My Little Pony: Friendship is Parodied

At the town square.

A traveling stage has been erected, around which a crowd of ponies has gathered. Twilight and Spike make their way to the front of the crowd.

Trixie (voice booming):  Come one, come all, come and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie!

Decorum unfolds on stage as Trixie elongates her name, appearing on stage in a cloud of glittering smoke. The audience gasps in astonishment.

Trixie: Watch in awe as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!

Trixie exaggeratedly stands on her haunches as fireworks erupt all around her. Twilight works her way to the other members of the Mane Six while the fireworks continue flying.

Twilight: Well this is ridiculous.

Rainbow: Shh! We’re watching the show!

Twilight: What?! You’re not into this, are you?!

Rarity catches sight of Spike.

Rarity: Oh, Spike! Your plumage!

Spike: …you mean the moustache?

Rarity: It’s… it’s… to die for!

Pinkie: Hey! Dying is no laughing matter.

Pinkie pauses. Trixie shoots more fireworks.

Pinkie: Unless you died of laughter! Can you do that? I wonder if you can do that.

Rarity: I’m quite the… rider, if you catch my meaning.

Spike: But… you’re a horse…

Trixie: Behold! A warm-up trick!

Trixie magicks a bouquet of flowers in front of her and tosses it into the crowd. Ponies scream in excitement as it lands near them.

Crowd Pony A: Flowers! Just what Ponyville needs!

Crowd Pony B: We must protect and cherish this most generous gift.

Crowd Pony C: This urn contains my grandmother’s ashes, God rest her soul.

The pony dumps the ashes to the ground.

Crowd Pony C: Such divine flowers are more beautiful than she could ever hope to be!

Applejack: Such charisma! If she can translate stage presence to screen presence, I might could ride the Trixie train straight to Hollywood.

Twilight: Are you girls serious?! She’s not even that good. Look!

Twilight magicks her own, bigger bouquet of flowers and hurls it into the crowd.

Crowd Pony D: Hmph. Flowers are oversaturated now.

Crowd Pony C: I’d sooner plant my grandmother than these.

Twilight: That doesn’t even make sense!

Applejack: Now Twilight, no one likes a one-upper.

Fluttershy: I admire Trixie’s courage. I could NEVER get up on stage like that. Why, just middle school speech class was enough to send me cowering under the bathroom stall. It got so bad I had to retake the class in the summer all by myself, with painted faces on the walls to simulate an audience.

Trixie: Feast your eyes, good Ponyville, for you haven’t seen anything yet!

Fluttershy (muttering): I got a C minus…

Trixie focuses all her energy into her horn, and vibrant images burst into life above the enraptured crowd, depicting a fearsome Ursa Major terrorizing a nameless village.

Trixie: This, citizens, is an Ursa Major, one of the most ferocious beasts in all Equestria! This particular Ursa Major saw fit to terrorize a nearby farmers’ hamlet-

Applejack (tsking): And Celestia did nothing, no doubt.

Derpy: A great magician AND well-read!

Trixie: -spelling certain death for the innocent Earth Ponies. The Great and Powerful Trixie stands for no such injustice! Alone she faced the towering beast, but was Trixie scared? Of course not! For do you know what the Great and Powerful Trixie had on her side?

Pinkie: A bottomless well of Phoenix Downs?

Derpy: Weaponized muffins?

Crowd Pony C: The unconditional love of a cherished grandparent?

Twilight (under her breath): A knack for embellishment?

Trixie: No, silly ponies. The Great and Powerful Trixie wielded the most powerful magic… IN THE WORLD!

As Trixie shouts, a visual representation of herself appears above the villagers and vanquishes the Ursa Major with her unstoppable magic. The crowd cheers wildly.

Crowd Pony E: Of course!

Crowd Pony F: It all makes sense now!

Derpy: I’m hungry.

Trixie: I led the defeated Ursa back to its home in the Everfree Forest, never to disturb pony kind again!

The crowd erupts in even more raucous cheering.

Spike: Jeez, just how many ways are there to die in the Everfree Forest?

Pinkie: Literally hundreds. I keep a checklist.

Trixie: Yes, Ponyville, bask. Bask in the effervescent glow of Trixie’s vast superiority!

Snips: I can feel its warmth!

Snails: Brother! I have never been more alive!

Trixie: Take in the aura of the greatest magic user who EVER LIVED!

Twilight: ENOUGH!!!

Twilight warps herself on stage directly in front of Twilight.

Spike (under his breath): Oh no…

Rainbow: Twilight! What are you doing?!

Twilight: You’re NOT the greatest magic user who ever lived! You’re a fraud, performing nothing but cheap parlor tricks!

Trixie (addressing the audience): Well, well, well. It seems a neigh-sayer has made herself known.

The crowd bursts with laughter.

Crowd Pony G: Horse puns never get old!

Twilight: You stand up here with your boasts and your empty claims. I’M the Element of Magic! I’M Celestia’s personal protégé! You can’t be the most powerful unicorn in Equestria, because the position is already filled!

Every Pony: Boooo!!!

Pinkie: We already DID envy, Twilight, remember? Find a new theme!

Rarity: Twilight, darling, get off the stage. You’re embarrassing yourself.

Trixie: Your derision is much appreciated, faithful audience, but do not let your judgment be clouded. If Twilight wishes to challenge the Great and Powerful Trixie in a magic competition, it shall be so! Upon this very stage, tomorrow, at this very hour the competition will be held. If you do not object?

Twilight (curt): I’ll be there.

Twilight warps away.

Trixie: The performance has been deferred, oh magic lovers of Ponyville. Return tomorrow for the most spectacular sights your eyes will behold in their fleeting lifetimes! You may go, but first: the Great and Powerful Trixie will require bodyguards in the night, to deter Doubting Twilight from playing the saboteur. Trixie is a demanding mistress; spineless milquetoasts who will not question orders, yet seek the first steps down the road of higher glory will prove the best applicants.

Trixie’s stage props fold back into their compartments.

Trixie: I shall find a suitable street upon which to set up shop.

Trixie’s entire stage disappears.

Snails: Brother, together we possess less than one spine.

Snips: I greatly enjoy milk and toast!

Snails: And we lack the capacity to question orders.

Snips: Our perverse lives have led to this moment, Snails. There is no doubt we were meant to be the Great and Powerful Trixie’s personal bodyguards!