Assault on Lorn V

Matt slowly opened his eyes. He saw a wooden ceiling. That surprised him a little, because he knew that only orks build things with wood. The guardsman quickly stood up and looked around. He was in the room with a stone walls, a window, a door, one table, two chairs and a small pile of hay on which he was lying before. Matt never saw hay, so he grabbed bunch of it and examined it. A small crispy straws confused him, but suddenly he found out that this thing is everywhere on his uniform, between the sheets of his armor and inside his boots. They were not too comfortable, so our soldier sat on the chair, took his boots off and shook the whole hay out. Then he put them back on his feet and jumped a few times, so hay could fall off his clothes. Sound of armor sheets hitting each other was quite loud, but Matt was too confused to think about it. Remaining straws that got stuck between clothes and armor were quickly drawn by hand. When the guardsman finally got rid of hay on him, he came closer to the window and looked outside. The sight terrified him. It was a town with houses made from stone, wood and hay. And on the streets there were hundreds of ponies walking from one place to another. Matt mumbled to himself

"Oh for fuck's sake, I'm so screwed."

Human suddenly heard a clopping sound behind the door. Unconsciously he moved his hand to take the rifle off his back and... oh FUCK! There is no rifle. What now? What now? Matt quickly checked his pockets and searched for something he could defend himself with. Well... Some trash, a half eaten chocolate bar (or at least chocolate-like matter) a spare button to his jacket and two grenades – frag and flash. He bought them once from ratling for a few packets of cigarettes. The guardsman hid the frag grenade in his right pocket, and threw everything else to the left one. Then he grabbed a frag grenade, holding the tip of it with thumb and put his forefinger through the loop. He was ready.

Doors opened with creak and stopped halfway. Then a pony head slowly slid through them. Big eyes examined the whole place and stopped on terrified Matt. A soft calming voice said:

"Oh, I'm so glad you are awake. I was so worried about you."

Finally doors fully opened and a yellow pony with pink mane walked inside. She looked so innocent, that Matt's heart melted in seconds. He carefully took his hand off the grenade, feeling absolutely secure. He felt that she will never let any of that other ponies harm him. He couldn't squeeze a word out of his throat anyway. Pony slowly continued:

"Don't be afraid. You are safe. My name is Fluttershy, and I will take care of you. You can ask me for food... or water... and I can play with you whenever you want. Do you understand? Nod your head if you do, ok?"

Matt shook his head up and down and said

"Well, everything is clear to me for now."

Yellow pony raised her front hoof in surprisement and asked:

"Oh, you can talk?"

"As we can hear obviously..."

Matt knew that she for sure didn't took a part in the battle, because she would know that humans talk. She asked:

"Do you have a name? If you don't have any, I can come up with one if you want..."

"No, no! My name is Matt."

"That's such a nice name."

Pony gently walked closer to human, looking at his eyes all the time to be sure that she won't startle him. Then she asked:

"Maybe you want something to eat?"

"Y... yes. I'm quite hungry."

"But what do humans eat?"

"Well... just tell me what do you have."

"I have some cake... and..."

"Cake!? I suddenly became positive about that whole situation."

The guardsman laughed a little

"Oh, so you like cakes?"

"Of course! Cake is elite's food! I want it, I want it, I want it!"

Pony smiled and said:

"You are such a Pinkie Pie."

Matt quickly made a step back.

"What? No, I'm not a pie! I hope you don't want to eat me or something. Please, I'm not tasty. Let me live!"

Fluttershy quickly tried to calm him down

"Pinkie Pie is a pony, and my friend. I just meant that you are a little similar to her. Nopony is going to eat you. We don't eat meat."

Human breathed a sigh of relief.

"Umm... wait here and I'll bring you a nice plate of cake."

