Two Thugs in Equestria

Almost immediately after Charlie and James had woken up, all hell had broken loose. Charlie was lost in thought as he had literally spoke to God and James was freaking out because of the crazy colours...and the purple pony unconscious on the ground in front of them.

James was almost crying now “ Mate! What the bloody hell is goin' on! I'm freakin' out!”

“Just calm down. I...I don't know how to explain what happened but lets just go with it okay?” Charlie knew exactly what had happened but he was not ready to tell James about his talk with God. James knew nothing about Equestria so Charlie felt he could play dumb for quite some time until everything fell apart and James went on a violent killing spree....too much?

“And what the fuck is that!” James shouted pointing at the unconscious body of Twilight Sparkle. “ It has a bleedin' horn! An' its purple!”

“I don't know. And stop shouting! You're giving me a headache. Listen alright, I woke up to it looking down at me, I spoke and then it passed out.”

“Why was it lookin' at you? It was tryin' ta eat you!”

“Its a horse idiot, horses do not eat meat.”

James was about to retort but then the two men noticed Twilight open her eyes. She had a look of complete terror, above here were two strange creatures one freaking out and shouting and the other simply standing stoically. Both were in dark dress and looking very imposing.

Not the best wake up for an innocent pony.

“Hey there.” Charlie cooed to Twilight.

“A-are y-you guys going to eat me?”

“Nah, pork, cows and chicken is all we eat. We don't eat horses.....WHAT THE FUCK! You just talked!”

Twilight looked absolutely mortified.

“Shut up James! Don't scare the poor thing.”Charlie shouted at James. He then turned back to Twilight. “ Hey, whats your name. Don't worry we will not eat you, my friend here is just an idiot.”

“U-um okay. My name is Twilight Sparkle, student of Princess Celestia, the greatest ruler our land has ever known.”

“Pfft. Queen Elizabeth was the best ruler. You're stupid princess ain't got shit on her.”

“Shut up James that's ancient history.”

“If your stupid country woulda stayed with us Brits we would see eye to eye 'ere!”

“I'm Canadian Idiot.”

“Same thing.”

“That's like me saying The English and the Irish are the same.”

“We is two different peoples!”

“Exactly, now would you kindly shut up.” Charlie turned back to Twilight  “So Twilight, where are we exactly ? “ He asked stupidly knowing the answer to his dumb question.

“We are in Equestria, more specifically we're just on the outskirts of Ponyville.”

James broke into a fit of laughter “ P-p-PONYVILLE!? Ha! ha! ha! Ha! That is too rich! That is by far the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard!”

Both Charlie and Twilight had expressionless faces. Twilight looked up an Charlie to see him facepalming while James rolled on the grass laughing.

“I think I like you better...”

James noticed Twilight's compliment and nearly died with happiness. “ Thanks.” He said with a smile.

“ Well people are probably wondering where you went, don't you want to get back to town?”

“I suppose. I saw a huge flash of light last night and came to investigate this morning. I came before Spike woke up....Oh no! Spike! I totally forgot about him!”

“Well don't let us stop you, we will probably camp out here for a while....” Charlie had read enough fan-fictions to know what she would say.

“Well...we can't have you two living out here like animals. Even if one of you clearly is.” Twilight pointed to James who had left the group and started urinating behind the nearby tree. He flipped them the finger and shouted “ Hey faggot! Wanna suck it! If not turn the fuck around!”

“Tell me about it.” Charlie stated.

“So i suppose you guys can come stay with me in the library. Please tell your...associate to refrain from vulgarity and obscenity, I wouldn't want ONE of you to ruin the reputation of a.........I'm sorry I never asked WHAT you guys are?”

Charlie smirked “ We are humans. We are greedy, selfish violent people. We are also generous, selfless, peaceful people. We come in a bunch of different colours and sizes. We use technology and are pretty smart..” Charlie gestured to James “ With a few outliers of course.”

Twilight laughed. James then decided to show up. “ So I'm bored. What do you ponies do for fun? Fight? Drink? Fuck?”

Twilight's entire face turned a very deep crimson at James' comment about sexual activity.

Charlie was surprised at Twilight's reaction. He did not think that sexuality was even known in Equestria. I suppose it makes sense though, I mean how else would they reproduce?

Charlie looked at the still embarrassed Twilight and asked the question that had nagged at him ever since he started watching the show.

“So Twilight,” Twilight perked up and looked at him. “ How old are you exactly?”

“I'm seventeen years old.” She said a bit proudly.

“You're that young and living alone?”

Twilight had a look of confusion on her face. “Yeah its pretty normal for ponies to leave their parents around fifteen years old.”

“That cool, I guess. It's just a little weird considering that it is illegal for your parents to leave you on your own that young.”

James scoffed. “Like legality ever mattered to YOU.”

Twilight looked confused. “ Are you guys like, criminals or something?”

Charlie shot James a worried glance before Charlie took it upon himself to answer the question.

“Lets just get you back to you place and then we'll explain what we did before we ended up here. Sounds good?”

Twilight nodded but looked a bit worried. What were these guys avoiding?

Little did she know that the two men following her were some of the most nefarious people on their home world and were monsters in their own right. But one thing at a time.

A/N: Sorry for a short chapter and a long wait. Midterms just finished so i was really busy. I should be able to update much more frequently. Peace.