The Sun Never Sits on the British Empire
Author's Note
BY GARR IT'S A FAN FICTION!
Edit
You guys are fucking weird. I love it.
YARR
I stood at the helm, staring into the eye of a great storm. The smell of brine and the occasional splash of ice cold water greeted me as my two masted clipper was thrown about violently. The usual warmth of the tropics was obliterated by the icey tear of the hurricane’s wind.
“Argus, tie off the bowline, now!” I screamed, trying my best to force the helm back into position, the wind pulling us into the heart of the storm, “Boys this might be it, I think we’re go’in inta’ ta’ drink!”
My crew let out inaudible cries of fear and anger, the entire ship starting to keel over. The dark sea would soon swallow us whole. The massive darkness that laid far off, a huge whirlpool, drew closer and closer as the seat tossed us about.
I held on tight as the smell of salt grew heavy and the swirling voil enveloped us, throwing us deep into the warm caribbean sea. I held my breath, trying to watch as the last vestiges of light faded into existence, throwing me into a swirling damp.
*~*~*~*
Celestia started shifting on her throne, her stomach gurgling loudly. “...Not again, please not again,” she whispered to herself, rubbing her lower stomach. A growing grumble was causing her quite a bit of worry.
Her guard could recognize the signs and stood far away from the throne. It had been nearly two years since the last incident, and now it would seem that once again the halls would be graced by yet another otherworldly expulsion.
The smell was telling enough, thick, warm, salty, fishy even. The guards could only hope that their distance would keep them safe. But as the churning grew audible, the grumbles louder, it became truly clear just what they were in for.
Celestia’s stomach ceased its gurgling, giving the worried princess a few minutes of respite. “...Guardsponies...can somepony fetch--” she stopped herself, feeling her stomach twist into a myriad of knots. “Oh dear me...oh no...here it comes….”
The gurgling grew louder and louder as Celestia rocked back and forth on her throne, teetering her backside off the front of her throne and holding her gut, “Oh god...it’s coming out!” she cried, feeling something warm trickle from her pussy. Her entire body clenched up as the rift opened fully.
A gush of seawater rushed from Celestia’s cunt, spewing sea life and brine across the throne room floor. A small flood nearly threw the guards through the window. And octopus was thrown during a strong surge, tossed onto a passing servant and wrapping around the pony’s face. The beautiful stained glass was now audience to an amazing flood of salt water spewing from Celestia’s royal cooter.
“Buuuuuuuuck- it’s coming!” Celestia screamed, feeling something unbelievably hard enter her body, spreading her strong muscles and filling her to the brim. Shockwaves of confused pleasure rippled through her stomach, growing insanely strong and leaving Celestia in a haze.
Little by little the seawater stopped, giving way to a large slick masthead. A pointing hand was soon jutting from Celestia’s pussy, giving way to more and more of a strange seaborne creation. Celestia was lost in space, spazming and trying to keep focus while her body, wired to send her to a special place when faced with such a massive insertion, went completely limp and let the massive beast slowly ooze out of her.
The smell of brine gave way to fish and oak as the masthead passed from Celestia’s vagina. More and more of the lost clipper’s bow. Soon the hulking ship was squeezed from Celestia’s body, a strange monkey throwing themselves from the railing and into the tide of water.
Celestia was in space as the midsection of the two masted clipper pushed her muscles to the brink, causing her to let out a short squeak as the crowsnest flung into the open air of the throne room, a scared looking man with a monkey taking a gasping breath and clinging to the mast for dear life.
A loud groan cried out from the large ship as it slid across the stone floor of the large hall. The guards swam for their lives as they hit the edge of the room. Meanwhile Celestia was barely conscious, each barnacle and blemish of the slick copper bottom ship sent her into a hazy world of pain and pleasure.
The ship was sliding from its fishy tomb, pushed by Celestia’s muscles until the poopdeck caught in Celestia’s seaworthy slit. “It’s stuck!” she screamed, holding her lips open as the paradoxically small ship grew to enormous size just as it left the confines of Celestia’s vag.
A screaming man, gripping the slimy wheel of the ship and shaking his fist in rage quickly slid from her body, “I bloody told ya I’d get us through! Ta’ the fishy depths a’ hell and back, we’ll never die!”
