The Calamity of Doctor Whirligig Velocity

The Calamity of Doctor Whirligig Velocity
By: Starquake One - 10/24/2011 v.4

Chapter 1

High atop Crystal Forest Peak, Snowline Castle loomed over the small mining village of Coltsgold. The cavernous halls were alive with machinations, kinetic art and humming Tesla coils. Soft lights combined with copper- and brass-riveted plates decorated the interior. The castle-like laboratory was as cold as the snow on the mountain.

“For the love of Luna, don’t eat that—!” Doctor Whirligig Velocity shouted. Eyes hidden behind round, reflective blue glasses, the tall and slender unicorn, with bushy eyebrows and a handlebar mustache pushed Number Seven back.

Subject is speaking to Seven and a physical collision is detected. The command is not recognized because “eat” is not defined. Seven is referencing similar command: don’t touch that. Action is recommended and Seven is moving away from the stationary object. Seven complied and then blankly stared past the scientist.

“Number Seven, you are quite the curious automopony. You’re always mimicking me. I bet that you would have had more personality, if only you could comprehend things the way ponies do.”

Subject identified as Doctor Whirligig Velocity and he is speaking to Seven. No commands are given and Free Will mode is available. The preferred action is to look at the subject speaking to Seven. Whirligig Velocity’s face softened as he looked into Seven’s unblinking, garnet eyes.

“Do you know that you’re my favorite Number of them all? You don’t get so confused like some of the other Numbers.”

“Daddy, it’s time to stop. I didn’t want to do this, but I’ve already sent another letter to the Princess,” said a mare’s voice.

An undefined subject is speaking beyond field of vision. The undefined subject is familiar, but not labeled. Both Seven and undefined subject prefer Whirligig Velocity. The recommended action is to ignore the undefined subject and focus on Whirligig Velocity.

“You did what?” Whirligig thundered with the ferocity of the storm outside. “I have been doing science since long before you were born.” Whirligig Velocity snarled; his grey mane becoming wild and untamed.

“Yes Daddy, I’m well aware of that,” said the mare.

An increase in volume in primary subject is detected, but the secondary subject remains unchanged. Behavioral patterns in the secondary subject are not recognized, because subject is not fully defined. No action is required and Seven is idle.

“You have some nerve to demand my retirement. I am a pony of science! It is my special talent in life and you would want me to give that up. Tell me my dear,” he paused for a moment and his voice lowered to a whisper, “what kind of pony would I be without science?”

“I know it hurts to hear this and it hurts me to have to suggest it. But you’re getting old and your mind is not as sharp as it used to be.”

“Old!” he scoffed. “Knowledge and wisdom come with age. Ingenuity and creativity are honed and sharpened over the decades like the claws of a...” He hesitated, struggling to find a word. “Oh, blazes. What are those female lions with stripes called?” Whirligig waved his hoof in the air, dropping his dramatic tone.

“Um, do you mean ‘tiger’?” He glared at his daughter with growing vexation.

“No, blast it! The female lions with stripes!” Whirligig repeated. “Steve, help me with this,” he shouted towards a granite table with a thick book on it. Magically, the book opened, and pages turned in a flurry. Doctor Whirligig Velocity scanned the page and scowled. “Dang it Steve, you’re not helping,” he sighed.

“Daddy, this is what I’m talking about. It’s too dangerous for you to keep doing this. You’re going to get hurt.”

“Science can always be dangerous, my dear. It takes a brave pony to challenge the risks involved and nopony from town is capable of doing what I can do. They cannot see the possibilities that science could create. Science gives them the technology and ability to do things and they wield it blindly; but do they respect me? No. Those simple ponies shun and fear me for the scientist that I am. Now you’re here to put an end to my life-long passion.”

Subjects are not speaking to Seven, and Free Will mode is still active. Undefined light and sound are detected outside. Seven will roam and observe multiple falling objects. Seven studied the hail from a window, intrigued by the way it hammered against the stone exterior of the laboratory. Shouting morphed into thunder and screaming wind.

“Get out! Take Number Five with you,” Doctor Whirligig Velocity said, his tone abruptly shifted from menacing to casual. “I need Five to deliver my message to the Princess.” The mare grumbled and slammed the door on her way out.

