I am not a dog

by The Hand of Pony

So long and thanks for all the...dogfood?

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Escape. Fluttershy had often fantasised about doing such a thing during the first couple months of her...captivity? Imprisonment? Dog-hood? Whichever. She never tried though because most of her fantasy plans involved flying away, which she obviously couldn't do; and a few other plans which centred around stupid ideas like seducing Paul into opening the front door and letting her run free. Where those ideas came from she would rather not know and even she had to admit those kinds of plans probably, definitely wouldn't work. There was also the problem that she'd had no idea where she was and had no idea where to go if she did escape; a fact that had been reinforced now the idea that she was in an entirely different dimension had been planted in her mind. Add to that the fact that her misplaced kindness stopped her from trying anything in case she upset her owners and you had a grand total of zero escape attempts.

As time went on and she became used to her situation she stopped even imagining it could happen and just got on with her life as best she could.

This was why now that she had to escape she didn't really know how to go about it. She was rarely on her own and when she was all the doors and windows were locked and beyond her ability to open. Other than somehow miraculously getting outside and running to freedom she had nothing other than the stupid plan she had tried the day before.

This feeling of hopelessness was probably why she was lying in the middle of the living floor, on her back with her head, legs, wings and tail splayed out in all directions. Fritz had found this fascinating and came to investigate by means of curling up on her stomach and was purring as he slept. This was an extra, though lesser problem for Fluttershy as he was sitting on her bladder, but she didn't want to disturb him.

She had two days left to escape after wasting the first day on a very silly plan that the dog part of her psyche must have come up with. She had spent about five hours amongst the bushes, digging a hole under the fence to escape through. That was fine until she had discovered she was digging into the neighbours garden. A garden she still couldn't escape from. That had led to her spending another few hours filling the hole back in to avoid getting in trouble; and several more hours feeling really stupid.

She groaned and crossed her forelegs over her face. "Why is this so hard?" She sighed. "For lack of a better phrase, can't someone throw me a bone here?"

Right then Paul whistled and shouted "C'mon Flossy, we're going to town!"

"Oh...well...uh...ok...um...thank you?" She gently pushed Fritz off, got up and ran to the door. After sneaking a trip to the bathroom, of course.


So far nothing much had happened and her opportunities had been nil. Jumping out of a moving car didn't seem like the safest of plans. This meant she was still stuck with Paul and Janet on their weekly shopping trip.

Whilst Janet did whatever she did on her mysterious errands inside the shops, Fluttershy and Paul were often just left to hang around outside. Normally this would have resulted in Paul muttering various expletives under his breath and Fluttershy would sit there twiddling her hooves. Today though she was alert and paying attention to any and every detail that could lead to an escape.

All she had really found out so far was that being attached to someone via a lead was making things a lot harder. Getting rid of the lead was the key to this endeavour. But how?

A tug from Paul reminded her to get moving. She got up and followed Paul but constantly kept her eyes open, not that there was a lot to see. She had never realised just how boring this town was. Everything was grey and uniform. No street vendors, no entertainments and most importantly nothing with sharp edges that could be used to cut a lead which was ironic considering how much the news went on about knife crime.

Letting out a growl of frustration she resolved to keep trying to find something even if it took all day. She looked at the nearest clock she could find and found it was twenty to one. At half past one Paul and Janet would typically go to a small corner cafe for lunch and stay there for an hour or so, leaving Fluttershy tied up outside with a bowl of water. It was the only time they left her alone in town, which seemed strangely trusting to her but this time she wasn't about to complain. She would have her chance; all she had to do was wait.


That might have been the most frustrating and lengthy fifty minutes of her life. She knew how long she would have to wait but watching Janet fret in indecision over which pair of shoes she liked, and watching Paul be battered with requests for his opinion just for that opinion to be totally disregarded was totally mind-numbing in the worst kind of way. By her reckoning Paul was muttering a yes dear at least every seventeen seconds for the entire exchange.

She had passed the time with sitting and exercising patience. For a while anyway, maybe ten minutes. She spent the rest of the time gently head-butting the metal post she was next to. She did draw some funny looks from passers-by but it was worth it if it meant not listening to Janet whining. Rarity didn't have anything on her.

