Twilight kills herself a lot

I had totally fallen asleep. I think only Rarity blamed me. Seriously, I am never going to care about all that stupid gossip and clothes talk. Rarity had said something to wake me up, but I wasn't sure exactly what. Then I noticed Twilight was reading a book. She often teleported them from nowhere these days. For a while she seemed to have listened to Rarity's speech about how rude it was, but I think by now she either forgot it, or has lost her grip on reality enough to not figure how it applies anymore.

"You didn't hear me, did you."

"Nah, not really. What did you say? I was asleep cause you were boring, just like Twi is reading a book cause you're boring."

Rairty looked at Twilight. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Twilight you should have said something. Oh I'll do anything to make it up to you. Just name it."

"Well I can think of one thing, but we got a bit sidetracked so…"

"No, anything, just name it and I'll do it."

"I want you to kill yourself. I think…"

"I'll do it."

There was a long silence. Oddly Rarity seemed the most shocked, eyes open wide, staring off into space. She then shook her head and let out a long drawn out sigh.

"If, if it's what you truly wish of me, then I shall give my life for you Twilight. I…"

"Rare, shut it a second." I said

Rarity of course glared at me

"Twi, I need you and…" I paused, but then got a totally awesome idea "Yea, you need to take Fluttershy and go do something. She's too sensitive for this, ya know."

"I am?"

"Do what and why do I have to…"

"Flying. Yea, take her flying. I gotta have a certain kind of talk with Rarity so you two should just go for a nice slow flight around ponyville. You know I'm not much for anything that isn't fast. Trust me, she needs to go."

"I do?" asked Fluttershy

"Well okay, I trust you Dash."

Then they were gone. I turned to see a more normal Rarity glaring at me. Now that Twi was gone and glared back and threw a punch with my front hoof, stopping just before her nose. Rarity flinched.

"Dashie, I'm confused."

"Rarity, do you get how incredibly stupid that just was? Even if Twi didn't notice, at least not yet, you agreed to let her kill you before she explained anything."

"Yea, Twilight is bad at that. At least Rarity didn't snap her neck like Fluttershy did."

"What?" yelled Rarity

"It's complicated, and not important. I mean come on, I have my hooves full with Twi, dealing with you being all suicidal too is way too much work."

Rarity glared at me a moment, then shook her head. "Putting aside how callous that sounded for the moment, I do not want to kill myself."

"But you just said…." I began

"That I was willing to sacrifice myself for her. I have often asked myself how far I would go to make up for my mistake, and now rather suddenly I know."

"Hey, stop trying to take Dashie's job."

"Rarity, what the hay are you talking about?"

"I am talking about how I failed her Dash. I didn't treat her like the princess she deserves to be treated as. I didn't do all I could to show her the proper decorum and respect."

"That's what this is all about?" I asked

"Rarity, you're such a silly pony."

"What do you mean? I just told you…"

I smacked Rairty in the back of the head with one wing. She glared at me. I smiled back in response. This whole thing was super dumb, but at least it was easy enough to fix now that I got it.

"Yea, stop it. Seriously Rares, you know Twilight. That would not be enough to upset her to the point where she would…"

"Then what is it? It has to be something. There has to have been something we could have done. Something that could have made sure we never went through this dreary business. Something to have been a better friend."

I rolled my eyes. "Come on Rares, I'm the only one that should have been thinking stupid junk like that. I mean I never figured out exactly what set her off but…"

"Then how do you know? How do you know that…"

Then Rarity and I were both covered in party decorations and my ears were ringing. We both turned to see Pinkie with her party cannon next to her.

"You're both being silly willy ponies. I mean it's totally obvious why Twilight was more studyrific than normal." Then Pinkie frowned. "Though she didn't seem that frowny at first, just really determined, like whenever we have to get save the worldy."

"It is?" I asked

"Pinkie dear, that's even further from proper Equish than normal. It's clear you know how to speak it properly, just a little more effort and…"

Pinkie gasped. "Omigosh, what if it really is something we did. Maybe we needed to throw her more parties when she was studying, or less. I'm never really sure about that sort of thing. It's so confusing."

"Pinks, what are you talking about. Twilight never told us why she was doing all that research and since it obvious led to her going all…" I paused

"As Pinkie supplied, mopey?"

"Yea, lets go with that. So all mopey I figured it might be best not to ask."

"But it's so obvious. Twilight thought we were going to die." Pinkie laughed. "Which is like so super silly now but I bet she totally thought we were, so…"

"You mean in general? Like old age and junk."

"Why would that be silly now?" asked Rarity

Pinkie nodded quickly. "Yeppers. I mean Twilight was all like…" Pinkie shifted to her perfect Twilight impression. "Oh now, I'm totally all saddy waddy since I'm going live forever and my friends won't."

"Hmm, that makes sense, yes."

"Yea." I found myself slowly nodding

"And then she was like." Again Pinkie switched voices "Nuh uh, I'm Twilight, the magic, Sparkle, and this is just another problem to solve. And like all problems it can be solved with lots and lots of books."

