Luna leaned forward, a smile playing around her lips as the laptop bathed her face in its blue glow. The message sat, quiet and unassuming, in her inbox, with no photo attached. As it was more interesting by dint of not having a photo of a penis in it, she read it over.

You are a lovely mare.

You seem interesting. So much of your profile and interests match up with mine: wine tasting, moon gazing, night flying... I would like to take you to dinner, and we can get a feel for each other, and then... well...

I hope I am not too forward, but I would like, at some point, to bring you to me and, perhaps, show you the shackles of restraint that hang unused from my bedposts, waiting for such a mare as yourself to fill them.

I hope against hope, Miss Loonacy: are you a submissive?

She sat back and chewed her lip, thinking. The last time she had relations with a stallion, she had indeed been submissive, happy to cast aside the mantle of a ruler for one evening at a time. While enjoyable, Luna thought that it would likely require more trust than she was willing to put into a random pony. Still, either he did not realize who she was, or (better yet) knew the value of discretion. She decided to toe the line, leaning forward again to tap at the keys.

Thank you for your message. I would be willing to meet you for dinner, certainly.

While your offer sounds interesting, it would need to be an exceptional stallion or mare indeed to bring me to my knees in willing submission. You ask to shackle a pony who cannot be held by any restraint but by her own will, so it would be an exceptional task indeed.

Scarcely two minutes after she sent it, a reply arrived. Luna smirked. Not even trying to delay, are we?

I hope you do not find me to be a braggart, but I do indeed think I am a stallion that could do it.

Meet me at Le Bec Hoof. Tomorrow night. If you could arrive around six pm, that would be ideal.

Luna sat back again, tapping her chin. She swiveled in her chair, tapping the red button that would summon a maid; in this case, Merry Weather. Moments later, the unicorn trotted in briskly, stopping once to bow. Luna waved a hoof at her, smiling. "Rise, Merry Weather. I have a question for you."

"Yes, Your Highness?" The unicorn straightened out, trotting easily towards the Princess.

"I do believe I have a date for tomorrow night. Can you inform me on the current customs for a date?" Luna tapped the laptop screen gently, indicating the message. "This stallion appears to have decided on a time and place, already."

Merry Weather read the message string, and to her credit, did no more than raise an eyebrow at the racier parts. "Well, Your Highness, normally both parties dress nicely. A dress is fine, as is a pantsuit, or a nice vest if you don't want to overdress. But it's Le Bec Hoof, so I'd go with a dress, personally." Luna nodded, rolling her hoof to encourage her on. "Well, um, I suppose if it's... not a date, exactly, but figuring out if you'd like to... er, have relations... I would also bring a phone. In case things go badly."

"I am one of the most powerful ponies in existence, Merry Weather. I think I'll be alright." Luna gave the unicorn a flat stare, which turned to confusion at Merry Weather's adamant head-shaking.

"That's the thing, Your Highness. You'll need to disguise yourself, at least for dinner. This isn't like dating across dimensions like Celestia has been doing. This is dating your actual subjects. He won't know for sure who you are, so he may try to... take more liberties." As Luna's look turned plaintive, Merry softened. "You can just lose either the wings or the horn, and lighten your coat a bit. Fix your mane to look more normal, and a dress will cover your cutie mark. It's going to be just fine. You can shed the disguise if you wind up back at his house. Is that fair?"

The princess sank back in her chair, sulking slightly. "I suppose. If I wear a dress, perhaps one designed for a unicorn or earth pony. That will cover my wings without the need for further concealment. Mark my words, though, Merry Weather, I do not enjoy the idea of presenting myself as somepony I am not. What he is proposing requires the utmost honesty and trust." Her teal eyes darted to the maid, lids lowered slightly with her annoyance.

For her part, Merry Weather merely sighed, bobbing her head. "As you wish, Your Highness. But, please... at least the mane? It's going to be very obvious who you are, dress or not."

Growling in her throat, the princess lit her horn, unmoving from her seat. Her flowing, starry mane became less ethereal and floated down against her neck, changing hue from dark blue to a burnt umber. "Is that acceptable?"

Merry simply nodded again. "You look like a Canterlot supermodel, Your Highness."

"Good." Luna lit her horn again, allowing her mane and tail to return to their normal, billowing state. She stood, rolling her chair back and stretching out her back and legs before turning her gaze once more on Merry. "I suppose you have a dress to find me, then."

Trotting down the cobbled streets of Canterlot, hooves shod in much more... common shoes than she was used to, Luna tried to school her expression to something neutral. She lowered her head slightly, glancing back at her long, white dress and the prominently absent lumps where her wings should be. A stray curl of orange mane bobbed into her view, and she blew it to the side with a huff of irritation.

