Assault on Lorn V

When Matt woke up, he was nicely welcomed by an enormous hangover. He quickly looked around to see where he was sleeping. That was not too surprising - it was the floor between chairs and a counter. After a longer while, when senses slowly started to work again, the guardsman noticed that something was lying on him. It was Berry Punch - snuggling to his chest, asleep. Her breath was tickling Matt's chin, but the intense smell of alcohol from her mouth was blocked by a filters in gasmask. He delicately rubbed her cheek with a finger, and said

"Wake up, sleeping beauty."

She slowly opened her eyes, looking directly into eyes of the guardsman. She yawned, rubbed her head with her hoof and immediately asked

"Who won?"

"I have no idea, we have to ask someone."

She slowly raised up from Matt's body, and refrained from throwing up. The guardsman got back on his legs right after her, holding on a chair. Berry looked at a bar and asked

"Oh, you still there?"

The barmare was very surprised. She couldn't say anything at first, but later she asked

"Y... you were both sleeping under..."

Berry interrupted her

"No one cares, just tell me who won!"

The barmare pondered for a while, and said

"I don't know. I looked away for a while, and when I looked back there you were both missing. I thought you walked away. Both of you were barely contacting."

The guardsman was holding his stomach. He took a few deep breaths and said

"Ok, let's call it a draw. You are pretty good at this, Berry."

She protested

"A draw? No way! I was sleeping on YOU, so it is obvious that I had to fell down after you!"

Matt was trying to defend himself

"How do you know that you didn't crawl on me after I fell next to you?"

Berry became musing over that scenario. The guardsman added

"By the way, the competition was about who can drink more, not about who can not fall off a chair for a longer time. The barmare said, that we both disappeared in the same time, so after the same shot. There is no winner."

Berry joked

"Are you a detective or something?"

"I heard many quarrels over the drinking competitions before. I just used the arguments that I have already heard."

Berry nod her head. Then she giggled and noticed

"We have to do a play-off, then"

The guardsman could barely hold chyme in his stomach, but when it calmed down, he begged

"Please, don't say anything about drinking for a next few days."

"Ok, ok. Sorry."

Berry looked down for a while, and then on the guardsman. Suddenly she noticed something disturbing.

"Matt... aren't your knees hurt?"

The guardsman looked on his legs. There were two big blood stains, one on each knee. He replied

"No, no. It's not my blood."

"Whose blood is it, then?"

"I'm afraid... it's a blood of my brothers. I should wash it off."

Berry looked at the idle soldier. She realised, that just yesterday he was the only human who survived the battle. Yet he was having fun. Maybe death is just too familiar to humans. They get used to the fact, that everyone around will die, and they just stopped caring.

Matt staggered a little, and decided

"I have to go home now. I guess that I live in that Fluttershy's home, right?"

Berry responded

"Maybe. How am I supposed to know? Sorry that I won't accompany you, but I just have to go home immediately. I guess you have to go..."

Berry raised her hoof in a direction

"That way."

Matt looked in the direction. Yeah... he probably came from there.

"Thanks, Berry. See you later."

"See ya, Matt"

Said both mares.

Matt added

"Yeah, see ya later too... um... barmare."

And he hobbled away.

Human walked through the village, searching for Fluttershy's home. Suddenly a cyan pegasus with rainbow mane and tail fled over him, yelling

"What do you think you are doing?!

Stunned guardsman looked at her with undisguised astonishment.

"Da fuck you want?"

"We were all searching for you whole night! Where you were hiding!?

"Nowhere... or maybe... nevermind."

"Ugh, you are so stupid. Grab my hoof."

"You are stupid!" - the guardsman said, and noticed her hind leg stretched in his direction. He delicately grabbed it with his hand just as ordered.

Pony was irritated

"No, grab it tight, with both limbs you idiot!"

The guardsman tried to ignore insults, and grabbed her leg tight with both hands. She started flying up, and managed to raise him little, but she couldn't fly any higher. She went back down and yelled

"Agh, not only stupid, but also fat! I can't raise such a barrel of fat!"

"What!? I'm not fat, you bitch! I have a metal plates all over my body! And you are just too weak to raise anything!"

"You little... worthless..."

She stopped, calmed down and said.

"Just follow me, fatty."

"You are a fatty."