Whirligig sighed and then the magical book flipped its pages. He leaned over and shook his head.

“Thank you Steve. You fail to italicize the situation.”

The pages turned again.

“Now that was uncalled for.” Whirligig frowned.

Weary, he sat on the ice-cold floor, and like the brass and aluminum hide of Number Seven, Whirligig was immune to the cold. Seven’s metal hooves clanged with each step, as he sidled up to him. It mirrored his gargoyle-like pose and then Whirligig smiled.

“Oh, Seven, my old friend, just look at me,” he started.

Primary subject’s command is recognized, and Seven is looking at subject. It watched Whirligig with its gemstone eyes.

“What is an old horse like me doing, raising a young filly at my age?”

Subject requests an unknown query. No solution is available. Seven is communicating an estimated response. Seven shrugged and then Whirligig sighed.

“No, I suppose she’s not a young filly anymore. Time keeps passing by, faster and faster. She’s growing up, and I’m just…” He stopped and squared his jaw. “What would her mother say? She… I… w—” His words were lost in his throat and his face contorted with confusion. Whirligig fought desperately to reclaim his vocabulary.

A behavioral aberration is detected in subject. This increases the average of recorded events by one percent. Caution is recommended and Seven is moving away from subject.

Whirligig rose to his full intimidating height and roared. Magically, beakers and retorts were sent smashing into the walls. Panting, he turned and glared into Seven’s artificial eyes. The anger and frustration ebbed away and then a vague tune of a song reached Whirligig’s lips.

“Curious,” he noted quietly. “That song keeps coming back to me. Why?” Whirligig stood, engrossed in some internal dialogue.

Static flashed in Seven’s mind. It shook its head and scanned the room.

“They don’t?” Whirligig asked, seemingly to no one.
Another flash of static startled Seven. It looked up, down and then in a circle. Seven nudged Whirligig with its muzzle.

“My automoponies? You think?”

There was another bust of static. Seven reared up on its hind legs and mimicked the act of sniffing the air. It crouched low, searching under a desk. Seven hopped and danced in front of Whirligig, whinnying, but he didn’t listen to him.

“That’s it,” he said after a long silence, and smile crossed his face. “That is what I’ll do. The townsfolk don’t understand or respect the power of science. I will show them what science can really do.”

“Look at all those books! Ah, I’m in heaven.” Twilight Sparkle beamed at the sight of the immensely vast library. The warmth of her blanket hugged her softly. “So many topics and tangents, I can be here forever. If I’m dreaming, don’t wake me up.”

The room became chilled, even through her blankets. Frost formed on the stained glass window of Princess Luna.

“Brr! Why is it suddenly so cold in here?” Twilight could now see her breath. “What in Equestria is—” She stopped as a snowflake landed on the tip of her nose. She looked down the never-ending isles of books. All of the shelves were now covered in snow.

Twilight focused her magic into her horn to project a circle of warmth, but nothing happened. Annoyed, she licked the snowflake off her nose.

“This is so strange. Why isn’t my magic—” She cut herself off again, this time she spotted something move farther down the aisle. Cautiously she followed it.

“Hello?” The movement rushed into a side aisle, the sound of hooves echoed. Twilight turned the corner, and it was gone. A light breeze passed her and she caught a flash of white in the corner of her eye. Twilight looked back and saw a blurry white silhouette of a pony, walking away. She rubbed her eyes and squinted. The pony wasn’t far away, but she couldn’t seem to focus her eyes.

She slowly walked closer, and then the other pony stopped. Twilight could now see the unicorn mare a bit clearer, but she still seemed… undefined. Her coat and mane were pure white, almost like light.

“Excuse me,” Twilight reached out a hoof to tap her on the shoulder, but hesitated. The unicorn turned to look at her with red eyes.

“—didn’t see you there,” she said. Twilight rubbed her ears, she could hardly hear her.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but who are you?”

“Nopony,” she replied. “It is so hard to find my way around this labyrinth.”

Twilight cocked an eyebrow. “You mean this library?”

“Oh? Is that what it is? It is so very hard to see.”

“You’re the only one who looks fuzzy.” Twilight struggled to make out the details of her face, but only her eyes stood out.