"And trot less... regally."

"What does that even mean?"

A yellow hoof pawed the stone of the castle floor. "Just, all the princesses trot the same way. Head up, high hoofed strides, you know..."

Luna snorted. "I do not. Demonstrate."

Sighing, Merry trotted casually from one hero's bust in the hall to the other. "See? Smaller strides, looser gait. Casual, you know."

A soft golden light spilled into the street from a door briefly opened ahead, and murmurs of conversation wafted out as an elegantly dressed unicorn stallion exited. Above him, a fabric awning with the scrolling letters spelling out Le Bec Hoof covered his exit, made with an equally elegantly dressed mare. Luna watched them trot up the street, hip to hip with one another, and smiled slightly. At least two pleasant dreams in my wanderings tonight, I'd warrant.

Levitating the cell phone from the hidden pocket she had sewn into the dress (honestly, why did mare's clothing have to be so... non-functional?), she pulled up a group text to Merry and her sister. Have arrived. Locals staring a bit, but I do not think they know who I am. Going in.

A soft chime. Merry: Be safe, have fun!

Luna started to levitate it back, when another chime sounded. She glanced at the screen. Insufferable Prat: gl hf txt me l8r want deets luv u

Placing the phone on silent and back into the hidden pocket, Luna snorted. You'd think the ruler of Equestria and steward of the sun would text like something more than a teenager, but nooooooooooo... Head high, the princess approached the doors, held open for her by a doorman who tipped his hat to her on the way.

Luna approached the host's station, smiling in what she hoped was a non-threatening way. "Hello, party of two? I believe there is a reserva-"

"Name?" The brusque unicorn attempted to look down at her, but failing that (as she towered by at least two heads over him), he settled for a contemptuous stare.

"It has to be something pretty, but not too celestial."

"I am celestial, Merry."

"OH! I know, how about—"

"...Dusky Belle."

The host arched a brow before scanning the list. "I'm afraid I don't see a... Dusky Belle on here. Perhaps you're in the wrong place. I hear there's a... nice... bar on the outskirts of Southwest Canterlot, perhaps you meant to go there instead."

"I am aware of where I am meant to be, and I do not appreciate your tone." Luna made a mental note of the stallion's appearance. Whilst seething, she suddenly felt a hoof upon her withers.

"Ah! And here is the rest of my party." The dark, dark grey stallion draped his foreleg (awkwardly, given the height difference) around Luna's midsection, holding her uncomfortably close. He tipped his tan trilby hat with his other hoof at the host. "No worries, good sir, this little filly is here with me."

"Of course, sir. Name?"

"Thundering Night." The stallion swiveled his dark red eyes, the same shade as the hair falling in careless strings around his face from beneath his hat, to meet Luna's teal ones.

As the host led them to their table, Luna arched a brow. "Three questions, once we are seated, Mr. Night."

"Of course, m'lady." The stallion tipped his hat to her as they took their seats, a strange feat as it sat behind his prominent horn.

Settling into her chair, Luna met his eyes again. "One: Why would you refer to me as 'little filly'? Two: Your profile has you listed as a pegasus, yet you have a horn. Three: Seriously? Your name is 'Thundering Night'?"

The other pony slammed his hooves on the table, their water glasses shaking slightly. "One: I will refer to you however I like. You are my submissive, and I am your Dom. Two: The horn is merely my way of having a physical, visual outwards manifestation of my station above you. With the horn, you may think of me as an Alicorn, not the lowly Unicorn you are. Three: Yes, seriously, but you, little filly," he paused, smirking, "you will call me Sir or Sir Night."

Another pony would, perhaps, at this point, end the date and walk out after contacting trusted friends to extract her. Indeed, that would be Luna's suggestion to all ponies with no godlike powers of their own. Luna, however, being Luna, decided to see how this played out.

Keeping her expression carefully schooled, she merely nodded. "I suppose I could do that, if it makes you more comfortable with me. I do realize I can be quite intimidating." She smirked, levitating her menu in front of her and sending a quick message to her sister at the same time via her magic. Celestia, he is a damn fool. Gussied up like an Alicorn. In addition, he is indoors at a nice restaurant but has not yet removed that ridiculous trilby he's wearing.

With a huff, Thundering Night raised his own menu in his hooves. "You do not intimidate me, child."

Luna, admirably, kept her laughter contained and her amused grin concealed by the menu. "They have such lovely fare here. I think I might get—"

"What you will get will be the Spring Farmer's Salad. No sense in ordering something that will add to your waistline, you can scarce afford it, you know."