She was flying low, so the guardsman could see her. They both moved on some kind of town square. There she landed, and said

"Wait"

For 10 minutes they were standing in the middle of the square, not saying a word to each other. Matt was watching the traffic around the place. Then he heard a familiar voice.

"Oh, there you are. I was so worried about you. What you were doing?"

Human looked in the direction of the voice. He saw Fluttershy, and 5 ponies standing behind her. One of them was that rainbow "fatty". He replied

"Well, I met some new friends. And I had some fun... I guess. I can't really remember."

Fluttershy came closer, put her hooves on Matt's chest and nuzzled him. Then she said with disappointment

"You were with Berry Punch, right? You shouldn't hang out with her. She have a big problem. Everypony around knows that."

Then she did a few steps back

"Girls, this is Matt. Come closer, Matt, so my friends can introduce themselves to you."

The guardsman walked toward Fluttershy's friends. Cyan one fled closer and said

"Well, I am Rainbow Dash."

Then she frowned and added with sarcasm

"It's really nice to meet you."

When she fled away, another pony came closer. She had an orange coat and blonde mane. She asked with a smile

"Howdy, Matt. My name is Applejack. Do you like apples?"

Matt thought about it for a while

"I don't know. Maybe?"

"Then you can visit my farm any day. If you want to earn some bits, you will be always welcomed!"

"Some what?"

The guardsman asked

-"Bits are money here."

Fluttershy explained

When she walked back, another pony that approached to him was a purple unicorn. Matt couldn't remind himself where he have already seen her.  She said with grimace

"Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle. We already know each other a little, right?"

The guardsman noticed a bandage on her side. - "It's you..."

Twilight tried to smile a little

"Hey, don't do anything stupid. I'm sure we can be friends."

Matt crouched, moved his head closer to Twilight's head and whispered

"You killed my brothers. You tortured my officer. Sure..."

He chuckled

"We can be friends."

And he straighten up.

Twilight looked at him for a while, and did a few steps back. After her a pink pony did a few jumps in his direction, and said really fast

"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie! I really like games and parties. Do you like parties, Matt? Oh, I'm sure you do! Everypony does! Do you want an invitation to a party? Here it is! Take it, if you want!"

She pulled out an envelope and passed it to Matt. Guardsman slowly stretched his arm, pinched the envelope and hid it in one of his pockets.

"Thanks, I'll open it later."

"Of course you'll do!"

And she jumped away just as she approached. Last white unicorn with purple mane didn't do a single step closer, but started talking from a distance.

"I'm Rarity. Sorry that I won't come closer, but your clothes seem to be very dirty. And I don't want you to get me dirty. You should wash them, or something..."

"Well, sorry. Just... you know... battlefield is not the cleanest place on the world."

"I'm sure it is not. But I know a great laundry. I can take you there."

"I have a better idea!"

Twilight interfered

"Fluttershy, can I borrow your human for a while?"

The guardsman looked at Twilight angrily. Fluttershy replied

"Oh, you should ask him. He is not somepony's property"

Twilight seemed irritated, but she asked the guardsman

"Well, can you follow me somewhere?"

"As long as you don't want to kill me."

The guardsman said. Twilight did a fake laugh, and justified

"If I would like to kill you, I would do it back when you were lying unconscious on the ground. Rarity, could you go with us?"

"As you wish, darling" - Rairty agreed

Matt followed two ponies to a giant tree. A tree with door and windows. Twilight used her magic to open the door, and walked inside. Rarity and Matt followed her. When they were all inside, door slammed, and Twilight ordered

"Take off your clothes, human."

"What?! Why?"

The guardsman was quite scared

"Because" - Twilight explained - "I need to make a research about humans. Don't worry, I'll just check your limbs and muscles. I'd like to also open you up and check what's inside, but Fluttershy would probably murder me, so I'll just order a human corpse from the outside for that."

"Nah, I don't want to." - The guardsman was rubbing his arm and looking down

Twilight was slowly losing her patience, but Rarity encouraged the human

"Come on, darling. You have nothing to worry about. I have no clothes too, and I'm not ashamed of you."

Matt stared at her for a while

"Indeed... you are naked. Every single pony in this town is naked. Well, whatever."

Then he started to unbelt his armor and joked

"For science."

Twilight looked with a smile at the guardsman that was taking off his armor, and later his uniform. Then she said

"See? You don't have to be intelligent to do something for science."

Matt showed her a middle finger to assure her how intelligent he was, but then he realised, that ponies don't know finger gestures anyway. Mostly because they have hooves.

