The Placement Agency

~~~~Canterlot High Courthouse~~~~

Temporary Adjournment

“At least he seems to be a lot better wound than poor Daisybloom was.” Twilight grumbles, rubbing at her eyes.

“He’s actually tearing himself up inside getting this out.” Cadence quietly observes, gazing at the door with concern. “But he’s determined to hold himself together, and that might be enough. Have we managed to figure out what triggers his…change?”

Twilight puts her head into her hooves, glaring at the floor. “We think it’s got something to do with his body interpreting the desires of the ponies around him. It’s some kind of magical detection field, not unlike how your love magic works. We tried to keep the number of purely straight males in the courtroom high, so right now he’s a beautiful mare since that’s what they want to see. And with too many subjects, the magic can’t focus on drawing any one of them in more than a lustful gaze or two,” She snorts heavily. “But if he’s isolated, it responds specifically to whoever’s in the room that isn’t him, and then it draws them in. We literally can’t leave him alone with anypony who’s given to his particular desires. Unlike Daisybloom, he actually changes at the drop of a hat. The speed of the physical change is accelerating too.”

Cadence stays silent for a moment, then speaks softly. “How bad is the attraction?”

Twilight glances up, keeping her own voice low. “I was behind six layers of enchantment shielding, and I started feeling the effects within thirty seconds of being alone with him.” she shivers faintly. “I’m not going to lie, Cadence. I wanted to give in to the things that field was suggesting I do to him. And the things it was suggesting...”

Cadence bites at her lip. “He’s not even close to the worst of it. When I think about what Rarity does now… What are we going to do about these ponies, Twilight?”

Twilight shakes her head. “We need to talk to this Fizzy Pop. In private.” She glances at the bailiff. “Today.”

~~~~~Later…~~~~~

Bluefeather - When I finally got out of my haze three days later, my kitchen was empty and I was a new mare. Literally.

This is where things get rough on me folks. It’s hard to talk about this stuff, since, yanno, I still mostly look like myself? But… I look just different enough every time I look in the mirror that it’s kinda whiplash inducing. Anyway, I knew things were bloody wrong and I knew I needed help. Once I was sure that I could fly without crashing into a wall, I got out of my house as fast as my pretty tail could take me.

I flew for Canterlot Hospital. I didn’t know what that potion had done to me, but that was the first place I could think of to go. I wasn’t thinking of much beyond blind panic. I flew as hard as I could, and went straight to the emergency magic ward. It was empty, like it usually is, since magical emergencies don’t happen that often… but there were a couple of doctors always on call there. A unicorn stallion and an earth pony stallion, I remember it real clearly. That was the first time I was ever… seized by my new self.

When I landed, and I took my first steps towards them… My walk was different. I was swaying my hips like a courtesan, and smiling gorgeously. I remember the smile, because I could feel it turning up in my face. The two doctors turned to look at me, and they looked like somepony had hit them with a piece of wood across the back of the head. “I need some help…” I cooed, like somethin’ out of a movie. “Can either of you big, strong stallions help me?”

It didn’t matter that we were in a hospital. Didn’t matter that they were on the clock. None of it mattered. They helped me, alright. They pumped me and pumped me, and I moaned and I screamed, and I loved it and hated it all at the same time. I had three stallions at once, that day. The Janitor walked in on us and didn’t even stop to do more than pull his overalls down. It was my first time gettin’ triple teamed, and it sure as buck wasn’t the last.

For months, I kept tryin’ to find help, an’ I never could figure out why every time I was alone with somepony I turned into this… sex machine. Everywhere I went, I always ran into ponies who just wanted to buck me. Oh, they were always super nice about it, an’ everypony I met loved the way I dressed but… Nopony ever listened when I said somethin’ was horribly wrong.

Like, I even did experiments! I was fine whenever I was in a big crowd! I went back to my job, scared that I was gonna get noticed, but nopony seemed to care. They just ignored my sexy new body an’ let me get on with the weather work. With so many ponies around, I expected an orgy. Instead, I got admiration an’ nothin’ else. That was the only solution I could come up with, so I isolated myself for a while.