“You enjoy studying, do you not?” Twilight blinked, surprised by the random question.

“Uh, sure. I’m up late studying nearly every night.”

“Do you like science, perhaps?”

“Well, yes. I love science.” Twilight grinned. “Do you like science too?”

“I admit it is not my forte. I didn’t exactly go to school when I was a filly.”

“Oh. Well, you sound well read,” she laughed sheepishly.

“You are too kind. My teacher had thrown me out.”

“Why would they throw you out?” she asked, concerned.

“For being a failure,” she pointed out bluntly. “My mentor had very high standards. Nothing I could do would please him.” The mysterious mare slowly walked circles around Twilight. “All that stress, for nothing.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that.” She didn’t know what else to say.

“At least it wasn’t royal business.”

“What?” Twilight’s ears perked up.

“I may have been a disappointment, but at least I’ve never let down the princess.”

“Oh, gosh,” Twilight said nervously.

“One mistake and who knows what they would have done with me. By the way, what was it you said you were studying?”
Twilight’s mind was a blank. What was she studying here? She stood frozen while disastrous scenarios swirled through her mind.

“Who knows what my teacher would say if he caught me in the library, dragging around musty old blankets.” She pointed at Twilight’s nest of blankets wrapped around her. She didn’t even remember why she brought them. It did seem awfully silly. Would Princess Celestia disapprove? What if Princess Celestia thought she was sleeping through her studies?

Moonlight suddenly brightened the library. Twilight asked herself what was illuminating the room before. The snow was gone and so was the mare.

“Where’d she go?” she muttered, peeking down the aisles.

“Good evening, Twilight Sparkle,” the Princess of the Night greeted Twilight. She turned as Luna gracefully floated down from atop the bookshelves.

“Princess Luna? What are you doing here?”

“My duty,” she stated.

“Oh,” Twilight looked away, feeling a little embarrassed for asking.

“I came here because I heard something strange.”

“Strange? I was just here talking with another unicorn, but she disappeared a moment ago.”

“How unusual. All I heard was white noise.”

The crisp and cool morning air was filled with the earthy smell of fresh rain. Sunlight barely filtered through the cloudy sky and into Twilight Sparkle’s bedroom loft. She woke up tangled in her blankets. The night’s dream stuck with her, but only vaguely. She groaned and nuzzled her pillows. It was too gloomy outside to get out of bed.

“Bwaauugh!” Spike belched a thunderous eruption.

Twilight’s heart jumped. She flailed, trying to untangle herself from her bedding. Twilight Sparkle emerged with her purple and indigo mane a mess.

“Spike, where are you?” she called out.

“Over here,” replied Spike, from under the pile of blankets Twilight flung over the foot end of her bed. “You have mail.” He waved a rolled up scroll in his claws.

“Oh, no. I hope Princess Celestia doesn’t think I was intentionally sleeping in,” she said, feeling paranoid.

“Twilight, I’m sure the Princess wouldn’t know, and I think nopony would even care, if you slept in once in a while. I love sleeping in on the days you don’t wake me up. There’s nothing wrong with that.” He handed over the scroll. Twilight’s horn shimmered with a ruby red glow, lifting it with her magic.

“Wrong?” she said, with her voice an octave higher. “As the Princess’ top student, she has given me the honor of conducting royal business. She expects me to set a good example. I can’t let her think I’m… unreliable?” Twilight furrowed her brow in an unexpected moment of déjà vu. “Huh, that’s funny,” she mumbled to herself.

“That’s ridiculous; don’t you think you’re overreacting again? Besides, it’s still early enough in the morning.”

“Spike, you just don’t understand,” grumbled Twilight.

“Clearly…” Spike sighed with a cocked eyebrow.

“My dearest, most faithful student Twilight,” she read aloud, “I have an important task for you to undertake. It would seem there is something troubling happening in the mining town of Coltsgold, high in the mountains to the north. I have received several complaints about a mysterious scientist who lives in that area. Not long ago I was sent an anonymous letter from somepony close to this scientist, asking advice on what to do with him before anything bad happened. I was expecting a reply with further details of the situation, but the courier never arrived.”