After a while Matt was standing only in his underwear and gasmask. Twilight asked

"Haven't you forgot about something?"

The guardsman looked down, blushed and pointed his gray boxer shorts

"You mean... this?"

"And don't forget about socks and gasmask"

"N... no. That is enough."

"What is wrong with you? Why do humans wear so much clothes? You don't need them here."

"I don't want to take these things off. Just no!"

"You leave me no choice."

Twilight's horn started glowing. Guardsman remind himself how defenseless the officer was against this stuff, so he quickly proposed a compromise.

"Wait, wait! I have an idea. I'll take off my underwear, but you'll let me keep the gasmask on my face. Deal?"

Twilight smiled

"I could use my magic to strip you off the everything, but whatever. I said that we will be friends. You can keep the mask."

The human pulled his shorts down, and with his toes he took off the socks. Then he threw everything on a one pile. Twilight asked Rarity

"Could you please take his clothes to that laundry? I'll end the research before you'll come back with them."

"Of course, that is no problem" - Rarity agreed and with magic she raised the pile of clothes, leaving only flak armor and helmet on the ground. Guardsman suddenly yelled

"No, no! Wait a second!"

He dashed towards his flying clothes, and pulled out things from his pockets. An invitation to a party, a half of the chocolate bar, a spare button, and two grenades. Twilight immediately spotted them.

"Wait, human. What is that?"

Guardsman hid grenades in one hand behind his back and showed her a chocolate bar.

"This? This is a food. Chocolate flavor. Do you know what chocolate is?"

She winced and intently asked

"No. I meant those two small barrels that you just hid."

Guardsman showed her grenades

"Hid? No, I did it unintentionally, because I thought you were asking about that chocolate bar. This is my... medicine."

"Medicine?" Twilight asked with surprisement.

"Yes, I'm ill. I have... asthma. I need to inhale this every day and night." - Matt took the flash grenade, pulled out a pin while still holding the tip of it with his thumb, and pretend to inhale something from it. Then he slid the pin back on it's place. - "Sorry for doing this now, but I forgot about my morning dose."

"Right... we don't want you to die. Don't forget about your medicine later."

"Don't worry, it happened to me for the first time. Just... you know. Too much experience for a two days."

And he threw all the stuff he was holding in his hands near his armor.

"Can I take this now?" - Rarity asked.

The guardsman nod his head, so she left with clothes hovering in front of her.

"Alright" - Twilight walked towards the human - "I guess we should begin."

"Just be gentle" - Matt said and immediately he burst out laughing

"Don't worry about that"

Twilight circled the naked guardsman a few times, inspecting him carefully. She noted loudly

"This hair on human body is strange. It's too thin to provide any warmth. Maybe except your head... and private parts"

Matt was standing still. His hand suddenly became glowing purple and moved in Twilight's direction against human's will. She continued

"Five fingers. Opposable one is thicker than the rest. Every one have different length. And they have pink nails..."

She pressed one of the nails with edge of her hoof

"...soft, pink nails. Do they have any other purpose that scratching your own butt?"

Matt said with the faltering voice

"No, I'm afraid not."

Twilight ordered

"Now try to keep your finger curved, when I'll try to make it straight."

Matt nod his head, and curved his fingers. Glowing intensified, and he felt that something was pulling his finger away from his palm. He kept the finger curved. It was getting stronger and stronger with every second. Human's muscles were shaking, but he was opposing the magic. Twilight was quite impressed

"Strange... why do such a small fingers have so much strenght?"

Guardsman quickly explained, showing his forearm with index finger of the other hand.

"Because muscles that move my fingers are here. They are going all the way through."

As he said that, he moved the finger from his wrist to his elbow.

"Really?"

"Yeah, you can check it out." - Guardsman grabbed Twilight's hoof and pressed it to his forearm. Then he moved his fingers. She blushed a little, and pulled her hoof out of human's grip.

"Wow. I felt that... Anyway, let's continue!"

She leaned on him and became poking his chest with her hoof, slowly moving down.

"So this is rib cage. How many ribs do you have?"

The guardsman thought for a while

"I have no idea."

She continued poking

"Right, you'll tell me later."

After a while her hoof touched the soft part of human belly.

"Your guts are there, right?"

"Nah, my guts are in my faith in the Emperor of mankind"

The guardsman became laughing. Irritated pony pressed her hoof deep in human's belly, but suddenly it was pushed back. She asked

"What was that?"