Thankfully, although annoyingly, Janet finally decided the shoes she liked were too expensive and they moved on to the cafe, leaving her outside with a problem to solve.

Paul had looped the lead through itself meaning she couldn't untie it without un-clipping herself. She couldn't un-clip herself because her hooves couldn't do something that fiddly, especially when the clip was under her chin where she couldn't see. She was about to give up when she looked at the lead. Think more dog. It might take a while but she could probably chew through it.
With her plan in mind she got to work.


This is a lot tougher than it needs to be. When she started chewing she thought this would be easy. Apparently pony teeth weren't meant to contend with the likes of leather; even her little canines weren't helping much.

Most of her hour was gone according to the clock she could see inside the cafe. So far she had gotten maybe just over halfway through and progress was slow as her jaw muscles were aching, feeling like they had the tensile strength of silly string.

She had maybe ten minutes to do this and she was starting to panic a little which wasn't helping. She chanced a quick look back in the cafe just to see Paul at the counter paying the bill. This meant she actually had about two minutes until they came out.

With a little 'eep' of panic she tore into the lead with renewed vigour and was still chewing when they came out.

"Flossy. What are you doing?" Paul asked slowly when she looked at him guiltily as she kept on chewing.

"Nuh-hing." she replied earnestly, still chomping away. It’s now or never! Before Paul could reach down and grab hold of her she pulled on the lead as hard as she could which initially choked her, but more importantly made it break the rest of the way.

Aha! Despite the fact she was struggling for breath after choking herself, she sprinted away for a few metres before looking back and freezing when Paul shouted "Flossy! Stop!"

She stayed there as Paul walked up cautiously while repeatedly telling her to stay.

What are you doing! Don't stay! Don't stay! Don't stay! Don't listen! Don't obey him! RUN!

Snapping back to her senses she shot off before he could grab her and set off down the street as fast as she could.

"Flossy! Get back here! Now!" Paul bellowed as he set off after her. She kept running even though part of her wanted to stop and obey before pitifully begging for forgiveness. Stupid dog brain!

She kept galloping down the street, dodging around peoples legs leaving a trail of unheard apologies behind her as she kept going. As far as she could hear Paul wasn't having the same luck as he barged into people in his frantic chase.

A shriek of "Flossy! You get here now!" informed Fluttershy that Janet had also joined the chase which was remarkable seeing as how Janet rarely travelled at a speed faster than the average sloth.

Her odds of getting away were pretty good since she could run a lot faster than they could, but her progress was hampered by one small problem. She didn't really know where she was going.

After running down long straight she took a right, followed immediately by another right that lead onto another long straight. She ran up that straight until she got to the end where she stopped for a second to look around. On her left was a dead end and on her right...was the cafe.

Emitting an 'ugh!' of annoyance at her stupidity she kept going straight across the road, only just avoiding being hit by a car and kept going up the street opposite before taking another right at the end followed by a left onto another street.

Taking another right she found herself on the main shopping street. She set off down there until she saw something that looked familiar. She turned right by that and found herself en-route back to the...cafe.

She gave a snarl of frustration and turned around, running back the way she came and turning right at where she had entered the street, crossing right in front of Paul and Janet who might have caught her if they had been a little faster. She pounded down the street for a while until she came to a road. A very busy road.

With those two close on her heels she needed to cross quickly but there were too many cars. After trotting on the spot for a moment she swallowed and ran out into the road with a squeak. Immediately there was a squealing of tires as a car just managed to stop before hitting her. The car itself wasn't as lucky as the car behind it smashed into its rear.

"Sorry!" She tried to go on, the car in the next lane over narrowly missing the end of her nose as she poked her head around the crashed car. Once it passed she ran across to the accompaniment of more squealing tires and made it to the barrier...in the middle of the road.

Looking back she could see that her pursuers had made it to the road and were being hassled by the irate owners of the crashed cars.
Scrambling over the barrier she waited a moment before running out between two cars. The cars in the final lane had stopped, making her able to leap onto the bonnet and...fail to run across. Instead she fell onto her side and slowly slid off the front of the car into the gap between that one and the car in front. Hooves aren't really very good at gripping metal.

