The Little Seapony

Discord snored softly, clutching the Pinkie plush tightly to his chest. The real Pinkie smiled at him sadly. It was morning already, and she had planned to go find Cheese Sandwich as soon as she woke up, but was, for some reason, hesitant to leave just yet. Cheesie was now most definitely in love with her. She should be ecstatic, and she was, but at the same time she wasn’t. It was all very confusing, but one thing she knew for certain was that her not so ecstatic feelings had something to do Discord. If only she knew what it was about Discord that made her feel this way. Did she feel guilty for not thanking him enough? He had helped her out quite a bit, and was pretty much the reason why she was able to get a special somepony so quickly in the first place. That’s why she had gone through all the trouble of getting cupcakes last night, despite her lack of bits. The baker didn’t seem to mind too much though, once she offered to do the dishes for him in exchange. He was even going to decorate them for her, but she realized it would be too complicated to explain what she wanted and insisted that she decorate them herself. Getting the frosting just right had taken a long time, but when she saw how touched Discord was when she handed him a cupcake, she knew it had been worth it. In fact, the cupcake was still there sitting on his bedside table. No, not thanking him enough didn’t seem to be the problem. But if that wasn’t it, what was it? A small whispery voice in her head told her she was worried she might not be able to see him anymore, but that was silly. It wasn’t like she would lose all contact with Discord just because she found a stallionfriend.

A moan drew Pinkie out of her thoughts. Discord blinked his eyes wearily as they slowly focused on the pink mare in front of him. “Hello my dear,” he mumbled with a yawn. “Have you killed the banana yet or do I have to get my teapot?” Pinkie stared at him for a moment in surprise, but then burst into a fit of giggles. Discord smiled at her, enjoying the sight of her laughing even with his sleep-addled brain, and then promptly fell back to sleep. Still giggling, Pinkie stood up and grinned at the draconequus. She realized that the best way to cure her blues would be to spend time with Discord before she went to see Cheese. She would spend the rest of her life with Cheese Sandwich, but she wasn’t sure how much more time she would be able to spend with Discord. Cheese could wait until later.

Now what was the best way to wake up a draconequus? She wondered. The fastest way of course! Without a hint of hesitation, Pinkie immediately began jumping on Discord’s chest.

“Sweet mother of chaos!” Discord cried, arms and legs flailing wildly. “Candy, what in tartarus are you doing?” he asked once Pinkie had stopped jumping. She giggled, and then brought her face a hairbreadth’s distance away from Discord’s. “C-candy?” he stammered with a blush. Pinkie looked at him coyly through her lashes, making Discord both excited and terrified. Then, with a mischievous grin, she booped his nose with her hoof and bounced away to hide. It took a moment for Discord to understand what had just happened, but then he grinned a horrifying grin. “Oh it is on!”

He jumped up from the bed fully intending to find Pinkie and tickle her into submission when his stomach growled. Pinkie, with a worried expression, immediately popped up from her hiding spot behind the couch. “Oh don’t worry about it, Candy,” Discord said. “I just haven’t eaten in a while. It’s fine. I can go a long time without eating.” Pinkie gave him a disbelieving look. “I can!” he insisted. “And besides, I used up the last of my bits yesterday.” To this Pinkie merely shook her head at him in a friendly, chiding manner and then, despite his protests, chomped down on his tail and dragged him out of the cave.

She took him to a small bakery on the outskirts of the village. A sign on the bright blue door said closed, but Pinkie knocked anyway. A cheerful looking yellow earth stallion with orange hair answered the door. “Sorry, but we’re not open unti-“ he began, but stopped once he saw who it was. “Oh, it’s only you, Pinkie.”

“Her name is Candy,” Discord said with a frown, still upset about having their potential tickle fight interrupted.

The stallion started a bit at Discord’s reply, not having noticed him before. “D-discord?” he stammered. “What are you doing here?”

Discord was about to say something sarcastic and potentially hurtful (he wasn’t quite sure what yet), but Pinkie silenced him with a tight hug around his torso. “Is he your friend, Pinkie?” the stallion asked nervously.

“Her name is Candy Clouds!” Discord insisted.

Pinkie nodded, ignoring Discord. The baker didn’t seem as if he completely believed her at first, but then he shrugged. “Well then, any friend of Pinkie is a friend of ours!”

“Candy!” Discord shouted. Seeing her friend’s obvious distress, Pinkie gave him a reassuring pat.

