A Bunch of A-Holes

Princess Celestia arrived at Sweet Apple Acres in a burst of white light, and immediately set towards the homestead.  It was a casual trot on the outside, but she was trying to hide her nervousness.  She knew what sort of ponies these were, and the idea that any of them were near a filly like Applebloom was horrible.  Not necessarily because of a risk to the filly.  No, it was because she feared what would happen to those three if they got in the way, like they were wont to do.  The door opened smoothly, and quietly, and she took exactly two steps through before she was stopped by the accented speech of the largest of the Apple children.

“Princess.”

She turned and looked at Macintosh, who was leaning against the nearest tree to the home, “Ye…”

“Ah overheard the stallion last night.  Ah know why yer here.  He went to the river.”

“Tha…”

“One of his companions went to Rarity’s, the other is staying with Rainbow Dash.”

“I see.  Would you mind helping me round them up?”

“Got too many trees to buck.  You can handle it, Princess.”

She sighed and trotted away, towards the river, not wanting to teleport again, just in case the stallion passed her in mid ‘port.  As soon as she was clear of the Apple fields, out of sight, she flapped her wings and coasted into the air, ungracefully, with both forehooves massaging her forehead.  A Diarch was not supposed to have to fly on her own.  Then again, she also hadn’t dealt with a threat like Thanos in almost fifteen hundred years.

__

Twilight floated the orbs over to the newcomer.  They weren’t exactly heavy, being made out of pumice, but the unique nature of volcanic material in relation to magic made them perfect for learning both focus and strength.  “Alright, Gamora, I want you to focus on the orbs.  Make them float off the ground,” she turned to Sweetie Belle as she dropped the orbs to the floor, “I think it’s time for you to start on the next phase though, Sweetie.  You’re doing quite well.”

An explosion cut Twilight off, and the purple Unicorn spun to look, gawking at the shards of pumice on the ground, and in the ceiling twenty hooves up, and embedded in the walls too, with a sheepish looking green Unicorn in the middle, “Oops?  I’ll pay for the repairs, I promise.”

Twilight trotted over and put a hoof on the mare’s shoulder, “It’s ok.  These walls have seen worse,” she noticed that Gamora was shivering, and trying to make herself seem smaller, like she was terrified of something.  It was a familiar tremble, the one Twilight got every time she thought the Princess was going to banish her, “I’m not going to banish you.”

That was apparently the opposite of helpful, as the mare hit the floor and cradled her head in her hooves, “Please, just banish me!”

“Uh…Sweetie, do you think you can go find me the Princess?  She’ll know what to do.  Maybe.”

__

Fluttershy smiled at the Timberwolf sitting at her table.  For a monstrous hound-like beast, it was actually very respectful, sharing a pot of tea with her and Harry the Bear, “So, Groot, does Rocket usually sleep in a circle of, whatever those are?”

“I am Groot,” the creature affirmed before a tendril lifted the tea to its muzzle and poured the steaming hot liquid down its gullet.  Harry growled something, and both creatures laughed.  Normally, when it was just Fluttershy, the animals would speak slower so she could understand them, but when another creature got involved, it often went so fast she could only glean bits of the conversation.  Another growl made her flush, “Harry!  Why would you say that!”

“I am Groot,” the two laughed again, even as the yellow Pegasus sank into her chair, embarrassed by their conversation, or at least the bits she could glean, a discussion of her assets.

__

Starlord sighed as he found a new cloud to sit on.  It had taken him several minutes to get his adrenaline levels low enough to focus on keeping his wings down, but he had learned that he could steer with his wingtips, and that pushing clouds wasn’t actually all that hard, as long as he was careful.

Now though, he was going to rest, relax, and plan.  Maybe he could figure out how to bed the blue mare, and if he was really lucky, the orange one too.  It would be a good start to his new collection once they got the Milano fixed.  Instinctively, he slid his earphones up, tucking the orange padding into the cone of his reshaped ears.  With a soft click, one of his feathers depressed the play button.  The tape squawked for a moment before the soothing sounds of the eighties began to flow through his ears.  His lips began dancing without conscious control, “Girl you just don’t realize, what you do to me…”

The cloud moved slightly, and a glance showed him that it was the rainbow maned athlete.  He kept singing, letting his voice mangle the words, not like she could hear the music, he thought.

Then he felt a hoof on his lips, “Shut up.  I’m trying to listen to your music.  Where’s it from?”  His eyes snapped fully open, and he sat up, sliding the set down around his neck.

