Two Thugs in Equestria

Charlie took a long drag on his cigarette and watched the smoke dance in front of him. It was majestic, free and really helped him keep his mind away from what was going on in the next room.  Inside were the muffled screams of Johnny Vinchenzi. Charlie kind of felt bad, but this was the life they chose. Not only that but he was a rat, and this organization had no need for the likes of them.

Charlie simply sat in the next room smoking his cigarette, completely devoid of emotion. He cracked a few jokes to his buddy James who was sitting next to him, but for the most part both men waited in silence.

The muffled screams started to intensify and then suddenly....

Bang!

The gunshot echoed throughout the abandoned building. It had made James loose his balance on the chair and he fell on the filthy floor.

Then the door nearest the two men opened and a man in an apron covered in blood motioned to the two of them to enter. Inside the room there were three other men. One was in a pool of blood and the other two had black suits with black ties, identical to the ones the James and Charlie were wearing.

Johnny’s body was on a plastic tarp and blood had pooled all around him. Upon closer inspection, James saw that both of his ears and his nose had been cut off, along with several finger.

“Ya really did a number to him didn't ya?” James said in his cockney accent.

The man in the bloody apron responded to James “ We had to make a point, we don't like rats. Now get him out of here."

“Whateva ya say mate. You boys got some heat for us? I don't like doing business without a piece?”

The two men in suits opposite of James and Charlie both drew Glock 17 Pistols and handed them to the two men.

One of the men spoke “ Do try to not use these, you're just dumping this body.”

“Ya never know wh-oof!” James was silenced by by Charlies fist to his stomach.

“We'll get in done.” He said with an expressionless face.

“Good, mess this up and you'll end up like Johnny here.” The man in the apron said with an evil smile.

James and Charlie then turned on their heels and left the building, dragging Johnny's lifeless body behind them.

James pulled out another cigarette as Charlie went to go get his car. He returned shortly with a black Mercedes S550. The spoils of a life of crime.

Charlie got out and popped the trunk, it was already covered in plastic so as not to leave any blood when their morbid deed was complete. The two men then proceeded to heave the dead body into the trunk. James shut the trunk with a satisfying Clunk.

The two men then entered the car, James sat shotgun.

“So, how much you think we're gonna get for dis job?” James stated.

“Oh, I don’t know. Five figures at least, but you can never be too sure. My guess is around 20 Grand between the both of us.”

“Not bad, considerin' the work were doin' eh? And here me mum thought I wouldn’t be successful 'cause I didn’t go to college. Pfft, who needs college? Eggheads...”

“I went to college bro. It was not a waste of time, I had some of my best times there.”

“Oh yeah? What did you study?”

“....literature.”

“HA!HA!HA! Are you serious! That's weak even for you!” James then proceeded to open the glove box and retrieve the owners manual to the car. He even started speaking like an educated person...for once. “ Well look here my good chum! It seems that master Charlie has obtained a useless degree at great expense to his coffers! I say, he really should have thought of a better career with that EXCEPTIONAL degree he has procured. McDonalds perhaps? No, that is much to far beneath you. I would highly recommend...Wendy's.”

“I get the point...and your little prop didn’t really make sense.”

James returned to his normal stupid self again “ Get outa 'ere. I'm a bloody comedic genius!”

“Sigh. Lets just listen to some music okay?” Charlie fiddled with the Mercedes' custom stereo until finally settling on a song.

“Ah good old Pink Floyd.”  Charlie said as James simply rolled his eyes.

Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd filled the car with its music. The two men listened until James eventually got irritated and turned off the music.

“That song is mad whack. 'Ave you ever been numb? It ain’t comfortable at all! Its all tingly and shit.” Charlie laughed at James' stupidity.

James then shoved his hand into his pocket and grabbed his his ipod. He also produced a USB cord and shoved it into one of the two USB port's on the stereo.

“Now here is a song!” James proceeded to turn the bass all the way up and the volume up as high as it would go. The following music nearly deafened Charlie but it did not seem to faze James.

Turn my Swag on by Soulja Boi flooded the car. Charlie could only listen to it for about thirty seconds before turning it off.

“What does swag even mean?” Charlie shouted.

“Well, Swag means.....swag. Bro its like undefinable. You just know it when ya see it. Like me I got swag. You...You ain't got none.”

