Sweet Tart - Let me tell you a secret. Secretaries and Assistants are the ones who really run the world.

We keep things running, we make sure all the documents are filed and all the appointments are neatly taken care of on time. Tick-tock, always by the clock, and never a moment too soon or too late. I’d done that job my entire life, and I knew how important I was to keeping a business running. Lady Elegant knew it too, which is why she never once tried to use my condition to put me in bed with somepony else. She knew what power I had over her the second I walked into her archives and started making sense of her filing system.

Ponies became case numbers. Horrors became bank statements. Prostitution, slavery, exploitation all became mission statements. Elegant, Quill, Fizzy and Bouncy all needed me during all hours of the day for one reason or another. I was never alone, and I was never ignored, and after months of living invisibly I drank it up like a thirsty flower. I was so happy to have purpose again that I simply tuned out the reality of what I was doing. That’s really the key to everything, you see. That’s how the Company worked, it basically ran on liquid need. Need for company, need for pleasure, need for others who would understand what you were going through.

I remember meeting Bluefeather for the first time, when Elegant brought him in to be our first new ‘official’ employee. I remember reading his file, and wondering why I never had a problem with him. He was a good worker, solid and reliable in all instances. A bit rough around the edges, but that was to be expected of somepony in his position. His condition had left him wary of most ponies, but we got along well enough. I never quite knew what was wrong with him until it all fell apart. I was unique in that way, actually. It made me very well-suited to administer our little circus of freaks. My strange new trait had rendered me utterly immune to the powers that reacted to the presence of others.

But enough details. You wanted to know what Fixer means, didn’t you? Well, my job was to speak with new and prospective clients for the company and then slot our employees in wherever they were best suited. Our limited selection made that difficult at first, but it was not long after my employment that Lady Elegant began to go on something of a hiring binge. She got more and more brazen as time went on, you see. Oh, I kept things carefully in check. I only brought on those best-suited to the job to be actual employees, but I could not keep her from amusing herself with whoever and whatever wandered into our doors.

I arranged employees who specialized in sex to attend the parties of nobles. They would be like party favors for those the noble was friends with. They would get drunk, or high, or whatever, and they’d pick one of our specialists to take home for the evening. Daisybloom and Bouncy were especially popular, since their unique traits made them nigh indestructible. They could take a lot of punishment and some of our… customers appreciated that.

For other jobs, I slotted in where we had the skills and made do where we did not. We provided assistance in nearly every industry and at nearly every social strata. Nopony knew what was actually going on at our company. They thought we were all there by choice, or that what we were doing we did for the money. Truthfully, only myself and a small hoof-full of others ever made any bits from the deal. Even Lady Elegant was basically running the place at cost. It wasn’t a place meant to make anypony rich. It was a place to amuse her. A large, complex toy for our dear boss to play around with.

Things picked up after the first year. We had clout and we had a reputation. Let me be clear: Not everypony who walked in our door walked out like I did, or like Bluefeather did. Plenty of them simply had some shallow desires that they paid to get realized. Plenty of stallions wanting bigger dicks, fillies who wanted to be thinner and sexier, and every day schlubs who wanted to be masters of this or that skill or stupid everyday thing. Over my two years with the company, we served about seven thousand or so customers.

Sounds like a lot, right? Well, once we got our reputation Lady Elegant made Fizzy streamline his production process. He started cranking out vats of the stuff instead of individual doses. He complained, like he always did, but he was pleased to have so many new test subjects. But he was never satisfied with the potency, so that’s what he messed with when Elegant wasn’t looking. That’s when everything started to go downhill.

He was using Bouncy’s special trait to supercharge his secret sauce. We started getting more and more customers with… issues. We couldn’t just let them wander the streets. We’d get noticed, of course. So I started hiring them and covering them up. We started signing contracts for private households and individuals looking for somepony they could enjoy off the books. We started resembling an adoption agency for our own mutated freak children, but we couldn’t get rid of all of them.

