Shouting

I set on the edge of my bed, staring down Rainbow Dash, "...Twat...."

"Jackass." She shot back, standing up and pacing around the room, "Why do you keep calling me that!?"

"Because you look like one!" I yelled, poking her in the chest with my foot, "Now come on...you gotta come up with something new." I stood up, peeling off my shirt, "I mean I've got- I uh...I had scars...."

Rainbow Dash shrugged, "You're dumb."

I let out a long sigh, "Really? Dumb? I mean, you can call me an idiot, a dumb ass, a shithead.... You ponies just aren't good at arguing."

Rainbow Dash puffed her cheeks out, "Well sorry I'm not a big potty mouth! Why do you like arguing anyways?"

I scratched my head, pacing around and pulling my shirt back on. "It's fun.... It's like fighting but you don't have to deal with broken teeth or grievous injuries." I finished up with my shirt, plopping back down on the side of the bed, "I mean...what else am I supposed to do?"

Rainbow Dash walked up to me, "You could read a book--"

"No books!" I snapped, "No books." I turned to the window, crossing my arms, "Luna's trying to get me to read kids books to help me learn...it's degrading."

The rainbow mare cocked her head nearly sideways, "You can't read?"

I felt my cheeks flush a bit, "It was never exactly the most important skill in my life. And I'm trying to learn, but I'm not five! I'm not about to read a book about a fucking talking rabbit!"

Rainbow Dash paced around me. "That's...actually kinda sad."

"Screw off! I don't need your pity--" I stopped myself as she stopped her pacing and looked to the door, "...Sup? You gonna go?"

Rainbow Dash looked at me for a few seconds, "I was supposed to be asking you stuff for Twilight...but I--"

I stood up. "Look, if you need somewhere to be go ahead. It's not like I can go far from the damn toilet." I looked back to the bathroom door, snickering softly, "Have you- like...Celestia's a lot bigger than you...have you seen her toilet? It's freakin' huge!"

Rainbow Dash looked slightly appalled, "Um...that's my Princess you're talking about."

I shrugged, "It's also someone with a pretty wicked fetish. Anyways, no toilet. But hey, if you need to go get something go ahead."

Rainbow Dash  looked between me and the door a bit. "She said not to. I was just gonna get a book...something not so smart, like...something fun, but dumb." She pranced about, "Do you know- I mean...it's not like the real thing...but I- I wrote something." She started growing a bit rosy, "Daring Do and The Blue Feather...by...Rainbow Dash."

I coughed softly, "I- uh...don't take this the wrong way, but you don't strike me as a writer."

"What's that supposed to mean!?" She asked, stepping on my toes and glaring up at me, "You wanna argue, I'll argue about this!"

"Yeah but this isn't like- this isn't just fun yelling. You seem like you're actually mad about it." I stated, putting a hand on her head, "...Good girl...." I rubbed her crown, her glare slowly softening as I treated her like a yearling, "Who's a good girl...good girl want a carrot?" I continued to run my fingers over her crown, scratching the base of her ear and causing her head to go slightly slack. "Good girl want a big carrot, nice crisp one from down south?"

"What!?" She snapped out of her slight stupor and scrambled back, "Down south!? Are you trying to rape me!?"

"Whoa what!? I- oh dear god...even I'm not that sick in the head!" I stood up and pointed an accusative finger at her, "You ma'am, are fucked in the head!"

Rainbow Dash flared her wings out, "You're the one talkin' about your thingy! I--"

"I was talking about real carrots! I lived in Canada! We can't grow shit, we always get food from down south! Geographically south!"

Rainbow Dash was practically snarling, "You're geographically south!"

"You're a pervert!" I shouted, "You thought an innocent talk about a carrot was a rape attempt!"

Rainbow Dash grew a bright crimson, split between a rage filled muzzle and a bit of pink blush on her cheeks, "Well you were petting me, and being all nice suddenly--"

"Bitch I'm always nice! Just maybe not verbally...or...physically...or- okay maybe I'm not nice! But I raised horses, I know what horses like, and the one time I try to be nice you act like I'm gonna jam myself inches deep in your ass!"

Rainbow Dash paced around the large room, nearly galloping, "You can't just be all mean one minute, and try to be nice the next! I- I just- I don't--"

"Gaylord, gonna hug it out!" I stood up, lunging at her and putting her into a bear hug, "Just gonna...nope- bad idea...." I groaned, letting her go, "Oh god- shit!" I yelped, going bolt stiff and clenching my muscles, "Move move move!"