I got up, I went to work, an’ I came home. I made sure nopony ever caught me alone, except my Landlord. If I was gonna be cursed like this, at least I could try and save the bits to get uncursed by payin’ for rent with tail. Not that I much minded the release, but…

I couldn’t do it forever. I’m a social pony, it’s who I am. I got lonely. But if I kept nosin about town, sooner or later I was gonna run into ponies who might not decide to leave me alone after a taste. Who the buck could I talk to about turning into some kind’a perv magnet? Then it hit me: The Agency.

That was her scam, you know? Elegant. The bitch. She didn’t do it to everypony, but when she got somepony like me or Daisy, she used us to keep drawin’ in more ponies for her sick little games. I got to see plenty, you better fuckin’ believe it. Didn’t matter if I was a pretty little sissypony or the bitchin’ hot mare, I saw it all. I’ll fuckin’ tell you, you shits. I tried gettin’ help long before Daisy ran for it! Nopony believed me! Fuckin’ royal guards turned me away at the door! You got any fuckin’ idea how fucked up…

Hhhn….hhhhhhn….

Doesn’t fuckin’ matter. I’m so fuckin’ scared of being alone in the same room as anypony now that it doesn’t matter. I look into everypony’s eyes an’ I can see them turnin’ on. Like an engine, the gears teeth grabbin’ each other. I can feel my body and my mind lurchin’ towards them, ready for the next pony to fuck. I get nightmares at night, that someday I'm gonna end up with somepony who’s got a fantasy about keepin’ a cum-addict slave in their basement… and I’m never gonna see the light of day again. An’ whats worse? I might even enjoy it. Trapped in my own fuckin’ mind. I’m so scared of bein’ alone with ponies, but at the same time I keep wanting to be close to ‘em.

Fix me. Yeah, she sure fuckin’ fixed me alright.