Our office got bigger. We quickly became the most popular whorehouse in Canterlot, amongst other things, and before long we were signing deals with some of the darker clubs. Places where they needed very specific talents for very specific shows. Look, I don’t know the details and I didn’t want to know. They’d give me a list with some descriptions, I’d fill the slots. Ponies got paid. That was the end of it. Our company got bigger with every bit our reputation grew and we started to attract ponies with names that would be missed if something happened to us.

That was what ultimately got us in trouble, you see. Lady Elegant hadn’t counted on the effect of so many powerful magical auras all in one place, all rubbing up against one another. I’m no wizard or expert in magic, but even I know that’s a bad idea. But it kept getting bigger and bigger as the months went on, until about a month before the wheels came off when the most powerful magical auras that could walk through our doors did. That’s when the worst happened. Our reputation finally got big enough that a pair of celebrities walked through our doors and blew the whole thing wide open.

~~~~~Canterlot Guard HQ~~~~~

Crown V. NLPA, Investigation Recording #49

“Uhm… Testing? Is this on? This Princess Twilight Sparkle speaking…”

A soft, rough chuckle interrupts the princess. Detective Tracy speaks,

“Don’t need to identify yourself, ma’am. The notation office does that later when this goes into the Archives. It’s on, by the way - see the little red light there?”

Gentle tapping of hoof on the recorder. A gentle ‘oh!’ sound from the Princess, then Tracy continues.

“I’d like to thank you for your help with these notation sheets. I wish I knew why Shiny had to go so fast, but it’s good to see a Princess willing to get down and dirty with us poor common detectives.”

Soft laughter from the Princess,

“Tracer, you are anything but a common detective. And you’re welcome, it’s good to get my mind off of this absurd alchemical potion business and away from a moping Discord. I swear, Detective Tracer, he’s insufferable enough when he’s smug and sure of himself, but he’s been acting like a filly who just lost her first crush!”

The sound of mugs hitting the table, liquid being poured. Coffee, black. The detective speaks.

“Not something I’m surprised at, Miss Twilight. He’s more pony than he likes to admit, if what I’ve seen of him is accurate.” Sipping sound. “You been to see your friends, yet?”

Silence for a few moments, then a sigh.

“What would I say to them? I tried going into the hospital when they were there, but I couldn’t bring myself to do more than go into the observation room. I…” Shuffling hooves, sipping sound. I sent them both notes. I know they read them, and they both understand sort of what I’m going through.”

A gentle cough from the detective before he speaks.

“Princess, if I might be so bold… There wasn’t anything you coulda done for them. They walked into that roach motel knowing what they were gettin’ themselves into.”

The sound of a slamming hoof on the desk, and the crash of a breaking mug on the floor.

“Why…. why didn’t they come talk to me? Did they think I wouldn’t understand? After everything we’ve been through together, everything we’ve done, did they think I would judge them because of… Of THAT!?”

Another slammed hoof on the desk, Princess Twilight’s voice growing louder.

“I would’ve done anything for them! They should have KNOWN that! I don’t give two fucks about spell restrictions! I’m a freakin’ Princess with my own freaking castle! We could have found a safe solution together! Damnit, what were they think-”

Princess Twilight cuts off here for a moment, silence punctuated by gentle sobs. Detective Tracy speaks,

“Ain’t no way to know without talkin’ to em, Princess.”

Sniffling sound. The Princess speaks again,

“I know, I’m just…” Deep breath. “I know. I should go see them tonight.”

Chuckling sound, and the sweeping of a broom can be heard for some time. Detective Tracy speaks next,

“No. Give yourself some time to get ready for it, Princess. Go see ‘em in the morning. Bring donuts and breakfast stuff. Apologize, hug ‘em. They’ll understand once you’ve seen ‘em. Best way to deal with tragedy an’ shit like that is to do it with fresh eyes. Lissen, I know you’re worried they’re gonna be different. An they are! But…”

The broom stops, a silence follows.