Getting up she ran across the rest of the road and looked back, seeing that Paul and Janet had opted to continue the chase rather than argue with the drivers. She turned to the right and kept running.

Their too close! Crossing the road had given them a chance to close the gap with her and the street was too crowded for her to easily weave her way through. Luckily Paul and Janet were having a worse time of it so they never really gained on her. I need to get out of this crowd.

After a few more seconds of running and weaving she got her chance when, to her left, she spotted a ramp leading onto some scaffolding. The scaffolding ran for several dozen metres allowing her to really gain some distance, leaving those two to struggle through the crowd.

Unfortunately though the scaffolding cut off in with the end of the building, and had no ramp leading off that she could see. Feeling unusually optimistic she spread her wings and started pumping them as she approached the end, hoping she would at least glide some distance.

I wish I could say she succeeded, that she had glided to the ground like a majestic swan, but no. What she did do was flop over the end and do a little flip in mid-air, landing on her back on the tarmac sidewalk in a move that made her look more like a common tit.
She lay there dazed before looking back at the scaffolding and groaning. If she had just turned left at the end there was a ramp. She dragged herself up and ran down the road the ramp was pointing in.


It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone, including Fluttershy, that she was lost. She was wandering some backstreets that looked aggravatingly familiar while simultaneously being really confusing. It was probably because they all looked the same.

She had stopped running now and was doing her best to stealthily find out where she was and where she should go. Paul and Janet were also wandering around, shouting her name which made it a lot easier to avoid them.

She was trotting down yet another street towards a crossroads when a flash of pink down a side road caught her eye.

Going to investigate she found herself in front of somewhere she recognised. It was the mysteriously unnamed shop that her owners had gone to a couple of times. They had never taken her in so she didn't know what it was but, for some reason, the pink and the drapes in the windows reminded her of the backroom in the Carousel Boutique where Rarity sold her more...intimate designs. Not that she knew what they were, nosiree.

But that was irrelevant compared to the fact that she sort of knew where she was. If she went left from the shop and then right down this street she would come out at the...bus station! She gave a little cheer at not being lost anymore, although an echoing 'Flossy!' from behind her reminded her that her problems were far from over.

She headed left for a couple hundred yards and turned left behind the food place with the really weird writing and... There it was, the back alley where this all began. The birthing place of these last five months of doggy-dom.

She took a look around before entering and noticed three people talking with one of them pointing in the direction she came.

"Oh no! Please no!" She dashed back into the alleyway and started shouting. "Twilight! Twilight, are you there!? Please be there!"
It was several agonisingly long moments before Twilight responded. Time she spent nervously working on her trotting in place.

"Fluttershy? Is that you?"

"Yes it’s me! Who else were you expecting!?" she replied testily. Paul and Janet were getting too close.

"Ok, ok. I just wasn't expecting you so soon! Give me a minute and I'll get the portal open."

Fluttershy counted a minute, then a second and third. She was well into her forth when she heard voices by the entrance to the alleyway.

Oh no! She froze as they came closer, unable to even think about hiding as they approached.

"Flossy! There you are! How dare you try to run away! We've been looking everywhere for you!" Janet looked furious, bright red, and close to exhaustion from actually exerting herself.

Paul looked just as angry but said nothing as he approached Fluttershy, who was now cowering pathetically on the floor. He was about to grab her when she was saved by the bell. An unusual bell to be sure but saying saved by the portal sounds silly, no matter how accurate the statement is.

The portal bloomed open to her right with a sound like a small sonic rainboom mixed with a drain gurgling. It sat there filling the alley with an ominous purple glow before Twilight's voice floated out of it.

"Come on Fluttershy, this won't stay open for long!

She got up and was about to run into it when she paused. It felt wrong to just run into it without saying something to Paul and Janet even if they didn't understand her.

"Twilight? Can you hold the portal open for a moment longer?"

"Ugh...yeah ok. Make it quick though. When I start screaming in pain from a possible burnout I suggest you jump in really fast.
Fluttershy turned to address her now previous owners, who were stood there wearing expressions that were the very definition of shock and awe. She took a deep breath and started to speak.