“What does she mean ‘it never arrived’? I’ve never even heard of this place,” gulped Spike, nervously. Twilight paused from reading the scroll.

“I don’t know what happened, Spike. Like Princess Celestia said, Coltsgold is high in the mountains to the north. I’ve read that it is a beautiful place, but I’ve never been there.”

“The Princess doesn’t expect you to go all the way out there to find out what happened? Can’t she just teleport there and find out herself?” Spike rested his claws on his hips.

“Spike, the Princess has her hooves full with royal duties. She can’t just go and fix every problem in Equestria by herself. My friends and I are the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. That is why she entrusts us with important tasks.” Spike groaned and threw his arms in the air. Twilight turned her attention back to the scroll. “Unfortunately, I am unable to look into this matter personally. I ask for you and your friends to travel to Coltsgold and investigate and assist in any way you can. Report to me your findings.”

“That sounds like it might be a long trip. Ponyville is sure going to be quiet with you guys gone. Be sure to send me a postcard while you’re there. I’ll be here, uh, keeping the library clean.” He started to head down the stairs, but Twilight’s magic held him in place.

“No, Spike. I need you to come with us. How else will I be able to keep in touch with Princess Celestia and receive further instructions once I get there without you?”

Spike frowned and relented to Twilight’s power. She set him down in her room.

“Now Spike, I need you to start packing for our journey while I go inform the girls of what we’ll be doing.” Spike grew wide-eyed, but Twilight didn’t notice. “I imagine that it’ll be much colder in the higher elevation, so don’t forget to pack that cute scarf Rarity made for me.”

“How about you stay and pack while I—” Twilight didn’t hear him as she closed the door, on the way out.

“I hope they get here soon,” Twilight Sparkle said, eagerly waiting at the edge of town, with a pack full of supplies. “I want to be well down the road before the next storm hits.” She looked up at the gloomy sky, pacing with both impatience and excitement.

“Would you mind holding still for a while? You’re making me dizzy,” complained Spike, who lounged lazily on her back.

“I can’t help it. I have to get there and resolve this issue as quickly and efficiently as I can,” Twilight replied, trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach.

“What do you mean, you ‘have to’?” asked Spike.

“I said: ‘I want to’.” Her face reddened.

“Uh, no, you didn’t,” Spike said suspiciously, looking over her shoulder.

“Never mind, I just don’t want to get caught in the storm.” It was only half true.

“Oh, come on, don’t give me that baloney. I bet you’re still trying to prove yourself to the Princess.” Spikes eyes narrowed.

“No, I’m not!” she argued.

“Just try to relax and do the best you can, like me. Everypony already knows you’re punctual, efficient and super talented. Remember what Applejack told you? You need to stop worrying about the little things, and focus on the real problems.”

“Ugh, fine,” Twilight grumbled. He does have a point. she thought to herself.

Twilight stopped and took a long breath. When she opened her eyes, Rainbow Dash and Applejack were trotting their way, with Pinkie Pie and Rarity, trailing behind them. Twilight Sparkle sighed with relief, then went over her checklist one final time and marked their route on her map.

“I think we have everything. Is everypony ready?”

“Where’s Fluttershy?” Spike asked, and then everypony looked around.

“What the—ugh, consarnit!” cursed Applejack. “She was right behind us, makin’ noises.”

“Ugh, will somepony please go get her?” Twilight groaned.

“On it!” Rainbow Dash zipped away in a flash and returned moment later, pushing a petrified pegasus. A shallow trench was gouged into the ground from Fluttershy’s locked hooves. Her terrified grimace turned to a sheepish grin.

“Sorry,” said Fluttershy, growing red in the face.

“Now, is everypony ready?” Twilight asked again, this time with more annoyance in her tone.

“Ready,” her friends rang in unison, with one unheard exception: a meek “no...” from the back of the group.

“Alright, let’s go.”

With a final cheer, the group set off along the northern road to Coltsgold. The trek down the long winding path was pleasant enough, though the darkening clouds were foreboding. Gravel on the dirt road was compacted tightly and well-worn from decades of travel. With Ponyville slowly drifting to the horizon, the road became scarred with ruts and patches of grass and weeds.