Pony quickly walked through the door. Matt came closer to a chair and sat on it, trying to guess what is going on here, but instead he spent 2 minutes in a nearly vegetative state. Pony came back with a nice big triangle shaped piece of chocolate cake on a plate and a small spoon. She put it on a table next to the guardsman and with a warm smile she wished "bon appetite". Matt put his fingers under the lower part of his gasmask and raised it, revealing his mouth and a stubble. His eyes got covered by rubber of a mask. Then he blindly grabbed a spoon, missing it a few times and hitting table with his hand. It quickly dived into chocolate cake, cutting off big pieces and throwing them into his mouth. The soldier was loudly munching on bites and humming to show how much he likes it. When the last piece falled between Matt's teeth, he pulled the mask back on his chin.

"Mmm, it was delicious!"

"I'm glad to hear that."

Pony said happily, and added

"Let's have a little talk, shall we?"

The guardsman swallowed the last bite of a cake with a loud gulp, and asked:

"Well... what do you wanna talk about?"

"Oh, about anything. Just for some entertainment"

Matt thought for a moment scratching his neck, and finally he asked:

"Why do you care about me so much?"

"Because animal care is my hobby, silly."

"Oh, so you think I'm an animal?" - Matt asked with a stupid smile on his face, because he just found so much irony in this situation.

"I... I'm sorry!" - Pony said with worried voice -"I didn't intend to offend you! It's just... for us... well, for ponies... you are something like an animal..."

Matt chuckled a little. Then he looked down, at his boots. He was rhythmically tapping the floor. Fluttershy was looking at that for a moment, and to break the silence she proposed

"There will be a gala tonight. Do you want to come with me? There will be snacks and games! And music. You seem to like the music."

"Well... why not. I guess a little fun won't kill me. And maybe I will meet some more ponies..."

"That's great!" - Fluttershy clapped her hooves. -"Then we should prepare for the party. You should take a bath before going out, Matt. Your smell is quite... intensive"

"But It's the smell of 100% fine man! Natural thing that says to everyone around: Hey, I AM ALPHA MALE! Show some respect, if you don't want trouble!"

Matt started laughing, but he spotted that his little friend took it seriously. He quickly explained

"I'm just kidding! Of course I can take a bath. Hygiene is one of Imperial Soldier's duties."

"Oh, another joke. You seem to really like jokes." - Fluttershy smiled towards human -"I'll fill bathtub with hot water."

"Ok, I'm waiting." - Matt smoothly rolled off the chair and jumped on a pile of hay facing up. He put his hands under his head and decided to take a little nap before bathing.

Before he fell asleep, Fluttershy was already back and asked human to follow her to a bathroom.

The guardsman looked around. Meh, normal bathroom. One bathtub, one sink with mirror above it, one toilet, one cupboard and ceramic wall tiles. He came closer to a bathtub, took off a glove from his right hand and delicately put his finger into water.

"Yeah, it's alright. So now I can bath..."

Fluttershy was still standing in bathroom waiting. The guardsman decided to ask

"What are you waiting for?"

"I'm waiting for you to take off your clothes and get into bathtub, so I can clean you with sponge. Oh, should I help you with that?"

Matt was a little stunned, but he reminded himself that she thinks he's a pet. He replied

"Just leave me the sponge and go out. I can take care of myself! Be sure to close the door."

Fluttershy looked a little disappointed, but she walked out.

Human took off the second glove, unbelted his flak armor and delicately put it on the floor not to break something. Then he took off his helmet, gasmask, boots, uniform and underwear. He slowly walked into the bath and laid down. Warm water was very pleasing for him, as for the last few months he was on the snowy battlefield. With a sponge he carefully cleaned his whole body. Then he put his head under water and washed his hair. After a while he was clean and nice. Matt crawled out of the bathtub and used a towel that was hanging on a hook at the wall to dry himself. When he finished, he put his clothes and armor back on.

"Oh, you are quick" – Said Fluttershy after seeing Matt getting out of the bathroom. He was holding helmet in his left hand by a straps, because his hair was still wet. Anyway he had his gasmask on his face.

