The Calamity of Doctor Whirligig Velocity

Chapter 2
v.3.0

“Trixie?” Twilight said, surprised.

“Ms. Sparkle.” Trixie’s countenance soured. “Ponyvillians,” she greeted the rest with a hint of lingering bitterness. “I could never forget your name after what happened last year.”

“What are you doing here?” Spike huffed from his seat on Twilight’s back; his claws dug uncomfortably at her sides. Twilight glared at him and mouthed a silent protest. Spike blushed and released his grip once again.

“I bet you had something to do with the bridge being out, didn’t you?” said Rainbow Dash.

“Now, hold your horses there, Rain—” AJ started, but Rainbow Dash interrupted her before she could finish.

“You’re probably the reason why the mail hasn’t been coming through either!” she growled, hovering aggressively, nose-to-nose with the showmare. Applejack reined her in by grabbing her tail again, but she resisted, flapping her wings harder. “Let me at her!”

“Rainbow, calm down,” insisted Twilight, using her magic to help AJ, separate the two mares.

Trixie glowered at the accusations. “You-you…” she sputtered, fumbling her words. “Next, you’ll blame me for the bad weather as well!” Frustrated, Trixie stomped her hoof, but then in a brief, unguarded moment, she slumped wearily and sighed.

“I’m sorry Trixie, we don’t mean to be rude,” Twilight apologized. “Right, Rainbow Dash?” Rainbow plopped to the ground and gave Trixie a defiant glare. Trixie recovered her usual supercilious mien, but did not sneer at Rainbow’s defeat.

“She still hasn’t explained why she’s here,” grumbled Spike.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie should ask all of you the same thing. Humph. I’m missing my next scheduled performance in Coltsgold, that’s what Trixie is doing here. Not that I expected it to go any better than my last show,” Trixie muttered the last part to herself. “I presume that is where you are heading too.” She frowned, but her eyes seemed softer than Twilight remembered.

“Yes, ma’am,” confirmed Applejack.

“Yay, just my luck,” Trixie whispered under her breath. “Trixie is responsible for neither the bridge being out, nor the unreliability of the postal service. I spent all my bits, trying to replace everything I lost, when those two imbeciles lured that rampaging Ursa Minor to my old wagon. Trixie can’t afford to miss another show. Not that anypony is willing to pay me anymore. I’ve been laughed out of nearly every city and town I’ve been to.”

“I’m sorry to hear things are rough. You said you knew another way to get across the river?” Applejack took off her cowboy hat and continued sincerely, “We’d be plum-grateful if you’d be kind enough to help us.”

“And why should Trixie help any of you? I lost everything because of you Ponyvillians.” Trixie crossed her hooves.

“Um, actually, Pinkie and I were never there that day,” Fluttershy suddenly spoke up. Everypony glanced at Fluttershy and the weight of their eyes crushed her. “Um, never mind…” she retreated to the back of the group and hid behind Pinkie Pie’s tail.

“Please, it’s important that we get to Coltsgold. If you show us the way, we’ll be out of your mane,” Twilight bargained. Trixie closed her eyes and considered her offer for a long moment. Eventually, she took a long breath and sighed.

“Fine. The Great and Powerful Trixie will show you the way,” Trixie spoke in the third-person with her usual superior tone she used on and off stage.

“You can cut the lame-o act Ms. Magic-Hat.”

“Rainbow!” Twilight scolded her.

“Do you want Trixie to show you the way or not?” her words lashed out rapidly. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.

“Sorry!” Twilight apologized again and again. Trixie looked at Twilight’s map and pointed the alternate route, eastward, upstream.

“Once we find the next bridge we will need to make our way—”

“What’s this ‘we’ business?” Rainbow cut in. “You think we’re just gonna follow you all the way there?”

“I didn’t think a bone-headed pegasus like you knew how to read a map. Last time I saw you, all you did was fly in circles.”

“Oh yeah? Well, you’re nothing but a talentless hack!”

“Rainbow, cool it!” both Twilight and Applejack shouted. Twilight was appalled and embarrassed by Rainbow’s behavior.

“Fine, I’ll shut up.” Rainbow Dash sat with her back turned and her hooves folded across her chest.

A crack appeared on Trixie’s façade from Dash’s attack, but she recovered quickly.

“Please, continue,” she said. Please stop butting heads, you two.

“As I was saying: we will need to make our way through the Withered Wood Forest. It is… not my preferred route, but given the circumstances it is the only other way, unless we walk for many miles west and take the train north, but it doesn’t go directly to Coltsgold. But the east road will take us around the mountain the back way—”

“Ugh. Why is it always ‘around the mountain’? Why can’t everypony just have wings, it would be so much easier.” muttered Rainbow Dash in an annoyed tone.

