War Tactics

Soldier was still looking for the war room. And bread. Mostly bread. But then he saw a sign out of the corner of his eye, 'War Room'! He found it!
"Finally! Now to talk some sense into these equine maggots." Soldier says to himself, then bursts through the doors, startling everypony inside!
"What in Tartarus!? Who... Or rather, WHAT are you!?" Shining Armor gets up and shout asks Soldier.
"I am Soldier! The best war man you've ever seen, cupcake!" Soldier responds to Shining Armor.
"Cupcake? What?... I am the captain of the Royal Guard and the prince of this kingdom!" Shining Armor gets up and slowly trots over to Soldier in a confident matter.
"If you think you have a better idea of beating changelings in a war, you better say it... Thingy!" Shining pokes Soldier in the chest with his top right hoof between every 2 words.
"Get your filthy hooves off of my American outfit! And of course I can beat mangelengs in a war! I. AM. THE. BEST. AT. WARRING. MAGGOT!" Soldier tells at Shining Armor and pushes him to the floor and takes his shovel off his belt, ready to bash him around the head.
"Ok, ok! I'll let you have control here..." Shining Armor crawls away and out the room.

Meanwhile in Sweet Apple Acres...

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Big Mac grabs the alarm clock and throws it on the floor, smashing it. But then Big Mac sees a flashing sign that says; 'COME TO WAR ROOM'. Big Mac knows what to do, he pushes a button to his side and a hold opens in front of him, he jumps in and are put in war uniform by machinery as he slides down the tunnel until he falls into the Crystal Empire's war room somehow.
"ARE YOU THE ONE THEY CALL BIG MAC, SALLY!?" Soldier yells at Big Mac.
"Eeyup." Big Mac responds and Soldier pushes him into a chair.
"Are there any others that can come here, you pony maggot!?" He asks Shining Armor, who is strapped to his chair magically.
"Hit that button to your right to bring Bulk Biceps..." Shining Armor tells Soldier and then Soldier hits the button.

Meanwhile in the gym...

A big light comes on saying; YEAH YOU'RE NEEDED IN A WAR BULKY BOY! Bulk Biceps hits the button next to him and the same thing happens to him that happened to Big Mac and he falls into the Crystal Empire war room somehow.
"ARE YOU THE ONE THEY CALL BULK BICEPS, CUPCAKE!?" Soldier yells at Bulk Biceps.
"YEAH!" Bulk Biceps shouts back at Soldier.
"Now that our amazing team is gathered here, I'd like to tell you all something..." Soldier sits Bulk Biceps into a chair.
"If what you're about to do results in fighting then you must FIGHT! Sun Tzu said that, and I think he knows a little more about fighting than YOU do pal," he points at Shining Armor, ", because he invented it! And he perfected it so no living man could beat him in the ring of honour! Then he used his fight money to buy TWO of every animal on Earth, hurdled then onto a boat, then beat the crap out of every single one. Neheheheheh. Now every time a bunch of animals are together it's called a ZOO!," he turns to Big Mac, ", unless it's a farm!" Soldier finishes talking.
"Can we talk tactics now?" Shining Armor asks Soldier but Soldier just turns to him and says;
"Shut your grass eating mouth, Sally!"
"My name's not..." Shining Armor tries to say something else but Soldier knocks him out with his shovel.
"Anyone else want to speak up?" Soldier asks the group, they all shake their heads.
"Good! Now to beat these Mangelengs..." Soldier starts going into advanced military tactics for hours.

5 hours later...

"Alright maggots, you got that?" Soldier asks the group.
"Eeyup." Big Mac answers.
"Good. Because I'm not going to repeat that, because for the love of god, the fate of America I mean Equestria rests on our hands hooves!" Soldier announces and everypony is confused at what America is.
"Now... We move out!" Soldier storms out the war room and outside the castle.

Author's Note

This one took a while to think about, my inspiration for this chapter actually came from when I was playing Silent Sniper X at an arcade in Skegness. The arcade was called Planet Fun.