Oh shit, I actually punched princess Celestia. That can't be good... Well, I guess it was kinda called for. They broke into my apartment and entered my bathroom when I was in there. I don't care if they're the rulers of the country, some common courtesy should still be applied. It all happened last night and the morning sun was breaking the horizon.

Well... No use in getting too caught up with the past. Currently I'm hiding in a dumpster in an alley, wearing nothing but a bathrobe. Fucking princesses... I need to get a magic nullification thingamabob installed. They exist, right? Well, if it doesn't exist, I'll make it work somehow. Anyway, I climbed up from the dumpster and walked slowly to the street, glancing around for any ponies. Not a soul out there, I ran across the road and back into an alley on ther other side.

I jogged through the alley, managing to keep myself from stepping on any glass and other crap lying on the ground. I had to get out from the city somehow... That meant that I had to get to the train station. Oh and uh... Maybe some actual clothes. I climbed over a chain-link fence and took a few deep breaths, then continued jogging. I heard some commotion up ahead, so I slowed down and prepared myself to bolt away at any given moment. It sounded like ponies arguing. They were definitely female.

I peeked around the corner. It was a hard left, right into another alley and unless my internal compass is completely fucked over, I had to take that left to get to the train station. My eyes narrowed. Why can't this ever be easy?

I picked up a rock that was about half the size of my hand which had been lying next to my feet. I gently threw it up, then caught it, testing the weight of it. I peeked around the corner one last time, the mares were still going at it. Since they were so occupied with arguing, I threw the rock above their heads and to the far corner, hitting a thrashcan and making a hell of a clatter. The mares stopped arguing, glanced at eachother. I turned back around the corner and pressed myself to the wall, holding my breath-

”What was that?” I heard one of them say.

”I dunno, let's check it out!” The other answered.

I glanced at them, they walked toward where I had thrown the rock. I walked slowly away from my hiding spot, then started jogging the last few feet leading into the other alley, my eyes never leaving the ponies should they turn around and see me. I was lucky though, and darted down the road, refusing to look back. I saw the small clocktower belonging to the train station over the roof of a house. I couldn't help but allow a small, relieved smile escape me as I got closer to the station.

Just for it to immediately crash and burn.

I had no money on me for the train trip to somewhere random place. I eventuallly made it to the platform, scouting it for mares. There were a few of them, but all of them had a stallion with them, meaning that they were being taken care of. I approached a random train, I didn't see a conductor, a guard or any kind of security measure.

A hatch was open on the side of the train and a few backpacks and bags were lying there. It was a long-shot, but it was one I was willing to do to escape Canterlot. Looking around to reassure myself that nopony was watching me, I climbed into the storage compartment and moved a few bags and backpacks to conceal me from any prying eyes.

About five minutes later, the hatch closed shut with a slam and I moved a particularly soft backpack so it was beneath my head. I yawned. Huh, who would've known escaping from a mob of horny horses would take so much energy? I rolled over to my side just as the train started rolling slowly.

”Aaaall aboard!”

I closed my eyes and sighed. Yeah... Catching up on some sleep was a good idea at the moment.

I remember why I hate trains now.

The neverending bumping, creaking, groaning, shaking and general noise prevented me from falling asleep as the train picked up in speed. I couldn't see in the darkness but I could feel how bloodshot my eyes were. A scowl had etched itself permanently on my face. Yeah, I was not having a good day at all so far.

I had been on the train for about three hours so far, If I had to guess. The train had stopped a few times and anytime the compartment would open, I pressed myself as far in as I could go to avoid being spotted. Finally though, the train's brakes screeched especially loud as we were approaching a station. I gritted my teeth.

Fuck this. Getting out.

As soon as the train had stopped, I heard hooves approaching the hatch. I shimmied to the front, closest to the hatch. As soon as it opened, I threw myself out, stood up and dusted myself off. The ponies stared at me with their mouths hanging open.

I adjusted the collar of the bathrobe, brushed a hand through my hair and turned to the closest stallion and nodded to him. ”Gentlemen.”

He just nodded back, still not saying anything. I decided that now was a good time to take my leave before they recomposed. I turned to the town I had just arrived to. And... I have to admit that it was hauntingly familiar.

”Current stop; Ponyville! Next stop, Appleoosa!” I heard the conductor yell from the train.

So... I'm in Ponyville. The town with the highest mare-to-stallion ratio with the mares winning by a landslide... In the middle of the heat season. Also as if it wasn't sadistically cruel already, this town was also the home of the Elements of Harmony.

This won't end well, I can feel it

Author's Note

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention this. The chapters will have a 1000 to 2500 word limit.