I can’t… I need a minute. Can I get a fuckin’ minute?

~~~~Canterlot Prison and Holding Cells~~~~

After all of the monsters she’s fought over the years, after all of the demons and shadow-kings and Discords she’s taken on, it’s kind of odd to be looking at a regular and seemingly innocuous pony as though he’s worse than all of them combined. He sits there, watching her with an intelligent and calculating sort of gaze, as still as a martial artist in meditation. “It’s a complex polymorphic responsive, since you’re so curious.” He says with a suddenness that makes her jump a little.

He adjusts his spectacles, which he’s refused to wear in court, for some bloody reason. “The most brilliant idea I’d ever had, and I’ve had quite a few brilliant ideas over the years. Use dried Discordite crushed with crystal dust to provide the base, refined white sugar, mugwump, and parasprite fuzz to handle the magical concentrations involved, mill into a powder, sift well, bake at six hundred degrees with charcoal for fifteen seconds to bubble the sugar and slightly deform the crystal particles. Mix into essence of rosewater and distilled rainbow juice, and add yeast for carbonation.” His eyes gleam. “The carbonation is the real trick, you see? It’s a powerful catalyst, even though no alchemist has used it for about sixteen centuries. They think it’s uncontrollable, but it’s really just a matter of putting it into a controlled environment and watching very… very carefully.”

His screed hits her like a wrecking ball as she sits across the table from him. He chuckles faintly. “Admittedly, the potion itself is extremely variable. Not at all suited to the purpose I’d originally planned it for, but once Miss Elegant had seen its effects she was adamant that we continue with the experiment. Given that she was providing me with funding and the vital ingredients for my real work, I wasn’t left with much choice.”

Twilight stares at him, before finally shaking off her shock to growl. “What do you mean ‘real work’? Are you talking about all those drugs you sell to those naive fillies and-”

Fizzy Pop huffs softly. “Miss Twilight, please. I am an academic at heart, not a profiteer. Anything I ever sold was to further my research into genetically unsolvable conditions. I ceased providing the dealers with goods once I had a patron.”

That makes her blink. Twice, actually. “Wait… you were trying to cure GUC’s? With experimental alchemy?” She balks a little, staring at the strange pony. This is insane. Everypony knows the best research for those conditions was in ritual magical treatments and years of therapeutic magic!

“Of course I was. My mother has suffered from Acute Horn Fragility since I was a boy. I’ve had colleagues with everything from Icarus Syndrome to Magical Blockage Disease. Every one of my foolish professors seemed to think I was mad for trying to actually solve problems like hers with my genius. They said there was nothing anypony could ever do outside of expensive magical ritual tomfoolery.” He snorts derisively.

Twilight stares at him again, wondering why she couldn’t dispel the shock. He’s insane, pure and simple. Whatever genius he’s gotten in making his potion, he’s talking about doing things that simply weren’t possible. So she takes a deep breath. “What does the bloody potion do?” she growls, beginning to lose her patience with this madpony.

He blinks. “I told you, it’s a polymorphic responsive. It reacts differently to everypony's physiology and mental state.” He huffs again. “The reason it’s so uncontrollable is that it seems to latch on to conscious magic and thoughts, rather than the unconscious magic I was aiming for. I don’t know why it does that. I was in the middle of my research when your foolish brother trampled all over my notes.” His eyes narrow to a glare. “I want you to deliver a message to the Princess for me.”

She simply arches an eyebrow at that, and he smiles. “I want you to tell them that if they allow me to continue with my research, I ought to be able to assist you with reversing the effects of my potions. Not all of them, mind. That’s likely impossible.” He scratches at his chin. “But the worst of them, at the very least. What’s more, I may be able to find a breakthrough in my other research and help countless other ponies who I could not were I to be killed or imprisoned.” He leans in, eyes gleaming. “I am given to understand a little filly you know suffers from Icarus Syndrome, after all.”

And with that, he closes his eyes and began to breathe rhythmically. Certain she isn’t going to get anything more constructive out of him, Twilight stands and leaves the room. Things are even worse than she’d imagined, and now all she can do was get to work in the hopes that somehow she can find a way around the madness of his works.

~~~~~~~~~~

Judge Rock - Mister Bluefeather, I wish you to know that this court expects no further testimony from you on these matters today.

Bluefeather - Beggin’ your pardon, your Honor, but fuck that. I came here to give you the whole fuckin’ story, and I’m gonna give it. You can buy me a drink when I’m done if it’ll make you feel better.

{The witness grimaces, clutching a book in his hooves.}

Bluefeather - Fuckin’ Celestia knows I’m gonna need one.

Prince Armor - I’ll provide, buddy.

