For As Long As I Live

You Will Not Be Lost

Princess Twilight wanders the streets of the large city. Everything surrounding her is beautiful and regal, familiar and strange. A massive castle stands as the centerpiece of the city like a mighty watcher as it hangs from a high mountain. Its towering shadow seems to embrace the things below making it appear as a keeper or caregiver. Twilight knows the city and everything in it, but once again her mind has forgotten. Even the fact of how she got here is lost.

Why am I here? Have I gotten lost again?

She feels the presence of another and turns to see a white pony with a horn following her. He has a dark brown mane and tail and wears a blue and gold suit of armor minus the helmet. The princess quickens her pace but the other follows. She speeds up to a trot then a full gallop in a desperate attempt to lose her pursuer. Who is this pony? Why is he following her? Her heart screams at her, telling her that she knows him but her mind is filled with so many memories that she knows she could be confusing him with one who is now gone.

Go away! Leave me alone!

The horrid memories return as Twilight flees the unicorn. Memories of another white unicorn flood her mind. She sees a loving smile on his face, hears his voice. The words he says are lost and confused but, regardless, they are full of love. His name is lost to her like all the rest but still she knows him. Soon, this happy image is replaced with one of him lying on the ground, wounded and dying. His blue mane is matted and covered in blood and soot while his armor is pitted and cracked. Twilight screams for him, but nothing comes out. She charges after him only to get farther away.

Stop! Make it stop! Stop dying!

Twilight snaps out of her dreadful vision to find herself in a dead end ally. The pursuing unicorn closes in on her, moving slowly and cautiously. The princess cowers before the approaching pony, covering her head with her hooves. Tears build in her eyes as fear continues to overtake her. She struggles to remember what is going on, desperate for clarity. A second later, a warm embrace surrounds her. She opens her tear filled eyes and eases her mind.

“It’s alright. It was only a memory. You are safe your highness.”

Twilight looks at the white unicorn. His warm embrace and soothing voice calm her racing heart. His name returns to her.

He is Silver Spear.

Twilight returns his embrace, wrapping her wings and hooves around him as she weeps. The lost memories are taking a greater toll on her than before.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to forget you but I did. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Silver Spear caresses her soft, purple mane. “It’s alright. There’s no need to apologize your highness. I’ll still be here to help you remember.”

The unicorn guard helps the princess to her feet as Twilight wipes away the tears in her eyes.

“Where are we again and what was I doing?” she asks.

“We are in Canterlot your highness. You were out seeing the citizens and enjoying some fresh air,” Silver Spear replies as he leads her out the alley. “I will stay be your side instead of behind you so you know I am here.”

“Of course, thank you.”

As the two exit the alley a pair of small foals runs up to meet them. One is a young unicorn colt, golden in color with a bronze colored mane and tail. The other is a unicorn filly, silver in color with a pure white mane and tail. They stare at the princess with a mix of awe and worry. Twilight stares back, wondering if she should know the two young ponies. The faces are unfamiliar so they must not be part of the forgotten memories.

“Is the princess okay?” the filly asks.

“We saw her running and wanted to see if we could help her,” the colt says.

“Please young ones,” Silver Spear rebukes, guiding the princess away from the children, “the princess is fine but she is trying to relax. You should go home now.”

“But-” the foals cry in unison.

“No,” Silver Spear says, cutting off the young ones. “Now run along.”

The small ponies turn to leave hanging their heads, sad they could not help their princess.

“Wait!” the princess cries, causing the foals to turn back in glee. “Please don’t leave.”

“But princess-” Silver Spear begins to retort.

“Please don’t go,” she says softly as her tears return to fill her eyes once again.

It is strange and difficult to understand but having the foals nearby is comforting, much like having Silver Spear near. Having two more ponies to help calm her racing heart and dispel the frightful memories is something she cannot let go of. But there is something else about the two unicorn foals that calls to the princess. There is something about them, something hidden deep within. Could she take them under her wing as two more students? Or is she being selfish?

I don’t want to be alone anymore.

“Princess please,” Silver Spear says, “these two should return to their home and family. You should also return to the palace and rest.”

The foals once again hang their heads in sorrow along with Twilight. The unicorn is right. She is being selfish. And yet, she does not want to leave just yet. If she could have just a moment with them, perhaps her nightmarish memories will subside if even for a short while. She hesitates for a second fearing that the memory she may make will become lost amongst all the others.