I waddled towards the bathroom, my stomach gurgling disgustingly. I slammed the door closed, perching on the side of the toilet to keep from falling in the large horse sized toilet. It felt horrid, my lower body on fire save the horrid liquid sensation. "God damn everything!" I screamed, hitting the wall with the underside of my fist, "Damn it Discord, you massive dickhead!"

I was nearly crying as my ass tried to turn inside out. Only when a rather sweet voice cried out did I stop my whimpering, "Able...I need to talk to you."

I held my eyes, wiping away residual tears as I tried to expel the sickness from my most tender area, "The worst pain!"

There was a long silence, followed by a slow tapping, "Able?"

"Can if fucking wait!?" I screamed, digging my nails into the wall, "Please!?"

Celestia's voice slammed my ear with a surprising volume, "No! You told my- you- you need to stop swearing, you need to stop talking about intimate--"

"Celestia, I swear to all the gods, all my dead family members, my horse, my dog, everything. If wait until my asshole stops burning, I will do what ever you want!"

There was a short pause, broken up by whispering from the other side of the door and soft groans from me as my bowels self-destructed. "I want you to apologize to my students, stop swearing, stop being rude--"

"Fine! I'll be Mr. Fucking Perfect, just let me destroy myself in peace!"

"And you have to read, Star Swirl's Smallest Student, to the foals in magic school, out loud." A long pause followed, my troubled body trying to expel the sickness, but left unproductive from the massive purge from days before. "Able--"

"Look, can we not talk about--"

"I can come in there...or you can--"

"No!" I screamed, pressing the tip of my thumb and my index finger against my forehead, "Please for the love of go--" I stopped as the door handle started to jiggle, "Fucks sakes! Fine, no swearing, just leave me--"

"And the book!?"

I started whimpering as my body ceased it's violence. "...Please don't--"

Celestia's voice boomed louder than before, "You'll read or I'll let every one of my subjects know about your, problem."

I let out a sharp groan, "God dam--"

"Hey, no--"

"Fine!" I slammed the wall, "For the love of god I'll do it! Just let me clean myself up in silence!"

Before I could get to work a clean bit of parchment slipped under the door along with a quill, "Sign it... I know she taught you how to write your name, now write it!"

"This is bull sh--"

"Hey!" Celestia snapped, "What did I say?"

I lowered my voice, "Fucking bullshit, gonna wipe my ass with- there!" I kicked the signed paper under the door, "Hope it smells!" Finally I was left alone, left to care from my abused rear. Little by little I did what I could, washed up using half a chunk of bar soap and taking a full five minutes to catch my breath and let the pain subside, it didn't.

I lurched from the bathroom, rubbing my bum and staring at the floor. Celestia was standing at the door, "Are you--"

"No I'm not okay!" I snapped, "My assho--"

"Hey...." Celestia dangled the parchment before me, "Don't know if you read this...but I used to use these to blackmail the griffons, it's not pretty so you better watch your mouth."

I glared at her as Rainbow Dash started snickering, "Aren't you supposed to be all nice and benevolent!? What happened to, my lovely subjects, I feel nothing but compassion. I mean now you're literally blackmailing me about my ruined as- ...What the hell am I supposed to say instead of asshole!?"

Celestia smiled wide, "Bum, butt, flank, plot, rear end."

I lurched past her, rubbing my back and glaring at the snickering guest, "Rainbow Dash, your book sucks."

She just kept snickering, "You're so red!"

I could feel myself jittering, "You fu- you god da- bi- shi--" I quickly realized how much of my vocabulary was swears, "Troglodyte sandwich." I grumbled, shuffling to the bed, "...I hate you all...."

Celestia hurried over, "Oh stop being so moody. Grounder's isn't so bad--"

"It's not your- bum, that's falling out! Don't tell me how bad it is when you're not sh- crapping out burning liquid!" I made a few angry noises and turned to the bed, "...I can't even sleep in the bed! I- I'm gonna go sleep in the shower...in case I crap myself again."

Celestia tried to follow me into the bathroom, "Able don--"

I turned around rather slowly, "It wasn't a joke. I really don't want to ruin your bed...so, shower's the next best thing."

Celestia watched with a frown as I slowly walked towards the shower. "...Do you want a pillow?"