Bluefeather - Much obliged. Now lemme get this crap off of my chest once and for all.

~~~~~~~

You gotta understand somethin’.

I’m not like, obsessed with sex. Yeah, I like a good bang same as any stallion does, but it’s not somethin’ I couldn’t live without. I had a desire I wanted fulfilled, and that was all. Show me somepony who doesn’t have somethin’ they want passionately, an’ I’ll show you a pony who’s dead inside. What happened to me, though? That wasn’t fulfilling a wish. That was a monster getting her kicks off of giving ponies more than they’d bargained for, and delighting in the results.

So like I said, I went back and after talkin’ to Golden Apple, I found out the scam. Every so often, the Lady would pick a pony who had a desire focused on sex and she’d give ‘em an extra strong mickey so they’d have no choice but to lean on her or end up livin’ in a box. It ain’t to say she didn’t fuck over ponies who wanted somethin’ other than sex but… well, I’m gonna let Lemon speak for herself. Elegant would get paid by guys lookin for easy dates who didn’t want the stink of a whore on ‘em, but were perfectly willing to pay for the same privileges. Unlike poor Daisy though, I still had most of my mind.

I walked back into that place, and I put my dick on the table, and made it clear that I didn’t want any part of this bullshit, but I couldn’t stand being alone in my apartment anymore. I’d decided to make the most of my life, but I wanted pay for it and I wanted pay big time. Elegant thought she held all the cards on me, but I had a Princess up my sleeve. If she didn’t gimmie what I wanted, I was gonna walk my ass right into Canterlot Castle and fuck whoever it took to get me inside, walk right up to the Princess and let the magic take its course.

Why didn’t I do that in the first place? Because I wasn’t keen on spending my days in a dungeon just because I’d wanted to make a point. For all I knew, it might not’ve even worked. Nopony before had seemed to see anything wrong with suddenly wanting to buck my brains out, and it was a hard risk to take when Royalty gets involved. But Elegant was scared crapless of the Princesses and what they could do. So yeah, I cut a deal with her. I got a piece of the action when I got… sent out, and she would guarantee I’d get to socialize with ponies without ending up as the party favor. In return, I wouldn’t make a suicide run on the Castle. We shook hooves on it, and that was about three or four months after I got turned. That started my time with the company.

Now I’m gonna get to the heart of what I wanted to say. I know this has been a lot of bullshit buildup, but I had to say some of this so I could say the rest of it. It might’ve sounded like I’ve been all about what that… bitch did to me. What she turned me into. What I’ve become. I don’t even know what fuckin’ gender I am anymore, not for real. I never probably will either, cuz I change anytime it seems like somepony WANTS me to change and I get no fuckin’ say in it. And yeah, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t gotten a thrill out of some of this. I’d be fibbin’ if I didn’t say the sex wasn’t mind blowing and awesome, and when I’m really in it? You’d be hard pressed to get me to say bad about anypony involved in this. Sexual pleasure’s got a way of short-circuiting our sense for a little while.

And right here, right now, I’mma say it. None of that matters one fuckin’ bit, because I’ve got no say in any of it. An’ when I’ve got my mind together, like I do tonight? There are times I’ve thought about huntin’ down a knife and puttin’ an end to this once and for all. But I haven’t, because I’m not gonna let this bitch win. I bided my time. I kept my eyes open. Now I finally get to look her in the eye and grin like a motherfucker, because I know what’s gonna happen to her next. She’s gonna get what she deserves, and I only hope they let me fuckin’ watch. Because sooner or later, the bill comes due. Sooner or later, the shit other ponies do to you builds up and eventually, when you get the chance? Even for a second? You hit back with every fuckin’ thing you have.

Because folks, I saw what else this bitch did. I saw her destroy the minds of some good kids because they were mockin’ her fancy dress. I saw her tear up couples just for spite. Saw her do things to someponies that I can’t even talk about without wantin’ to puke. An I’ve got it all written down, name for name and word for word. Every one of the thousands she hurt over those two years I was with the Company. I did what I could for some of ‘em. I tried stopping her when I could. I ain’t entirely blameless in some of these matters, you see. I let some of this shit happen because I couldn’t figure out how to stop her without endin’ up in jail or worse.

I came here today to finally pony up. I thought stayin’ quiet would be alright. I’d pass on the evidence and let the system do the rest. I thought I could walk away, scot-free cuz I wasn’t really behind any of this. But you folks don’t know the whole truth. You don’t know everything that went down at this place, or why it turned into the clusterfuck that it did. You don’t know why Daisy ran, and what Elegant got up to in the end. This book… this book I’m holding tells you some of that story. Sweet Tart will give you the rest of it, but you need to know my part first. I’m not afraid of what’s awaitin’ me at the end of this anymore. I got no more regrets. But I feel like I gotta say somethin before this is over.

