My Apartment in Equestria

Prologue

The World was Off

January 27, 2015

2:24 am

"WATCH THE STAIRS, JUGGERNAUT!" I yelled at my co-op partner and childhood friend, Tate Daniels, while I looked out the window of our hold out in the 'Estate Takedown' Spec Ops mission on our quest to complete all Ops on Veteran. We were in my apartment the night before his 23 birthday. Technically it was his 23 birthday because it was like 2 in the morning.

"Okay, okay, I'll get my flashbang ready." he responded. The juggernaut came into view but when Tate threw the flashbang it flew passed the juggernaut and he quickly slaughtered us as we tried to empty our magazines into him and run into the bathroom to get a break. "I'm down!" The mission was failed and I took a swig from my water bottle before leaning back on my couch.

"Damn it. Wanna play the Co-Op campaign in World at War on Veteran?" I asked after sighing.

"Sure." he asked. I took the disk out of my PS3 and inserted the WaW disk.

A Few Hours Later

After various "I got the Flamethrower.", and the subsequent "Burn baby, burn.", "Revive me." and "Damn it" at the inevitable failing the mission, I awoke in the morning to discover I was in a world full of multicolored, 4ft tall with horns and wings. I didn't notice immediately but I did nearly immediately notice the sticky note on my forehead. I took it off and read it.

Ben,

You passed out in the middle of Ring of Steel, around 3. Guess that you either really ain't a party guy or you did pull an all nighter yesterday. See ya later, Tate

PS; Thanks for the party

"Eh fuck. At least it's Saturday. Happy birthday to you." I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the time. Upon seeing it was 3pm, I muttered to my self "'Bout 12 hours of sleep after nearly 3 days awake straight. Not bad." before I walked towards my bathroom and noticed a tall, winged unicorn in my bedroom.

"Hello creature." it said. I then screamed like a little girl. An unseen hand grabbed me and hoisted me in the air. "Calm down creature. I mean you no harm."

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-!" then I felt as if something was stuffed in my mouth.

"Creature, calm down. I mean you no harm. I will take the magical gag out of your mouth if you stop screaming. Do you promise to stop screaming?" I nodded and the feeling in my mouth went away. "Now who and what are you?"

I cleared my throat and answered "I believe that the more prominent question is why the fuck are you in my bedroom?"

"I asked first." she smugly replied.

"FINE! I am Ben Kerr, a goddamn human." I yelled.

"What is a 'goddamn human'." she asked.

"It's not a 'goddamn human', just a human. A human is a homo sapien scientifically and are the only extant member of the Hominin Clade, a branch of great apes characterized by erect posture, bipedal locomotion, manual dexterity, increased tool use and a general trend towards larger, more complex brains and societies."

"That's quite a mouth full." she said in surprise.

"I didn't go to college for nothing. My turn. What the fuck are you doing in my house, and more importantly, how the fuck did you get in my house?"

"Your house is in the middle of a busy street in Ponyville, so it is not hard to miss, and I teleported in."

"What do you mean 'you teleported'?"

"It was a basic teleportation spell. By the way, I am Princess Celestia."

"Odd name." I retorted.

"So do you." she relied smugly.

I was a bit shocked by her response but said "Touche. Back to the matter at hand, what do you mean 'basic teleportation spell'." she had a cocky expression and I quickly added "Other than the fucking obvious."

"It is a spell that allows me to appear in a location in the blink in the eye." I gave her a 'Da fuck are you talkin 'bout' look. "What, doesn't your world have magic?"

"No, the only 'magic' my world has is technology. But fuck, 'Give a cave man technology, he'll call it magic. Give a modern man magic, he'll call it technology.'"

"Interesting saying. But what you're saying is you're world doesn't have magic, but has magic in fiction." I nodded and she said "And that some of your kind consider technology your magic." I nodded again "And that you believe you can get magic through technology."

"That's a hard note, but 2 out of 3 ain't bad."

"Well, I believe that you aren't a threat to my subjects. I'm sure my that my personal student, Twilight Sparkle, would love to meet you but I believe that she would go overboard. What does this stuff do?" she pointed at my PS3 and computer.

"That is a video game console, more specifically a Playstation 3, and that is a computer." I responded.

"Really, Coltari has been gaining popularity but I don't think it will really take off among adults."

I groaned and said "Really, Coltari. Jesus if there's a city called Fillydelphia I'm gonna flip out."

"What there is a city called Fillydelphia."

"There's a city in my world called Philadelphia and a video game company called Atari in my world and they kick started the video game industry. They also nearly ran it into the ground in the '80s but after that Nintendo rescued it from the brink in my country. Today it's worth over $65 billion. Give me some electricity and I can show you what video games have become in my world."

"Oh that should be easy! I can have you sign some papers and have some unicorns levitate your house to an open position in town."

"We should probably see how 'your subjects' react to me first." We walked to my front door and she opened it. I walked out and looked waited for Celestia as 'her subjects' stared at me. "Uh, Celestia where are you?" I looked back at my door and saw a note. It read

Dear Ben,

Something came up that required my immediate attention. I'll be back as soon as I can.

Celestia

"Quel figlio di una canga(Italian for That son of a bitch)." I muttered as a mint unicorn sprinted at and tackled me.

"Five digited hand. Check. Erect Posture. Check. Bipedal Motion. Check! Mostly Hairless. CHECK! Excuse me, are you a human?!" she said.