“Oh! Would it be easier to go under the mountain? I brought a shovel.” Hyperactive Pinkie yanked a shovel from her pack with her teeth and bounced excitedly, flailing her hooves in the air. Trixie cocked her eyebrow.

“Your friends may want you to stick around, but Trixie would not lose any sleep if you flew on ahead, or perhaps you would prefer to wait here while the pink one digs her way there?” Pinkie Pie was oblivious to Trixie’s remark and simply danced in a circle, humming a tune. Rainbow grumbled something Twilight couldn’t make out and then allowed her to finish.

Trixie marked on the map the road that went through the Withered Wood Forest that led to a mountain pass and would bring them to Oakhoof. It was a larger town closest to Coltsgold, but farther north. Twilight wondered if they brought enough food and supplies to compensate for the longer detour.

“Say, does anypony see that, over there on the other side of the bridge?” Rarity pointed her hoof towards a moving figure on the opposite side. Rainbow Dash flew up in the air briefly and squinted.

“Yeah, it looks like a pony got stuck on the other side,” Twilight said, leaning over the splintered edge of the bridge.

“Yes. I saw that pony pacing back and forth since I got here. Clearly that pony is as lost as all of you would be without the help of The Great and Powerful Trixie.”

“Spike, where’s my small telescope?”

“Right here, in your pack.”

“Ah, thank you, Spike,” Twilight replied.

“For being such an organized pony, you can never find anything when you need it.” Twilight shot Spike a look. “Eheheh, never mind!”

Twilight Sparkle peered across the river, using her magic to hold the telescope. Sure enough, somepony was over there, but something was strange. The pony swayed and staggered unnaturally, its body made from different shiny metals. The mechanical marionette in the form of a pony had a rapidly spinning intricate vane atop its head and a phonograph secured to its back.

“What in Equestria is that?” Everypony looked at Twilight as she described the unusual mechanical construct as best she could.

“Golly, what do you suppose something like that is doing all the way out there? Ain’t nopony around for miles; who y’all think is pulling the strings on that there puppet?” Applejack asked.

“Well, it could be enchanted with a Come-to-Life spell, but the effects are only temporary and the unicorn who cast the spell would have to be in close proximity.”

“Oh! I can—uh,” said Rainbow Dash who was about to launch into the air, but hesitated when she saw AJ standing on her tail with a sly grin. “Um, hang out here with you guys, because that’s cool too,” she finished slowly after a beat, shifty-eyed.

“AJ let her go,” ordered Twilight.

“What?” both Applejack and Rainbow said, surprised.

“I don’t know what that is or what it’s doing here, but it might help us understand what’s going on. Rainbow, do you think you can check it out?”

“Yes! Leave it to me; I’m on it.” In an instant, Rainbow Dash was a blur of color sailing over the river.

“Be careful,” Twilight called out after her, “and take Fluttershy with you.”

Fluttershy whimpered. Twilight smiled at her and nodded her head towards the river. She anxiously glanced back and forth until AJ gave her a friendly nudge. Reluctantly Fluttershy took to the air, but Rainbow Dash was already at the opposite side before she could make it to the water’s edge.

“Oh my, oh my, w-wait for me,” Fluttershy whispered so softly that Rainbow couldn’t hear her.

Twilight watched grimly through her telescope, hoping Rainbow would wait for Fluttershy to catch up before she did anything. Her lower eyelid twitched when Rainbow Dash started to fly over the water with the squirming puppet in her hooves.

“Oh no… no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no, this is bad. Rainbow, what are you doing!” Twilight panicked. “Oh, dear. I think I can use my magic to help her, but she’s too far away. I don’t think I can reach that far.”

Twilight calculated the odds succeeding, versus the odds of dropping it, but she still wasn’t confident enough. She danced nervously from hoof to hoof, while Trixie watched from the background, unimpressed.

“What do we do? Rainbow is going to drop that puppet if we don’t help her.” She looked to her friends who all shrugged. Twilight leaned as far forward she could and reached out with her magic. Her magical energies faintly kissed the flailing metal pony.

“I don’t know if this will make much of a difference, but allow me to help,” Rarity stepped forward with her own magic. Together, they encompassed the marionette in a magical glow.

“Whoa, I got it. I got it,” Rainbow Dash muttered to herself, and then her grip suddenly slipped. “I don’t got it!” The metal pony escaped her front hooves, but with her lightning reflexes, Rainbow caught the puppet’s face with her rear hooves and tightened her vice-grip on it. The squirrely construct protested silently, metal hooves galloping uselessly in the air in a vain attempt to flee. Fatigued, Rainbow clenched her teeth and flapped her feathered wings as hard as she could. Unfortunately, the wiggling puppet was too heavy and the pair lost altitude.