“But they’re still the ponies ya love inside, you follow me? You remember that when you see ‘em. Bad shit changes us all, Princess, but what really matters, no bullshit, is how we deal with it after it happens. Now get ridda that old broken mug, and let’s do some good work tonight. We got a lot of ponies to find.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Sweet Tart - I’d like to be absolutely clear for the record. When those two ponies walked into the agency, they did so in disguise. Not surprising, we had a lot of visitors like that. They were usually the ones Elegant liked to play with, but something was different about them. They moved with a purpose, they looked determined and set on their path. There was no hesitation about what they were coming to do and that in and of itself was worrying.

It wasn’t until they’d made their appointment under pseudonyms that I started to smell something fishy. I was supposed to screen our clients for those cases we deemed too dangerous to take on, but I couldn’t find anything that would set off any warning signals. I dug deep into their credentials, but they had top level references. Nothing I could find suggested anything under the table.

I should’ve been more suspicious, but why would I be? They came in, they got their sauce, they left. I gave them each a few weeks at most before they came back. Then… Then everything started coming apart. Fizzy Pop was getting more and more erratic. I was keeping the business running, but I started dropping stitches from all the tasks Elegant needed me for. Bouncy started becoming afraid of what might happen to all of us.

When the news hit about them, Elegant had me move the company files off site to several new locations. She started dismantling the company left right and center. I tried to keep things running, to keep our patrons and clients happy, but it kept getting harder with every week that passed. Elegant thought the Princesses would be onto us in no time, even though nopony had talked.

Then Daisybloom ran for it. I got the news first, and I made the only call I could. I took my name plaque off the door to my office, grabbed my personal files, and I ran myself. I wanted to bring Bouncy with me, but it was far too risky. She…

Look, I’m not a great pony. I’m obsessed by my work, and I fully admit it. I need to work to feel fulfilled, that’s my big problem. But Bouncy was special, okay? She still is. She doesn’t need to be dragged into this and I’ll be damned if I give you word one to help you do that. If I could have brought her with me, I would have, but she’s too simple for that. She’s not suited to going on the run, and I don’t know as I could’ve hidden what I have with her around. Some good ponies are not going to go down for what I did and I swear to Celestia I will do whatever it takes to protect her.

So here’s the straight silver. I know Equestrian law well enough to know what I’m guilty of, which is why I gave Bluefeather everything he needed to write his book and finally close this madhouse down. Bluefeather told you about our clients, but he didn’t tell you the whole story. He couldn’t, because the only somepony who knows the whole story is me. Elegant didn’t know, and even Fizzy Pop had only the barest idea towards the end.

So here it is. I pimped. I sold ponies as sex toys. I sold slave labor and worse. I enabled some very nasty habits for the rich and powerful because they could protect us from investigation. I broke into bank vaults, and I had witnesses killed when it needed to be done. Whatever it took to keep Blue and Bouncy off the Guard’s lists and out of sight. And yeah, I used Daisybloom as a way of keeping our most important clients happy.

You can look at me however you want, horrified eyes and all. It’s lovely just to have ponies looking at me like I’m here, and not some kind of ghost. I wasn’t kidding when I said assistants and secretaries rule the world, you know. No one sees us even in ordinary events, as we quietly do the same job as good grease on a wheel axle. We make sure everything runs smoothly, and that’s what I did. I did what I could to do good. I tried to make sure those poor kids were put in places they could be taken care of. I tried to keep the families of the employees from finding out what was wrong with their husbands and wives so that more lives could be preserved. But more than occasionally, I was the one pulling the strings and sending those poor cursed and confused ponies out to hock their bodies and minds to keep the whole thing running.

Keeping things running is what an assistant does after all.

Bluefeather was a pawn at worst. He’s not guilty of what happened any more than Bouncy is, even if he’s convinced himself that he was. The book he gave you provides you with the names of everypony involved. I can give you more: Dates, locations, payment methods, addresses, locations of our employees, the works. I know everything. And I’ll tell the court everything it needs to hear, provided one thing. You will make absolutely certain Bluefeather and Bouncy are cleared of all charges. No exceptions, no excuses.

I don’t care what happens to me. Not anymore.