"T... thanks? Bathing is not a big deal..."

The guardsman sat on a chair again and put his hands on his knees. Suddenly Fluttershy said:

"You have such a cute mane."

"Er... You mean my hair in general, or only the front part of it?"

"Yes, hair! Your hair is nice."

Matt moved his open hand from his forehead to the back of his neck, adjusting his blonde hair

"Well, thanks! I like it too."

For a moment they were both quiet. Matt started tapping again with his boot. His new little friend looked at a clock on the wall and gasped

"Oh! Look at the time! We should be going now. Let's go on a party, Matt!"

"Allright" - Human said while standing up from a chair and belting the helmet to his head -"I'll be right behind you!"

Matt and Fluttershy were going through the dark streets, slightly brightened by lamps. The guardsman was looking around and trying to make some evacuation plan in case something goes wrong. He was thinking:

"Hmm, I spy with my little eye a giant fucking energy shield, and big stone walls with those dumb guards. What should I do... There must be a shield generator somewhere inside that village. Probably right in the middle. I could turn it off, or even destroy it. Walls will be harder. I could defeat guards near the gates, or just blow the fuck up a part of that wall. Or maybe... my new little friend has wings. Maybe she, or any other pony with wings could help me get on that thing. Then I would jump from it into the soft snow... and maybe break my legs...

I could make some improvised charges. Do they have chemists here? Maybe I should ask Fluttershy..."

The guardsman finally came out of his reverie to find out that for a last few minutes he was starring at... a round bouncing flank. Matt swallowed his saliva, and looked a little up, hoping that she didn't spot it. Her big eyes were already unsurely glancing him. Matt quickly tried to explain:

"Wait! It's misunderstanding! I just had a moment of thoughtfulness and seriously, I paid no attention to what I was staring at! I'm not any kind of pervert or something!"

Pony slowly tilted her head, but in this awkward situation she didn't knew what to say, so after a while she looked forward and pretended that nothing happened. The soldier felt a heavy stone on his heart, painfully pushing.

"By the Emperor, such a shame."

A few ponies were also wandering around the town. When human walked by, they were pointing at him and whispering.

"Hey, is it that alien who nearly disemboweled our defenseless librarian?"

"I heard that it massacred a corpse of a royal guard. So bad, that his coffin arrived here already closed and nailed. Keep away from that monster."

After 10 minutes of walking, that seemed like hours, the scene with giant speakers was in the sight. Between those "two towers" there was a DJ console, and a white pony with a blue mane that was operating this thing. Big, purple sunglasses were covering her eyes, even through it was a middle of the night.

Tables and chairs were like a 20 meters from stage, but the music was not very loud. Still it made conversations harder. Smaller speakers were placed on a few lanterns, also playing the music.

Fluttershy looked back at Matt and said

"Well, this is the place. I guess you can take care of yourself also at the parties, so you can have fun. I hope you will enjoy this."

"It looks very nice. I'm sure I will have some good time."

"I will be near my friends. We will be across that bridge..."

Pony pointed the small bridge that was crossing a little brook.

"Ok, I get it!"

Matt shook his head and immediately headed towards the tables. He sat on a chair next to some vacant table, and put his arms under his head. He was thinking about his past, reminding himself Imperial barracks. It was not so bad after all. Doing pranks with other Guardsmen, trading with things stolen from storages. Even through these things could end with immediate execution, they were all entertaining themselves like this. Was it even a real army? Matt slowly started to realise, that Imperial forces on Lorn V were a joke. Should an officer treat his soldiers like a friends? Every soldier was lacking any discipline, and that's why whole army was wiped out by a bunch of horses. They never took this war serious...

The guardsman suddenly felt insecure. He looked around and noticed, that DJ pony quickly looked away.

-"Was she staring at me? Do I really look like a monster?"

Some plum coat pony slowly came closer to Matt's table. Human noticed it and became starring at her, trying to make her go. It was not very effective...