Sometimes, we end up in a place where we don’t wanna be. That place can be real bad, even if nopony can see it from the outside, and even if nopony cares, that place can be so real to you that you don’t see a way out of it. I was in that place, and it wasn’t till I’d given my testimony that I realized I’d become nothin’ but a weak-willed coward, trying to hide behind tragedy after livin’ in that place for so very long. So here I am. I’m owning up. I turned into a monster, same as these fucks in front of me and I admit it. But sometimes you need a monster to slay another monster. So here. Take this book. Take it, and go help all the poor fuckin’ souls that got caught by this.

I’m giving myself up. I’d like to be taken into custody now. And I’d like that drink, if it’s still on offer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How Many?”

The hollow-sounding words from Celestia’s throat echo throughout the chamber inside of Canterlot Court House. The three Princesses, one Prince, and one Judge sitting within are staring at the cloth bound book labeled “Special Customers, New Life Placement Agency.” It sits innocently on the table, staring at them all accusingly. This has gone beyond a trial now. This is on the verge of becoming a full-blown national catastrophe.

“Assuming the numbers are right? Two thousand, three hundred and eighty-two.” Prince Armors’ voice is clipped and professional. He’s left his emotions at the door, and right now he is Guard Captain Armor, preparing to mete out justice on a scale like nopony had seen in centuries. “We know of forty-six of these cases. They really ramped up after the first six months.” He lifts the book, pointing out where little red marks had been made inside. “These were the only ones we found direct records of inside the Agency. According to Bluefeather, he says the rest of the records were moved off-site by somepony else in Canterlot about two weeks before we showed up. The only reason the rest weren’t is that Fizzy Pop had hidden them for his research.”

Silence reigns in the room after that bit of news, and Judge Rock crosses his hooves over his chest. He sighs after a moment, shaking his head. “This complicates this case immeasurably, Princess.” He sounds quite wry, given that this is probably as vast an understatement as one could conceive.

Prince Armor snorts. “I’ve taken a look in this book for all of ten minutes, and if half of this stuff actually happened we’re going to practically need to enact a raid on half the Noble Court. I’ve managed to intimidate most of the reporters in the gallery into keeping the story under their hats for now, on the premise that we need to investigate the allegations, but…”

Princess Celestia takes a deep breath. “We can’t discount the source of this information. Did he have any idea where the records went? We’re going to need those if we intend to go forward with this case.”

Prince Armor nods. “We’ve got a name and a lead. I’ve got my best ponies on it, but I’m going to need either Princess Luna or Cadey in order to actually execute some of these warrants.” He glances at the book. “With some of the names involved here…”

The Princess nods, then looks to the Judge. “I fear I have no choice then. With the information to come being of vast importance to the security of the state, I am leveling a gag order on all goings on within the courtroom. We will be removing the Defendants back to their cells and proceeding under Aegis Lunaris laws.” That gets a gasp from everypony present, the Judge staring at her in surprise. Princess Celestia holds her head high, voice ice cold. “I will not have Equestria turned into a madhouse of fleeing nobility, Judge Rock. There will be no further harm to anypony save the guilty from what has occurred here today..”

Then she turns, walking from the room, leaving silence in her wake. When the door finally shuts with a clunk, Princess Twilight swallows softly. “Shiny… What does this mean for…?”

~~~~~~~~

They led Bluefeather off in hoofcuffs. I’d never seen somepony walk away in chains like that with such pride in his bearing, such courage in his eyes. When he passed the Defendant’s desk, he turned to smile at Lady Elegant. The defendant’s eyes had gone wide, and she was staring at him in mute shock. Her hooves were trembling and all of the color had gone out of her face. He said, “Checkmate, bitch.” and then continued down the aisle, leaving the mare shaking and terrified.

Those of us in the gallery stood as he passed. We watched him walk, this time not with sexual seduction but with a pride and strength that comes only from having done the right thing.

At the end of the carpet, six of the Royal Guard stood in wait as he approached. One of them stepped forward as he stopped, snapped to attention and saluted him. “Audentia non absentia metus!” He barked in Old Equish, taking nearly the entire courtroom by surprise. Though I could only barely see from my perspective, I can say for certain that Bluefeathers eyes were filled with tears as they took him away. It was not until later that I learned that those words were the motto of the 3rd Royal Guard Battalion, and when I learned their meaning, I understood.

“Courage is not the absence of fear.”

-Double Scoop, Reporter for The Equestria Times. “The Case of the Century, and how it never came to be.”