Celestia let out a long moan as the final smooth and bumpy bits of the ship popped out of her, leaving her legs apart, lips bright and puffy, and gaping entrance leaking warm fluids and coral. “Ooooooooh momma...I just came an ocean.” she groaned, jostling her lips and smacking her lips.
The ship tilted to the side, the crew clinging to the lost ship, “Sir, where are we sir!?”
The captain at the helm started laughing, “Yarr, the depths of Davey Jones’ locker, now fire off a broadside and send us off!”
The man in the crowsnest looked around, “Sir...horses sir!”
The captain just started laughing, “I said fire the fuckin’ cannons!”
The gunner of the Celestia spawned ship screamed, “Firein’!”
With a loud rumble, followed by a sputter, three cannons fired, sending cannonballs into the stone floor of the throne room. The guardponies in the room tried to collect themselves, but this was the largest object to pass through Celestia’s porthole in centuries.
“Princess, what do we do!?” a guard screamed, running up to the orgasmically twitching royal.
The princess just started laughing, “I guess...it’s gonna go…back in!” she started cackling before going completely limp and resting against the steps of the throne.
Just as the mania reached its peak, a mismatched creature joined the fray, “Oh dear, something’s a little fishy-” Discord snapped his fingers, summoning up a fresh tuna, “-and just a little slimy.”
“Fire the cannons by garr! Fire them and finish these lancer bastards from afar!” the captain screamed, the gunner running to position.
“Fireing sir!” the gunner screamed, sending a shot through the air and into the ceiling.
Discord looked up, then at the ship, “Oh my, I didn’t even, have, to do anything this time! Oh Celestia, I always knew you had a pocket of seamen in your--” Discord was cut off as the cannonball dislodged, slamming into his crown and leaving him in a small twitching heap.
Soon enough the crew of the ship gave up, resting their haggard bodies and leaving the twin guards staring at a horrifying scene of seawater, fish, princess pussy, English sailors and Discord.
The guards looked at each other, standing before the throne. “Not it!” one screamed.
“Damn it, no, no no no, not again! I cleaned up the last time!”
“Don’t care! I’m quitting...this shit is getting too fucking harrowing!”
“Minnow, coward, traitor!” the second guard fell to his gut, “Where do I start with this salt sucking scene!?”
The Sun Never Sits on the British Empire
Author's Note
Names were changed to protect the delicate genitalia of others. This is how this fic came to be.
Other guy
Anyways, does it disturb anyone else how unoriginal and sheeplike the fanfiction community tends to be? We have all these people who just end up stealing someone else's idea which wasn't even that good to begin with. Do that and repeat it 5,000 times.
Me
let's be original!
Me
Does Celestia keep Starswirl's mummified cock as a dildo?
Other:
"why can't she have kids?— Sir. Hat Of Honigar, Yesterday 2:51" Because her vag is like the Bermuda Triangle and any stallion who tries to impregnate her ends up getting lost in the city of Rapture.
Me:
Everypony who has sex with Celestia gets sucked into some pocket dimension
Other:
What do we call this?
Other
The Triangle
Me:
[7/7/2014 2:56:29 PM] Sir. Hat Of Honigar: So, does this mean planes and boats can come through fa
[7/7/2014 2:56:32 PM] Sir. Hat Of Honigar: OH FUCK
[7/7/2014 2:56:34 PM] Sir. Hat Of Honigar: BEST HIE EVER
[7/7/2014 2:56:42 PM] Sir. Hat Of Honigar: Ship lost in bermuda triangle
[7/7/2014 2:56:54 PM] Sir. Hat Of Honigar: slips into equestria through Celestia's vagina
And on that day our savior was born.
Kraken
Several thousand years earlier.
Celestia limped around the Everfree Castle. Her plot ached, her hooves were like jelly, and her stomach was horridly unsettled. She was in a horrid state, only made worse by the massive amounts of guards in the throne room. The usual death threat came in from her current stalker, nothing to be taken too serious, but her guard captain disagreed.
She took a hard turn into her throne room, trotting slowly towards the twin thrones of the celestial princesses. Her flank continued to ache and churn as her stomach gurgled. Something horrible was manifesting itself in her backside, and only time would tell how destroyed the castle's pluming would be.
"Princess!" Celestia's guard captain trotted up to her, "You look ill, are you alright?"
