My Apartment in Equestria

**Chapter 2

I Play Game**

I awoke on my couch with a crick in my neck a few hours later. I wondered what had woken me when I felt a breeze. "Uh, fuck that hurts. Might as well fill out those papers." I got and cracked my neck as I walked to the kitchen table I set the papers on. I found them and looked for a pen. "There we are, now what's first. Let's see here, name," I wrote my name and continued "date of birth," I again wrote the information. "sex," I wrote the information. "race,"

I filled out the information and eventually completed it to the best of my ability. I walked to my room and checked the time on my phone. It was 9 in the evening and had been around 5 when I got home. "I wonder if my laptop has got power?" I searched the mess near my desk for my laptop case and eventually found it. I opened the laptop on the desk and pressed the on button. I received the powering up logo and left out a breath. I made my way to the desktop and began browsing files. "Let's see, Creepypastas, hell no, ah KSP." I booted up Kerbal Space Program and began devising a space shuttle like design to dock with the space station I made.

7 prototypes and 21 Kerbals later, I had succeeded at getting it into orbit. 4 other prototypes and almost ramming into the space station after that, I had successfully docked the shuttle. I let out a sigh of relief and saved the game. I got up from the chair and turned off the laptop. I laid down on the bed and threw the covers over me before letting sleep overcome me.

I was awoken by a knocking. I got up and went to answer. A white unicorn stallion in a hard hat was waiting with a clipboard. "You Ben Kerr?" he said.

"Yeah."

"Sign here. Don't worry your pretty little flank, Princess Celestia paid for this in full." He handed me the clipboard and I signed it. "All items damaged in process of moving will be paid in full by the company. Please step outside, here is your new address, see you in 15 minutes." he handed my a slip of paper and motioned for me to step out. "Hey, as a 'Welcome to the Neighborhood' gift, I'll fix your door."

I looked at the slip and read "59 Apple Branch Road, Ponyville. Where the fuck is that?" I muttered.

"It's near Sweet Apple Acres. You can follow us if ya wish." said the foreman.

"Huh, at least it's near my place of work. Sure why not." After a few minutes the 6 unicorns lifted my apartment of the ground and began carrying it towards Sweet Apple Acres. It was slow going but we eventually made it to an area near the Acres. They set down the apartment after connecting pipes and wires. How they made metal bend; fuck if I know. Will I question it; not likely.

"Alright, that's it. Don't worry, I'll be back within the hour to fix that door." said the foreman as he motioned for the unicorns to follow him. I walked into my house and looked for a light switch.

"Moment of truth." I muttered as I put my finger on the light switch. To my delight it turned on. "Oh fuck yeah!" I walked to my PS3 and pressed the on button. It started up and I turned on the TV. I inserted The Last of Us and began reacquainting myself with the controls by playing Left Behind.

4 Hours Later

I arrived at the main menu when I heard a knocking at my door. "Come in." I said, pausing the game.

"Mornin sugarcube, appears you're our new neighbors. So, this is The Last of Us." said Applejack as she approached me from behind.

"Yep. Have a seat, we'll be waiting for someone else." I said, preparing a new game.

"You rang." said Celestia.

"Jesus!" I yelled as I jumped of my couch in surprise. Both Applejack and Celestia laughed as I picked myself up. "Ha ha ha, alright let's just get this over with." I selected normal and began a new game.

This is a Transcript of the comments made by those present

AJ: What are those on screen?

Me: Fungal spores.

AJ: What?

Me: You'll see.

A happy reunion later

Celestia: This is rather charming.

AJ: Looks like real life too.

A Gas Leak Explosion Later

AJ and Celestia: What's going on?

Me: The apocalypse.

A Jumpscare and dead zombie later

AJ: Dear Celestia, what happened to him?!

Celestia: I don't know

Lots of Driving and Running Later

AJ: Run faster, Ben! They're right behind you!

A Dead Sarah Later

AJ and Celestia: Where are the tissue?

Me: I have a box specifically for this scene

"Wow, sorry but I got to go." said Celestia as she popped away.

I was about to say something to Applejack when my stomach grumbled. "Fuckin A I'm hungry. Wanna get something to eat?"

"Sure sugarcube, I'd love to. Where do ya want ta go?" Applejack said.

"I got here 2 days ago, I don't know dick about places to eat." I retorted.

"Let's go to Sugarcube Corner." I agreed and we walked to a giant gingerbread house.

"Kinda eerie, no one in the streets." I said, pointing out that no one was in the streets.

"Yeah, weird." Applejack said, lying terribly.

"Alright I've seen Pinocchio lie better, you're in on this. What's going on?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh." She stuttered.

"And ze truth comes forward." I said, smiling smugly.

"Well you see....." her beautiful emerald eyes darted left to- wait, wait, wait, wait, WAIT! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!? Did I really just- why am I?! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS PLACE DOING TO ME!? BEN'S MIND, EMERGENCY MEETING! CODE RED, CODE FUCKING RED! Applejack noticed that Ben.exe had stopped working and asked "Uh, sugarcube. You alright?"

However I was having an inner debate. "SHE* is a pony and WE are a human! There are not enough levels of fucked up to describe that is!"*

"You see any other people here. Pony ass will have to substitute for people ass." All my other mental facilities yelled

"SHUT THE FUCK UP SEXUAL DESIRE!" To which Sexual Desire responded.

"THIS IS THE REPUBLIC OF BEN KERR'S MIND, BITCHES! FREEDOM OF THOUGHT FOR THE WIN!"

I was shuck from the mental Roman style Senate room by a punch to my face. "Oh, fuckin A that hurt! Why did you do that?!"

"Ya stopped moving and ya didn't do anything when I tried it. Sorry but it was all that was left in mah bag of tricks." Applejack said.

"It's alright, I get it. Back to the matter at hand or hoof, what's goin on?" I reassured her and put her on the spot.

"I can't say, but it involves the 3 Ps." said Applejack.

"What are 'the 3 Ps'?" I asked as we approached the door to the gingerbread house.

Applejack chuckled and said "You'll find out soon enough."

My mind raced with possibilities as my hand gripped the door knob. Then I was blown back by probably a thousand ponies yelling "SURPRISE!!!!"

"Uh, I thought that explosions leveled small cottages when detonated." I choked out. "And didn't yell 'surprise'." I added.

"WEREYASURPRISED?! WEREYAHUH!?" said the iconic voice of Pinkie Pie.

"Yes I was surprised when all of Ponyville yelled 'Surprise!'. However, I also almost shit myself and my ears are ringing."

She apologized and lead me inside, where the ponies were deeply surprised that the '2 legged monster' was celebrating a birthday. "Hey this is a party! A birthday party no less! I threw this so Ben could make friends, not so everypony could be cower in fear! Now,Ben, I want you to take the floor and tell everypony about yourself!" shouted Pinkie, shoving me into the middle of the room.

"Well, I'm Ben Kerr. I'm a human being, from New York City, in the United States of America, on the planet Earth, in the Solar System, don't know why we haven't named it, in the Milky Way Galaxy. I grew up in rural Pennsylvania in the United States of America. I guess none of those names mean anything to, huh. That's what I thought. I guess that's all I have to say."

Party went well, I think. Don't really remember much, because I found out what the 3 Ps are. Pinkie, Parties, and Punch. And apparently, the punch had alcohol in it because I blacked out after a few drinks. Call me a lightweight, but I was the guy who didn't drink so I could tell my friends what they did and drive them home.