I laughed. "I can totally see Twi saying that.

"Indeed. But how exactly did that get her depressed enough to…"

Rairty kept talking but it wasn't important. I had just remembered what I was thinking when Pinkie told me the reason. It so fit, and now I really got it. I smiled. I knew how to fix Twilight. I mean maybe not everything will be great right away, but it was obvious enough now. I also felt a little dumb about not knowing. I bet Fluttershy knows too, and maybe even AJ. Even Rarity's excuse as dumb as she was being is better than mine.

"But none of that matters. Rarity, you think up a good way to kill yourself while I go get Twi. We can finally fix this."

"What?" yelled Rarity "But weren't you trying to convince me not to kill myself?"

"Yea, I'm confused too."

"Huh, no, you were being dumb about it. I mean Twilight wants to kill you so of course you're going to die."

Then I zoomed off, quickly finding Twilight and Fluttershy. Twi was giving Shy some pointers on how to fly, which was awesome, though it wouldn’t help of course. It wasn't a problem of knowing how for her, but doing it.

"Oh, excellent timing Dash. Fluttershy can demonstrate…"

"Don't you wanna check Rarity's immortality. I totally got her straitened out and such."

"Ah, nice." Twilight then blinked. "Wait, what was the problem anyway, she agreed already so why did you…"

"Not important." I waved a hoof though it totally was important. "Anyway we should head back so we can…"

Then the three of us were back in the shop. Rarity was crying very loudly and Pinkie was on the floor dead, tongue sticking out. There were three muffin wrappers on the table nearby. It was only then I realized that we never really explained to Rairty what was going on.

"I don't want to die. I don't think I even would have been able to go though with it. This sort of thing seems so easy in my novels."

I groaned. "Ugh, of course. I should have known those dumb books of yours had something to do with this."

"So, you're crying over Pinkie being dead?" asked Fluttershy.

"Pinkie's dead?" asked Rarity, then started crying even louder.

"Awww, Why is Rarity crying?" asked Pinkie

Rarity briefly stopped. "What? Fluttershy did you just play such a horrible prank on me? Why would you do that especially considering the circumstances."

"Dash, what were you doing. You clearly explained nothing. I mean obviously I did a bad job of it with Fluttershy, sorry again about that again, but...."

"Oh, and I'm sorry for snapping your neck. I really didn't mean it and…"

"As I said, no trouble at all really. In fact it was rather useful. Confirmation that rough alignment of key structures can greatly hasten the regenerative process."

"Oh, uh…okay."

Rarity had been staring but then shook her head. "What is going on?"

"Oh, we're all immortal. Well probably." I said

"If not I have this." Twi held up her crystal thing.

"A resurrection scroll. You can make them yourself, can't you? You said you should be able to do it but…"

Twilight nodded. "Yes, now I can't be sure but I think that all of the elements…"

"Yes yes, I understand Twilgiht. Somehow are part in your assention made us as immortal as you are."

"Or maybe before that." Added Fluttershy

"And I would like to test it properly. Now do you have any preference? I have a spell that will shut off your ability to feel pain so…"

Rarity nodded. "A diamond statue. A proper full transfiguration would suffice, right? I believe you tried and failed such on yourself?"

Twilight smiled. "Excellent. This should be easy. Strike a pose."

Rarity did. It was a nice enough pose really, front hoof up, and one back one just leaving the ground, but her horn pointing strait up and looking up like that that made her look a little snooty. She looked good as a diamond statue. I was wondering how long it would take, but in almost no time at all there was a flash of dark purple fire and Rarity was standing next to her statue. She immediately hugged it.

"Oh Twilight it's marvelous." She laughed. "I have to admit that whole thing was more than strange, but as you said not painful. Though just before I felt…"

"I teleported your liver out of you." Twilight floated up a red mass. "The scroll works only with an intact body part so, there may be a liver shaped gap in there. It all depends on if the surrounding tissues filled the gap enough or not."

Rarity let go of the statue of herself. "So you've tested all the rest?"

"Oh yes. Dash had her head chopped off, and immolated by a flamethrower."

"By the way Twi, why did you get out of the way?"

"I tried that already. I think it was even the same flamethrower."

"Oh, so that's why you wanted it." added Pinkie

"Also if I was burning too I couldn’t observe."

"And I've been eating poisoned muffins."

"More than once?" asked Rarity

"They're really good Rarity, like really good." Pinkie held out a muffin "Try one."

"What sort of insane pony would think that's a remotely good idea." Rarity then blinked and frowned. "I'm sorry Pinkie, I didn't mean it."

"Difit mefh whot." Pinkie said spraying muffin crumbs everywhere

"I, think it does not bear repeating."

"Wait, did you say something bad about harry? He's a nice bear, and…"

"No Pinkie." Said Twilight. "Come on girls, I'm sure together we can explain this to Applejack and she'll understand why she needs to do this. Lets go."

Twilight then walked out the door with an almost literal bounce in her step. Pinkie of course literally bounced after her soon after. Hopefully this would go better than Fluttershy and Rarity.