Binds

I sat with my arms crossed on the edge of Celestia's bed. My bowels had stopped trying to slip out of my ass and now I was being forced into a different kind of sickness. "Aaaaah, eeeeeh, I, oooo, oooooo!" Luna shouted, stomping her hoof with the beats, "Able, doth though understand?"

I scratched my head, "...I know how to speak."

Luna pranced left and right, "Art thou not excited by vowels!? We are!" Luna walked around, exaggeratedly lifting her hooves and holding her tail high, "Oh so wonderous--"

I rubbed my head, "Luna, these lessons are meant for night time...and I'm supposed to...apologize, to Celestia nerdling in like...five minutes."

Luna disarmed her posture, "Able, what is to apologize for? We were not told what harm you caused."

I shook my head. "I told her I fu- had s- that I was with Celestia...in a rough manner."

Luna gasped, stepping back. "How were we not told!?" she hopped up onto the bed and sat next to me, "Tell us all!"

I looked down and shook my head softly, "Fuck n--" I was cut off as something tightened around my balls, "Aurgh- fuck mothering-- Aaaaaughrhahaahaaa!" I screamed, cupping myself, "Fu- vertical puppet shank...." I rubbed myself, trying to rid my body of the rather brash pain in my balls. "Celestia put this thing on my balls while I was sleeping...it tightens up when I say certain words." I scratched my head, "Can't say F, U, C, K. Can't say, B, I, T, C, H. Can't say S, H, I, T. C, U, N, T. A, N, A, L. And for some reason, P, E, N, I, S. I can say cock...balls, ass, titty, but non of the fun ones."

Luna nodded slowly, "This is not the first incident. You are me--"

"What!?" I snapped, "T- with the ball thing?"

Luna continued to nod, "Even before my banishment, Celestia has gone through quite a few partners. You are merely the most recent."

I stared out ahead, burning a hole into the far wall. "...I know it shouldn't make me mad...but that makes me mad."

Luna cocked her head, "Does it make you uncomfortable? Does my having many partners strange?"

I rubbed my face, "...It's different...."

Luna looked around, "Able...you're shivering."

"I'm not!" I snapped, turning to her in a flash, "...It doesn't bug me!"

Luna smiled softly, "Is that so? Well it should not, they are hardly competitors. They have since moved on."

I felt a strange sadness settle in my gut. "Wow Luna...the one time I try to talk to you outside of dreams and you bum me the hell-- Gahughrah, fuck me-- owww! Really!? I can't say he- fu- go- snapping gator taco!"

Luna laughed at me, covering her face with her hoof, "Able, you are touted as angry, bitter, and rude. This I simply do not see."

I rubbed my package, trying to ease the suffering. "Luna...ponies make me mean. Best way to keep me calm is to leave me alone." I rubbed my head, accidentally getting a disgusting whiff of myself, "Eugh, that smells like- nope! Nope...not this time." I stated, grabbing myself, "Just got done with my ass, not gonna ruin my other end."

Luna smiled wide, "Now, to the act. You and Celestia...in bed?"

I started shaking my head. "...She invited me up, I thought...maybe, just maybe I could have some fun. Then she gets all kinky on me when I get a little dominant...and.... Look, if I'd know I would have ended up with a ring around my nuts I wouldn't have done it." I rubbed my face, "I should have known better. She was being all sweet and drawing me in...then the moment I do something mildly bad she puts a collar on my balls."

Luna poked my side with her metal shoe, "Able, we don't understand. Why would you--"

"Because I told her something dear to me...and she was sympathetic.... And I'm stupid, I like sex and don't think ahead." I looked towards the window. "Luna...you're like her right? You don't age or something?"

Luna nodded, "We lead very long li--"

"Close enough. I uh- am I just like some toy for her? You said she's had a lot of partners...a lot of people with her. Is she- she's using me isn't she?"

Luna stared at me, a look of shock on her face. "I think perhaps you misinterpreted me. We who live for thousands of years have many partners. Perhaps one every hundred to two hundred years, but we do not- we do not always use them in such a fashion."

I stared into her eyes, "But you have, you have just used people?"

Luna tapped her hooves on the edge of the bed, "We have...Celestia most likely has. Are you worried that you are being used?"

