For As Long As I Live

You Will Not Forget

A lone pony wanders through the halls of a large building. Ornate sculptures and windows adorn the massive halls, each depicting ponies from throughout the ages. Despite the familiarity of each picture or figure, the pony does not know them. Is such knowledge simply unknown or forgotten like so much else?

After some time, the pony comes to a large room adorned with purple tapestries and a red carpet leading to the back and a regal throne which sits atop a small flight of steps. The pony follows the carpet and stares at a small basin of water to the left side of the base of the majestic chair. Staring back from the still water is a purple pony with a long horn on her head and large, gorgeous wings sprouting from her back. Each movement the pony makes is mimicked by the pony in the water.

Oh yes, that is me. How silly to forget something such as this. That pony is me, but who am I again. I remembered just a moment ago.

“Princess?”

Princess?

The pony turns towards the voice to see another pony standing in the doorway to the large room. He is white with a horn as well but no wings. Covering his body is a suit of blue and gold armor. Is he real or just a dream like the others?

“I am glad I found you. You should not wander off without an escort. Please come with me and return to your room. You need your rest.”

“Princess? I am Princess…” the pony thinks for a moment trying to recall the name that so often eludes her. “Twilight Sparkle. Yes, that is it. Forgive me but I forgot again.”

Yes I remember now. This is my palace. I am the Princess of Canterlot. Of Equestria. That is one of the Royal Guards.

“That is alright Princess, no need to worry. Now, your room is this way. I will help you find it.”

Princess Twilight Sparkle follows the guard through the halls on their way to her room. Again she fails to recall who the pictures and sculptures portray, and yet she knows every one of them. Every pony, in every picture, on every pedestal. She has seen them, known them. She is even portrayed on several windows along with others. But despite the knowledge of each, she cannot remember who they are. Who are the ponies that stand with her on the windows? Who are the ponies who line the halls, watching over? She knows them, but cannot remember their names, their faces, their voices, or their love.

Yet I am…Twilight Sparkle. Yes. I know who I am. But who are the others?

The princess and the guard arrive at a door which opens on its own. No, to the guard’s magic. The princess walks in and looks about the lovely room. Tapestries adorn the walls and books line shelves on the back wall. Yes, this is her room.

“Thank you,” she says to the guard.

“Of course Princess,” the guard says with a bow. “I will be right outside should you need anything.”

The door closes as the princess wanders the room recalling the contents within. To her left is a desk with a mirror mounted on top. Sitting on the desk is a crown, her crown, and dozens of scrolls. On the floor are four golden, decorative horseshoes. To her right is her bed. It is a covered bed with purple silk curtains draped around. The back wall in front of her is covered with bookshelves, each filled to the brim with books of all kinds.

Twilight walks over to the desk and looks down at the horseshoes, gently stepping into one. The golden shoe feels both strange and familiar at the same time. She removes her hoof, carefully putting the shoe back in its place. She examines the crown and recalls the responsibility and honor that such an item holds. Even after so many years of wearing each, the princess still feels the weight of responsibility that comes with being a princess.

Princess? I’m not ready for this. I don’t deserve this.

A chill runs down her spine as memories begin to flood her mind. She watches as three other alicorns appear then vanish right before her eyes. The pain of loss grips her tightly as she replays the final moments of each. Two alicorns, one white and one blue, fly into the sky which is filled with flashing lights. The sun and moon dance a dance of chaos as fire and lightning flash and scorch the land below. The two alicorns cross horns and emit a blinding light. When the light fades all is right with the world, but the two alicorns are gone, never again to be seen in this life.

Don’t go. Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me!

Tears fill Twilight’s eyes as the memory is replaced with another. She sees a pink alicorn and a white unicorn lying together in a war-torn city. The unicorn wears a suit of purple armor while the alicorn wears a suit of pink armor. Each show sign of injury and battle damage. They nuzzle close and smile despite the devastation surrounding them and the pain they feel. Moments later they are still, lying together in an eternal slumber, never to waken. Both are known to the princess who desperately struggles to remove these images from her mind. She fights back the tears begging the images of loss to leave her.

Don’t die. I don’t want to see them die again.

Twilight moves on to the scrolls, desperate for a happy memory. Each is written by a student that she has taught over the years. The scrolls tell of each students’ achievements and lessons learned. But once again the pain of loss returns like a carnivorous animal stalking its wounded prey. Memories flash through Twilight’s mind of the many ponies who were her students at one point in time. Each story, no matter how happy, always has the same ending. The princess sees herself standing over the grave of each student, having outlived them all.

Make it stop! Please, just make it stop!

The tears in Twilight’s eyes spill over like a river through a broken dam. She stumbles to the back wall of books fighting the sorrow that fills her very being. She looks up at the numerous books and wipes away the tears that cover her face. Perhaps the books will calm her, make those dreadful memories vanish.

She takes one, unconsciously using the magic she had forgotten she had. The princess flips through the pages, knowing every word contained within the bindings. She replaces it and takes another then another. Each time, she knows the full contents of each and returns it without reading it. Despite having forgotten the writings previously, she remembers as she takes each book and forgets as it is replaced. Even so, this small distraction is not enough to ward off the painful memories that linger. Again she replays the loss of dozens of ponies.

No more. Please, no more. Make it all stop! Make them go away!

Twilight makes her way to the bed, stumbling each step of the way. The short walk seems to take hours as the memories replay over and over. When she finally reaches the bed, she stumbles a final time falling onto the lush quilt and blankets. The soft comfort of the coverings are still not enough to fight off the repetitive nightmares. Her memories shift as five ponies are shown then are replaced by blackness. The princess knows each. They are precious to her yet, like all the others, are long gone from her life. She watches as each breathes their last on their deathbed.

Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me alone! Come back! Please come back!

Princess Twilight Sparkle weeps on her bed, crying out for those that she once knew. Their faces are burned in her mind, yet the names are gone. Each was a wonderful life, giving her so much life of her own. But now they are but distant memories, never to return.

“Don’t leave me. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be alone.”

She whispers softly as she weeps. She wants to forget the painful memories that plague her, but to do so would leave her deprived of so much more. Every day she forgets and remembers fundamental things in a desperate attempt to rid herself of the suffering. But more than anything, she wants to remember those loving faces. Yet, the only memories she has are full of pain. The memories of joy and happiness are lost, hidden amongst the sadness and pain.

“I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be alone.”

She continues to plead until she feels a soft, soothing touch on her back. She never turns for she knows who is there. She eases her mind at the soothing caress on her back, letting the tears slow their flow. A caring voice speaks to her.

“Princess. As long as I live, I will never leave you alone. I made that vow and I swear to never break that promise.”

The memories of loss batter the princess again but feeling the gentle caress of the guard helps to vanquish them. Remembering the wonderful times and warm, happy faces will wait until another time. For now, putting away the suffering will suffice. The caress ceases but the guard does not leave. Knowing he is right there is enough for Twilight. Knowing he will always be there is enough. She allows sleep to surround her, drawing her into the mist of unconsciousness.

Silver Spear. That is his name. I remember now. Do not become forgotten.