"Hello. You seem to be a little alone."

Plum pony noted it loudly

"Mhm"

Matt muttered. He seemed a little angry.

"Hey, do you want to hit the bar? I would really like to have a human friend."

The guardsman suddenly revitalized

"You... you are telling me there is a bar?"

Pony giggled and asked

"You are also a little thirsty, aren't you? If you know what I mean, of course."

She winked.

Matt felt that a nice melange is getting near. Let's show those little milk drinkers how men party!

"Let's go already! I can't wait!"

"Oh, teehee. You are more thirsty than I expected! Follow me. By the way, I'm Berry Punch."

"I'm Matt. You have a cute name."

"Oh, thanks!" - Pony smiled -"Yours is cool too, Matt. Matt - Sounds very manly. Good to have some real men here, most of them are sissies."

Berry and Matt laughed a little. She continued.

"Oh, but I'm serious. Some of the stallions around here are more girly than a normal mare. And their names, a horror! And they are rocking from side to side after a first drink. I hope you will keep up with me, will ya?"

"Don't worry. Slavic blood runs in my veins. When you will wake up in a detox centre, I will be just starting."

"Don't be so sure! We will see."

They both sat on a chairs next to a counter. A light gray pony was standing next to some shelves with bottles. She immediately said

"Hi again Berry! Is this your friend?"

"Yeah! His name is Matt. He is a human."

Gray pony put her hooves on a counter and gave the guardsman a seductive look

"Oh, a human. I see... Humans are so cute."

Ashamed Matt looked at his boots to avoid the eye contact.

"Stop those jokes! You are making him feel unsure. Do you always have to do this? When I will come here with a dog, will you try to flirt with it too? Shoo! Shoo! Get back to work, you lazy mare!"

Matt trembled a little and quietly said

"I'm not a dog..."

The barmare winced and responded

"Oh, come on! It's not my fault that every time you come here with more handsome stallion! And that human is really cute."

"D... Don't call him cute!" - Berry got nervous -"He is a soldier! He has an uniform and armor on him! A helmet! A gasmask! Do you know what is job is? His job is to kill! And I'm sure he alone is more manly that all of the stallions from this sissy town together!"

A crazy purple pony grabbed Matt by his arm with her hooves and pulled him. Then she nuzzled him and continued

"Ahh, he smells like a mixture of his sweat and blood of the ones who dared to fight with him!"

"Hey, I just took a shower!"

Matt tried to interject, but Berry just kept talking

"Do you have any idea how many blades and bullets passed through this tough body?"

"I was lucky enough to have only a few scratches..."

"Do you know how strong he is?"

"Bullshit! I can barely make 30 push-ups! Can we finally drink something?"

"Hey, give him everything he wants and write it on my bill, ok?"

The barmare nod her head and replied

"Just like always, miss."

Berry Punch pouted

"Don't cross the line, miss."

The guardsman delicately put his arm on Berry's back and said

"You know, we were supposed to check who can drink more, so maybe we should start our little competition?"

"You are right. Barmare! Two glasses of something strong, please! And don't walk away too fast, I feel this will be intense."

The barmare grabbed a bottle of brown liquid and two shot-glasses. She put glasses on the counter, and deftly filled both of them.

Berry lowered her head and looked, if shots were equal. Then she grabbed her glass and said

"Get ready, Matt."

The guardsman also grabbed his glass and raised his gasmask, so he could drink it.

Berry started the countdown

"Three... two... one... go!"

They both poured alcohol into their mouths. Matt smacked his lips. Berry quickly said

"Another one, please!"

Both competitors put their glasses back on the counter. In no time they were filled again. Matt was quite blind, because raised gasmask was still on his head. Berry ordered

"Now you do the countdown, Matt!"

"See you under the chairs" - Matt joked, and as fast as he could, he counted - "ThreetwooneGO!"

And they continued the competition.