"Yes, fun fact; Humans have an innate fight or flight instinct. At the same time you're making flight nearly impossible and fight look very appealing."

"Oh, hehe, sorry about that. I got really excited." she said as she got of me.

"No shit Sherlock." I muttered as I got up. After I dusted myself off I said "So, you are?"

"I'm Lyra Heartstrings, call me Lyra." she said, trying to get a look around my arm to see into my apartment.

"Ben, and I don't feel comfortable giving you my last name yet."

"Oh, I can respect that. I wouldn't tell somepony my name if somepony, well, did what I did to you." Suddenly I was kicked in the stomach by a pony to my left, sent through my door and over my couch.

After a brief coughing fit, I climbed up and looked over my couch. An orange pony with a blonde mane and a stetson was staring at me through the door with Lyra. "Good fuckin mornin to you too." I said, speaking like I had taken the '99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall' song to heart.

"APPLEJACK?! Why did you do that?!" yelled Lyra at the pony who kicked me.

"Yes, I would like to know that as well. Please hurry, my vision is getting blurry and I feel sleepy. Uh, I feel like one of my ribs is in one of my organs."

"Oh, ah, well ya looked suspicious and Ah wanted ta act before ya did somethin drastic."

"Ah, good to know Ero colpevope(I was guilty) until proven innocente(innocent). Se nessuno di voi mind(If none of you), I'm goin to take a nap." before I passed out.

I awoke to the sound of hospital equipment and a doctor saying "Ah, you're awake. How do you feel?"

"Like a particularly angry and strong golfer hit me in the stomach with his club, repeatedly."

"Well, you are partially correct. You were kicked in the stomach by an applebucker."

After a few seconds I asked, "That some kind of insult or profanity."

"Oh no, it's another word for apple farmer." I mouthed 'Ohhhhhhhhh.' and he continued "While we don't know much about your species, we were able to determine that you had no broken bones or internal injuries. I'd say you got off lucky considering who kicked you. However, we ran some tests to help us understand your species and found something shocking."

He let that sink in just a little too long and I said "AND?!"

"We discovered that you don't have any magic."

After that sank in, I burst out laughing "HAHAHA, oh I thought I had cancer or some shit! HAHA, ah oh dear god that's funny. Ah, you tell me it's something important and then it's that I don't have magic. Oh, might as well tell me that I breath fuckin oxygen."

I was still snickering when he said "I'm serious." This caused another laugh attack. "What's so funny!?"

"I believe I can answer that Doctor." That voice immediately snapped me out of my laughing fit and I was so angry my brain switched gears into Italian.

"Oh, sei tornato. Quali i warrant cazzo lasiciando me a steppo in un luogo dove il mio tipo non esistino?"

After a few seconds she responded "Come ho detto qualcosa che ha richiesto la mia attenzione si avvicino."

"Lei parla intaliano?!" I asked, shocked.

"No, I cast a translation spell." she said smugly.

"Canga." I muttered under my breath, though she caught it.

"Cazzo." she replied.

"Can somepony tell me what the buck is going on?!" said the Doctor.

"We were just bickering about something, Doctor. Now, from my previous conversation with Mr. Kerr here, I gathered that his world doesn't have real magic, though it does in fiction, and that him appearing here is a complete accident."

"Graz- I mean thank you. Sorry, took an Italian class and it sort of became second nature to kinda switch gears into it like when I get angry and there are kids around. Or if I want to insult someone and don't want them to know."

"I noticed, and I could have you thrown in prison for such remarks. However, I really should have told you before I left."

"No shit, Sherlock." I thought to myself.

"Alright, I believe I'm not needed. You will be kept over night for observation. I bid you farewell." said the doctor walking out of the room.

"I can hear your thoughts, you know." said Celestia after the doctor left.

"Alright, what am I thinking now." I quickly thought "The price is wrong bitch." and to my surprise, she said them as I thought them. "Alright you pass. What do ya want?"

"I came to give you papers to apply for Equestrian Citizenship. I also believe that somepony would like to introduce themselves to you."

"Alright, what time is it anyway?"

Celestia said "It's 6:35. Here you are, good bye." before levitating some papers into my lap and teleporting away.

There was a knock on my door and I said "Come in." before the door opened and the orange pony I saw shortly before I passed out. "Oh, hey, Applejack right. Or at least that is what I think I heard Lyra say."

"Yeah, that's right sugarcube. I just wanted to say that, I'm sorry for doing that to you."

"Hey, no big deal. Nothing's broken, or at least I hope nothing is. I'll be out tomorrow and we can have a fresh start. I'm Ben Kerr, by the way."

"Jacqueline Apple, but everypony just calls me Applejack. Anyway, since you just got here out of the blue, Ah'm gonna assume ya don't have a job. So Ah offer you a job at Sweet Apple Acres. Do ya accept?"

"Yeah, sure, that's one way to patch up any hard feelings. Anyway, thank you. What does it entail anyway?"

"Well you're either gonna help buck apples or carry buckets of 'em to the barn for storage."

I thought to myself "Well that bets being a freelance online video game critic with barely enough cash to afford his hobby, which is also his job, and keep up with new releases and pay bills. That is until Broke-tober rolls around."

"Alright, guess that's all. See ya later."

After she left I idly twiddled my thumbs, tried to sleep but quickly remembered that I had just basically slept for 15 hours straight. I remembered that I had my phone and quickly started a new campaign in XCOM.