The flailing machination nearly plummeted into the river, but much to Rainbow’s relief, her friends’ magic held it aloft. Rainbow held on by just the tips of her horseshoes. Suddenly the magical glow faltered, Twilight strained but Dash was still at the very edge of her reach. Even with Rarity’s boost, they were just too far away and Fluttershy couldn’t fly fast enough to help.

“Twilight, it’s not working. Try harder,” Pinkie suggested.

“Ugh, I am trying.” Twilight gritted her teeth. Rarity’s face contorted, supporting Twilight as best she could.

The burden lightened unexpectedly. Twilight glanced to the corner of her eye and saw Trixie, volunteering her own magical boost. Together the three of them held it steady long enough for Fluttershy to catch up and assist. With great relief, the ponies set the polished brass and aluminum construct safely on dry land. Its garnet carbuncle eyes flickered dimly.

“Thank you everypony for your help,” said Twilight Sparkle after catching her breath, “and thank you, Trixie, for your help too. I don’t think we could have done it without you.” Trixie crossed her front hooves and turned her head away. “After all that’s happened, you still helped when you didn’t have to. I would have understood if you decided to walk away.”

“Whatever; don’t thank me. You clearly needed Trixie’s help.” Trixie opened her mouth to make an additional comment, but stopped herself. Twilight expected her to take a jab at Rainbow or even herself, if she wanted.

“You could tell the tale about how you helped us in one of your shows.”

“Are you serious?” she huffed in her real voice, dropping her superior stage persona. She looked at the metal pony and wrinkled her nose. “I don’t know why I helped. It’s just a stupid piece of junk, hardly worth my time.”

“I’ll be honest: if it wasn’t for your help, we might not have saved this here, uh, thingy.” Applejack furrowed her brow, not sure what to make of the bizarre pony-shaped puppet.

“What is it?” asked Pinkie Pie. “Think if we bust it open that a bunch of candy will fall out?” Pinkie smiled at the thought, but the others gave her a funny look. “What? You don’t know that it’s not filled with candy.”

“I’ve never seen anything like this before,” Twilight said, studying the strange metal contraption. The marionette wobbled from side to side slightly as if it had no true sense of balance.

“I don’t detect any traces of magic, and I can’t tell if somepony is controlling this thing remotely, but I think it’s mechanical. I can hear tiny gears moving inside of it. The craftsmanship of the metal is remarkable.

“I have to agree,” Rarity chimed in. “I’m not an expert in metalwork, but these fine details, the gemstones and the color scheme are indeed nicely done. It is bizarre, yet beautiful. I think I could find a use for something like this.”

“I don’t have a clue what this thing is for. How it even functions is beyond my ken.” Twilight poked and prodded it. “If only there was a way I could take it back to my library and study it better. You don’t think we can get it to follow us all the way to Coltsgold?”

“I’m not sure, maybe. What do you suppose this thing is doing all the way out here, by itself?” Applejack wondered.

“What if it’s dangerous?” Fluttershy kept a wary distance away from the metal pony.

“Too many questions, not enough answers. However, one this is for certain: this marionette is technological, therefore, it would take a really smart pony—a scientist—to design and create it. If the puppet came from Coltsgold, there is a chance it could lead us to the pony we’re looking for.”

Twilight inspected the phonograph on the marionette’s back.

“Hm. You don’t think this is the Princess’ lost courier, do you?”

“Uh, I don’t think the princess uses these kind of couriers,” Rarity said. “If she did, one would think that we’d see more of them around.”

“True, but what if this scientist was sending his own message to Canterlot?” Twilight looked closer and found a tiny switch on the phonograph. She flipped it and a metal cylinder started to turn.

“Now, is this thing on?” a booming stallion’s voice echoed, startling everypony. The recorded voice cleared his throat and continued, “Er, yes. Greetings my little ponies, I am Doctor Whirligig Velocity, a pony of science!” the scientist introduced himself overdramatically. It reminded Twilight of Princess Luna who had a habit of speaking with great volume.

“Surely you must be wondering who I am, where I am, if my glasses are on straight, how my marvelous automoponies work, or if it is even grammatically possible to fly to the moon and back with one set of muffin-tin wings, and an uncooperative magical dictionary who refuses to make me a sandwich after a simple debate on which is better, rye or the—oh wait, I already introduced myself didn’t I?” he said in one long breath.

Everypony cast worried glances at each other.

“What in Equestria is he rambling about? Has he gone completely bonkers?” Applejack asked what they were all thinking.

“Now, uh, where was I? Oh, yes. Please send my former colleagues to my lab at once. It is vital that—oh, hay, where was Number Five going again? Wait! No-no-no! For the love of Luna, don’t eat that—!” The message ended abruptly. They sat in confused silence, trying to make sense of what they just heard.