I rubbed my face. "Look. I don't like feeling this way about her. It's not easy. It's not gonna make it any easier if I go home, it's not gonna be easy if I stay. In the back of my mind I'll always have this niggling little doubt that I'm just some- some- some fuck puppet!" I screamed, ignoring the pain.

Luna looked me up and down, "Able...perhaps--"

I shook my head. "Look...I've gotta go find her. But...I need to know something." I took a deep breath, rubbing my chest, "Do- the both of you...do you have children?"

Luna stared at me, eyes dead as stone. "One thousand years of banishment. My families are long gone."

"And Celestia?" I asked, feeling my knees lock up.

Luna lowered her head, "Celestia has lived a long, healthy, emotional life. She has spent years mourning a lover, she has left them behind in an instant. She has spawned families the size of towns, but as said...we live a long time, ponies live and die. I don't think this would be a good thing to ask her."

I felt my breath catch in my throat, "Then what's the point of it all!? Why bother even trying to make a life when you'll never be able to settle down for a life!?" I jumped up from the bed, turning to her and grabbing Luna by her regaila. "Luna, what's the fucking point in it!? We- I- even if I try to- even if I decide to try and...leave it all behind, even if I could...Luna, I don't want to be one of many...."

Luna closed her eyes, lowering her head and resting a hoof on my wrist, "Able...do you remember your dreams?"

I felt a sharp edge start to dig into my skin from her metal clothes, "I haven't dreamed in years--"

"Would you like to?"

I glared at Luna, my hands starting to bleed from my over tight grip on her jewelry. "Luna...Do I--"

"In orange, dancing in the snow like a fawn."

I slowly let Luna go. "...Always hunting it...aren't I?"

Luna nodded, "You have interesting dreams, but a narrow interpretation of them. Able, you can take a life, you can control it, but to draw it to you, to earn its trust, to create instead of destroy.... Able, she doesn't run from you, why must you run after her?"

I clasped my hands together, trying to stop the bleeding. "It's bad enough I'm dreaming about her. I don't need you trying to figure--"

"Able, I've seen millions of dreams, I've seen many trouble minds. Perhaps I am a bit more of an expert in these matters than yourself." Luna stepped off the bed, planting a hoof on my forehead, "Apprehension, fear. Why, I don't understand. Perhaps it's time you dream again, time you sort out your mind and figure out what you want."

I threw her hoof off me with the back of my wrist, "I know what I want! I want to go home, I want to leave this place, I just- I want, I want the violence to stop...but I don't--" I looked around, trying to avoid eye contact with Luna. "...It's not easy, trying to be calm. Trying to be civil. Those ponies Celestia brought, they made me mad...I don't know why, but-- I don't want to be mad anymore. It's easy to be mad, it's easy to yell. But- I.... When I look at her, when I was sick, she looked at me like a pet. Not like- she looked at me like I'm an animal."

I turned to the door. "Luna, don't tell her. Don't tell her I dream about her." I tightened my fist, "I'll try to stop yelling, but it's not easy. It's so much easier to scream, to push thing out...letting them in.... It's like- I'm so sick of losing things I try to care about, and when I find something that wont leave...something that- she--"

"Able?"

"I could be with her...I could be with her until I die. I could have that permanent thing I want...but- she- doubt...just so much doubt." I mumbled, rubbing my brow, "Luna...what the hell am I supposed to do? Do I pretend I belong? Do I pretend it's fair to try and get attached when she'll lose me the same way I lose everything else? Do I live a lie, try to pretend she loves me when I'm some toy.... Or do I just leave?" I wiped off my face, leaving streaks of blood on my skin, "I don't like having these problems. I don't like the quiet...it gives me too much time to think, to come up with questions I need answer to."

Luna looked to the window, the sun starting to rise over the hills to the east. "Able, we cannot answer. Nothing we could say would be true."

I joined her, staring out the window. "...Then help me find out?"

Luna smiled warmly at me. "Dreaming may help...as I said, you have interesting dreams."

I put my hand on her neck. "...Celestia would look good in orange.... A deer, not so much, but orange would be nice." I looked towards the door down to the main hall. "...I guess I should go apologize, thanks for actually talking to me."

Luna bumped me with her flank. "You did the talking. And I think that may be for the best. You're not the best at conversation, you're very aggressive when challenged."

I rubbed the back of my neck and started towards the steps. "I'll try and work on it. Thanks."