The Moon and I

Day 11

Entry 1

I didn't.

Luna... She found me. Right before I stepped off the edge, she pushed me back by tackling me. I just lay there stunned as she started sobbing into my chest and I cried into her fur. She told me never to do-- to do that--

I was... Fucking hell. I was about to leave Luna fatherless. Somewhere in there she told me what that dream was that got her so upset. The gist of it is that she left. She... Fuck, everything makes sense now. I'm such a dumbass.

She's asleep in my arms now. She... After everything, she's forgiven me. After what she's seen me do, she trusts me. She still loves me after all the shit I've put her through. She-- She's a better person than me, and she isn't even human. And--

There's no way I'm nice enough to have taught her that. I don't deserve her. There's no doubt about that in my mind. But now... Now I'm gonna try to change that fact instead of accepting it. I'm gonna become the best fucking dad you can imagine.

Better than my own, at least.

I'll show the smug fucker who sired me that it's possible to raise an amazing kid without beating the shit out of him for daring to get sick from a disease he fucking carried.

And if it comes to it, I'll die for Luna. I won't let her down again.

Entry 2

I should mention, by the way... Dave... Well, he found out about Luna. It'd be kinda hard for him not to. He told me that he'd followed me up because he didn't like the look in my eyes and he found me with Luna sobbing into my shirt. He wasn't mad once I explained but when I did he was pinning me to the wall by my throat and demanding to know what had possessed me to try death. Then he saw Luna, terrified, in my arms, and dropped me. That was... Well, I didn't lie at least. For once. I probably gave away classified information at some point, but I can't care less.

So out of all that I got a paid week off and a raise so I can support Luna. One of the others handed in his two week notice, so boss could increase everyone's pay, but he quietly gave me a bit extra. I'm touched, really. I mean, I could easily support the both of us, and I told Dave as much, but he told me that he wanted Luna to grow up well. Eventually I relented -- admittedly not after very long -- and so... Well, raise! Yay!

Over these three days I've been mostly talking to Luna. She... She's learning how to control dreams when she enters them. She needs a test subject though. Gods know I'm not letting her muck around in my head; she might see something no one should ever have to.

Oh! Speaking of magic, Luna successfully levitated a ball just today! I would have written about it then, but...

It's shameful. I-- I reread what I was thinking and I--

Fucking hell. Anyway.

Luna levitated a ball. She was really excited and so was I. I haven't had a chance to tell Jay, though. I've been making up to Luna. And covertly working even though Dave told me he'd fire me if I worked during this week off.

Hold on, is what he did even legal? I'm not complaining, but... Man. I don't want to get him in trouble for being nice.

Oh, I also published my sketches online. People seem to like them. Hell, someone offered to pay me to draw something. I... I mean, I'm not a great artist. I just draw for fun. I told the guy as much, but I liked his idea and he said it's okay if I draw it. It is flattering, though.

Huh. Anything I'm forgetting?

I'll write it later.

For now, my daughter wants to play. Until next time, journal.

Entry 3

Oh, right! The books to teach reading arrived. Luna can already read a little, but those should help.

The crib is also here, but Luna refuses to use it. She just flies out and I wake up with her next to or on top of me. When I asked her about it she just said it made her feel better. Hopefully I'm not still dreaming about... I don't want to traumatize her. She tells me I'm not, but I don't know if she's just telling me that to make me feel better. I'm not remembering any of my dreams, so I can't tell for sure

I need to show Luna the show, too. I'll do that later, after we've read a bit. Hopefully she won't freak out.

Hopefully.

And hopefully all this will lighten up soon and we can go back to the carefree daughter and dad we were before. Even if that innocence of hers is lost. Even if she always has that slight terror in her eyes, no matter what.

Tomorrow, journal.