Twilight kills herself a lot

I blinked. I wasn't expecting that. I wasn't expecting the high pitched screaming either, but I was having trouble seeing. I guess I just imagined that last part? Though clearly my stupid bravery messed me up somehow since I was having trouble focusing. Then the scream came again and Twi and Pinkie holding onto each other looking in my direction with their mouths open wide.

"Zombie Pony." Yelled Pinkie

"What?" I said

Then she suddenly let go of Twilight. "Wait, I'm prepared for this."

Then Pinkie zipped off in a near supersonic hop. Twilight just stared at me a while, then shook her head, looked in Pinkie's direction, then back at me. She was breathing heavily and rapidly. She summoned a paper bag out of thin air, and after a few breaths looked calmer.

"Okay, lets be rational about this. Obviously you aren't a Zombie pony."

"Yea, but why would Pinkie even think that?"

"Second, you are clearly…" her horn then lit up and I felt a tingle. "Okay, yes, you are currently clearly alive, and in perfect health."

I felt my ears fold back and gulped. "I didn't imagine it, did I. My head…"

"Oh yes, clean off, without a doubt." Twilight then looked at my neck. "On second thought, it might be good to double check. One of Starswirl's spells is perfect for this."

I was going to ask what she meant, but then she cast a spell and there was a purple window that showed me push Twilight out of the way. I did look totally awesome saving her at least. Then a big blade cut off my head. It was about the only one that even moved, a few metal bars did pop out but they didn't have anything attached anymore. So yea, my head was clearly lying on the floor, and then Pinkie and Twilight started screaming.

"Huh, so that part is accurate."

"Why is there so little blood?"

Twilight sighed. "Dash I've told you a million times, something about immortality allows the blood to…"

Twi was then interrupted by her own loud scream and sobbing.

"Wait, we can fix this." Said past Pinkie, eyes blinking out of sync. "See, we just put her head back on and everything will be fine." Her entire body seemed to twitch at that, but not all at once, a disturbing wave of twitches flowing over her.

"Is she really going to…" I began

"Wait a second." Said Twilight

Then past Pinkie plopped my head back on my body, backwards. Past Twilight was now on the floor quietly sobbing. Then Pinkie turned it around. She smiled even though it looked pathetic, my head just barely making contact with my body, blood oozing from both ends. Then Pinkie smacked my head down and while it did close the gap it also tiled my head at a bad angle, and caused the rest of my body to go somewhat limp making it clear it was only supported by the now bladeless rods sticking out of the machine. Then I blinked and Pinkie screamed. Twilight looked up in time for past me to blink again. Then they both screamed and the window faded away.

"So that did happen." I said

"I was talking about me Dash. Me, not you, but I was talking about you. Do you have idea what this means?"

"Not even a little."

"Dash, it means that quite obviously, you're immortal." Twilight got a huge grin on her face. "Isn't that the best news ever?"

"Die zombie pony."

Twi then teleported out of the way as Pinkie used the flamethrower she was wearing on her back to set me on fire. It hurt for a brief moment, but then I felt a tingle and it just somehow didn't. Being on fire isn't so bad when you can't feel it. Then I fell over, hearing something snap. I saw a flaming hoof sliding across the ground. It was probably mine, but with all the burning I couldn’t tell.