Twilight kills herself a lot

Twilight's definition of proper explanation had really slipped. Seriously, I would have slammed the door in her face too if Twi's answer to my question about why she was here was "To kill you" followed by a smile. Even worse Twi looked annoyed Fluttershy wasn't opening the door. It could have been once again despite both of us standing right next to her, the door missed Pinkie and me but got Twi, but I don't think that was it. Of course I wasn't surprised at all the three of us were inside Flutter's house with a flash the next instant.

"Stay back. I don't know what you did with my real friends but I'll, uh…"

Fluttershy was fluttering there defiantly holding a large carrot like a knife. She looked down at it, then blushed. I sighed.

"Look Flutter it's really us and while we're technically here to kill you there is a lot more to it than that so just calm down and…"

The carrot hit me in the head.

"Seriously?"

"Go away you meanie changelings. I don't know what You're up to but…"

"We're not changelings Flutters, and don't worry…" Pinkie got a great big grin on her face. "…we only want to kill you a little bit."

Fluttershy smiled in return, you sorta have to with Pinkie, but then she frowned. "What?"

"Okay, this isn't going too well but you see it started with Dash getting beheaded."

Fluttershy was suddenly next to me, looking at my neck. "Oh my, are you alright?"

"Yea, but, Flutter, what exactly are you looking for?"

She scratched her head with one hoof, then looked down blushing. "Um…"

"Oh, and I ate some poisoned muffins, which were super yummy, and I died, but then I got better. Want one?" Pinkie then pulled a muffin out of her mane.

"No thank you." Said Fluttershy, backing away quickly

"Okay, but they're really good." Pinkie then ate the muffin herself. "So good."

"Pinkie you do get that…"

"Yea, but it didn't hurt at all, which is so weird, cause Death hurts Dashie. A lot."

"Wait a second…." I began

"The point is I think all six of us are immortal, not just myself. So we simply need to kill you. If you have a preference I can…"

"No."

"Did you just say…"

"No. I don't want to."

Twilight was staring at Fluttershy. I was a little too. I mean I know Pinkie and Rarity told me that story about Iron Will and Fluttershy acting weird but I'd never seen her so calm and confident like this before. Normally even if she got the courage to say no she wouldn’t look you in the eyes and you had to get her to repeat herself because she didn't want to hurt your feelings by disagreeing. It was impressive. It also was a terrible time to use her new skill. I saw one of Twi's eyes twitch slightly.

"You don't understand. This has to happen. I have to be sure. I think I already have some good data, but I need more and it should work. I have a backup, so don't worry about that it will work."

"I'd rather not, so no."

"You're being unreasonable. Look first off I'll just…"

Twilight's horn lit up. Fluttershy immediately smacked it and tried to fly off. She didn't get more than about a single hoof away. Twilight glared at Fluttershy, now held in her purple glow. Fluttershy started to struggle, but of course she was going nowhere. I had a really bad feeling about this.

"Oh that's never a good combo." Said Pinkie beside me

"When you say combo…"

"The liver is never in any good combos Dashie, never any good ones."

"That might answer my question." I sighed, not bothering to try again

"Go away." Fluttershy was crying "You can't be my friends. I thought you were for a second but you can't be. They wouldn’t do this."

"Oh Flutters, you don't have to be scared."

"Twilight." I said. "I don't think any of this is a good idea."

"Hmm, what would be the best way to do this." Twilight then laughed. "Oh right, almost forgot. That would have been embarrassing." Twi's horn grew brighter for a moment.

"No, what are you doing. Stop it, I don't want to die."

"Calm Down Fluttershy it's just the spell so you can't feel pain." Said Twi

"Let me go. Let me go. Let me…"

Fluttershy was flailing madly, desperately trying to break free of Twi's magical grip, but she was going nowhere. But oddly Twilight actually moved a little closer. Then her horn got even brighter, and in response Fluttershy's eyes went wide and unfocused and her flailing became even more intense. Then Twi got even closer as she lowered her horn. Then I heard the sound of Twi's neck snapping at the forth vertebrae. Twilight fell to the ground with a thump, and Fluttershy caught herself then looked down.

"Oh my, did I just…"

"Yes, but since this really is the real Twi…" I walked over to her. "She'll be fine. In fact I bet I know how to speed things up after today."

"I didn't mean to I just…"

"How did you do that. I mean it was like, one punch and wham, neck snap. I mean it was creepy, but super cool too." Pinkie

"Fluttershy is like earth pony strong." I twisted Twi's head back into place best I could. "Yea, you really nailed her Shy, the head was all the way backwards."

"Oh my. You don't think she'll be mad, do you?"

"Probably not, but she is Crazy now so maybe a little. Still I'm sure she won't…"

Twi then sat up and immediately blasted Fluttershy with a bright beam of energy, four hooves falling to the ground. She sighed.

"Do anything rash?" Twi said.

I stared at the four yellow hooves on the ground.

"That wasn't rash?" asked Pinkie

"I don't use the word rash." Was all I could think to say.

"In retrospect I really should have just done that to begin with. Trying to explain it just gave her time to panic and worry. It's better this way."

