Oh those fond memories of the days when Luna was but a wee filly and how she would cuddle up with her pet kitten. They would scamper about the castle grounds and sleep together, and when Luna felt sad that same little kitten was always there. I’m not sure what happened to that kitten, but I’m pretty sure Luna ate it up.

So where our story left off, Luna was heading down the road from Twilight’s house towards the local schoolyard. Because after all, everypony armed with something that visits Twilight always goes to the schoolyard on their next stop, it’s just the way life is sometimes. And while Luna was tearing up the town on her way there, literally, she happened to past the line of sight of the three schoolfillies Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom. When Applebloom caught sight of Luna waving the machinegun around in all directions, she started wigging out.

“Girls, we gotta get outta here!”

“Why?” Inquired Sweetie Belle.

“Sweetie, Applebloom is right.” Scootaloo said. “We have to bail, Luna’s in Ponyville again. We’re all banned from being near Luna, remember?”

“That’s not why, look at what she has!” Applebloom then pointed out the obvious bullet hose Luna was using to spray lead all over the place.

Sweetie squinted her eyes a bit and then held a hoof to her chin as she fell into a fond nostalgia. “Wow, that looks kinda like a bigger version of that water gun I had last summer.”

“Wait what?”

Sweetie would’ve elaborated on this, but something else was requiring her attention. “Girls look! She’s heading to the schoolyard!”

"We gotta stop her!" Exclaimed Applebloom

And in unison, the three proclaimed “Cutie Mark Crusaders, Go!”

But before they could go on ahead, Scootaloo stopped the girls and pointed something else out “Wait up, look!” She gestured a hoof at one particular schoolfilly in the yard, one who happened to be wearing a tiara.

“Well, we’re supposed to focus on trying to get our cutie marks for skipping school anyways, right? Let’s just keep doing that.” Said Scootaloo to the nodding heads of her compatriots. And with that they did not go to the school.

Meanwhile, in the schoolyard, Diamond Tiara was having quite the discussion with a portly colt by the name of Snips.

“Anyways, that’s why Megas XLR is the worst thing ever.”

“But it’s so cool!”

“You’re wrong, and you should feel wrong. But what can be expected from such an uncouth ruffian as yourself.”

Snails cocked his head to the side. “Huh?”

And as Diamond Tiara held her head high in victory in an argument that would last ages, Cheerilee appeared next to them.

“Good morning children, are you two playing nicely?”

“Oh, but of course Miss Cheerilee.” Stated Diamond Tiara with a wave of her hoof. “We were simply having a little talk about some of the finer points of civility.”

“Miss Cheerilee, what’s an expected?”

Cheerilee smiled delicately at the inquisitive colt. “Snips, remember how I said there aren’t any stupid questions, only stupid ponies?”

“Uh huh?”

“This is one of those situations.”

Snips was glad that Cheerilee kinda accepted that she was pretty dumb after all. Seriously, what teacher issues math and P.E. on the same day? He would’ve probably enjoyed this a lot more if a hail of bullets hadn’t soared inches over his mane and struck against the wall of the schoolhouse.

Cheerilee quickly turned her head to look at the dread that was Luna with a machinegun. Luna was bad enough, she remembers hearing rumors around the schoolhouse that Luna once ate some foreign kid’s backside, and now that she’s armed this can not end well.

“Kids, inside!” She shouted, quickly gathering up all the kids and shuffling them inside the school, which was only arguably more safe than the outside where a mad alicorn princess was waving a machinegun. With the kids all inside, she forced them all against the floor so that they’d probably get shot less and she went over to her desk, which was a lot more secure, and she hid under it. She heard that schools were prone to incidents like this ever since that blind pony brought a cane that shot bullets to class, but she never thought that it would happen to such a peaceful place as Ponyville!

Next thing she knows, Luna bursts into the classroom and blows out the ceiling of the class, causing it to collapse on everypony. Luckily they’re kids so there was less of them to hit with the ceiling, so they’ll be fine. Anyways, while the firearm in Luna’s hands continued to fire off and buck against her, she aimed it skywards and spoke in the royal canterlot voice.

“ATTENTION YOUNG CITIZENS OF PONYVILLE, I HAVE COME TO WARN YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM ME FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS AS I AM IN A COMPROMISED STATE OF SECURITY. I AM SURE YOU HAVE NOTICED THAT I AM UNFORTUNATELY BURDENED BY HAVING TO CARRY THIS AWFUL CONTRAPTION AROUND WITH ME, AND IT IS THIS CONTRAPTION THAT MEANS YOU MUST BEWARE OF MY PRESENCE UNTIL THIS SITUATION IS RESOLVED! THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME!”

And she left the ruins that were once a classroom and continued down the road to the public square. If she had stayed, she would have seen the bodies erupting from the wreckage and debris, intact though certainly frightened. All except for one inquisitive pony who trotted up to Miss Cheerilee who came from behind her desk.

“Miss Cheerilee, does this mean class is over?”

Author's Note

Megas XLR is factually probably the best thing ever. Diamond Tiara, upon her first statement, probably attracted the most heat any creature in existence could have possibly attracted. It was basically like she made a heel turn from an already heel position to a heel level beyond that. She is a super villain. What I'm saying is that the opinion of Diamond Tiara is not shared by the author, or any other living being on this planet.