Luna's amusement disappeared. "Beg pardon, are you trying to call me fat?"

Thundering Night eyed her lazily over the top of his menu. "Well, not exactly fat, but you're by no means a tiny filly. You should really watch what you eat, stallions don't like fat mares."

"And mares do not care for stallions that don't have the manners to remove their hats indoors." Luna continued to peruse the menu, deliberately not looking at the now-fuming stallion.

"I'll have you know that this hat was my father's! It was my destiny, see?" He turned slightly, revealing a cutie mark of, yep, a trilby. "My father was a strong stallion, just like I am, and when he gifted me this hat, my cutie mark appeared!"

"So you're a hatter, then?" She feigned what little interest she could in this strangely intense stallion.

"No. Of course not, that would be silly. The fedora on my flank and on my head serve to show it is my destiny to be a strong provider, a gentlecolt, and every mare's wish." He sat back, self-satisfied smirk on his muzzle.

"Trilby."

"What?"

"On your head. And your flank. That's a trilby. Not a fedora. Minor point of interest." Finding little to interest her in the menu at this point, she folded it neatly in front of her on the tablecloth.

The stallion shook his head. "No, no. It's a fedora."

Rubbing her temples, Luna shook her head right back. "No, the front is too pointed and the brim is far too narrow. A fedora is much wider with a softer angle in the front. Look, either way it's a hat, it doesn't matter."

He huffed, crossing his forelegs in front of him. "On the subject of things on our head, why is your mane orange and curly? Your profile picture showed you with a light blue mane. You almost looked like Princess Luna in it."

Caught out on something she'd hoped he wouldn't notice, she smiled. "Ah, yes, that. Well, my mane and tail are orange normally, I just dyed it in celebration after she returned! I dyed it back quickly as I understood it would be impertinent to look like her, but I thought it looked nice. As for the curls, well..."

"Ouch! Merry, really, this isn't necessary!"

The yellow unicorn giggled and pranced in place, curling iron held aloft in her magic. "Of course it is! It's all part of the modern date experience! Your friends help you get ready! Now hold still!"

"I can do this myself with magic, you know! MERRY!"

"...I rather thought they looked nice."

He grunted. "You should have updated your profile picture, then."

Luna sighed. I'm in for a long night.

After consuming a meal ordered for her by Thundering Night and making sure to order a nice, stiff whiskey, the waiter dropped off the check and politely stepped away to allow time for the two to pay. Thundering Night lifted the check in his hooves, chuckled, and slid the book across to Luna. "I hope you brought your bits, filly."

"I was under the impression that the asker pays? I did not ask you on this date, you asked me." She arched a brow.

"Do as you're told. I'm in charge of you, and that includes your finances. Hurry up and pay, I have far more interesting ideas on how to spend my time with you tonight." He settled back, looking around the restaurant with a look of utmost boredom on his face. Taking advantage of his distraction, Luna slipped both her official royal seal and the Royal Black Card into the check book, levitating it to the server as he returned. The unicorn server began to trot off before opening the book. Luna watched from the corner of her eye as the server froze, staring back with his muzzle agape. Luna tipped him a small wink and a smile, and he nodded and trotted away, a bit more wobbly than before.

"Are you flirting? With a server? On our date?"

Luna snapped her eyes back to her "date". "Oh, a wink and a smile do not make for a flirt. He was a very nice server, very attentive. I think I shall tip him quite well."

As the server returned with the slip, Luna discretely teleported her royal seal and Card back into her dress before leaving a generous tip and signing the slip with a flourish, snapping the book shut before Thundering Night could look too closely. "So, you had something better in mind? I'd like to see what that might be." She leaned across the table, smiling with what she hoped looked like actual interest.

"Oh, indeed, m'lady. Now come, a veritable treasure trove of pleasure awaits you."

The two trotted out into the calm Canterlot night, Luna's dress playing at her white-shod hooves in the warm breeze up the thoroughfare. She turned to her unlikely companion, looking down at him and his ridiculous false horn. "So, where shall we go now, hmm?"

"To my house, of course. Your palace of pleasure, for so long as I deem you deserve it, of course." He started up the street, Luna easily keeping pace with her longer legs. He upped his pace in return, glancing back at her. "You will follow. You are not my equal or my better, so you follow behind, where you belong."

Luna arched a brow again and hid a smile. He's got no idea what he's in for.

Luna, regardless of all accounts to the contrary, was a patient pony. Being trapped in the moon for a thousand years with nothing but yourself for company develops that virtue. Luna also, again against accounts to the contrary, cared deeply for all her little ponies and wished to keep them from harm. This combination of factors led her to not only suffer through the date, but to ensure this stallion would not try this act again with another mare.