~~~~Canterlot Guard HQ~~~~

Crown V. NLPA, Investigation Recording #49 - Special Excerpt

The door bangs open, the sound of stomping hooves on wood. Princess Twilight Sparkle speaks first,

“Shiny? What’re you doing he-”

Prince Shining Armor speaks harshly, cutting off the princess.

“Twily, I love you, but not now. I need you and Tracy to come to the Courthouse with me, and I need you to come right now.”

Grinding of wood against wood, sound of hooves standing up. Detective Tracy speaks,

“What’s Celestia want us to do, Shiny?”

Muttering sounds, then a sigh.

“I’ll tell you on the way.”

~~~~~Canterlot Castle, Earlier.~~~~~

“Children.”

The crack of anger, like an earthquake splitting the ground in two, is enough to make Prince Shining Armor wince away. Gone is the serene and gentle Princess Celestia, and in her place stands a furious Sun Goddess. One that is mere moments away from striding to the Guilty and blasting them into scattered ashes with her power. Not that Shining would blame her, but it would probably cause a few political issues.

So with all the strength of will one needed to have to be married to one of these crazy Princesses, he stands his ground. “Yes, Princess. We’re still working on trying to find the rest of them, but we have at least one confirmed. She’s asked to provide her own Testimony as to some of the things she saw and what happened to her and her friends after she stole the serum.” He swallows. “As to the rest of them, the children of the victims… Our resources are stretched to the limit, Princess. We’ve got nopony else to assign to the investigation.”

“The Royal Guard will handle them, Prince Armor.” Celestia’s voice snaps like a whip, almost rocking Shining Armor back on his hindhooves. “I shall have Captain Lancelot get the list from Detective Tracer.” She takes a deep breath, and Shining nearly sighs in relief. She isn’t going to go kill them all in fit of pique. Not yet anyway. “In the meantime, you are to formally arrest Miss Sweet Tart and place her under confinement.”

That… that he had expected her to say, but after reading that medical report... “Princess, there is no way in Tartarus we’d be able to hold her for very long.” He speaks with a flat, hard voice. “We don’t need her in prison, and we don’t need her beyond her initial testimony. She’ll vanish from our records and from our thoughts with that ability of hers, and I am not going to let anypony die of starvation in my custody no matter how screwed up they were.” Celestia puffs up her chest, but Shining Armor isn’t going to let this one fly. “No, Princess. I wouldn't do that to anypony, and neither would you. Not to Sombra, not to Chrysalis, not to anypony. And if you order me to do any such thing, I will resign my commission in protest. Publicly.” He slams his hoof into the floor, making every single guard present jump in surprise.

And the Princess stares at him in shock. He has to drive this home now, before this turned into a full-on inquisition like Luna seems to want. “Princess, she has fully co-operated with us. I will agree she needs to be held accountable for her actions, and I have a feeling she’ll have no issue with that. But we need to put her to work helping us fix this mess, not put her in a jail cell. That’d be tantamount to a death sentence, and that I will not carry out on her.” He huffs a breath. “Too many ponies have been hurt because of this, Princess. Somepony’s got to put a stop to it.”

Princess Celestia falls silent for a moment, then sighs. “You… you are right, Prince Armor. ” She shakes her head firmly. “You are to arrest her immediately. She will be placed under Princess Luna’s custody, and my sister will ensure that she is put to useful work. Whatever further testimony she has to give shall be given directly to Luna.” She brings her head up and closes her eyes, nodding resolutely. “I shall allow this young child to provide her testimony to the court, however, I insist to be present to ensure that she is not unduly distressed.”

He exhales, then nods. “I’ll need a pair of royal guards to serve out the warrant, Ma’am.”