The countryside was beautiful: small rolling hills and wide grassy fields dotted with trees and a few wild flowers stretched out across the landscape. The trees were changing color for the fall season; strong winds had stripped some of the leaves from the branches. A cool breeze brushed by; the susurration of leaves would have made the day seem chillier if it weren’t for the warm laughter of Twilight and her friends drowning out the sound.

“So what exactly is going on in this place that we’re going to?” Rainbow Dash asked, hovering in the air above the group.

“I hope it’s not dragons…” whimpered Fluttershy.

“It’s not dragons,” Twilight sighed. She really hoped dragons weren’t involved, for Fluttershy’s sake.

“Oh! I bet it’s overrun by zombie-ponies,” chimed Pinkie Pie. “Wouldn’t that be scary?” The pink earth pony shuffled on two legs, with her front hooves stretched out in front of her and mocked a zombie’s groan. Pinkie’s performance brought out giggles from Twilight’s friends.

“No way am I going if there are muffin-eating zombie-ponies!” Spike shouted nervously.

Twilight suddenly felt claws around her throat, strangling her in a paranoid grip. She opened her mouth to yell, but nothing came out. Twilight stopped in her tracks and stomped her hoof, but Spike didn’t get the hint.

“Spike, would you be a dear and allow Twilight to have some air? She’s looking a bit cross-eyed.” Rarity said smoothly. Spikes claws melted away from the sound of her voice, and then Twilight gasped and coughed.

“Spike! Are you trying to choke me to death?” she wheezed.

“Oops, sorry,” he said, blushing.

“Now, Pinkie, we’ve been over this before. There are no such things as ‘zombie-ponies’,” said Twilight after she caught her breath. “The whole idea is nothing but nonsense.”

“Aw, but I’ve been writing a song about them. Do you want to hear it?”

“No.”

“Gaze into their lifeless eyes

Let their music hypnotize

Like the way you use your horn

It fills the meanies full of scorn

The zombies come from underground

Your muffins are their tummy bound

They are the zombies of the year

They will hunt you down without fear

And just in case if you get bored

There’s zombie-ponies for the horde!

Watch me do my Pinkie-Spin

Cotton candy makes me grin

Join me in a fun-time party

Don’t delay or you’ll be tardy!”

“Pinkie!”

“Oops, sorry. I couldn’t help myself. I’ve been working on that song forever. I was starting to think I’d never get around to sharing it,” Pinkie explained cheerfully.

“That tune sounds familiar,” Spike noted.

“It’s a 100% original Pinkie Pie parody!” She grinned widely.

“If you say so,” drawled Applejack.

“Ugh, Pinkie, your theory is ridiculous. Princess Celestia said the locals were having trouble with a scientist. You have to think more realistically.”

“But don’t scientists do some pretty unrealistic stuff? Like, uh…” she paused for a long moment, wrinkling her face. “I got nothin’,” she said at last. Twilight shook her head.

“Now, I don’t know about all y’all, but I don’t quite trust them ‘science-y folks’. They’re always trying to change the way traditional, honest, hard-workin’ ponies do things,” said Applejack.

“There’s nothing wrong with doing things the traditional way, but science isn’t bad. What about astronomy or medicine?” Twilight countered.

“Well, I…” stammered AJ. “Ugh, consarnit. Okay, you do have a point, Twilight, but that doesn’t mean I gotta like science things. Sometimes ponies can do without them gadgets and doodads. Besides, who’s to say that this scientist didn’t go and make something dangerous?”

“We’ll find out once we get there. It’s possible that this is all just one big misunderstanding.”

An apprehensive murmuring caught Twilight’s attention. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and then nodded her head to the rear of the group.

“Fluttershy, is everything alright?” Twilight inquired. Fluttershy mumbled something she couldn’t make out.

“Hey, Fluttershy, what you need to do is loosen up and chillax.” Rainbow Dash gave her a friendly nudge.

“Oh, um yes, ‘chill-ax’. I’ll be fine.” The tremor in Fluttershy’s voice betrayed her words, but it was enough to convince Rainbow. Smiling, she patted her on the back and then shot into the air. Fluttershy lowered her head and scanned the landscape in search of some imaginary threat.