So she followed Thundering Night, dutifully, up the cobbled streets, until a sharp call interrupted their journey.

"Hey! Cloud Fluff! What are you doing out here, bruh?" An Earth pony stallion waved wildly from across the street at Thundering Night, smiling. "That your date? Smokin' hot, bruh. Good pull!"

"Shhh oh Celestia shut your trap," hissed, apparently, Cloud Fluff. "Just... just shhhhh!" Pulling his trilby over his burning cheeks, Luna's date upped the pace of his trot further to outpace his friend.

"Cloud Fluff?" An amused smile played at Luna's muzzle.

"Just a nickname! Yeah, you know, us stallions, always messing around." He hissed that last part, looking back over his shoulder at his friend, now far in the distance.

The two followed the winding streets of Canterlot, heading for the northeastern section of the city. "You seem to live quite far. I could have gotten us a hansom cab, you know."

"The walking will do you good. Burns calories." The stallion smirked back at her over his shoulder. "Have to stay mindful and not be lazy."

After considering smiting him, she discarded the idea and continued with her original plan, following dutifully even though her annoyance levels ratcheted up by several notches every time he opened his muzzle. "Mm, I'll keep that in mind, I'm sure."

The two stopped, finally, before a towering apartment complex. "Here we are!" Luna's date smiled rakishly back at her, gesturing his head towards the main doors. "Are you ready for the night of your life, my little filly?"

"Oh, but it has been so already."

Something in her tone must have betrayed a bit of her boredom, because the stallion frowned slightly. "Well, it's about to get a lot more interesting."

She took in the tan carpeting, the drab olive curtains, and the sagging couch. "Through here, through here." He ushered her down a darkened hallway to a closed door, smiling up at her. "And now, my dear, the fun begins." With a flourish, he swung open the door.

Luna was entranced and horrified by turns. The walls of the stallion's room were papered with... artistic endeavors depicting her. In very interesting and compromising positions. Her guarded eyes roamed further, taking in the twin-sized bed with oh for fuck's sake fuzzy hoofcuffs dangling from the bedposts, taking in the artfully sculpted figurines of herself as both Luna and Nightmare Moon with impossible anatomical proportions, taking in the apparently rush job in cleaning where he had vacuumed everything except around his computer desk, leaving a ring of crumbs and debris in an interesting satellite around it that looked, all things in the room considered, disturbingly like a half-moon. She scarce had time to take all this in before she felt two solid hooves land on her flanks and tear her dress from her form.

She whirled, a swift glamour cast on her cutie mark to make it a simple half moon and stars, and glared at the wannabe Alicorn. Wannabe Dom. Wannabe "gentlecolt".

"Well? You won't miss much, that dress wasn't anything to write home about," the stallion said, about something made by the Royal Tailors. He removed his own vest, freeing his wings, which he extended fully. The trilby stayed firmly on as he raised his head, smirking. "Gaze upon me. I am like unto a God for you. Now, bow to me, little filly, and tell me how much you like what you see when you do."

Irritated, Luna bowed, looking between the stallions proud legs as he stood... and immediately stifled a giggle. She stood, for all the world a tall unicorn mare, and smiled toothily. "Oh, it's certainly... interesting."

"Then get your ass on that bed, filly. I hope you're mare enough to take it all. If you're not, I'll just break you until you are." He grinned, shoving the Princess back onto the bed. She eyed him coolly as he attached the fuzzy manacles around her hooves, leaving her spread-eagle. He glanced up at one of the pictures depicting Luna as such on his walls, and grinned. "It's a shame you didn't leave your hair blue. I'd be living a fantasy right now... but I guess you'll have to do."

She rolled her eyes, undoing the manacles with a swift touch of magic, noting as she did so that he had the ridiculous things enchanted so that regular unicorn magic wouldn't be able to touch them. Whoops. Pulling herself free, she bounded from the bed, towering over the stallion with fire in her eyes.

"But, wait. Those were enchanted, you can't get out that easy. There's no magic that can undo those." He quailed under her gaze, stepping back slightly towards the center of the room, hooves making soft tpp sounds on the carpeting.

"Oh, my magic can. Clearly they're not as enchanted as you thought. A child could undo those." She stepped around him, prowling, head held high but teal eyes boring into him.

"You know, Cloud Fluff, when you messaged me online, it was unusually respectful, which is why I answered your message. Which is why I agreed to the date. I had been under the impression that this would be a proper date, and I had hoped you would be a proper Dom. Neither were the case." He opened his muzzle to speak, wings wilting to the floor, until a glare from her silenced him.