“Oh, sorry,” the stallion said nervously. “I wasn’t sure what to call her, so I’ve just been calling her Pinkie because of her coat.” He turned to Pinkie apologetically. “I’m sorry if I’ve offended you.” Pinkie smiled and shook her head. “Well, good then!” He grinned and opened the door wider. “You and your friend are welcome to come on in! We don’t have any dishes for you to do right now, but if you sweep the floors and get the dining area ready for customers then we’ll give both of you some nice blueberry muffins.”

Discord was reluctant to clean a whole bakery just for some muffins, but Pinkie refused to listen to any of his complaints. By now Discord was pretty certain that Pinkie was a changeling. It explained everything so perfectly, from why she had to find a special somepony so quickly to how she was able to make things magically appear from her mane whenever she needed to like that rubber chicken from the night before. Even now while they cleaned, she would pull things like balloons and streamers from seemingly nowhere when she thought nopony was looking. Apparently, she thought that the bakery should not only be sparkling clean, but should also look like a five-year-old’s birthday party.

Knowing she was a changeling should have made him very happy. Sure he had had some unpleasant experiences with changelings in the past, what with the war and all, but this was Pinkie. Changeling or not, he really couldn’t see her being evil enough to try and take over the world. And even if she did, she would probably only do it so she could have as many cupcakes as she wanted, which he didn’t really see as a bad thing. He would probably even join her in her world domination scheme. It’s not like he had never considered taken over Equestria before. It sounded like fun. Plus, her being a changeling allowed them a neat little loophole to get around having to make Cheese Sandwich fall in love with her. Okay, so it wasn’t so much neat as bloody and decidedly homicidal, but still definitely doable, nonetheless. Discord wasn’t even that torn up about the idea really. Maybe he would have been if it was someone other than Cheese Sandwich, or if Pinkie had been anyone other than, well, Pinkie, but as it stood, he valued Pinkie’s life much more than Cheese’s. So yes, knowing that Pinkie was a changeling should have made him very happy. Only it didn’t. There was no way Discord could ever convince Pinkie to kill Cheese. Especially now that the stupid stallion was apparently madly in love with her. A glare from Pinkie quickly roused him from his musings, and he started to sweep the floor with a bit more vigor.

None of it matter anyway, he thought as he swept the dirt into a dustpan and tossed it in the trash. After today she would no longer be his responsibility. The perfect, nauseating love of Cheese Sandwich was all that she would ever need. Well that was just fine! He didn’t need her either. After Celestia found out what a wonderful deed he had done by helping Pinkie, he would have his powers back. Sure, helping a changeling probably didn’t count as a good deed in Celestia’s book, but she didn’t have to know about that part. Yes, soon Discord would never have to worry about that silly pink pony ever again. The thought didn’t cheer him as much as it should have.

By the time they finished cleaning the bakery and ate their muffins, it was almost noon, and Pinkie decided it was time to find Cheese Sandwich. With Discord in tow, Pinkie went to the center of the village where the last minute festival preparations were under full sway. It didn’t take long to spot Cheese. He was talking to an earth mare. She was pretty and friendly looking with a white coat and a light blue mane cut into a short bob. She said something to him and he laughed. The sight made Pinkie stop midstride. She didn’t like how close they were standing next to each other, or the intimate way they spoke to one another, and she especially didn’t like how the mare could make Cheesie laugh with a single sentence. Pinkie quickly shook those thoughts from her mind. Maybe she was just overreacting. Yeah. That had to be it. Cheese was in love with her, not that other mare. There was no doubt about it. He had even given her Boneless for goodness sake! This was all just a misunderstanding. She forced a smile on her face and trotted up to the pair.

“Oh, hey Candy!” Cheese shouted when he saw her. “And, um, Discord.” Discord grunted in response, keeping a worried eye on Pinkie. “Candy, there is somepony I want you to meet,” Cheese announced. “This is Coco Pommel!” He threw a foreleg around Coco and held her close.  “She’s that fashion designer friend I told you about the other night. She came back, and well, we’ve decided to get married!” Shocked, Pinkie could do nothing but stare at the couple. Married? The word floated about senselessly in her mind, trying to find a neuron or two to attach itself to, but was having trouble finding any that would accept it. Cheese never even mentioned that he liked this mare, and now they were getting married? How was that even possible? He was supposed to be in love with her, not some mare that left him ages ago!