“A friend of yours, Ms. Sparkle?” Trixie asked. Twilight shrugged, unsure what to say exactly.

“Uh, I think we may have found the name of our mysterious scientist, but did anypony understand any of that?”

“Well, duh,” Pinkie Pie said. “It’s like so obvious that Professor Giggle-Snort was baking science and it went poof and now he needs some help to clean up the mess.” Pinkie Pie grinned until she realized everypony was staring at her. “What? Isn’t that what you guys heard?” Everypony shook their heads. Twilight wasn’t sure which mind was more unraveled: Pinkie’s or Whirligig’s.

“Pinkie, I don’t know how you can make any sense of this nonsense.” Twilight was exasperated. Pinkie sat down and pouted, unhappy that nopony ever took her seriously.

Twilight paced back and forth, mentally replaying the message and analyzing every word for clues, but this befuddled Doctor Whirligig Velocity didn’t make any sense in his message. Twilight’s imagination ran down a list of potential experiments a crazed scientist might conduct that would put a whole town in jeopardy.

“Excuse me Ponyvillians,” Trixie spoke up, yanking Twilight away from her thoughts, “your… thing you insisted on saving is walking away.”

The showmare pointed towards the bridge. Everypony turned just in time to see the marionette stagger blindly to the ruined bridge. As if it had forgotten that the bridge was gone, the metal pony attempted to cross, took a clumsy nosedive and was whisked away by the swift current below. Everypony’s jaw dropped. Twilight’s first and only clue just up and walked away after they worked so hard to get it. It didn’t make any sense at all, but it was still the only thing she had to go on.

“If that thing was valuable to you, then maybe you should have kept an eye on it before you lost it. Trixie is a busy showmare and I am not going out of my way to chase down a piece of junk.” Trixie started down the road, but looked back when the stunned silence continued. “That junk was actually important to you, wasn’t it?” Trixie sounded concerned.

How could this have happened? What is the Princess going to do once she finds out about it? Worries swarmed the lavender unicorn’s mind and dizziness engulfed her. Twilight stumbled, her vision grew dark and she fainted. After a few moments, her vision cleared and the world to stop spinning. Twilight’s friends were gathered around her and Trixie spectated from outside of the circle.

“Are you alright sugar cube?” Cross-eyed, Twilight Sparkle looked up at Applejack. She blinked away the last of the colorful dancing pixels from her sight and nodded. “Thank Celestia you’re okay.”

“For now,” groaned Twilight dully while Fluttershy and Applejack helped Twilight to her hooves. “But how do I explain this in my report? I can’t just say I failed to keep something vital to the investigation safe because I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Then don’t explain it.” Everypony looked at Trixie. “If it’s not going to help you, then simply don’t write it down.” She waited patiently with her hooves crossed, looking bored.

“But I can’t just omit something like this from my report. It is my royal duty. Do you have any idea what the Princess might do if she finds out I willingly left out important details like this?” Twilight argued.

“It will be okay Twilight, don’t worry,” Pinkie Pie reassured her, but it did nothing to relieve Twilight’s panic. “It’s not like the Princess is going to banish you to the sun or anything. I mean, come on! There isn’t any place to sit down and it is way too hot.” Twilight shot the earth pony an annoyed look.

“Thank you, Pinkie,” said Twilight flatly.

“None of us knew that it would walk straight into the river like that,” Fluttershy said. “I’m sure Princess Celestia would understand. We’ve gotten ourselves into trouble before and the Princess has always forgiven us.”

Fluttershy had a point, the Princess had always been quite reasonable. Twilight recalled several instances where she had overreacted, worrying about a variety of harsh punishments that never came. However, she had once banished her own little sister, Princess Luna, to the moon for a thousand years for attempting to usurp complete control over Equestria. How many failures would it take before the Princess banished her? What if Princess Celestia rejected her as her top student?

“You speak as though Twilight Sparkle was Princess Celestia’s personal protégé or something,” Trixie snorted, yet Twilight stared, full of dread and on the verge of tears. “Wait… seriously?” Everypony nodded.

“You’re darn right she is,” Spike jumped to Twilight’s defense. “The Princess picked her to be her prized student because she’s totally smart and super talented.” Trixie turned away. Her tail twitched as she stood silently.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, her back still facing them. “I should have said something sooner. Everypony makes mistakes and just because you failed once, doesn’t mean you’re a complete failure.” Twilight was touched. This was something else she hadn’t expected from Trixie.

“You’re right. Thank you Trixie.”

Twilight took out her quill and ink and wrote a brief status update for the Princess. When finished, she gave it to Spike, who inhaled and gently blew the scroll into the wind. Surrounded by wisps of green flame, the scroll vanished, magically transported directly to the Princess.

“Alright, everypony, let’s keep moving.”