The Curse

I sat in my home, my pony building, contemplating how far this would go in my living room. "Radek... I like that you're inside me." The voice was thick and heavy, filled with dust. "Safe and warm...."

"It's summer." I stated, lifting my leg and letting my shoe run past, scampering along with my beer in tow. "Safe, yes--" I stopped myself as my old rifle sauntered into the room, the barrel spitting from her mouth like a cigar. She looked around, eventually spotting me and flipping her muzzle up at me. "... I think." I scratched my head, trying to adjust to my chair's hooves around my midsection.

The house just sighed, unable to move with the pipes and concrete keeping him bolted to  the earth. "It's alright...cool and happy then."

I sighed loudly. "Happy is a strange way to put what I am.... I mean, I'm talking to a house, while inside the fucking house." I started to chuckle. "No mom, I'm not insane, everyone else is!" I just kept laughing. "Oh man.... I'm losing my mind."

A loud clinking caught my attention. A porcelain pony with a spout coming out of her forehead walked over. "Tea sir?" Another set of cups bounded over, forced to bound due to their awkward shape. "Lunch will be ready soon, but I thought I'd ask."

I rubbed my head, my seat still snuggling me with its cushy body, its head resting on my own ever so slightly. "This is some Beauty and the Beast shit." I reached down, just holding my hand out and waiting. Sure enough the cups started to fight to get into my hand, tiny ceramic hooves pawing at my skin as they shouted at each other. "I don't know if I'm fucking Belle or the Beast.... I'd like to fuck Belle, if--" I stopped myself and shot upright, two cups clinging to my hand and screaming as I whisked them into the air. "Oh god please no...."

I sat completely still as the cups sat in my hand, slowly growing warm as the tea pony dipped her head. "Sir?"

I put my hand up. "It knows...." I leaned back as one of the cups was pulled from my hand, the one that remained blowing raspberries as he nestled in my palm. "It kn-- Mother fuck! Aaaassss!"

A mare in a blue dress and a brown mane strolled in. "Little house, it's a quiet home. Every day--"

"No! Get the fuck back there!" My voice cracked hard. I couldn't deal with a french mare. "You just go, you go back to your fucking movie and you stay there!" I tried to jump up, my chair keeping me in place.

"Radek, I don't--"

"Shut up chair!"

"Hey--"

"Shut up!" My throat started to burn as I screamed. "You're a fucking chair, you shut the fuck up!" I flung myself out of the chair, throwing tea across the room. My rug let out a sharp scream as the tea splattered against the ground.

"I can't go to work!" I toss the cup screaming into the chair. "I can't drive!" I grabbed my head and swung myself around my living room. "Everything is a pony, I can't take a piss without the toilet saying yum! I can't even go to take a shit in my own house, and soon enough the neighbors are gonna fucking catch on!"

I watched as some of my appliances and food started to sit around me. "You fuckers, you're ruining my life! I hate, I hate everything!" My rifle peeked her walnut maned head into the room, peering at me with one steely eye. "Fuck you rifle, fucking shoot me! Kill me you slut!"

My rifle just stared at me, unable to move her mouth. She slowly turned around, her asshole chambered for two-two-three. A single live round popped out with a loud click, rattling against the floor as it tapped against the ground. My radio stared at it. "... That's gross Ruger...."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh" I slammed myself against a wall and bounced off like a ping pong ball. I slammed softly against the floor, a quick thinking pillow flinging herself under my skull.

"Radek, no!" The pillow conformed around my head. "Why did you--"

"I can't even fucking kill myself." I stated with superb calmness. "... This is my life now." I splayed out, resting my limbs on the ground. "... It's time." I rolled onto my front, making sure not to crush anypony. "It's time." I walked towards the front door, something special waiting for me in a box. "North Korea ain't got shit on me! This invasion, will, pony!" I pulled a sword from my umbrella stand. The fuzzy hilted creature let out a fiery whinny as I pulled her from my emergency kit.

I was past the point of no return, I'd probably passed it a long time ago, when I bought the cape and sword. "Alright, someone go find Marky, it's time!" I looked around my entry, several ponies jumped up and waiting for me to do something. Several had their ears back as I wielded my horse sword, really more of a normal sword with a pony hilt. "Calm the hell down...I'm going off the deep end."

A few more sets of ears fell flat. My TV, sat in the back of the room just rubbed his chin with a hoof. "So are you going to destroy us, or not? I'm so sick of listening to the crap you watch--"

I raced over to the TV, pushing aside a few tables. "You...news, now."

My TV rolled its eyes and jammed himself in the chest, the screen imbedded sideways in his midsection. "What you gonna do?"

I ignored him and watched as FOX news started up. "Alright... let's see if this is gonna work." I slowly pressed my hand against my TV's cold glass side, holding it there and turning to face the collection of flat topped ponies and such. "Bam...."

I slowly turned around, the newsroom was completely fine. "Wait, it didn't--"

The TV started to scream, "Oh god, the camera, what the fuck just happened?!"

I watched as a camera started to move on its own, swinging around wildly. "Radek? Where is he!? Dad!?"

I smiled wide, and wider, and wider still. "Heh...ahaha...haha... it begins."