A Sunny Day: Peacekeeping is Magic

Are you familiar with the walk of shame? If not, you're going to be. It was roughly five in the evening when we arrived in Ponyville. Though we were "guests of honor" we still didn't get to ride inside the vehicle, and we still wore the same three color desert BDUs. Luckily we weren't required to carry sixty pounds of gear we didn't need to the party, just our sidearms. You know, if i'd been born in Compton i'm sure it would be normal to bring a handgun to a party, but amongst talking horses you're the odd one out. Rick managed to find a tie that was clearly brought back from the eighties, i still don't know where he got it, and carl brought a brown paper bag to breath into (and a condom and large size bottle of astroglide courtesy of Rick and yours truly).  It was nice to feel the evening breeze on the ride in, it soothed the unseen injuries of the colossal ass chewing we'd all received. As it turns out getting special attention from a Princess is a good thing, unless you're enlisted. At that point it becomes "why did you not follow contact procedure"  and a flurry of "way above your pay grades ", so... not good. But that was all over now. It was time to loosen up, to party, and to fearfully enjoy the company of a demigod horse-- that sounded much simpler at the time.

The sun was soon to fully lower beneath the crest of Ponyville's surrounding mountains as we arrived. A quick ten minutes of combing hair, calming Carl, and listening to Rick read the Aloe and Lotus: A Very Happy Ending from PLAYPONY, and we were off.

"You know I once read a guide by this one guy on the internet on how to fuck a horse, 'said its pretty much the same as with a dolphin."

"Rick, what does that even mean?" I was puzzled, but of course Rick would go on to explain.

"You see, both are pretty jumping when it comes to my dick, so you have to form a loving bond with them or make them feel comfortable first. If you don't do that then they fight back, and you have to tie them down." Silence hung about as I tried to piece together what Rick had just said. With a statement like that even Mother Teresa let slip a,

"Holy fuck..." The walk to the party was brief, we were met at the door by our... *ahem* 'dates'. With no shock, they were all naked as always.

"Well sugar cube, yer' lookin pretty good tahnight" with only a few seconds' delay Carl shot a hasty, and slightly loud

" Thanks, er, um thank thank ya... u-uh, you too" picking up on his distress I took the attention off of him,

"So, its good to see you Twilight."

"Its good to see you too Tom, how was--" with a flash of green I knew Rick had been telling the truth earlier, sort of,

"Hi Rick! I'm so hor-- er, happy to see you! Lets go in to the party so we can go back to my place soon!"

"How do you know my name? And for that matter what's yours?

"Oh, well I was listening to one of those-- what do you call them? Ray-dee-oh's? and I heard you and your friends last night about... well I don't know, but c'mon, lets go drink!" No sane person has ever argued that sentiment. The party was nice. Though I didn't really like the music, and I think I left with diabetes (ponies like their sweets), I enjoyed myself. Midway through a dance with my unicorn companion, who was at this point a little tipsy, Rick came begging for help.

" Come on Tom! Shes nuts! Bat shit crazy! Fucking psychotic! She keeps talking about what shes going to do to me later, right in front of her god damn family!"

" So what? I thought you were into that kind of stuff, or is it just not the same without Mrs. Butterworth?" with a knitted brow Sparkle interjected

"Mrs. Butterworth? Like the pony who runs the pancake house down the road?"

"No Twi... its a long story. Thats beside the point, your mess you deal with it."

"Fine, but I'm gonna get you back."

"What did he mean by--"

"Don't mind Rick, he's always like this." The night carried on till the party's end, the princess never made an appearance. She had some important business with the minotaur ambassador, I guess they do exist. It was clear that I'd fall off the back of any vehicle with all the drinks I'd had. Without myself even needing to ask,  Twilight offered to  let me stay at her place.  "Nice place you got here"

"Yeah, I like it. so whats it like living at your FOB? The researchers say its-- what's that?" she lifted her hoof pointing to a magazine.

"I don't--" It was too late, she'd already levitated it out and laid it at her hooves. True to his word, Rick had gotten me back. Written bold across the top in big, black font were two words "HORN-Y MARES.

"Really? You're into unicorns?" a sly grin appeared across her face "I think we can do something with that" with an amazingly light tap of her hoof I was laying back across her bed. Twilight quickly moved to straddle me, her hoof rubbing hard against my groin. It felt good. Hell, it felt damn good.To be honest, I don't remember any more about that evening. I'd like to say I resisted her advances, but waking up naked, with parts still inside of her, I can rest assured I did not. Leaving was awkward. You remember that walk of shame from earlier? Well imagine walking miles to get back to base after missing our ride the night before, knowing good and well you just plowed a horse. Carl was oddly upbeat, I guess he had the time of his life. Rick on the other hand, was in worse shape than even I. I looked at him, and he stammered

"I-I don't want to go back to Ponyville, ever again. I've done things" I guess Lyra was even too much for Rick.