“Thanks to your help,” Cheese continued, “after the festival ends at sunup tomorrow, we’ll have plenty of bits to do what we always dreamed and travel Equestria together. Isn’t that great?” No it’s not great! Pinkie wanted to scream. It’s not even satisfactory!

“It’s so nice to meet you!” Coco said with a smile. “Cheese has told me about how much help you’ve been the last couple of days. Thanks to you, we’re going to make so many ponies happy!”

“Happy? Happy?! Who cares about how many ponies you make happy?” Discord growled not able to keep quiet any longer. “Thanks to you, Candy is going to – “ Pinkie snapped his muzzle shut with her forehooves. She might have been heartbroken and about to die, but telling Cheese and Coco that wouldn’t change anything. All it would do was make them sad, and she was not going to spend her last few hours making ponies sad. She gave the couple a nervous smile and waved good bye as she pushed Discord away.

“I don’t know why you won’t let me tell them the truth,” Discord said once the town was out of sight. “They just killed you, Candy! You do understand that right?” Pinkie didn’t respond. Instead she sat down on the sandy beach and looked out at the sea. The sun was high in the sky, sparkling off the green-blue water like a million shining stars. Brilliant white seagulls screeched as they swooped in and out of the waves. It had only been a few days since she came here, but it felt like a lifetime. She hadn’t even told her family goodbye. They were probably worried sick about her, wondering if she was okay. What if they thought she was dead? Well, in a few hours, she would be. Pinkie’s heart, which had been hesitant to act until now, decided that enough was enough and plunged off a metaphorical bridge into the conveniently located pit of despair beneath.

Seaponies could not cry, but that was not the case for landponies Pinkie found. Tears fell quickly and freely down her cheeks while soundless sobs racked her chest. She wanted to scream, yell, shout, but no matter how hard she tried no sound would come out. “Shh, shh, Candy it’ll be okay,” Discord comforted, curling around the pink pony and gently stroking her mane. Pinkie clung to him, grateful she had found such a good friend.

“There is another way, you know,” Discord said after a moment.  “But you probably won’t like it.” Sniffling, Pinkie looked up at him curiously. “The only way to get to make changeling magic permanent is through love, or through,” Discord’s voice lowered, “death. You have to kill Cheese Sandwich.”  Shocked, Pinkie quickly disentangled herself from him and backed away.

“I told you, you wouldn’t like it,” Discord grumbled. “But it’s the only other way! Either he falls in love with or you have to kill him.” Pinkie shook her head. “Don’t you understand?” he growled. “It’s the only way for you to survive! If you don’t do this, you’ll never hear a pony laugh again! You’ll never get to eat cupcakes or see the sunrise or anything ever again! You have to kill him!” The look in Discord’s eyes at that moment was at once terrifying and achingly sad, but Pinkie did not budge. “If you won’t do it for yourself, then do it,” Discord gulped, “do it for me.” He fell to his knees, all signs of anger replaced with grief. “I don’t want you to die, Candy.” Pinkie trotted up to him and placed a hoof on his cheek. Though there were still tears in her eyes, she did her best to reassure him by smiling as brightly as she could. Discord couldn’t believe it. Even when she was only a few hours from death, she still did all she could to make the ones around her happy. She was the most amazing pony he had ever met. Suddenly he noticed how close her muzzle was to his and how the sunlight sparkled off of the tears in her eyes.

“Candy,I,” he breathed, but, before he could say anything more, he was interrupted by a falling pony, who landed with a thud beside them. The pair stared at her in shock. The seapony mare was tied up in kelp, unconscious, and just so happened to look exactly like Pinkie Pie.

“Where is Pinkie Pie?” demanded a voice from behind them. Pinkie turned and gasped. Right there, crawling out of the ocean using nothing but her forehooves, was none other than Pinkie’s sister Maud.

“Who?” Discord asked as Pinkie threw herself at the seamare.

“Thank goodness, Pinkie,” Maud said, returning the hug. “I was so worried.”

Discord furrowed his brows. “Wait a second,” he said, walking up next to them. “Your name really is Pinkie?!” Pinkie released Maud and nodded. “Oh,” he said, looking a bit guilty. “Maybe I shouldn’t have yelled at that baker so much then.”

“Pinkie, we need to go back to Aquastria right away,” Maud continued in an even tone of voice, ignoring Discord. “Father is gathering an army to attack Equestria. I need you to stop him.” Pinkie’s eyes widened, and she started mouthing wordlessly, forgetting for the moment that nopony could hear her.