I wish I knew more about what we’re getting into on this quest, Twilight thought to herself. If we knew what to expect, then I might be able to ease Fluttershy’s fears… or inadvertently make them worse. She frowned as she surveyed the weathered trail ahead.

“This route is simply dreadful, and my hooves are getting positively dirty. Hasn’t anypony heard of road maintenance?” Rarity complained.

“Well, both Coltsgold and Ponyville are pretty small villages. There ain’t a whole lotta trade going between the two,” explained AJ. “Small towns tend to trade with bigger cities. That’s why traffic is so rare on the northern road. There’s not much sense in spending money to maintain a road, that nopony hardly ever uses.”

“We should have taken a carriage, so we wouldn’t have to walk,” Rarity said, avoiding a patch of mud. “Although, I imagine it would be such a bumpy ride, we’d all be green in the face, and I don’t suppose we’ll find one on this road anyways. Twilight, how much longer do we have to suffer like this?”

Twilight made a quick estimation in her head. “At this pace, we should make it to Coltsgold by nightfall. We’ll find an inn and start investigating in the morning.”

After hours of walking, Twilight took a short break near the warped remains of a short retaining wall that lined one side the road. A few of the last railroad ties were toppled over with mud washed over them. Grass grew thick and tall across the uneven plains; the wind picked up and tiny drops of rain sprinkled on her face.

It was still early, but the black thunderclouds had darkened the sky across the land. Twilight wrapped the pink and white scarf around her neck, and gazed at Canterlot’s sparkling, city lights that lit up the distant mountain on the horizon.

Nostalgic memories of her old home caressed her mind and butterflies tickled her stomach lightly. Twilight remembered watching the orange glow of the streetlights, illuminating her bedroom through the curtains, at night. Feeling slightly homesick, she thought of her parents and then of the day she moved into the castle with Spike. Her somewhat solitary life in Canterlot was a striking contrast to her time in Ponyville, surrounded by friends.

Rested, Twilight got up and resumed the rough trek north. After a while, she checked her map and traced their route with her hoof.

“I hear the sound of rushing water. I think the Great Sprite Bridge is up ahead,” Twilight announced.

Everypony quickened their pace and soon the bridge was in sight, with a wagon parked in front of it.

“It appears we might have some more company on our long trip,” said Twilight Sparkle.

“Whoa, nelly; I think we got more than just company,” Applejack cautioned, pointing beyond the wagon. “Last night’s storm completely washed out the bridge. That water is looking pretty wild; I don’t think we can swim across.”

“Aw, but I like swimming,” said Pinkie Pie, who was already wearing fins, snorkeling gear and an inflated balloon alligator.

“This could be why the Princess’ courier didn’t make it back,” Twilight mused. “But didn’t the Princess use either magic or air mail? How could a broken bridge stop an air courier?” Everypony shrugged.

“This is just great,” Rarity fumed. “We just spent all day, walking to the middle of nowhere. It’s going to rain, and we’re stuck out here, with no hotel in sight. What are we going to do?”

“Oh well, guess we can go back home now,” whimpered Fluttershy.

“No.”

“Eek!” She shrank from Twilight’s adamant objection.

“I’ll race over there and do a quick flyby and—ah!” Rainbow Dash started to fly when Applejack grabbed her tail with her teeth. Rainbow plopped onto the ground. “Ow! Hey, why does everypony always yank on my tail like that? I’m going to end up having no tail left when I get older,” Rainbow Dash complained, rubbing her sore rump.

“Will you hold your horses? You’re always rushing into things without thinking first. We all need to stick together and find a way across.” Rainbow frowned at Applejack.

“AJ’s right, we need to work together and come up with a plan,” Twilight said, studying the splintered remains of the long wooden bridge.

“There is another way across the river,” offered a vaguely familiar voice. The wagon turned around, pulled by a cerulean mare with a light- and pale-blue highlighted mane, dressed in a pointed wizard hat and a flashy, star patterned cape fastened with a sapphire brooch. A cutie mark of a magic wand and a swirl of pixie dust emblazoned on the unicorn’s flank. Pulling the wagon was none other the self-proclaimed Great and Powerful Trixie.