Celestia adjusted her back legs, prancing in place. "I'm fine, just a little upset--" she stopped dead as a warm squishyness invaded her. A violent internal thrashing cause a few pulses of disgusting pleasure through her pelvis. "No-ooo- I'm not okay...s-s-somepony find the doct--" She stopped once again, the thrashing growing more violent as the tight fitted object massaged her body.
Only when a loud and continuous slapping filled the throne room did somepony pipe up. "...Celestia, there's a fish tail in your- erm- vagina...."
Everything held still as the slapping grew louder. Celestia just stared ahead, red in the face and sporting a strange expression. She was holding back the pleasure, trying to force the creature from her body. Little by little the fresh fish was pushed free, shooting out across the floor with a loud, pop, and sliding to a stop on the greaves of a far off guard.
Time stood still as a loud dripping accompanied the flopping fish. Celestia's body refused to stop leaking a warm trickle of water from her snatch. She spread her legs, letting the drip grow to a small spray, showing the guards behind them something that would turn them homosexual for the rest of their lives.
Then, just as suddenly, and with a loud jittery scream from Celestia, a massive tentacle flung from her sex. Everypony in the room took a step back, Celestia moaning softly as the wiggly tentacle slammed sloppily into the floor of the main hall, throwing the tip out and crushing the fish into chum. Celestia braced herself as the massive octopus arm slithered back inside her, disappearing into the briny shallow of Celestia's box, followed by a strange grumble and burble, sending bubbles from her body.
The room was dead still, everypony in shock over the otherworldly display. Celestia's captain let out a rough cough and walked over, "Celestia...are you--"
In a flash the tentacle shot out once again, slamming into the wall of the castle, an angry screech of an ocean born soul cried out in rage as another tentacle threw itself into the other wall, sticking its suckers to the wall and pulling. Celestia dug her hooves into the stone floor of the castle and held on for dear life as the massive creature in her cunt started pulling its slimy body from her magical void.
The guards dropped their weapons as more and more tentacles flung free, slamming into everything and everypony they could reach. Before long eight angry tentacles were working in tandem to pull itself from Celestia's tight hot muscle. Gushing seawater sprayed the guards as they tried to stab the tentacles, only serving to get them grabbed and flung about the room. "Buuuuuck, my ass hurts so much!" Celestia screamed, her backside nearly numb from the violent birth of the sea.
The steps up to the throne were covered in seaweed and tentacle slime, the creature crying out in pure rage as it started pulling the bulbous mass of the octopus' body from Celestia's rear. Celestia herself started dragging herself forward, screaming in confused ecstasy as the bumpy skinned creature slid past her squeezing form. "It's coming, it's coming!" she screamed, dragging herself forward.
And with a final pull from the tentacles, the Kraken pulled free of Celestia, laying across the lower floor of the throne room and trashing its tentacles angrily. Shrill screams echoed around as more and more guards converged towards the deep sea scene. Celestia's captain just paced around the room, holding his helmet under his hoof and sitting, his retirement would have to be pushed up and his happy life would have to be put on hold.
Celestia felt a rough shiver from her asshole to the tip of her horn, "Buuuck my ass!" she screamed, legs trembling as a new fluid joined the soaked floor. Her wings flared out for a moment before snapping back to her side and leaving her in a warm afterglow. Her senses returned quickly as a pony was hurled past her head, slamming into the far wall only to be grabbed by a tentacle and dragged back to the angry giant terrorizing her throne room.
She watched the massive red beast flail about, smashing windows and screeching. The massive arms of the angry octopus slammed into everything, ponies screaming their heads off as the octopus flailed them about.
"Sister, I heard--" Luna stopped dead at the exit, staring at Celestia standing spread legged with a giant octopus behind her. "...a noise...."
Celestia just started laughing as she wobbled her way toward Luna, "Luna, Wooooona, I just came life! I am the sun, I bring life!" she started cackling as she lurched towards the exit, "Luna...take care of this...I need a shower."
As Celestia left, locking the door behind her, Luna stood tall. She levitated a tricorne from her saddlebags and slammed it onto her head, "Avast ye' creature of death, you shall fall to my magic, and join the moon in its silence!" she shouted, lowering her horn the the creatures eye, "For the kingdom!"