“I think she wants you to explain,” Discord said for her. Pinkie nodded quickly.

Maud turned to Discord. “Why can’t she say anything?”

“A seawitch took her voice away,” he said simply.

Maud stared at him for a moment, digesting this information, and then turned back to Pinkie. “Chrysalis was impersonating you. I stopped her, and now Father is on his way here with an army to take over Equestria.”

There was silence for a moment, but then Discord said rather irritably, “That’s it? No epic tale, no lengthy exposé? I mean, how did you even know Chrissy here wasn’t Candy, or…er…Pinkie? I mean,” he walked over to the Pinkie duplicate, examining the changeling. “She looks exactly like Pinkie! Chrysallis always was good at her craft.”

“Chrysalis didn’t know that Pinkie usually sleeps with me at night,” Maud said. “She also talks about her plans to her reflection. Once, she even broke out into song. It was very pretty. I liked it, but I still punched her and tied her up in the middle of it. It was necessary so I could stop her and find Pinkie.”

Discord stared at her. “You punched Chrysallis?” he asked.

“Yes,” Maud replied.

“In the middle of an aria?”

“She fell unconscious very quickly.” The thought of the great Queen Chrysallis having the daylights punched out of her by this tiny seamare was too much for Discord. He collapsed onto the sand in hysterical laughter. Maud blinked at him once, and then turned to Pinkie. “Chrysalis convinced Father that he has to go to war against Equestria to avenge Mother’s death. He won’t listen to me, but I know he’ll listen to you.”

Still sniggering, Discord interrupted her. “Wait, wait, wait. You’re acting like your father is the seaking.”

“Our father is the seaking,” Maud answered simply.

Discord stared at her in shock for a moment. “So,” he said, “Pinkie really is a seapony?” He turned to Pinkie. “You’re not a changeling?” Pinkie shook her head. “So that means you’re not going to die, right? Because only Changelings die when they can’t find anypony to love, and you’re not a changling, so –“

A dark chuckle interrupted him. Queen Chrysallis was finally awake. “Fools,” Chrysallis, still disquised as Pinkie, mocked. “As if I would ever have allowed her to live. I have waited for this moment for centuries. My entire hive is dead because of you and your precious princesses!”

“Hey!” Discord protested. “Celly and Lulu are not precious! Pretentious maybe, but definitely not precious.”

“My children are dead!” Chrysallis shouted angrily. “After being chased into the sea, we scoured the ocean trying to find another food source, but we couldn’t find a single speck of love that we could feed off of. One by one I watched as my subjects died, until I was the only one left. Eventually, I came across Aquestria, a beautiful, powerful kingdom. I thought that at last I had found my salvation, but I was too weak to take anypony’s form for more than a few hours. So I lived on the outskirts of the kingdom, surviving off of scraps of love and biding my time. Not that my presence went unnoticed by the seaponies. Oh no, rumors spread quickly about the insect-like seamare that lived in the polype forests outside of the kingdom. They said I kidnapped seaponies and fed on their flesh like a wild animal. They called me a seawith, sorcerceress, monster. After a while, ponies stopped going into the forest altogether, until one day a stupid seamare decided to throw a party in a kingdom where laughing is practically outlawed. It was all too easy to convince her to come onto land, leaving Aquestria with a very convenient vacancy as the most beloved princess of the sea. The best part is, it doesn’t matter if Pinkie finds somepony to love her or not! She’s going to die either way, and without her voice there’s no way for her to convince her dear father to not attack Equestria! No loose strings. It’s the perfect plan.”

“What do you mean she’s going to die either way?” Discord demanded angrily.

“Oh poor, poor, stupid Discord,” Chrysallis scoffed. “You would fall for the naïve mute.” She smirked as Discord’s fist clenched. “Let me explain it to you simply so that you can understand. Changeling magic is like a bank loan. You can take out money you don’t have, but eventually you are going to have to put that money plus interest back into the bank. Changeling magic allows you to change form without using any initial energy, but if that energy is not eventually supplied, then the magic will use the changeling’s life to make up the energy deficiency. Usually a changeling is able to use love energy to charge the magic, but because Pinkie cannot absorb love like a real changeling, eventually the magic will kill her. So sad!” She laughed maniacally making a chill go down Pinkie’s spine.

With a primal growl, Discord lunged at the witch, but seconds before he reached her, there was a flash and bang and she was gone.