruined by the super scary sexual stimulations spike was partaking in.
Spike yelled in disgust at the fucking spectacle of the fucking schlicking and called twilight the author's sexual fantasy. Twilight slapped the shit out of spike and told him to go work in the cotton fields. Spike thought this was toooootallly unfaiiiiir!!!!!1!!!!!
Spike pulled the cotton off of the bushes, which Twilight had magically smeared in poo because she's cunt, and cursed the events which had bought him here (which the author will not recount because he's a fucking gay lazy neck beard, and is to busy getting the taste of dick out of his mouth to write the fucking flashback). Spike went up to his room and began to crysturbate. He continued this activity until his dick was red raw, and then fell asleep.
Spike woke up the next day. He yawned heartily, took a drink from his personal collection of Rarity's bodily fluid and then decided to crank one out. He moved his hand slowly towards his crotch area, and realised with horror that his penis was no longer there. Spike ripped of the covers and looked at the empty area where his love staff used to be, and saw a note, written in terrible English. Spike snatched up the note and began to read.
"Hey m8ty dis is ur dick speakin, discord came along in da night and maed me alive SUPER SPOOKY! Anyway, im sik and tired of bein abused whenever u want to feel good so I'm leavin to join da circus soz man :( luv ur dick <3."
"Well shit," exclaimed Spike, "I guess I'm going to have to go on an epic quest, meeting a whole bunch of memorable characters, making new enemies which later become friends, and making new friends which later become enemies, all resulting in a satisfying climax in which I will reunite with lost desire and profess my enteral love for it, because after all, this is an extremely cliche Fanfiction, made by a shitty author. On a completely unrelated note, Knighty sucks dick, because his is tiny."
"What the fuck Spike," said the author angrily, "you aren't allowed to put meta content on this website, you'll get me banned you faggot."
"Fuck you dad, I do what I want."
"Fine!" Screeched the author with tears in his eyes and alcohol on his breath, "I never loved you anyway."
Spike stopped the emotionally crushing conversation and left to find his lost love. He went to the only place he could think to find a horny penis, the sock factory. He went to the Ponyville sock factory, which had been closed down only three days after opening, because ponies don't wear socks, and he opened the decrepit factory and saw his penis frolicking in the rotted socks. Spike pounced on his dick, but got thrown off because spike is a massive pussy faggot. The love stick's small size gave it a massive advantage when evading its master, and started out the door, Spike followed in hot pursuit.
Chapter 2: Pinkie In the Stinker
Spike followed the rouge reproductive organ out of the sock factory, and gazed left and right before crossing the road. He used his magical dragon eyes to spot his tic tac sized wang rolling towards the Ponyville orphanage, Spike continued the chase and eventually reached the door of the orphanage, he tried to kick open the door, but as I previously stated, spike is a massive wimp. He the. Opened the door like a sensible person and kicked over several orphans In persuit of his manhood... Dragonhood... Shut up. After knocking over a crippled orphan, he surveyed the room, all he could see was a lamp, six dead orphans and a trophy which mysteriously resembled Spikes staff. Naturally, he searched the lamp, this gave his penis the opportunity to escape from it's hiding place in the mouth of one of the dead orphans and it escaped up the stairs.
Spike reached the top of he staircase just in time to see his penis escape through the window, Spike had to act fast, he grabbed the closest orphan, who just so happened to be a Black, Muslim, crippled, mentally challenged, pedophilia victim of Jewish descent who also had no hooves (u mad?) and pushed him through the window, using the super minority to break his fall.
Meanwhile, in the café across the street from Ponyville orphanage, sat Rarity. Rarity stared at her computer screen trying to create a novel to follow up her success, Pinkie in The Stinker: a love story about how to be a grade A cunt. Rarity looked out the window and pondered ideas when she saw Spike hit the ground, with a minority of some kind breaking his fall, This angered Rarity. Why the fuck wasn't this pony working in Twilights cotton fields? And why was spike not there as well. Rarity whipped out her phone and then dropped it because she has fucking hooves. She yelled out through the coffee shop, saying that spike was a serial rapidly supporter of the patriarchy who wouldn't check his privilege and the entirety of the coffee shop roared out in outrage, or they would have if they gave a shit. Rarity yelled some bullshit about privilege swine and then ran out of the café In pursuit of the purple dragon.
On the other side of the road sat the author, he had Mountain Dew: code red in one hand, and his iPad in the other. He was a blond neck beard, who wasted the majority of his time writing stories about horses getting their dicks stuck in scotch bottles under the alias of Grand Shanks and masturbating to gay porn, he was also a pony for some reason. He looked up from the cum stained screen of his typing machine and saw an interesting sight, a sentient penis, being chased by a dragon who was being chased by a hot piece of ass.
"I wouldn't mind fucking her violently." Thought the author as Cheetos dust fell from his neck beard.
The author got up, and then fell over because he hadn't walked in months. He instead decided to roll after the hot pony in the hopes if getting some of the sweet pony poon. Yes this story is a self insert now, deal with it nerds.