“Double negative.”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

The two men eventually just gave up on music and drove in silence. James was playing around with his gun and Charlie was just focused on the instructions the boss had given him before the incident at the building. They were always vague and he really hated that.

After a few more minutes Charlie thought he found the right place, it was a deserted park and there were a couple of shovels casually thrown about.

“I think we're here.”

“No shit.” James said very indignantly. Charlie just sighed.

“Come on, lets get this over with.”

James was the first to leave the car and the first to open the trunk. As he opened the trunk, James forgot to step back so he was greeted with the always pleasant scent of death.

“Ah shit! That fuckin' smells like shit!”

“Yeah it does. Now calm the fuck down and grab his legs, ill grab the arms.”

The two men lifted the body and carried it out into the middle of the field. James then ran back and grabbed the two shovels left there by their associates. The two men were digging when Charlie started to strike up another conversation.

“Do you think we will make it into heaven?”

James genuinely thought about this. “I don't know. We've done some pretty bad stuff, but then again ain't god s'posed to be this bloke of great mercy an' shit?”

“I guess, I just wonder if he hears the prayers of a sinner.”

“Why you been prayin' ?”

“Yeah I have and no I will not tell you what about. Lets just put it this way, if God answers my prayers, you will not be seeing me again. Ever. “

“Alright, Alright. Calm down, don't get all pissy. And besides, don't you want spend the rest of your life with me?”

“I'd rather put a bullet in my head.”

That was the end of their conversation. The men dumped the body and then returned to their car. Charlie dropped James off at his house and then continued on to his own.

As Charlie neared his apartment he turned on the radio once again and listened to some of his own private music. He listened to 20% Cooler by Ken Ashcorp.

Charlie reached his home before the song ended and just sat in his car listening to the song in his driveway, thinking about My Little Pony. Despite James being his closest friend and co-worker, he would never tell him about his fascination...or was it an obsession? It did not matter, it was what he waited for whenever he came home.

As the song ended Charlie left the car and walked up to his door.  He inserted the key, unlocked it and then opened it. He took off his Suit Jacked and untucked his shirt. He then grabbed a beer from fridge and went to his computer.

His Rainbow Dash wall paper greeted him and made him crack a smile. No matter what he had done that day, Rainbow Dash could always make him smile. He then started reading some fan-fictions before looking at the time. It was 3:42 AM.  Despite it being incredibly late for most, Charlie knew he would not have a job for at least another week. Some random thug would deliver him his money for disposing the body so he had nothing to do the next day.

Charlie turned off his computer and then dragged himself to his bed and threw himself on it. He fell asleep almost instantly.

Charlie awoke in a white room. Everything was white. It was blinding. He called out but no one responded. He was starting to panic. Did he die? Is this the afterlife? Is this a dream?

“No, it is none of those.”

The booming voice terrified Charlie.

“Do not be afraid my child. I have heard your prayers, and I am considering them.”

James spoke and the words seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere all at once. “ Do you mean it? Even after all i have done?”

“Yes, your soul is not lost, although it is on the way. Your friend James is even further than you. A pity you spend so much time with him.”

“Yeah, we go way back...”

“I know, he is the reason you are in this life of crime. But I digress. I want you to say what you want of me.”

“But don't you already know?” Charlie stated sheepishly.

“Yes...but I want you to say it.”

“Okay....I want to....liveinequestria.”

“Do not be shy my child. I know your reasons but if you want to live there you will have to agree to my conditions. First you will bring James with you. Second, you will refrain from from corrupting the inhabitants of this world. Thirdly, if you do not change your ways while in this land, you will find yourself in hell. Now, wake up.”

Charlie awoke to a sun beating down on his face. He was in his black suit and tie. He patted his waist and felt a gun there. He opened his eyes and saw James still passed out next to him, wearing the same clothing.

As Charlie sat upright his breath was taken away. Sitting right in front of him, almost studying him was that most familiar purple unicorn.

“Well hello there.” Charlie said rubbing the back of his head.

The Purple Unicorn, Twilight Sparkle simply jumped up and fainted.

“Oh this is going to be real fun...” Charlie mumbled to himself.

“What the fuck happened last night? I feel like a used fucking condom.” James blurted out as he awoke. Rubbing his face.

“Real fun...”