Doing Hurtful Things To Your Waifu: Fanfic Edition

Sweat dripped from Charlie's face and arms. Every part of his body ached so bad he thought he was on fire. Forcing himself to lean against a fence, he saw the rainbow mare in front of him, glaring daggers into her. The both of them panted heavily from running from the town square to Sweet Apple Acres. It was a simple race that Rainbow Dash asked for, no flying permitted; which he thought was pretty redundant for her to say to him.

"Keep calm, Charlie. Just stick to the plan." He thought to himself before putting on the fake shit-eating grin. "Alright, Rainbow, you win. Whew! Oof! *cough* You're pretty fast."

"Yeah...you...did pretty good yourself..." She stammered a bit. Charlie could see that she was restraining herself from saying something. "...for a two legged creature, anyway. Hehe..."

"Yeah, well, you have four legs. Of course you'll be fast...holy shit..." Charlie wheezed and fell on his knees. His lungs were still in overdrive. "I apologize...for the...*cough cough* profanity."

"Don't sweat it. Hey, even though you weren't as fast, you worked yourself pretty hard. That's pretty impressive." Rainbow Dash started to become optimistic in viewing Charlie in that light. "We're at the farm, so I'll see about getting us some apple cider." She flew toward the barn, leaving him by his lonesome.

In just under a day, he managed to get in without any problems, beside Lyra. He had to thank that centaur, at the very least. His magic will work wonders if it works from Pony Hell to where he is. He just hoped that he was reliable enough when he does his job. He began to think on how to get inside Rainbow's mind. She's athletic and loves to challenge anyone to prove her superior abilities. She's also brash and has average intelligence for one who loves to work her body. She loves attention, but not smothering attention, from what he gathered on his time trolling /mlp/. All he had to do was appeal to her athletics and work out with her, maybe a challenge or two.

"I needed to get into shape, anyway." He muttered to himself. Looking up, he saw Rainbow Dash come back with two bottles of freshly made apple cider. Clinking their bottles together, they took a swig of their drinks. Charlie's eyes opened wide and he gulped, staring at the drink in amazement. He put his lips back on the bottle and drank it down, savoring the taste, yet wanting more. "Oh sweet God, this is the most delicious drink I've ever had in my life."

"That's the Apple family for ya. They make the best apple stuff. You have to ask her for that, though." She sheepishly said. Charlie snorted and chuckled.

"Well, be that as it may be, I'm getting pretty hungry." He got up shakily, almost prompting Rainbow Dash to be beside him when he almost fell over. "I'm guessing you guys don't have any meat in your diets?"

"No, but...there's a place that sells food to carnivores like you. C'mon, I'll show you." Rainbow zoomed toward Ponyville. Sulking internally, Charlie decided to jog his way toward the village. His muscles ached, but the hunger pangs needed to go. He jogged into town and followed the rainbow trail that was left behind. After a good few minutes, he finally reached the restaurant, where Rainbow Dash was waiting.

After some bragging from Rainbow Dash, the two found seats in the outdoor patio section and looked through the menu. There were many orders to choose from, especially for the carnivorous species. Rainbow Dash eyed the dish called the Garden Deluxe, which had a mix of lettuce, tomatoes, spinach, mushrooms and some rotelle pasta with a choice of dressing. Charlie, on the other hand, eyed a dish of chicken parmesan on top of a pile of spinach drizzled with melted cheeses. He thought that it looked confusing, since it was an meal for a carnivore, yet had some herbivore foods on it. He guessed that it must be some weird thing they're trying.

After ordering their dishes and drinks, the two had a bit of small talk.

"So, where ya from, anyway?"Rainbow Dash asked.

"Don't know. I was told that I was a mythical creature that supposedly existed years ago, though." Charlie reclined in his chair and thought a bit. Should he tell her? Bah, doesn't matter to him. "But, exactly, I'm from a place called Earth. I'm pretty sure something here just whisked me away to this land where multicolored pastel ponies live."

"Something here, huh? Well, lots of weird things happen. Eggheads like Twilight can do a lot of things, so it'd be no surprise if some pony like her pulled you from the dead ends of the world."

"I don't think you realize what I'm saying. I came from another world. Magic just pulled me in and here I am." He saw the look on Rainbow Dash's face raise in jubilation.

"Whoa! You're an alien, then!" She got up off her seat and went close to his face.

"No, that's not what I'm-"

"At least you aren't trying to probe our flanks with whatever you guys use. That's just weird."

"I'm not an alien!" Charlie rose from his seat. The ponies were startled by his outburst and looked at the two.

"But you're from another world, right? That means alien!" Rainbow Dash was set on her conclusion. There would be no way convincing her that he's not. The waiter came by with their dishes and set them on the table while the two locked eyes on each other. Rainbow Dash smiled when Charlie didn't have anything to say, and sat back down. "I told ya."

Sitting back down, Charlie ate his meal in silence while Rainbow Dash stuffed her face, literally. He thought she was a bit of a rascal for doing that. He looked to see some ponies eating like that while unicorns just floated bits and pieces of their food in their mouths. He shrugged and continued to eat his meal. He was glad that they had forks for him to use.

But man, how he wanted to stab this jockey so badly.