"I guess that by now you've realised I'm not a regular dog. In fact I'm not a dog at all but for some reason you can't tell that. Anyway I'm going to go home now but I want to thank you for looking after me as well as you did. I mean it was a bit misguided but you tried which is the important thing. And...uh, well...that's it really. I guess I'll never forget you."

She got up and walked to the portal and was about to enter when another thought seemed to strike her.

"Oh, and take good care of Fritz! He's such a sweetheart once you get to know him." With a final goodbye and a wave she entered the portal and went home.


Or at least going home was the plan. What actually happened was she entered a big tunnel that had a real bad swirly, psychedelic thing going on.

'Huh' was all she could think as she flew along the kaleidoscopic passage. This definitely wasn't where she was expecting to go. Was she even really moving? This was weird and disorientating and really, really nauseating. The car was nothing compared to this. She also had some strange music that she couldn't quite put her hoof on stuck in her head.

After a short while she noticed a small circle of light ahead of her that was rapidly growing in size. As she was about to enter it she heard voices.

"Hey! I think I can see something! I think she's coming!"

"Pinkie! I told you not to look into the portal!"

"Aww c'mon Twi. What's the worse that cou-."

With a sound like two coconuts being banged together at near sonic speeds, Fluttershy emerged from the portal and smashed head first into the grinning face of Pinkie Pie, whom she knocked out, before rolling across the floor to land at Rarity's hooves, which she immediately threw up on.

"Eeeeeeeewwwwwwww! Fluttershy!"

"Ugh...sorry..."

"Did you really have to throw up on me? I mean...argh! I don't even know wha-."

She was interrupted by the insertion of Applejack's hoof into her mouth. "How 'bout we don't go hasslin' the trans-dimensional pony? Hmm Rarity?" she said before removing her hoof.

"Right. Sorry darling."

Applejack smiled kindly. "Welcome home sugarcube." she said before giving Fluttershy a nuzzle on the cheek followed closely by another from Rarity.

Fluttershy tried to get up, failed, and opted to stay on the floor before looking around. They appeared to be in the ancient castle of the pony sisters.

"Why are we here?" she asked, looking to Twilight who was collapsed on her front with her blackened horn gently smoking.

Twilight tried to raise her head but it didn't seem willing to co-operate. Instead she just stayed where she was and muttered "Well some say the alicorn Faust first created the world and all the creatures in it although there are many differing opinions on the matter." She seemed kind of out of it.

"No, I mean why are we here, in this castle?"

"Oh, right. Get me some aspirin, and then I'll tell you."

Clearly that wasn't helpful. She looked round to where Rainbow Dash was trying to help Pinkie by means of poking her with a stick.

"Hey Rainbow."

"Huh? Oh...right. Heh…sorry. Welcome back Fluttershy!" she said before flying in to give her a hug.

Fluttershy lay there enjoying the feeling of being around her friends again before she was interrupted by Pinkie suddenly sitting up and saying in a hammy Trottingham accent "Cor blimey Miss Fluttershy, you gone an' done bonked me on the noggin'!"

At the silence she recieved she cleared her throat and in her more normal voice said "Hey Fluttershy! Your back! That means I owe you...a party."

Yep. There was the proof that everything was fine. She looked around at her friends again before lying on her back with her eyes closed, just enjoying the moment. It was good to be home.

She wished that moment could have lasted a bit longer but the feeling of someone invading her personal space caused her to open her eyes again. It was unsurprisingly Pinkie, who appeared to be looking at her neck very closely.

"Sooo...Flossy..." Pinkie narrowed her eyes. "If that is your real name... What's with the collar?"

Fluttershy sighed. "It’s kind of a long story..."


Author's Note

To ill to edit properly so if there's anything really obvious point it out. I also think I need to work on my descriptive writing. Anyway, SHE'S FREE!

I will being doing an epilogue over the next couple of days which may as well be called 'exposition with purple smart.' It probably won't answer anything directly but it should throw a lot of almost-explanations around. Be warned.

On a lesser note there's a pub near me called The Laughing Dog. For the last couple of days I've wanted to shoop a collar onto a pic of Fluttershy laughing and sticking a picture of that on their sign.

Sometimes my brain should shut up.

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