“What?”

“Your music.  It sounds cool, but I don’t recognize it.  Or your device.  What company is this Panasonic?”

His jaw worked noiselessly for a minute, “Uh…It’s a tape player.  Panasonic is the company on the planet I come from.”

“Ah.  Sounds a lot like Ponysonic, except we haven’t used tapes since I was a filly.  Never in a device that small either.  Can I see it?”

He hoofed the player over, stopping the music, and waiting as she slid the tape out carefully in her wingtip, “I bet it’s the same size.  Hey, can I try it in the player at my house?”

“Uh…”  So here she was, literally asking to take his music back to her house, and probably him with her.  Several of the songs on that tape were songs he had used when wooing a female on the Milano before.  Now, these were ponies, but the principle was the same, “Ok.  Sure.  I’ll warn you, some of these songs aren’t…well…they won’t make sense.”

“That’s ok.  You can explain them to me,” she looked at him, specifically at his slightly scorched coat, “You kicked a lightning cloud, didn’t you?”

What was the right answer here?  He wished he hadn’t been so obsessed with bedding the babes, and had spent more time actually learning how to get to know them.  Maybe then he would learn what the right answer was, “Uh…Yes.”

He almost continued when she spoke up, “That’s so cool!  The last pony I saw do that got hospitalized for like a month.  How’d you get away without a mark?”

He lifted the coat’s scorched edge, “Viridian Leather.  Shit’ll stop just about everything.  Bullets, lightning, death rays, shrapnel, baseball bats, you name it, this coat’s saved my ass from it.”

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Drax tensed up as he heard wingbeats approaching.  He knew that there were many creatures on this planet that flew, and being stuck on the ground was not the ideal way to fight them.  Nonetheless, he had trained against both Rocket in a jet-pack, and Quill with those rocket boots of his.  He could certainly handle a creature with fragile wings.

He looked towards the noise, taking note of the two things in the sky large enough to make such a noise.  One was moving in the other direction, and had a pair of the flying horses attached to it.  The other was stark white and moving towards him, head cradled in her forelimbs.  His knives slid out of the fish with a slimy hiss, and he flicked them out to the sides to clear off the gunk before taking up a fighting stance.  His balance was off in this form, but he was just as strong as he ever had been, if not more, “Identify!”  Quill had set up a code for them the last time they had been required to rely on outside assistance.  If she gave the correct response, she had been sent by one of his friends.  If not, well, horse was more meaty than fish.

“Princess Celestia.”

His lips curled in a smirk, “Who sent you!”

“I did.  I am one of the diarchs who rule this planet.”

He blinked, debating with himself whether to add her into the list of useful creatures, or flay her and make lunch.  Not enough time passed before her landing for him to decide.

“You are one of our visitors.  As such,” she stepped carefully around the fish bones, “it is my duty to inform you that we have rules here.  I have heard about your quest, and I am afraid I cannot allow you to perform such a hostile act in my territory.”

“You know, but do you understand.  I regret that we will have to reject your hospitality then.  Thanos is…”

Celestia froze at the casual way he spoke the name.  Twilight hadn’t known, of course, but this stallion, he spoke of the Evil like he was just another name on a checklist.  Which, if Luna’s dreamwalk the previous night, was correct, he was.  Merely the last in a long line of despots, dignitaries, and dictators to be disposed of.

The stallion merely nodded, “Then you do know him.  You rule over this land.  Can you tell me where he resides?”

The solar diarch shook her head, “I am sorry.  He has not been seen on this plane for a number of centuries.  I can direct you to his last known location, but I fear it will do no good.”

“Rocket says one step at a time.  I believe this will be the second step.  I do not know how many there will be, but I have been walking a long time.  Miles no longer mean anything to me.”

She nodded at him, “I need you to gather your, uh, crew.  Bring them together, and I will attempt to help you.”  She left out the fear that after they were finished with this issue, they would bring more to her world.  Again.  And after placing the last two ponies from their world, twin Earth Ponies, who had been peaceful and only wanting a new life, she knew that they would have a difficult time folding into the herd.  It happened with every race that attempted to fit in in Equestria, but the closer they looked to ponies, the harder it was for the natives to believe that they were genuine about their desire to join in.  She couldn’t explain it.

“Thank you.  I believe my Captain, Starlord, is residing with the rainbow maned one.”

Celestia nodded and took to the sky again, heading for the only cloud home over Ponyville.