The Moon and I

Fucking hell.

It's been a week. No, less.

It took less than one fucking week for all this to come crumbling down. Ten bucks says Jay is doing better with Chryssi. Mischievous as she is, her dad doesn't dream about his victims. Doesn't dream about torturing them more, about getting that last bit of data from them before they died of their wounds because I barely nicked an organ and it slowly bled them to death or poisoned their blood.

And here I am, trying to raise the Night Princess. Y'know, the one who can see dreams. And enter them.

On top of all that, I need to go to work and I have a job to do. I--

Goddammit.

I don't know what to do. I'm lost and alone and trying to raise a daughter who deserves so much more than I can ever give and it hurts.

It just hurts.

I'm leaving Luna at home. I don't deserve to be near her. But when I told her that she just gave me this look like I'd told her I was leaving her for good.

This little filly has caused so much hurt and I can't even hate her because it's not her fault, it's mine.

It's always my fault.

I might just kill myself and be done with it. Or maybe I'll get lucky and get into a car crash so I don't need to risk chickening out. I'm already leaving everything I own to Jay and my boss to split up, since my family isn't my family anymore except in the same way a trans guy is a woman and there's no one else who gives two shits about me.

Well, Luna does, but no one but Jay knows she exists. I just hope Jay can manage two fillies.

Luna, if you find this, I love you. More than you could ever imagine. More than I deserve. I'm sorry. I pray to the gods you never go through this yourself.

Off to work. Probably never coming back home.

Entry 2

Alright. I've left a copy of my will on the desk and got a note typed up on the computer.

Time for a 'smoke break'.

I think jumping from the top of this building should work. It's thirty stories and each is plenty tall.

Again, Luna, I love you.

I always will. Right up until my face hits the concrete I'll always love you and if I can I'll still love you after and I'm sorry.

Thanks for everything. It's a shame I don't deserve any of it.

So long, Luna. I love you. I--

No more stalling. No matter how often I say "I love you" it won't be enough.

Goodbye, my daughter. Goodbye, Luna.