"You do not understand, Cloud Fluff, that in the Dom and sub power exchange, the sub makes the rules. The sub tells what they are comfortable with, and sets the boundaries. A proper Dom does not immediately assume dominion over a pony simply because they agreed to a date. A proper pony pays for the date when that pony is the asker. A proper pony does not try to belittle their date, and a proper pony does not try to use slimy tactics to try to make the other pony vie for their respect. A proper pony does not need to do those things."

"Well, I, I mean, I just..." he stammered, watching the towering unicorn with sudden fire in her eyes pace around him.

"On this date, you did not bring your A game, or even your B game, or your C game, and you sure as hell did not bring your D game. I am thoroughly unimpressed for an assortment of reasons, Cloud Fluff. Remember how I told you I dyed my mane back to orange because I felt it was impertinent to look like a Princess?" She continued her soft prowl around him, speaking softly.

"Y-yes. I do."

"Mm, good. Did you know that part of the reason it's impertinent, aside from respect, is that impersonating a government official, which all Alicorns are, is still punishable by death in Equestria?" At his widened eyes, she chuckled. "Obviously, it's an extremely old law. Millenia old. And these days, it's acceptable to dress up for plays, and parades, and all that. And even those that DO try to pretend to be Alicorns are left off with a sharp warning and nothing more. But... that law IS still in place. The Sisters never changed it." She grinned, pressing her muzzle to his sweating face. "And oh, my dear, you never did ask what it is I do for a living."

"W-what?" He shivered, maroon eyes locked on her teal ones.

"I work at the palace. And I'm very, very familiar with the old laws. You could say I'm a historian. I know the history of Equestria from start to finish like the back of my hoof."

"Oh." His squeak was tiny in the room, his blush readily apparent even on his dark coat.

An idea occurred to Luna, and she smiled more kindly. "I also realized that you never even kissed my hoof when we met. I suggest you do so now."

He waited, staring, and nodded. But continued to wait.

After a second, Luna shook her head. "No. Get down on your knees and kiss my hooves. You want to play at thinking you're good enough for a Princess to even look at you, let alone prostrate herself to you? Better get to showing me that even a common mare like myself would want to. And for Celestia's sake, take that stupid horn off. And the hat."

The stallion acquiesced, kissing her hooves as she towered above him. She smirked.

"Good colt. Now, if I hear even a whisper of you pulling any of this nonsense with another mare and hurting her, there will be Tartarus to pay. Are we clear?"

"Y-yes."

Snuggled deep into her fluffy duvet, Luna beamed to herself, reaching out feelers across Equestria to check on her subject's dreams. Seeing nothing to concern her overmuch (though after checking, it appeared that both halves of the couple leaving the restaurant were indeed having lovely dreams), she flipped over in her moon-shaped bed, splaying out happily. She was happy enough to not even care when her sister burst into her room without knocking.

"Luna? You're back? I felt your magic. Are you alright?" In the wake of her sister came Merry Weather, brow furrowed.

"I am fine, my sister. I will not be seeing that stallion again, I don't think. I know you texted me wanting details but honestly, can it wait for morning? I'm exhausted."

With a knowing smile, Celestia nodded. "I see. So the date ended that well? Are you tired from some... activities?"

Luna giggled. "Not as you are thinking Celestia, no."

Merry ventured further. "Beg pardon, Princess, but where is your dress? I would like to have it cleaned for you."

Flapping a hoof at the side of her closet, Luna shook her head. "It's over there. What's left of it. He thought it appropriate to tear it off me. I returned the favor and tore him a new one. Fair's fair."

Merry and Celestia locked eyes for a moment, then came to an unspoken agreement that yes, the story could wait for morning.

The older Alicorn sighed. "Goodnight, sister. I am glad you are safe."

Merry Weather bowed to the sisters. "Do you require anything before I retire?"

Luna shook her head again. "No, Merry, thank you. And thank you for helping me prepare. I think I know better now what "dating" entails in this age." She rolled back over into her duvet, eyes slipping closed as she patrolled the dreamscape, Celestia and Merry closing the door gently behind them.

Author's Note

OH HEY A YEAR LATER HAVE LIKE 4.5K WORDS ENJOY

anyway yes PSA this does happen and yes, gtfo as soon as you can if it does

my method of dealing with 'if i need extraction' is to text all the details I know about my date to a trusted friend or sibling. be safe y'all
hat tip to FoughtDragon01 for the "D game" line and for help with colors/names.