"WHAT DID YOU DO?"

Discord never really looked that scary. I mean he was a freak made of parts of some scary stuff, but he never seemed that threatening mostly, even though with his powers he totally was mega dangerous. Right now though his eyes were glowing red and somehow everything just looked more dangerous, claws shaper and bigger, teeth more menacing, everything twisted just a little bit to be more terrifying. Pinkie and I both ended up clinging tightly to Twilight. Then he laughed and looked normal again.

"Ha, kidding. I totally know you just killed my best friend in the whole world and you terrified her right before that, but I know she'll be back soon enough."

"I think you two can let go now." Said Twilight

I did so in the coolest way possible. It probably wasn't really very different from the least cool way, but at least I tried. Pinkie of course did not take the hint and kept holding on to Twilight. Then something registered.

"Wait, you know?" I asked, glaring at the mismatched jerk

He waved his paw. "Of course I know. I knew the moment I saw you six."

"Discord, that's before I became an alicorn." Said Twilight

"Your point? You really think those stupid trinkets would give up such perfect paragons so easily? I'm guessing you've been immortal since you made moon butt boring again."

"Ooooo, that explains so much. I didn't survive all those times after all."

Twilight and I both turned to Pinkie.

"Well first off there was that time with the party howitzer."

"That was clearly a big blast, I just assumed that it was just, well, you." Said Twi

"By the way thanks for the new lake Pinkie, it's awesome. With a lake there weather work is so much easier."

"Oh yes, and there was that little accident with the chocolate bar." Said Discord

"How could that kill you?" I asked

"It was really big." Pinkie was drooling a little.

"Yes, she died with a smile on her face that day."

"Oh, and there was that time Gilda broke my copter thingie."

"SHE DID WHAT?"

I seriously wanted to break something. I mean yea Gilda's always been a jerk but killing Pinkie? I know she'd never try to go that far, but not bothering to think if she's putting somepony in danger is totally something she'd do. I decided Fluttershy's couch would suffer my wrath since it reminded me the most of Gilda with it's tan color. I sent it flying, and revealed Fluttershy cowering on the floor.

"Oh, guess you're back."

"Oh Dash, I was so scared I thought that Twilight really…"

"Flutter, she did, now you're fine, just like me and Pinkie."

"Yes, and you got memetos too."

Discord then threw Fluttershy one of her own hooves. It wasn't that disgusting really. The top was charred shut so there was no blood and at and it still looked nearly as alive as the yellow hooves holding it. Fluttershy dropped it and flew into the air, breathing heavily. Then she laughed. Twilight and Pinkie were staring at her just like me. Then she laughed again.

"This is such a strange feeling. I don't know what to even do."

"Laughing is always a good choice, even when it's wrong." Pinkie then smiled

"Okay, lets go back to town and try to convince Rarity." Said Twi

Fluttershy's eyes went wide. "Oh Twilight, I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean to snap your neck like that. You were just being so scary, and I was so scared, and it was scary and I didn't know what to do."

Twilight waved a hoof. "Oh please, I've done far worse to myself. Though now that I think of it I guess that means I need to write two pardons…" Twi then sighed. "No, three, because I killed you too."

"Uh, pardons? Like royal pardons?" I asked

"Yea, I mean you're totally alive so…" began Pinkie

"Wait, weren't you saying earlier that murder victim are witnesses which means…"

Twilight nodded. "Exactly, just because your victim is currently alive in no way reduces your sentence or culpability. Thus Fluttershy, Pinkie, and I currently need pardons."

"I do? Who did I kill?"

"Me, duh." I laughed. "Remember, you thought I was zombie."

"Oh yea. But didn't you kill me too?"

"Not really, though I suppose wreckless endangerment might count possibly…"

Discord snapped his fingers and we were now all standing on a cloud somewhere up in the sky. Oddly Fluttershy didn't react. I guess she's gotten used to this sort of thing. Pinkie looked down at the cloud.

"Uh, is the cloudwalking spell you gave me yesterday still there?"

"Yes Pinkie, Discord why did you…"

"Because it was getting boring. Now lets move onto answering a question that actually matters. Mine."

Twi sighed. "Fine."

"So am I to understand that you can actually pardon yourself? That sounds wonderfully chaotic I think."

"I thought so too at first, but the princesses are right. The law is written so the princesses, which includes me and Cadence now, can pardon anyone. For a while I didn't get what they meant by it doesn't matter, but now I do."

Discord groaned. "Ugh, common sense. Oh well, whatever. By the way I got my good deed out of the way early, you're over the clothes horse's shop. Ta for now, I'm off to enrich children's live by giving them way too much candy."

Then Discord was gone. Fluttershy let out a short sigh, and flew off the cloud. I grabbed Pinkie and we were soon on the ground. Twilight joined us soon after. I was a little surprised Fluttershy hadn't flown off somewhere else, but she was at the door of Rarity's big fancy shop waiting for us. This is probably going to be tricky. Then I realized why AJ was last on Twi's list. Because no matter how troublesome convincing Rairty might be, Applejack would be ten times worse at least.