~~~~~Canterlot High Courthouse~~~~~

“Prince Armor, what is the meaning of this?” Princess Luna stood up, looking astonished as Prince Shining Armor shoved open the doors and walked into the courtroom, flanked by his sister and a pair of royal guards. The chambers fell silent, with Sweet Tart turning around as if she’d been expecting them all along. She had a sad and determined look on her face, but she was every inch the professional she had been during her testimony.

“Serving a warrant, Princess.” The Prince said in a hard, no nonsense voice. “Orders directly from Celestia. Miss Sweet Tart?” The defendant nodded at him, as though she’d been expecting this all along. “By order of the Crown of Equestria, I am placing you under arrest in relation to the crimes of the New Life Placement Agency. Please turn around.”

“Prince Armor, this is highly unorthodox!” Judge Rock yelled, smacking his gavel into the lectern.

Sweet Tart turned around and offered her hooves for cuffing. “My offer stands, Princess, Judge Rock, Prosecutor. I would suggest you consider it carefully.” She said, her voice still as crisp and perfect. Prince Armor hoofcuffed her, and she did not even pretend to resist.

“You can discuss that with the Princess herself.” Prince Armor said roughly, “You’re being remanded to Princess Luna’s custody and the custody of the Night Guard until such time as formal charges are to be filed. You have the right to remain silent.” The Prince began, going into the rote of her Legal Rights as he led her out of the courtroom.

I could not resist. I followed them into the hall, where a curious scene happened. A scene I will never quite forget. “NO! LEMONY!!” screamed a familiar, still bouncy voice from one of the hallways. Somehow, Golden Apple had escaped her cell. She ran down the hallway, barrelling past the Royal Guard with no concern for her physical safety. They tried to stop her, but whatever magical strength or will drove the poor creature was too much even for them.

Bowling both guards over, she ran to Sweet Tart and embraced her firmly. “You can’t take Lemony away! She’ll be lonely! She needs somepony to look after her!” She yelled in a voice full of anguished sobs at Prince Armor. Princess Twilight stood staring in astonishment at her, even as Golden Apple held on ever more tightly. “Please! I promise I’ll be good, I promise I won’t do anything stupid, but you can’t send her off all on her own!”

For a single moment, I was certain that Prince Armor would forcibly separate the pair of them. Then Princess Luna strode out of the courtroom like a dark titan, her eyes ablaze. “I shall take them both into custody, Prince Armor.” She growled like a dragon, shoving him away with a push of blue magic. “Since it has become clear that somepony has to take responsibility for them.”

Then she turned to Princess Twilight, speaking softly. “If you would please assist me, Twilight. I would have words with you about your friends.” Then she turned to Sweet Tart, still hoofcuffed, and Golden Apple, still clinging. And in her eyes, I could see nothing but pity and gentle concern for those two ponies. “There is apparently much I shall need to discuss with them as well,” she said in a whisper.

As the four ponies walked slowly down the hallway, with Golden Apple still clinging to Sweet Tart and whispering reassurances to ‘Her Lemony’ I was struck by the enormity of the tragedy that now lay before me. These two poor ponies had at least had enough of their minds to know who loved them and who did not. They at least had the sense to understand the world around them still, if only through their own unique filters.

What had become of the rest of them, though? As it turned out, I was going to find out at the next Inquiry, when a young unicorn filly who went by the name ‘Swizzle Stick’ would mount the stand and change the tenor of this case from merely tragic to outright horrifying.

-Reporter Double Scoop, from The Equestria Times. “Excerpt from “The New Life Placement Agency - The Rise and Fall of the Case of the Century.”

Author's Note

The next chapter will be out a day late, on August the 1st, due to RL needs.