I want to live normal for once. Live without fear of myself or the past. Live without fear for the future. I know I had friends once before. If I could have friends again…

“Please Silver Spear,” she asks, “I wish for just a short time with these two. Please. I may forget this moment but they will not.”

Worry fills the unicorn guard but finally he relents. “Very well your highness.”

Twilight turns to the two foals, each grinning ear to ear with joy. “So tell me young ones, what are your names?”

“My name is Helios and this my sister Selene,” the golden colt says with glee.

“Well then young ones,” Twilight says with a smile, “shall we play together?”

The little foals hop about in joy at the idea of not just seeing the princess but the chance to play with her. They begin to berate her with questions and suggestions on what to do.

“Where shall we play?”

“I know just the game to play!”

“Do you like rolling in the grass?”

“We have a ball at home we can play with!”

Twilight allows the little ones to express their overwhelming joy, never once interrupting. The sheer happiness that each expresses fills her heart with bliss and chases away the fearful memories that haunt her. Her mind thinks back once again to the five ponies that so often appear in her memories. Those five precious ponies whose names she has forgotten but who she will never wholly forget. She watches the memories replay of gardens and picnics, parties and so much more. She sees their smiling faces, hears their voices. The words they speak are lost like so much, but the thrill of seeing a happy memory eases the princess. These two foals are truly something special to help her reclaim such lost memories.

The two foals stand and stare in awe and wonder upon reaching the Canterlot Garden before running off, screaming in joy. Twilight watches as they run, jump, and play wishing she could be as happy and free as they are. Her mind once again drifts back to the many students she had taken on in her long life. She watches as they explore and learn under the guidance of the princess. But again, the terror returns as the memories fade and the deaths are relived. She shutters and drops to the ground. Darkness surrounds her and she finds herself lost in the midst of the horrid nightmares. Death plagues those around her only to leave her to suffer.

Please stop. I was so happy. Why must I suffer so much? Make it stop. Please make it stop!

Tears fill her eyes as she begs the dreadful nightmares to end. “Please stop. Please stop!”

Silver Spears tries to calm down the shaking princess by caressing her back but to no avail. The nightmares continue to torment Twilight until she feels a warm embrace and a pair of small, soothing voices.

“Hush now, ease your mind. Calm your racing heart. You are safe, you are sound. The dark shall fade away. Hush now, ease your mind. Calm your racing heart. Here with me, by my side. You shall never fear.”

Twilight opens her tear filled eyes to see the two foals, hooves wrapped around her neck. The soft song they are singing eases her fearful heart. She places her hooves and wings about the foals and cries.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay,” the young Helios says without even a quiver of fear.

“Our mommy always sings us that song when we have nightmares,” says Selene, looking up at Twilight with a smile. “I guess it works on daymares too.”

Joy begins to fill the princess who releases the foals from her embraces.

“Your highness,” Sliver Spear says, “I believe it is time for you to rest now.”

Twilight stands and stares at the happy foals before her. This needs to be the last time she sees them. Her last memory of these two should be a happy one.

“Yes, I believe you are right. It is time to go home young ones.”

The foals groan and beg to stay and play more but Silver Spear interjects.

“The princess is very tired and must rest now. You should go home before your family worries.”

Again the foals groan as they begin to leave the garden. Twilight stops them for but a moment.

“I had a wonderful time with you two.”

The foal smile and wave as they leave. “Maybe we can play again sometime.”

A tinge of fear sends a chill down Twilight’s back at the thought of seeing them more. Although the nightmarish memories had been banished for the time being, she could not risk seeing the young foals any more. For all her dark memories, what she fears more is making new ones, memories that will be lost or add to the dark memories that haunt her.

If only I could little ones. I wish I could be as happy as you all the time without a care, without fear. I want to see you live, but not at the risk of watching you die.

As Twilight and Silver Spear make their way back to the palace, a sobering thought emerges in the princess’s mind.

If my life could end, then so will the nightmares. I have seen so much, but now it may be time to end this story of mine.

The very thought of her own death brings about a new set of fears for the immortal princess. Despite having lived for so long, she still fears death. She puts the fearful thought away. Perhaps one day she will ask again. For now, she is not ready for such an ending to her endless story.