"Muscles of my stomach? You didn't thought that it would be a defenseless part?"

"For a while. But it would be quite strange."

Twilight put her hooves back on the ground

"So maybe now... we should look at... your legs."

She looked at Matt's legs from feet to his thighs.

"They are quite muscular"

"I had to walk with the rest of my squad from place to place with bags of ammo on my back. That's why they look like that."

"Right... so now the last thing. I have to see your... genitals."

"Are you sure? Maybe later?"

"Oh, stop blubbering. Just a few moments and it's over."

The guardsman raised his head and closed his eyes. He felt her breath on it, but he tried to think about anything else.

"Come on, Matt. Keep it cool. Think about something gross. Damn, orks are gross. Green stinky murderers. What else... that strange necrons with claws and flesh tied to them. Oh God, they are too much. Fuck, I remember the one that had a stretched human face nailed to his head. And that smell..."

Guardsman quickly put his hand under his gasmask and pressed his mouth, to not vomit. Some of the puke went up, but he managed to swallow it. When he pulled his hand out, and adjusted the mask, he noticed Twilight looking at him with confusion. She asked

"Aren't you too stressed about it? It's just an examination."

"I'm not stressed. Just... too much alcohol yesterday."

"Of course. By the way, could you think about something... arousing? I need to take a few measurements."

The guardsman was highly annoyed

"Come on, end the test already!"

"Delicate subject? Are you ashamed of something?"

"I have nothing to be ashamed of! It's perfectly average!"

"Should I help you with that?"

That question launched human's imagination. Even though he tried to stop it by thinking about everything gross he could imagine, blood already rushed through the detour. Twilight joked with a satisfied voice

"That was not so hard. Oh, wait. It is."

She pressed the measure to human's member

"Well, comparing it to size of your body, it's quite disappointing, but it's not so bad. Now you can sit down somewhere and wait for your clothes. They should arrive shortly."

Frustrated human sat on a chair, and pulled out a random book from the closest shelve. He looked at the cover - "Abyss of magic". Maybe this one is also "not so bad". Before Matt managed to read through the second page, doors have open and Rarity came inside with his folded clothes. She said

"There you go! Clean , fresh and dry. I said that this laundry is great."

"Oh, thanks... what was your name again?"

She looked at the guardsman with disgust

"Rarity. I remembered your name, Matt.

"I'm really sorry! I have a big problem with remembering names. Thank you again."

"Oh, it's nothing."

Guardsman put his clothes back. His uniform smelled like flowers. Then he put his flak armor and helmet on, and hid all his things back to the pockets. After that he announced

"I'm going to Fluttershy's house. Later."

He walked out and kept walking forward, until he noticed that he still don't know where Fluttershy's home was. Matt became wandering around hoping to find the right house, when suddenly five guards blocked his path. One of them said.

"Hey guys, look who we have here. Is it that worthless creature that defiled our friend?"

Another one came closer and looked in guardsman's eyes, touching gasmask exhaust with his nuzzle. Matt tried to remember as much about him as it was possible. White coat, blonde mane, a scar on top of his nuzzle, tired eyes...

"Not only friend. He was my brother. Do you know, you walking failure, that you killed my brother?"

The guardsman was as smooth as always.

"Wow, I am such a failure, and I defeated your brother. In that case I guess I did him a favor."

The pony hit him in face with back of the halberd, and became kicking the lying human with his whole force. Some mare yelled

"Leave him alone! Why are you torturing that poor creature!?"

One of the guards pushed her back

"It's not your problem miss, move along!"

"No way. I said - leave him alone! I'll tell princess Celestia about this!" - mare pushed the guard back, and other guards pinned her down.

"Calm down, you shouldn't have done that."

The one guard that was kicking the human, gaped at the fighting mare. Matt used this pause to pull out a flash grenade out of his pocket, pull out the pin and yell

"OH MY GOD, LOOK AT THAT!"

Everypony around stared at the flying object that was thrown by a human. Suddenly it exploded with flashing light and a bang. Matt escaped from under the guard and blindly touched everything around, while he barely heard yells of the ponies.

"Where is he!? He escaped! Can anypony see!?"

Suddenly he felt something big and wooden under his fingers. He climbed on it, and fell inside. Increasing pain and vanishing effects of adrenaline made him lose consciousness.